Category Archives: Food

by | May 17, 2013 · 11:26 am

Big Tippers

The Big One

CeCe is a server at a Steak n’ Shake in Indianapolis. CeCe is evidently an excellent server, too. Either that, or someone was just tremendously generous.

big tip 2

Watch the video.

Actually, CeCe got a huge tip from a regular customer. And when I say huge, we’re not talking a few dollars – try $446 on a $6 bill! That’s like a 7000% tip!!

Why did CeCe receive such a large gratuity? It seems that CeCe was having a hard time a table, yet she was able to keep her composure and maintain a sweet smile. An older lady who frequents the Steak n’ Shake saw what was going on, then proceeded to leave her a tip which was probably more than CeCe makes in a week.

Tip Bait Guide

In reality, large tips like the one CeCe got are extremely rare. As a matter of fact, few people regularly tip more than 20%. However, I have come up with 10 ways for servers to “bait” their customers into leaving much larger tips than usual. If they work, just send me a small percentage of the take and we’ll call it even.

  1. Make sure your customer’s glasses are never less than 3/4 full.
  2. Make sure your customer’s glasses are clean, even if you have to take them off his face.
  3. Offer to tuck the napkin into your customer’s shirt collar.
  4. Offer to crawl under the table to pick up your customer’s children’s crayons, and while you’re at it, offer to polish their shoes.
  5. Offer to cut up your customer’s food into fun shapes.
  6. If Pepsi is the only drink being served, offer to go around the block to buy a 2-liter of Coke.
  7. Sprinkle every sentence with words like honey, sweetie, sugar, love, darlin’, and baby (unless the wife is present). Otherwise, use words like sir, your honor, etc.
  8. Take your customer’s order while kneeling beside the table, but wince when you bow down. When they ask if you are OK, just say, “Oh, I’m fine! It’s just all the praying I’ve been doing lately…you know how scary those test results can be.”
  9. Tell your customers that having the chance to serve them was worth missing your birthday party.
  10. Offer to burp every one at the table.

Seriously, Though

Servers at restaurants work harder than most anyone else in the world. The tips they make are usually not that much in comparison to the work they do, and tips are usually all they make.

As Christians, we should always, always tip a server at a restaurant regardless of service they render. As a matter of fact, one of the best times to leave a large tip is when you receive the worst service. You don’t know what the lady serving you has gone through that day. You don’t know how she has been treated, or what news she has just learned.

Be an example, not a hindrance.

One of saddest things I’ve come to learn is that Sundays are the worst days for tips. Believe it or not, I have talked to many servers who have turned away from God all because of the way they are treated on Sundays by “Christians” after church.

Wouldn’t it be great if more stories aired on the news about big tippers? Wouldn’t it be great, instead of increasing one’s “faith in humanity,” news of our generosity caused people to want to know more about Christ?

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by | February 22, 2013 · 11:15 am

Doing Better

Leaves

Have you ever heard someone say, “I am going to turn over a new leaf?” When I was a child, I thought as a child and spake as a child, and all I could picture was someone going out into the yard and turning over a new, green leaf. Honestly, it made no sense to me.

Now, after realizing that new leaves are even harder to turn over, because new leaves are actually attached to a tree and very small, I decided to do something a little different. I’m just going to “do better.”

Doing Better

After the last post I have gotten several notes from people saying, “I hope you’re doing better.” In short, yes, I am.

But what exactly does it mean to do better? Well, first it means to continue to do the things one is already doing, but do them in a better way. Of course, better is a relative term. If I eat poorly, should I be a better poor eater? If I spell poorly, shood I trie to bee eevin a more bad speler bi chuckn in sum pour tawking, two?

kk-hot-signIn my case, better is what I should be doing that I am not doing. Better is staying on the straight and narrow when the demons of Krispy Kreme flash a neon sign at me. Better is not listening to my wife when she hears the KK demons, but dropping it down into low gear and speeding away from the temptation.

Better is recognizing a love for food and a sedentary lifestyle should not be more than the love for my family.

Example of “Better”

oatmealSo, here is my first example of “better” for all of you to see. The other day my wife brought home some oatmeal with a picture of Rachael Ray on the box. She said, “I thought you might like this.”

The first thing that went through my mind was, “Am I supposed to admit that I think Rachael Ray is cute?” I do, but that’s beside the point.

The second thing I wondered was why did she think I would like “yum-o’s” oats more than old Mr. Quaker? Then I realized that she thought that if I thought it was good enough for Rachel Ray to say “yum-o,” then it must be good enough to eat on a regular basis.

I had my first bowl this morning.

OK…so….the oats were decent, but “yum-o!”never really came to mind. A cake doughnut and a cup of coffee, however, would have been far better.

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by | October 18, 2012 · 1:56 pm

I “_____” Weddings

“_____”?

I know what you must be thinking (I am a mind reader, you know; you have to be to survive around women), “what does ‘_____’ stand for?”

Do I really have to say? I mean, come on, I am a preacher, a pastor, a man of the cloth…I am supposed to be all about weddings, right? Right? If nothing else, it’s a good way to make a quick buck, right? Right?

Oh, you have no idea…no idea…

A Symbol

Don’t misunderstand, I love what weddings are all about. I believe in weddings. As a matter of fact, God loves weddings so much He uses them to describe the ultimate coming together of the Body of believers (the Bride) and His Son, Jesus Christ (John 3:29).

God loves and promotes marriage, even to the point where He says that He “hates divorce.”

“For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” – Malachi 2:16 NKJV

God hates divorce because, just as marriage symbolizes His love for us, divorce symbolizes unfaithfulness. He said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). So, don’t get me wrong – I totally LOVE marriage.

A Serious Pain

What I DON’T LOVE are all the practical realities of wedding ceremonies. The logistics. The non-logistics. You name it.

Have you ever noticed mothers and fathers crying when their children get married? It is not because they are losing/gaining children; it’s because they are relieved the nightmare is over! (My wife just said, “OH, Anthony!“)

Here, let me just provide you with a simple, ten-point list of things that irritate me, then you might better understand why I “_____” weddings.

  1. 4,937 peasants could be fed for two months and 4 days for what one wedding cake can cost.
  2. No matter how much pre-marital counseling I do, I know everything I say is going in one ear and out the other.
  3. There are always people who “have reason why these two should not be married,” but they are too cowardly to stand up and say something.
  4. Family members are just as likely to kill each other over the color of mints as the number of ruffles on a wedding gown.
  5. Wedding cake tastes like lard.
  6. Everybody always gets new clothes – except the preacher.
  7. Brides-to-be and their mothers are pickier than Eric Clapton on speed (Old Age Alert: Eric Clapton is an actual musician who plays a real guitar, not one attached to a game console).
  8. Shotguns are not allowed anymore.
  9. Daughters force their parents to watch episode after episode of Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. (Did I mention I have a daughter getting married?)
  10. If I mess up the vows, then I am responsible for ruining the lives of females who never forgive.

I “Like” Weddings

Is “like” the best word? It’s not what best describes my feelings, but I guess it will have to do. But may I suggest a few things that would help me “love” weddings more?

  1. Elvis actually showing up to say, “I did not look like that, thangya very much.”
  2. Grilled steak instead of cake (Dr. Atkins would be proud).
  3. No dancing. Period. None. People that don’t know how to dance should just sit in a chair and eat steak.
  4. Bags of money, instead of rice or bubble makers (Cleaning up would be much easier).
  5. A simple promise that the bride and groom will take their vows as seriously as their choice of cake toppers.

Seriously

Seriously, if you are getting married, God bless you! May your union be filled not only with love, but also the commitment it takes to show that love to each other throughout the years to come.

And if at all possible, I prefer my steak a nice, pink medium. I do.

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by | October 6, 2012 · 11:26 am

Long-Haired Hippie Dog

Nugget

We have a little dog in our family named Nugget. We call him “Nug.” He was a gift to my wife when she got her accounting degree from UTC.

Before Grommingdale’s

Nug is a Chorkie (Chihuahua-Yorkie). He is cute as all get out, but his hair can get long. That is why we have to get him groomed every so often. If not, his hair will cover his eyes, which causes him to not be able to catch treats.

Just the other day, poor Nug was having all his treats snatched away because they would land in the floor. He couldn’t see me toss them, but our daughter’s dog, Baby Girl, could. That is when I’d had enough. He had to go to the groomers.

Bone Appetit

There is a cute little place in the North Shore district of Chattanooga called Bone Appetit. Believe it or not, they are a full-service dog-lover’s heaven. Not only do they sell toys, leashes, and food, but they sell all sorts of gourmet treats made in their own bakery.

Bone Appetit is also home to Groomingdale’s. This is where Nug went to make his fur look fine. The people there were so nice, and the facilities smelled…well…not like a kennel. Having a doggy treat bakery on-site must have had something to do with it, I guess?

And speaking of that bakery, I wondered what would happen if I stuck some of those treats in my daughters’ Christmas stockings? Would they figure out the cookies were meant for animals, not them? I wonder how they taste? Hmmm.

These are all for dogs!

Still Our Dog

So anyway, later in the day I went to get Nug. He was so happy to see me that he nearly jumped out of the groomer’s arms. Now that the hair was out of his eyes, he could see me! And he can catch treats, too!

After Groomingdale’s

Now, I said all of the above in order to make a point. Did the way Nugget looked before, or after, change his relationship to my wife and me? The way he looked had nothing to do with his place in our hearts, only whether or not he could be “blessed” with treats.

Our Master

The way we look has very little to do with our relationship to God, either. Just because one person may not look his best, that doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t a child of God. As a matter of fact, there was a really fancy poodle at the groomers, but (thank the Lord) it didn’t belong to me.

Be careful when you judge by appearances. Sure, some people dress in ways that are meant to make a statement. Some don’t dress at all in order to make a statement. But, generally speaking, looks are a poor indicator of “ownership.” Nugget is no more ours now than when his hair was long. God is no more my Master because I am bald.

“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” – John 7:24 KJV

Just something for you to think about.

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by | September 27, 2012 · 1:25 pm

Forbidden Food

Breaking the Law

Just because I am a recovering legalist, that does not mean that I advocate breaking the law. The law is there for a reason…which is a whole other theological issue.

But when it comes to laws around the house, especially ones which my wife makes without letting me have a say, anything is up for grabs. The law that says I can’t steal a box of Nilla wafers because she was planning to use them in a banana pudding is absolutely crazy. Who does she think she is?

So, what you will see in this post are actual photographs of a crime in progress. In order to show you one of my favorite foods, I had to break the law.

Nilla Wafers & Peanut Butter

Yesterday, I talked about comfort food. Well, this is another comfort food…at least for me. And it is more than a comfort – it is a thrill.

I like peanut butter. I also like Nilla (pronounced like “vanilla,” but without the “va”) wafers. But when you put them both together you get something akin to a drug. But this drug is not available on the street; it has to be dug out of hiding places around my house.

You see, my wife makes some awesome banana pudding (that’s another post), so she need these wafers. And because she knows that I really like putting peanut butter on them, she thinks she can hide them until she needs them.

Not always, dear.

How They’re Made

What you do is take a box of wafers, open it up, and pour out a random amount into a plate (and let’s get this straight, if they are not Nabisco brand Nilla wafers, they are nasty). Next, you count them. But, there has to be an even number, because you need two to sandwich the peanut butter. It’s not an obsessive-compulsive thing.

Once you have determined that you have an even number, you take a clean knife (obviously) and spread any kind of peanut butter (unless it’s that generic toxic waste stuff) on one wafer. Make sure there is enough, too. Because what you want is enough to squeeze out around the sides when you press the two together. That’s the part you lick off (but I won’t show you that part).

There is also another reason for having an even number. Having an odd number will only make you want to go back for more. When I do, that is when my wife catches me.

Busted

As I was writing this post, my wife walked in the front door. Then, as she came by me sitting at the computer, I handed the box of crispy wafers to her – smiling. She smiled back with an understanding look…like she perfectly understands how she is going to remind me of the “law.”

Thankfully, she’s forgiving. Unfortunately, no banana pudding tonight.

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by | September 26, 2012 · 2:00 am

Appetite for Comfort

Comfort Food, That Is

There are some things in life that we always go back to when nothing else seems to do. It’s called comfort food.

Comfort food is the stuff that you want to eat when you’re depressed, when you’ve lost a limb, or when you’re girlfriend informs you that all along she has been an alien from Jupiter, and now she wants your brain to take back to her daddy.

Comfort food brings back fond memories of childhood and the “good-old-days” (unless you were a starving refugee), when Mom could make you feel better with nothing more than a spoonful of lard and some corn meal.

Comfort Central

Here in the southern United States we have a custom: when somebody dies, we eat.

Whenever a loved one passes away, bites the dust, or essentially assumes room temperature for an indefinite period of time, we trot them off to a funeral home, and then bring in every kind of unhealthy food imaginable. We all know that when one is suffering a terrible loss, comfort food will help dull the pain. And if nothing else, it will help you get to where your loved one is a little quicker than a salad will.

A typical southern funeral home has a dining area. This is where the family and friends can go when they are tired of standing around in the viewing room. They instinctively know that in that room is food which will make them feel better.

Serious Comfort

Well, not long ago my only blood-related uncle went home to be with the Lord. His body was taken to a funeral home in a place called Whitwell (pronounced “Wutwool“), Tennessee. And it was there that the funeral home staff did something that it does for all their families – serve homemade pinto beans.

Now, don’t be fooled, folks. These are not your ordinary beans. These are about the best pinto beans you will ever put in your ever-loving mouth! Served with some homemade cornbread, these beans made me tear up (no joke) as I remembered my granny, my dad, and a much, MUCH simpler life down on the river.

What makes these pintos so special is that they were soaked for 24 hours in water, then slow-cooked the next day in a crock pot with several slices of thick bacon. Of course, there’s more to it than that, but there are secrets to keep.

A Holy Command

Why do we prepare such food for funerals? Seriously? For one thing, sometimes it is hard to find the right words to say when someone is hurting. That’s when people do what they can, and many times the only thing they can do is prepare good food. Hurting people need to be cared for, and this is one way to show it.

Comforting one another is also something we are commanded to do. 1Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to “comfort yourselves together, and edify one another.” And speaking of the hope of resurrection we have in Christ, the Apostle Paul said in the same letter, “comfort one another with these words” (1 Thess. 4:8).

But what happens when words are hard to find? Make a pot of seriously savory pinto beans and cornbread. Tears of heartache may turn into tears of culinary joy.

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by | September 25, 2012 · 5:00 am

Curbed Appetite

New Stuff

I am always up for trying new foods. There is the expectation that comes with wondering what the first bite will taste like. Chicken?

Funny thing, I have eaten a lot of chicken in my day (Baptist preachers are known for that), but not all chicken tastes the same. So, when you hear somebody say, “It tastes like chicken,” remember some people like hard-boiled chicken fetus in the shell (Philippines).

Today’s post is going to include two “new things” from entirely different parts of the world (especially for me). And neither taste like chicken – I don’t think.

Maté

Last week my little girl brought home from Spanish class a little bowl and a bag full of marijuana. Not really!! It only looked like it. And it wasn’t in the bag, just the bowl that was supposed to be a cup.

According to my daughter, and her teacher, and YouTube, and Wikipedia, this was supposed to be a traditional Argentinian drink. A drink, they say, made from steeping dried leaves from the yerba mate plant (or tree) in hot water. I think they switched the yerba mate for grass clippings in the school playground.

Everything about this drink goes against what I practice. You are supposed to fill the cup nearly full with these tiny, crushed leaves, fill it with water, stick in a metal straw that can’t be washed, and drink from it as you pass it around to perfect strangers. What’s wrong with this picture?

What did it taste like? Nasty. They say it’s an acquired taste. I didn’t acquire it.

Sushi

OK, I know what you are thinking…”Anthony! Are you telling us you have never had sushi?” No, I am not going to tell you that. What I am going to tell you is that I never ate sushi that was real sushi and not those stupid California rolls.

Recently, because my daughter was broken-hearted after losing a volleyball game, I allowed myself to be suckered into going to a sushi bar. I think I would have rather gone to a “beer” bar. At least they would have had peanuts.

So, after deciding to let her pick, we ended up with what you see. We got raw Salmon, raw Yellow Tail, and  a Dragon Roll.

Why do people eat this stuff? Is there something in the psyche of some people that makes them want to go out and hunt another creature down like a true predator? Do they really enjoy biting into the cold, sticky flesh of dead sea creature? Haven’t they ever heard of Captain D’s?

Sorry, folks. That was my last time. My mouth tasted like I had licked a trot line for the next day and a half.

Real Food

So, after we left the sushi place, I took the girls one block down and got a hot dog at Good Dog, another North Shore Art District tree-hugger hangout. After eating the foo foo fish, I needed man food

What you see here is a naturally cased, baked bean, slaw, and red onion covered Boston Dog.

You can keep the squid bait.

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by | September 24, 2012 · 12:30 am

Anthony’s Appetite Gone Berzerk

All at Once

I have so much to do this week, it isn’t even funny. I am SOOO far behind in my seminary work, it will be a seminary miracle if I get it all done in time (and get a decent grade). Therefore, this will be the last post I publish this week.

So, instead of making a “Monday Monkey,” I am switching things up a bit and doing an expanded “Anthony’s Appetite.” Yep, in this post I am going to tell you about a bunch of stuff I have consumed. Then I can delete the pictures off my phone.

But Wait!

I don’t have to do it all in one, long post, do I? I could spread the culinary joy out over several posts and schedule them to post without me being here! Cool!

Ah, the wonders of modern technology.

Start With Coffee

Let’s start with a great place to have coffee and the coffee that they serve.

The Stone Cup Roasting Company is a great coffee bar in the North Shore Art district of Chattanooga (i.e., tree hugger land).

Believe it or not, folks, there are better places to have coffee than Starbucks. As a matter of fact, I would rather have a cup of instant coffee than a cup of Starbucks’ regular blend.

The Stone Cup is one of several good coffee places in Chattanooga. And like all the really good places, they roast their own beans, so Stone Cup’s coffee tastes different from other places (especially Starbucks).

French Press

I don’t know if you have ever had coffee made in a French press, but you need to. Here you can see that when I ordered a French press, they actually gave me my own press to watch as the timer crept toward 4 minutes.

Unlike filtered coffee, pressed coffee retains all the oils that otherwise get trapped in the filter. The result is a rich, flavorful beverage that is smooth and intense, but not any “stronger” than regular coffee. It just tastes better.

Espresso

Now, I have had several espressos at Starbucks and other places. This espresso was just plain wonderful. It was not bitter, but creamy and intoxicating.

And what’s more, the little cups that they serve their espresso in sure beats the little paper cups.

Let’s Visit

If you are ever in Chattanooga and have a few minutes to just sit and sip, call me up. We could go get a cup of joe at the Stone Cup. We could sit inside and look at original art, or go outside on the balcony and talk theology, legalism, or grace.

You can buy, of course.

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by | September 15, 2012 · 8:24 pm

Block Party 2012

What is Evangelism?

I know a whole lot of Christians who would disagree with what we did at Riverside Baptist, today. They would say, “You never preached, handed out a tract, or sang a gospel song. You call this outreach?”

Why, yes I do.

You see, there are many in the Church who think that there is only one way to evangelize the lost and reach the back-slidden. They would never even consider having  an event where no one preached, handed out literature, or did a mock hell pit with straw-men torches. They would consider our event a failure.

But what is evangelism? Is there only one way of reaching people with the gospel? Is there only one way to show people you care about them?

An Old Adage

Painting faces.

I believe it was Zig Ziglar who said, “People will never care what you know until they know how much you care.” That is the absolute truth, too. And that was the mission of our block party.

There are so many who are not in church simply because they feel unloved and unwanted. They think that all Christians want to do is take up offerings and sing old hymns. The last thing they ever think is that we are real people who really care about their lives. If they could only know that we care, they might want to hear what we believe.

Instructions

As pastor of Riverside, I gave instructions to all who were to participate at this event. I did my best to make it perfectly clear what was expected of each of us.

  • Kids in a fire engine.

    First, this was not to be a church service. We invited people to a party, not communion.

  • Secondly, everything was to be free. No asking for donations. No admission. No charge for “stuff” that was done.
  • Next, it didn’t matter who showed up, they were to be talked to and befriended. I asked all of my congregation to show up, if for no other reason than to just sit and talk. People like to sit and talk about their lives to somebody who actually listens – and cares.
  • Have fun without any expectations.

This event was to be a seed-planting event. It was to be a time to let the community know that we are here. It was to be a time to let the Holy Spirit work through us in the way that we cared.

The Results

Eating inside where it was cool.

My legalistic friends (do I have any legalistic friends?) might like to ask me how things turned out. I am sure they would want to know how many got saved. I am sure that they would love to ask me at what point I stood up and shared the gospel with all the visitors. I am sure that they would love to point out that this event was a failure, since there was not one conversion.

I would totally disagree.

Our little church had scores of people show up today. Many of them did not attend any church. How do I know that? Because they told me so. They filled out cards in order to register for genuinely nice door prizes.

I got to talk with one young mother who wanted to go to church, but thought people would make fun of her tattoos.

I spoke with a young mother of four who wanted to go to church, but felt that her life was too messed up. Oh, really? I told her we would love to have her. I told her about how God’s grace and forgiveness was there for her.

The Expectations

What do I expect? I expect to see visitors at church in the morning. I expect our members to come to church tired, but with a feeling of hope. I expect people to show up that didn’t even come to the block party (because that’s how God works).

Smiling coming and going.

I expect kids on my bus to mention to their families that their bus driver is a preacher, but he is cool.

I expect people who never talked about this little church to talk about this little church and say, “Hey, those people are really nice. Why don’t we go hear that guy preach?”

I expect more things to come.

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by | August 24, 2012 · 12:30 am

Anthony’s Appetite (Big Bob’s Bar-B-Q)

Bar-B-Q

I may have known in the past, but I have forgotten what Bar-B-Q stands for. I don’t know why it is spelled that way, or why other people spell it BBQ. Some people spell it out as Barbecue, but it’s all the same – good eat’n!

If you don’t know what BBQ is, then you may not be from the South…or West…or East…or anywhere animals are smoked and cooked and eaten with coleslaw and banana pudding. One thing’s for sure, if you have never eaten BBQ, you may not be American.

Decatur, Alabama

Not long ago we went to Decatur, Alabama, which is just a few miles southwest of Huntsville, the place with space and rocket museum. Decatur is also the home of Cooks Pest Control.

Back in the mid-90’s I worked for Cooks in Chattanooga, but had to train in Decatur for a month. While at the home office’s training facility, we were encouraged to go to Big Bob’s Bar-B-Q. We were told it was required of us, in order to be good employees, to eat one of Big Bob’s stuffed baked potatoes. We did, and I never forgot it.

That is why when I visited Decatur this time with my family, it was imperative that we go back and eat another potato. You, the reader, needed to hear about it.

Big Spud

Let me tell you, if you want to eat the best Bar-B-Q in the world, Big Bob’s is out to convince you theirs is it. If nothing else, they have the awards and the big-time recognition to back up their claims. But whether or not their BBQ is the best, they have a serious stuffed potato.

This huge potato comes with your choice of pulled pork, beef brisket, or chicken. Under that is cheese, sour cream, butter, and a few other goodies. Believe me, it is a meal and a half. Just don’t eat it if you are on a carb-free diet.

Overall

I won’t say that Big Bob’s is the best BBQ in the world, but it is pretty dang good. And if you want a potato that will hold a quarter of a pig, then Big Bob’s is a place you need to try at least once. You won’t regret it.

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