Tag Archives: Food

Help Me Lose Weight!

I am now going to make use of the world wide web and call out for advice, because I know a lot of you have plenty to offer (I mean that in a good way).

I will be 50 years old in September. For years and years I have stayed around 200 lbs (average of 210 for the last decade). But now I am gaining…and I want it to stop. I mean, just look at the scale from today! I am going to have to let out my suit coat before I can afford to buy a new one!


Anyway, some of  you are very knowledgeable in this subject, so I am going to ask for your best weight-loss tips and stategies. Keep in mind the following before you respond:

  • I am 50 years old.
  • I have a damaged rotator cuff in my right shoulder.
  • I have a bad right knee (can’t run).
  • I hate cottage cheese with a passion.
  • I don’t do kale.
  • I will NOT give up coffee.
  • I have a Total Gym, but no money for a gym membership.
  • My weight goal is 180 pounds (I’m 5’9″), even though some may advise it to be more like 160; I don’t want to look like a stick; some fluffiness makes me more adorable.

So, can you help?

Even more importantly, do you care enough to hold me accountable?

Remember, if we are the body of Christ, and I am a member of the same body you are, me being overweight might just be slowing you down, too!

Let’s do this thing, OK?

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Filed under Christian Unity, community, fitness, Food, Uncategorized

Wednesday Craziness – Peanut Butter-Style

I love watching the guys on Good Mythical Morning, so in honor of them, my daughters for turning me on to them, and the most wonderful of all sandwich foods – peanut butter – I made my own video for today.

After eating crickets, and going to Zimbabwe and trying those tiny dried fish, I should be able to eat anything, right?

Enjoy, but don’t gag. It’s not that bad.

 

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Filed under Food, Humor

Don’t Get Angry, It’s Just a Comparison

The following was written in 2012, but still very applicable. But before you get mad at me for what you are about to read, it’s only a comparison, not a dogmatic definition of right or wrong. …But I might be more right than wrong.

In Line

Every Tuesday my wife and girls go to Precept Ministries (Kay Arthur) in Chattanooga for Bible study. On some days I go with them and use the time to study. It’s a nice place to study, believe me. However, I am writing this on a computer at Precept while Kay Arthur is talking to someone a few feet away. She is distracting me.

Then, there are other days when my wife and I leave the girls and sneak out to get a biscuit. Today we had to sit in line forever. For jelly biscuits.

Jelly Biscuit – May I insert just one question at this juncture? Why is it you always have to ask for jelly when you order a jelly biscuit? What is it about “jelly biscuit” that confuses people? If I ordered a plain biscuit, I would not expect jelly. But when I order a jelly biscuit, why don’t they assume I want jelly? Why do I always have to ask for it?! Good Grief!

I Hear a Song

It was while we were sitting in line that I heard a song on Christian radio (J103). The song caught my attention because of the lyrics. May I share with you the words from the chorus?

You make me happy…Uhhh
You make me feel the way I do…
You make me happy, Yeah!
I wish the whole world knew you, too! (and then the song ends with a bunch of “la-la-la’s.”)

I started to laugh. Honestly. Was I supposed to be blessed? Encouraged? Uplifted? Edified? Happy?

I know, I know, I know…I know that there are plenty of great, contemporary songs out there. Chris Tomlin, for one, has more than a few. I love several songs from Building 429, Avalon, and the Newsboys. But seriously, why can’t more of them take the subject matter at hand a little more seriously?

I Hear the Past

Some lines from the past need to be heard more often, especially if the best we can come with today is “uhh” and “yeah.”

  • My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righeousness.
  • A mighty fortress is our God, a bullwark never failing.
  • Alas! and did my Savior bleed, and did my Sovereign die? Would he devote that sacred head for such a worm as I?
  • I will cherish the old rugged cross.
  • Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise: be thou mine inheritance now and always; be thou and thou only first in my heart; High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

Dear Christian song writers, you can do better than “uhh’s” and “yeah’s” and “la la la la.”

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Filed under legalism, music, worship

Beware of False Cookies

A little Wednesday wisdom from way back when. This post was first published in June of 2011. 

The Chinese Restaurant

This afternoon, after Sunday morning services, we went to a Chinese restaurant. There with some of our youth and their parents, we made multiple trips back and forth to the only kind of bar a Baptist is expected to frequent – one that has food.

Usually I eat a little of everything at a Chinese restaurant, except sushi – that stuff is just plain nasty. But today, because I decided I had not eaten fish in a long time, I felt compelled to stay with just one subset of the universal set of oriental cuisine: seafood…(how’s that for a math reference?). I’d had my share of deep-fried battered chicken, beef, and whatever.

Sweet and Sour What?

On a side note, have you ever stopped to think about how much trust one puts in the food he is eating? Just because a label says “Sweet and Sour Chicken,” does it mean “Sweet and Sour Rat, Cat, Snake, Penguin, Leopard, Iguana, etc.” taste any different? From what I have been told, everything not pork, beef, or duck tastes like chicken. Put enough breading on little pieces of meat and it’s all the same.

I say let’s become legalistic about this issue, if nothing else. Certain meats should have certain shapes, or at least keep the skin on it. How else are we supposed to know what has been deep fried and covered in some exotic sauce that smells so good you forget your neighbor’s chihuahua went missing. Everything chicken should look like a chicken or have a feather sticking out of it. If I’m gonna be eating rattlesnake, at least give me a rattle to take home and play with. If they don’t start doing this, I may have to quit eating at Chinese restaurants and stick with the BBQ place – you know, the one conveniently located next to the emergency animal clinic?

Edible Fortunes

Seriously, I can’t stop eating at the the  Numba Won Happy Mandarin Peking Garden of Panda Love Restaurant. Where else could I find a cookie with wisdom? Chinese Restaurants are the only places I know with fortune cookies, and somehow they really know me.

Now, some people open up a fortune cookie only to find stupid stuff like, “The sky will be blue for you today, unless you cloud it with doubt.Riiiight. Like, could you be any more vague?

On the other hand, my wife got one today that said, “Soon you will inherit land.” What? From whom? If she has a relative that has land to give away that’s not already promised to whiter sheep, then I’ll be really amazed. But mine are different. Mine are…

Scary Fortunes

One time I was just finishing up my road training before I started driving school buses in Tennessee. I went to a Chinese buffet for lunch, after which I got a fortune cookie. I am not lying, the piece of paper said, “You are about to enjoy success at a new job.” But what was more creepy was the Chinese word of the day was the word for “school bus.” N o  j o k e !

Today was another example of scary cookie wisdom. Would you believe that it knew I was a pastor? Would you believe that it knew I like to speak in front of large crowds? Amazingly, it knew that I am “the center of attention” whenever I am in a crowd (which is true at least three times a week). What is it supposed to mean?

False Cookies

It means that even a stupid cookie can get something right every now and then, especially if the statement enclosed is vague enough. On the other hand, it should be a reminder that there are forces at work in this world trying to deceive those with “itching ears” (2 Timothy 4:3).

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” – 1 John 4:1

“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.” – Mark 13:22

Don’t believe ’em, just eat ’em.

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Filed under baptist, Food, Future, General Observations, the future, World View

The Other Things I’m Thankful For

Now that the holiday is about over, I’m sure you’ve heard all the normal lists of things for which we all should be thankful.

Like many others, I led prayer before today’s over-the-top gastronomical celebration, directing all present to give thanks for grace, mercy, family, freedom, and a host of blessings we don’t deserve. I even led us to remember those less fortunate during this joyful time. 

Therefore, since you’ve already heard thanks for the usual blessings, let me close out this Thanksgiving holiday with a list of other things I’m thankful for. 

  1. Zip-lock baggies. 
  2. Cell phone service with no roaming fees. 
  3. Coffee. 
  4. Antibiotics. 
  5. DVR’s. 
  6. I’m not a vegetarian. 
  7. Modern dentistry. 
  8. Safe drinking water. 
  9. Bluetooth. 
  10. Inexpensive firing ranges. 
  11. Baby powder. 
  12. A wife that hasn’t give up on me. 
  13. New Star Wars movies. 
  14. Background noise apps on my phone. 
  15. Daughters who still believe in me. 

OK, so #12 and #15 are from the “normal” list, but I couldn’t help it. 

Praise ye the LORD. O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. – Psalm 106:1

My daughter Katie’s first apple pie. A work of art!

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Filed under America, Thanksgiving

Biscuits, Jelly, and Legalism

Seriously, because it happened once again this morning – at a totally different Hardee’s.

Here’s the deal…

One can easily make rash judgments about people based on certain actions. A legalist will look at those actions and come to the conclusion that the ones being judged are in need of spiritual growth, revival, or maybe total repentance. How then should a “recovering legalist” judge, if at all, people who can’t get your biscuit order right?  Ever!

one sausage biscuit

Image via Wikipedia

For years I have been going to Hardee’s for breakfast. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t go there every day; only once a week, or so. Usually, I order a chicken or sausage biscuit with cheese and a cup of coffee. That is my standard, but occasionally I order a jelly biscuit, too. I get the jelly biscuit many times for my wife. But no matter how many times I go to the drive-through window, the outcome is always the same:

Speaker:   Hello, welcome to Hardee’s, would you like to try our new gravy-covered, bacon-stripped, egg-wrapped, ham-filled, spicy jalapeño, smoked sausage biscuit breakfast meal?

Me:           No, thank you. I would like a jelly biscuit and a medium coffee, please.

Speaker:   Would you like to make that a combo and add hashrounds, a larger size drink, a bigger bag, more calories, and a bigger bill?

Me:           No, thank you; just the jelly biscuit and coffee.

Speaker:   Would you like to add one of our new multi-fruit, caramel and nut covered, sugar-dipped, candy biscuits?

Me:           No…thanks.  Just a biscuit with butter on it and two packs of jelly (for the jelly biscuit), and the coffee.

Speaker:   Will that be all?

Me:           Yes.

Speaker:   Is your complicated, hard-to-understand order correct on our high-tech, flashy, electronic order-confirming screen?

Me:          Yes, it is.

Speaker:   Ok. Please drive around to the next window, please (2 please’s are always nice).

So, I drive around to the window to pick up my simple order of a jelly biscuit and coffee. How hard could it be? The sign that I was just looking at had all the stuff this place is supposed to sell, including, for $.99, a JELLY biscuit. Did I say, JELLY BISCUIT?

I get to the window, and then a granny-like lady leans through with my coffee. Got it….coffee….just like I ordered.

Next, after taking my money, I am handed a greasy, paper bag containing the simple (or maybe complicated) order of a JELLY BISCUIT.  Granny says, “Thank you, sweetie. Have a nice day and come back!” I then look in my bag which is supposed to contain Hardee’s completed portion of our transaction.

I stop my car….sigh….mutter something under my breath….bang my head on the steering wheel…..and do just what granny asked….

I go back!

When you order a JELLY BISCUIT, shouldn’t you expect dadgum JELLY?!!

Back to the window I go to get my jelly for my JELLY biscuit.  2 PACKS!  Window opens:

Granny:  Can I help you, dear?

Me:          Yes, I need jelly.  I ordered a JELLY biscuit, and there was no JELLY in the bag.

Granny:   Oh, I’m sorry, you have to ask for the jelly.

Me:         (Look of disbelief, feelings of high blood pressure not caused by the high-sodium content of the biscuit I have not yet consumed…because I didn’t get any JELLY for a JELLY BISCUIT!) Really? Well can I have 2 packs of strawberry?

Granny:   How many do you want, sweetie?

Me:         TWO.

Granny:  Here you go, sweetie. Now you come back!

I do go back, but I don’t know why. Maybe I just have a big heart for the “order-taking” challenged.

All I want is a jelly biscuit with, oh, I don’t know……..JELLY!

Obviously, someone at Hardee’s needs to get their heart right with the Lord…or am I being too legalistic? Maybe I need to show a little more grace. Maybe I need to do as some have suggested (like my friend, Rhonda) and just have a stash of jelly with me at all times, just in case. Or maybe, I should keep in mind the words of Proverbs 10:12,  “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins,” and just keep my jelly-mongering to myself.

I really like Hardee’s…but anyone claiming to be right with God should automatically give JELLY with a JELLY biscuit…it’s the LAW!  Isn’t it?

Oh well, see…living a life of grace isn’t always easy…sometimes you have to eat your biscuits plain.

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Filed under America, Food, legalism

A Two-Coffee Day

Brewed from the freshest Arabica beans, one black over ice, the other with cream. 

Both are cold, FYI…and both are mine to drink as I drive. 

A total of twenty-four ounces of java, and all it cost was a few cents and two dolla. 

A little while ago I was feeling a bit tired, but it won’t be long until I’m wired. 

I love my truck stop iced dual portion of caffeinated smiles to drink while in motion! 

It’s just that kind of day. 

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Filed under Food, Uncategorized