Category Archives: Parenting

If I Were a Mother

Please enjoy this repeat from 2018. My grandmother is now in heaven.

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! Especially to all of you who are mothers in one way or another.

I mean, not everyone has literally given birth; some mothers are adopted 😉

Nevertheless, I would like to say that I wish my mother and my grandmother a very happy day!


I wanted to write something a little different this year, even though I will still include the annual “Mother’s Day Song” at the end.

If I were a mother – and no amount of sex changes will ever make that happen – and, no, I’m not having a sex change – what kind of mother would I be? How would things be different?

1) Laundry

If I were a mother, I would make all my kids do their own laundry, and I wouldn’t care what color everything turned out in the end. I mean, if the kids want to have clean clothes, they wouldn’t need to come whining to me when they are the ones who get them all dirty and store them under the bed.

If I were a mother and a wife, however, my husband would always have clean, pressed laundry ready and placed out for the next work day. I would get up early before my husband – about 4 a.m. – and make sure his wardrobe for the day was place where he could find it, each part in the order in which it was to be put on.

Also, if I were a mother and wife of such a good man as the one I would marry, I would encourage him to toss his underwear and socks anywhere in the bedroom. I wouldn’t play games on my iPhone or computer, so this would allow me a little challenge each day. Yay!

2) Driving. Chauffeuring, etc.

If I were a mother, I would expect my husband to provide me with the best vehicle he could afford. What he drives would not concern me, but if I’m gonna be doing all the running around – if that’s what I do – then I’d better be in a nice Toyota Sienna Limited mini-van.

Now, with regard to the kids and all their spur-of-the-moment appointments, play dates, ball games, competitions, and whatever, I would expect some form of compensation – if they can’t drive, then they must pay. Where will they get the money? Heck, my girls went door-to-door selling dandelions and other assorted weeds, so any kid can earn money.

If my husband was tired, however, I would always let him lean back in the heated leather seat, or under his personally-selected temperature setting (hot or cold), and rest while I drive.

3) Cooking.

If I were a mother, I would make sure every meal was prepared from the freshest produce and hand-selected meats, daily procured from the local market. I would never serve the same recipe twice, except when requested.

As a wife, I would always make my husband’s favorite foods, even if the rest of the family ate something different. He would always have something at the table he is guaranteed to love, even if the children hate what I make.

Also, I would search the internet on a regular basis to come up with the most unique recipes for church socials – I must make all the husbands jealous of my husband, you know.

4) Giving Birth.

If I were a mother, I would make becoming a mother something enjoyable. I would never curse at my husband while I was in labor, either. I would never blame him for my pregnancy and accept all the blame myself. I would also ask my husband’s opinion on breathing, pushing, taking selfies.

If I were a mother I would hold all my children responsible for any and all pain and discomfort they inflicted on me.

But, I’m NOT a mother…

…or a woman, or a wife…not even the Caitlyn Jenner kind.

So, I can’t even imagine what life would be like without the wonderful mothers in my life, especially my wife who’s truly a gift from God.

I’m glad I’m a man, and a dad, and a husband… because being a mother would be more than I could handle – and the kids would probably die of disease and starvation.

Now, as Promised…

The Mother’s Day Song 

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Filed under Marriage, Parenting, Relationships and Family

Cabbage: It’s Where Babies Come From

It’s Friday, and I know you all are looking forward to a wonderful weekend, especially those of you (and us) in Georgia who are looking forward to slowly getting back to work.

Well, as most of you know, I don’t drive a school bus anymore, but years of driving left me with some stories – OH, the stories!

Here’s one that might bring a smile to your face – and help you explain the “birds and the bees” to your kids. 

The following story is from a few years ago.


Bus Stories

If you didn’t know by now (I don’t know how you wouldn’t), I am a mild-mannered school bus driver by day…I can’t tell you about what I do at night – it’s top secret.

Because I drive a school bus, I am privy to many things children will talk about when not around teachers or parents (they seem to think I can’t hear – I’m too focused on the road, you know). Most of what they talk about is mundane and full of drama (especially with the girls), but sometimes their conversations DEMAND that I insert my two cents.

However, it is rare to hear my elementary kids (grades K-5) talk about “the birds and the bees,” especially when the words they use are ones like “egg,” “sperm,” etc. Therefore, what was discussed today was destined to be turned into a blog post.

Not Supposed to Know

I was just driving, looking ahead at the road, when a 5th-grade girl (let’s call her “Sue”) sitting in a seat right behind me uttered the words “sperm,” “egg,” and “sex” in the same string of words. I am only assuming the string of words were put together in the form of a sentence, but the key words stood out above the rest she used. Immediately my eyes looked up to the rear-view mirror.

Blah blah sex blah blah blah sperm and egg, blah blah blah, isn’t that right?” Sue asked a male student across the aisle from her.

Looking at Sue’s reflection in my student mirror, with a combined look of shock and inquisitiveness, I asked, “What in the world are y’all talking about?”

“Oh…yeah…we’ve been learning stuff in 5th grade…probably stuff we shouldn’t know at our age,” Sue replied. Then she called upon a 5th-grade boy (let’s call him Jack) and asked, “Isn’t that right, Jack? Tell Mr. Baker what we were learning about in class.”

Like a typical boy with little on his mind, Jack at first responded with a “Huh?” Then he went on to say, “Yeah, we talked about sex, and where babies come from, and all that.”

“And eggs and sperm, right?” Sue continued.

“Oh, yeah, that too,” Jack confirmed.

“Well,” I said, shaking my head, “you’re probably right…you’re too young for that stuff.”

“And a…a….a….” Sue stuttered, trying to complete a word.

Asexual?” I questioned, attempting to complete the word she was trying to remember.

“Yeah! Asexual! We learned about being asexual, too,” Sue replied.

“Asexual” Advice

So, as you see, I was drawn into a conversation that grown-ups dread, especially when it comes to dealing with little kids that are not your own. Therefore, taking charge of the discussion, I immediately began to extend my wisdom on the subject.

“So, you know what asexual is, then?” I asked.

“Yes,” sue replied.

“Well, that’s what you should be…asexual,” I said. Sue tilted her head with suspicion.

“Yep, that’s what you need to be – asexual. That means you don’t need a boy; you don’t need to date anyone; you don’t need any of that –  just have babies all by yourself, or cut off your arm and in no time you have another you, just like a starfish. Simple.”

“I don’t think that’s the way it works, Mr. Baker,” said an incredulous Sue. Then she looked at Jack and asked, “What wrong?”

Jack, looking a little sad, then said, “I don’t want to be asexual…I don’t like asexual. That makes me sad.” Then he stepped off the bus.

Cabbages On a Tray

With a serious, yet “no duh” look I caught Sue’s eye in the above mirror and asked, “Do you really want to know where babies come from?”

“Sure. Where?” replied Sue.

I explained it this way…

You see, first of all, all that stuff you see on TV, all that stuff in the movies…especially that Rated-R stuff…all of that is fake; don’t believe it. All that stuff you see them doing is not real; men and women don’t really do all of that. 

Secondly, I have kids, so I know about these things. That whole “Stork” thing…that’s made up, too. 

Here’s the truth, OK? What happens is when a woman has a baby, she goes to the hospital to get it. She goes to a really nice, expensive room, where she gets really comfortable and waits around a while. They put her on a bed, lean her back, and then cover her up with a blanket, making sure she has everything she needs. Then, at some point, the doctors and nurses roll in a cart with a big tray on it. On that big tray is a bunch of cabbages.

What happens is when they roll in that tray full of cabbages, the woman is then given one choice, one cabbage, to pick. She picks the cabbage she wants, then they turn it over. Whatever baby is under that cabbage is the one she gets, the one she has to take home.

That’s where babies come from. You understand, now?

“Cabbages, huh?” asked Sue, her lips snarled up to one corner of her face.

“Yes. Cabbages.”

“Well, OK.”

“Oh, and Sue,” I said, as I was approaching her stop, “this means if your mom wants to have another baby, she doesn’t need another husband, either.”

Sue looked at me, head tilted, with a look on her freckled face that screamed “this oughta be good,” and then asked, “Oh, really?

“Absolutely!” I exclaimed. Knowing Sue’s mom is divorced, I went on to explain, “If she wants another baby, all she needs to do is call down to the hospital and order a tray of cabbages, and they’ll get one ready for her. Then she can just pick.”

Stepping down the stairs after the bus came to a stop at her street corner, Sue looked back at me with a smile and said, “Cabbages, huh? Have a great day, Mr. Baker…see you tomorrow.”

And THAT is how a bus driver explains the birds and the bees.

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Filed under current events, Humor, Life Lessons, Parenting, wisdom

Grandparenting Suggestions Needed

I know I’ve already uploaded a post this morning, and I hope you’ll check it out – it’s a quasi-political post with a spiritual ending. Awesome stuff!

But this morning I received via text several pictures and and some video from our daughter in Charleston. They are pictures of our granddaughter, Emma, in her new princess pavilion (or whatever you call it).

Here’s the honest-to-goodness question: How’s a grandparent supposed to spoil a grandchild when the parents do things like this?

The only think I can think of is letting her get away with stuff that she’s not allowed to do when at home, like eat spoonfuls of sugar, drink coffee, play with matches, listen to three hours straight of Rush Limbaugh, etc.

If you have any suggestions, I’m happy to consider them. Thanks 🙂

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Filed under Family, grandchildren, Parenting

A Daddy’s Prayer

Dear Lord,

She’s no longer the baby I could hold in my arms. If I hold her these days, it’s a quick hug, a slight embrace. Gone are the days when she would put her head on my chest and fall to sleep, completely trusting in me to protect and provide.

But now I pray she’d seek your embrace, your protection, provision, and peace in Your rest.

An evil lurks around each corner, in the valley where death hides in the shadows. No longer there, I can’t be her guide. If You are not her Shepherd, the shadows will prevail.

Watch over her as only You can do. Guide her, with pain, if necessary, to the prize at the end of her race. I’ll be in the stands cheering.

Amen

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Filed under Family, Parenting, Prayer

Graduation 2019 and a Walk Through Musical Memory Lane

I haven’t been writing much, lately. It’s been pretty busy around here.

One thing that just happened was the graduation from college by my daughter Katie.

Katie’s first day at Bryan college was back in September of 2014 when we dropped her off at the dorms. I still remember getting back home, walking down the hall and looking into her freshly-painted, peach-colored, sparkly room, knowing those days were over. I cried a river as I leaned against her door frame.

The first picture was taken on that first day at Bryan. Here is myself, Haley (our youngest), and Katie, all sporting our brand new t-shirts to celebrate and remember the day.

Can you believe these are the same two girls?

Here is Katie with Dr. Stephen Livesay, the President of Bryan College.

Now, here’s the proud dad and mom with the graduate 🙂

So, Katie got a Bachelor of Science degree in Music Education and Vocal. She could always sing, and she can write some beautiful music. Let’s view some performance history on YouTube 🙂 See if you can tell how much she’s matured by the last one.

Here is a video of Katie back in November of 2011 (8 years ago). This was the first video of her singing I ever posted on YouTube.

Here is a video of Katie from December of 2012 singing an original, one of the first songs she ever wrote.

Here she is from before her college days in a high school talent show playing guitar (they won 1st place).

Now, the video is not the best quality, but here is Katie and I playing for her high school graduation banquet. Again, this is a song she wrote…and she’s playing the uke better than I played the bass.

This is her senior (college) recital in January of this year. I get to play with her at the very end – because I played for her when she first auditioned for a music scholarship…which she received 🙂

 

Which brings us to the last video – the one made tonight at a church in Soddy-Daisy, TN. Now that Katie is on her own, a college graduate, and living back in Chattanooga with her sister, Haley, I don’t get to perform with her anymore, nor hear her sing in church. So, it sure was a blessing to see this video of Katie doing a wonderful performance of “Breath of Heaven.

This is what loving the Lord, 6 years of college, a lot of prayer, and tons of perseverance will get you. I’m a blessed dad to have such beautiful and talented daughters.

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Filed under Christmas, Family, music, Parenting, Relationships and Family, worship

Alone As Hell?

It was just after midnight, and I knew where my children were (if you’re old enough, you know what I’m talking about).

It was just after midnight, and I also knew where my wife was (thank heaven life isn’t a country song, right?).

It was just after midnight, and believe it or not, I pretty much knew where everybody I love was – and they were not here with me.

Just yesterday I drove from Georgia to South Carolina to pick up a cute little puppy (a chorkie -that’s a dog) that was a gift from our oldest daughter, Alicia. The little puppy was meant, among other things, to help alleviate the pain of the empty nest. But another reason was so that when my wife is out of town there’d be some sort of living being at home to welcome me when I came in the door (mice – and we don’t have any…anymore…don’t count).

You see, I hate being alone. I hate it that the people I love most in the world are not with me. Up until the end of July, the sound of “daddy” (or other versions of it) was a word I heard every day for the last 25 years. Not any more. And then, with everybody out of town last night, I had only 8 ounces of tea-cup cuteness to keep me company… and it wasn’t the same.

I was alone.

Praise the Lord for FaceTime! Can I get an “ amen!”?

But think with me for just a moment. When Jesus spoke words of comfort to a troubled Peter, what did He say to encourage him? Jesus told Peter that he would always have a place in His Father’s house, and most importantly, Jesus would be there with him!

The picture Jesus chose to describe heaven was an eternal home where one would never be alone.

So what is hell?

Hell is a place NOT prepared for us, but for Satan and his demons. It’s not a home; it’s a prison.

With hell there is no hope of Christ’s return or to be received into His welcome embrace. No, it is a place where one is sent, away from the presence of love, to be alone…forever.

No One to speak in our defense. No One to never leave us or forsake us. Only darkness, damnation, and desolation.

Sure, the fires of hell will torment, but how much worse when one is totally, mercilessly alone?

Even if there should be no flame, would not eternal, infinite loneliness qualify as hell?

Here on this earth I am never truly alone, for God is with me. I’m never alone.

But for those who don’t have Christ, no earthly loneliness could ever compare to a place where not even the Spirit of God convicts anymore.

Sure, I may be lonely right now, like I was a little before 1 a.m., but thank God I’m not alone as hell!

Jesus is here.

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Filed under Family, General Observations, Jesus, Life Lessons, Parenting, Struggles and Trials

Just a Little Reminder

Hey, friends!

Hey, creeps!

Hey, predators!

Hey, to anyone who casually assumes these preacher’s daughters will cower and pray – they sold a purse and bought a sword (Luke 22:38).

God bless America.

God bless the 2nd Amendment.

#notavictim

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Filed under Family, Life Lessons, Parenting, Struggles and Trials

Ten Ways to Fail As a Father

Happy Father’s Day!

There is a portrait of my family hanging in our living room with the following verse written below it.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. – Joshua 24:15 KJV

There is a lot to be said about a father who will say such things. There’s a lot to be said about a father who won’t.

Tuff Stuff

I want to share with you a list I found in a sermon by a Wesleyan pastor, Bruce Howell. I don’t know if he came up with it or if he found it somewhere else. All I know is that it is convicting.

There will be a lot of people talking about how to be a better dad, but if you want to know how to fail, here are 10 sure-fire ways to screw up.

Ten Ways to Fail As a Father

1. Have fights in front of your children. Then when guests come, turn around and act affectionate toward one another.
2. Stifle your children’squestions by saying, “Don’t bother me now; I’m busy.”
3. Take no interest in your children’s friends. Let them run around with whomever they choose.
4. Never discipline your children; try to use psychology instead.
5. Nag them about their schoolwork; never compliment them on their achievements.
6. Demonstrate your love for them with material things. Give them everything their little hearts desire.
7. Never discuss the facts of life with them. Instead, let them learn about sex from their friends, public school, or pornographic literature.
8. Set a bad example so the children will not want to grow up to be like you.
9. Absolutely refuse to believe it if you are told that your children have done something wrong.
10. Let your children make their own choices in the matter of religion. Be careful not to influence them in any way.

Help us, Father God, to be more like you.

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Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, Life Lessons, Parenting, Relationships and Family

Introducing Emma

The “Mug” Post

I know that some of you may have short-term memory, but many of you may remember a post I published back in January entitled, “How Do You Pronounce This Word?

What was the word? Grandpa.

All I did was show a picture of a coffee mug, then promise that more details would follow.

Well, now is the time to share the details that I promised earlier.

But first…

Meet My Granddaughter!

Emma Louise Westbrook!

On Friday the 24th of this month (May), I officially became a grandpa – Emma’s adoption became final. The above picture was taken at the courthouse, and it’s obvious she’s intelligent enough to understand everything that was happening.

Who wouldn’t smile at the thought of being the granddaughter of a grandpa who can sing, draw, color, play with blocks, imitate Grover from Sesame Street, and generally be a kid at the drop of a hat?

Adoption Conversation

I have to admit, I look forward to the day, someday in the future, when the whole subject of adoption can lead to an “adoption conversation.”

There are five times in the Bible where “adoption” is mentioned. One of those times is in the well-known verse below:

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. – Romans 8:15

It will be great to one day have a conversation with her about salvation, and from an aspect that few of us understand as much as she will – because she’s that intelligent 🙂

We will talk about how that just like her mom and dad, her Father in heaven said, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make her mine.” And maybe – because she’s a smart one – she’ll enlighten me to some deeper aspects of a truth that applies equally to me.

I’m so happy that Josh and Alicia were able to have their dream come true to expand their family. We were already so proud of them, but now we are even more proud of how they are becoming the best parents they can be.

My prayer for them is that they also think of the “adoption conversation” and remember that they, more than anyone else in the world, will be able to mirror the love of the Father in their parenting. By their example they can lay the groundwork for a personal introduction to the One who wants to adopt us all into His Family.

Now that you know her, expect more in the future – I’m a grandpa, you know. 

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Filed under Family, Love of God, Parenting

The Mother’s Day Song (There’s None Better)

Learn It, Love It

Honestly, I’ve written some fairly decent songs over the years, but one of my favorites (at least in the month of May) is “The Mother’s Day Song.”

Therefore, I want you to listen to this song again.

Seriously. It’s a tradition.

Learn it, love it, and then share it with your own mother or mother-like substitute. You could, I suppose, sing it to yourself while imagining Carly Simon somewhere near saying, “I bet you think this song is about you.” And you wouldn’t be vain, either! You’re a mother! You deserve it!

(Note: If you did not catch the humor in the above Carly Simon reference, you’re probably too young to be a mother…or you didn’t click on the above link, duh!)

Read Them, Love Them

Now, it’s not because I’m being lazy, it just that some previous Mother’s Day posts were pretty good ones, so why try to top it this year? Below is a link to one.

(As a bonus, scroll through the comments and you’ll get to see me play and sing it live.)

“If I Were a Mother”

However, if you haven’t read what I wrote about my mother and grandmothers on ProverbialThought.com, check out this link.

“Honoring Mothers”

My mother is still with us, but my grandmother (Lorene Cagle, seen below on the right) passed away this year. She was the last of my grandparents.

So, appreciate your mother on Mother’s Day, everyone! Sing the song!

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Filed under music, Parenting, Relationships and Family