“As a married man with daughters ages, it becomes evident that it’s not his mind that goes; it’s that he acquires the ability to randomly change it.” – A. Baker
Category Archives: Marriage
What I’m Not
I know it may offend some of you, but I need to get this out in the open right from the start – I am not a woman, nor do I feel like one…and I don’t want to.
I am very happy to be a man – one born that way – with no desires to experience female-related problems. Those males who do desire to “feel like a woman” seem to want to avoid those problems, too. For example, I rarely hear it reported that a sex-change operation will promise one the glorious ability to experience menstruation, heat flashes, mood swings, or endometriosis; that doesn’t appear to be a selling point.
And now that I think about it, should I ever – which I won’t – decide to become a “female,” I tend to think multi-tasking and “women’s intuition” wouldn’t magically appear with the removal of my guy parts and the injection of estrogen. So, if I couldn’t have those two advantages, why become someone who has to worry about hair, makeup, heels, fabric combinations, etc., etc., etc.
Oh, and if you think what I just said was stereotypical and sexist, it might have been. And if it was, then why is it that men who say they want to become women can’t become women in the masculine context in which they were born? In other words, why is it that Bruce Jenner had to turn into the stereotypical vision of what a “woman” is “supposed” to look like? Why couldn’t he, and every other trans, stay the way they were instead of trying to fit into the box of the stereotype? There’s MUCH more that I could say on this issue, but I will digress.
What I Am
Like I said, I know I am not a woman, and I don’t want to be. And because I am not a woman,
it might be hard for me to understand …scratch that… it’s nearly impossible for me to understand how women think. However, I do have some valuable insight based on years of experience with women; therefore, you might find it beneficial.
You see, even thought I am not an estrogen-producing sis-female (to be PC for once), I have lived a long time with a bunch of them. But what’s more important than what I don’t understand is what I DO understand, and that is the mind of a man.
I am a man… a red-blooded, stereotypical, gun-toting, testosterone-producing (no shots needed), stand-up-peeing kind of guy. I have a one-track mind, can compartmentalize like you wouldn’t believe, and love the smell of gunpowder in the morning.
What’s more, I am a faithful husband, a spiritual leader, and a father to three wonderful girls. That’s what I bring to the table today.
My daughters (at least the two younger ones) are eventually going to find husbands, one probably sooner than the other. The advice I would like to leave with not only them, but all of you other girls out there, is what to look for in a man you will marry. Take it from me – a man – I know the difference between a good one and a not-right-now-put-him-back-on-the-shelf one.
10 Words of Advice to Girls Who Are Searching
- Know your own worth.
- Don’t settle.
- Find a man who loves God more than you. Matthew 6:33
- Life is like a trip through the Atlanta airport – even the smallest of baggage gets heavy after a while.
- Never, ever assume the man you meet will become the man you want. Ain’t gonna happen.
- Accept nothing less than a spiritual/moral leader you can respect; if he looks up to you more than you look up to him, ditch him.
- It’s better to be single than smothered, abused, and/or controlled.
- Know who you are, what you are, and Who’s you are, then find a man who accepts and compliments (yes, I used that word) all you desire to be.
- If he doesn’t honor and respect his or YOUR parents, then he will most likely never be the kind of parent worth respecting – and he might not live long (Matthew 15:4; Ephesians 6:2-3).
- Lastly, make sure you like his family, and he likes yours… and that your family likes him, too. Marriage is meant to grow family, not destroy it.
Look, you don’t have to agree with any of my advice, but it comes from years of experience and professional observation. You have a choice in the matters of love, so don’t let someone sweep you off your feet without first doing your homework.
When you let the wrong man sweep you off your feet, you’re likely to fall from arms that can’t hold you.
When I read what was on the cup I literally laughed out loud. My wife, a little annoyed by my disturbing behavior, continued playing a card game on her phone (which is her normal practice as she winds down to sleep).
She briefly glanced in my direction as if to ask, “What’s so funny?” But she didn’t ask… She knows I can’t keep something funny to myself.
She makes a quick play on her phone before my inevitable interruption.
I rolled over and said, “You’ve got to see this,” and showed her the picture. Hardly able to keep from laughing once again, I read to her what was on the cup…
As if waiting for a punchline, she asked, “And?”
Once again I started laughing…
Then I said…
“And evidently you must be the other kind.”
(I’m sorry Valerie, but it was too funny not to share.)
Marriage takes two 🙂
Like I mentioned in a previous post, because it is both Father’s Day AND our wedding anniversary, I thought I would share with you a list of things I jotted down the other night when I couldn’t go to sleep.
Folks, there are a lot of resources out there meant to help your marriage to succeed. However, not a lot of them specifically deal with things that can ruin your marriage. So, after 23 years of everything from marital bliss to marital warfare, I can speak with authority about the following items.
Why 26? Because that’s where I decided to stop. Each one of these could be expanded upon and sub-pointed.
26 Ways to Contribute to a Ruined Marriage (in no particular order)
- Never pray together as a couple.
- Think about yourself more than your spouse.
- Believe that what matters most is your personal happiness.
- Never pray for each other.
- Pursuing your own interests while ignoring those of your spouse.
- Saying negative things about your spouse to other people (especially those of the opposite sex).
- Having a “Plan B.”
- Spending all your time, energy, and money on your kids.
- Avoiding sexual intimacy.
- Pornography (soft sore, hard core, in print, in video, in literature – doesn’t matter).
- Flirting with others.
- Arguing and/or fighting, but with the sole objectives being to win or hurt the other.
- Not putting God first.
- Using each other.
- Lack of trust.
- Lack of, or poor communication.
- Baggage not dealt with.
- Running to Mother.
- Lack of leadership (for men).
- Lack of submission (for women).
- Too many single friends.
- Fear of / intimidated by your children.
Honestly, any one of the above items could lead to disaster, but what about when several of them are in play? The Enemy would love nothing better than to see your marriage fall to pieces or be nothing more than an empty shell.
Start over and give your relationships to God. He can rescue you, heal you, and restore you – but only if you will let Him.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t particularly like combined celebrations. Some people have the misfortune of being born on the 25th of December, and I’m sure they understand what I’m talking about.
For me, tomorrow is Father’s Day, but at the same time it will be my 23rd wedding anniversary. What were we thinking? And that’s not just me talking – that’s what my wife said!
Seriously, how am I supposed to enjoy reveling in the grandeur of the fact that, yes, I am the “World’s #1 Dad,” while at the same time focusing my attention on how wonderful my wife is? I’m not that good at multi-tasking!
Not About Me
But in reality, what would make me a better dad and husband than to forget about my celebrations and focus on my wife? If I really cared about myself, being selfish is the last thing I should be.
In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. – Ephesians 5:28 NLT
Father’s Day is a day we should, by all means, celebrate fathers, especially the good ones. But what kind of husband would I be if I let tomorrow be all about me? Heck, I wouldn’t even be the dad I am if it weren’t for the godly woman who’s stayed by my side for the last 23 years!
Without Valerie I wouldn’t be a father, nor would I have the opportunity to be a great dad. Without my precious wife picking me up from the floor all those times I wanted to give up, I wouldn’t be a dad; I’d be dead.
To accept the trophy of exceptional fatherhood without giving credit to my wife would be like winning an Oscar without thanking one’s directors and producers. I had the raw talent, but Valerie has been able to draw it out of me.
I am going to be publishing a few more posts today and tomorrow. To be honest, there’s a lot I want to cover in relation to both fatherhood and marriage, but putting it all in one post would be too much. So, be on the lookout for those.
However, before I close this post out, let me just add that if it weren’t for the Lord, neither my marriage nor the blessed gift of fatherhood would have even been possible.
- It was my God that allowed me to grow up with a faithful, consistent, godly earthly father who set the example for me.
- It was my God who brought Valerie and I together way back in 1992.
- It was my God who has kept Valerie and me married ever since June of ’94.
- It was my God who gave us children.
- It was my God who made a way when there seemed to be no way.
So, I guess I am looking forward to tomorrow, for more reasons than one.
Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! Especially to all of you who are mothers in one way or another.
I mean, not everyone has literally given birth; some mothers are adopted 😉
Nevertheless, I would like to say that I wish my mother and my grandmother a very happy day!
I wanted to write something a little different this year, even though I will still include the annual “Mother’s Day Song” at the end.
If I were a mother – and no amount of sex changes will ever make that happen – and, no, I’m not having a sex change – what kind of mother would I be? How would things be different?
If I were a mother, I would make all my kids do their own laundry, and I wouldn’t care what color everything turned out in the end. I mean, if the kids want to have clean clothes, they wouldn’t need to come whining to me when they are the ones who get them all dirty and store them under the bed.
If I were a mother and a wife, however, my husband would always have clean, pressed laundry ready and placed out for the next work day. I would get up early before my husband – about 4 a.m. – and make sure his wardrobe for the day was place where he could find it, each part in the order in which it was to be put on.
Also, if I were a mother and wife of such a good man as the one I would marry, I would encourage him to toss his underwear and socks anywhere in the bedroom. I wouldn’t play games on my iPhone or computer, so this would allow me a little challenge each day. Yay!
2) Driving. Chauffeuring, etc.
If I were a mother, I would expect my husband to provide me with the best vehicle he could afford. What he drives would not concern me, but if I’m gonna be doing all the running around – if that’s what I do – then I’d better be in a nice Toyota Sienna Limited mini-van.
Now, with regard to the kids and all their spur-of-the-moment appointments, play dates, ball games, competitions, and whatever, I would expect some form of compensation – if they can’t drive, then they must pay. Where will they get the money? Heck, my girls went door-to-door selling dandelions and other assorted weeds, so any kid can earn money.
If my husband was tired, however, I would always let him lean back in the heated leather seat, or under his personally-selected temperature setting (hot or cold), and rest while I drive.
If I were a mother, I would make sure every meal was prepared from the freshest produce and hand-selected meats, daily procured from the local market. I would never serve the same recipe twice, except when requested.
As a wife, I would always make my husband’s favorite foods, even if the rest of the family ate something different. He would always have something at the table he is guaranteed to love, even if the children hate what I make.
Also, I would search the internet on a regular basis to come up with the most unique recipes for church socials – I must make all the husbands jealous of my husband, you know.
4) Giving Birth.
If I were a mother, I would make becoming a mother something enjoyable. I would never curse at my husband while I was in labor, either. I would never blame him for my pregnancy and accept all the blame myself. I would also ask my husband’s opinion on breathing, pushing, taking selfies.
If I were a mother I would hold all my children responsible for any and all pain and discomfort they inflicted on me.
But, I’m NOT a mother…
…or a woman, or a wife…not even the Caitlyn Jenner kind.
So, I can’t even imagine what life would be like without the wonderful mothers in my life, especially my wife who’s truly a gift from God.
I’m glad I’m a man, and a dad, and a husband… because being a mother would be more than I could handle – and the kids would probably die of disease and starvation.
Now, as Promised…
The Mother’s Day Song
This morning, while sitting in the parking lot of where I work, I wrote on a piece of lumber I still had in our van.
Valerie then responded with the following hand-written text…
At least I think I understood what she was saying… Anyone else have an opinion??