Tag Archives: Women

What I Don’t Know

In honor of National Woman’s Day…

As a husband, father, pastor, and author, I am constantly reminded of how much I really don’t know. 

If I were to attempt to list all the things of which I have no knowledge, then that would take forever, especially since there are things that I don’t know I don’t know.

However…..

Here are some things that I wish I knew more about, or at least could understand. If it were possible to master these subjects, my self-esteem might go through the roof. Some may even call me a “know-it-all” in a non-derogatory way!

  • How only three knobs (valves) and two lips can play an infinite number of musical notes.
  • How people get clean in dirty bath water
  • Hot flashes and why women hate them in the winter
  • Why are things like Pi, things that have no answer, so dadgum important?
  • If animals in cartoons and movies can talk to each other in English, not to mention read, then why can’t they just write a note to humans when someone is in danger?
  • Women (in general) and why they wear “natural” makeup to look not natural
  • Greek grammar
  • Who killed Kennedy
  • Nancy Pelosi
  • How any man can become a woman without being able to have a baby, have a hot flash, or do a hundred things at once while still talking to her mother on the phone about something totally unrelated to what she is doing, and still remember to complain to her husband when he gets home for something he forgot to do that morning
  • Why do I have to balance my budget? Why can’t I just decide to increase my debt limit?
  • Why dogs and cats hate each other
  • Why I could never pick up a snake by the tail, but Steve Irwin (R.I.P.) could
  • RSS feed
  • Why mega-church pastors with a full staff only have to preach once a week, while bi-vocational pastors without staff preach at least twice
  • How the first person decided that drinking something fermented, breathing something on fire, eating something coagulated, or using the anal glands of a beaver for flavoring (castorium) was an appetizing idea

Life is full of persistent, nagging questions. Some questions may never be answered. I may never truly be a know-it-all. However, when it all comes down to what’s most important, I am reminded of the words of a man who was blind from birth: “I was blind…but now I see.”

I may not know everything, but I know that I will be OK when I die. I know that this world is not all there is. I know that heaven awaits me when I die. How? It’s all written in the Word of God, the Bible.

 These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the name of the Son of God. – 1 John 5:13

Did you know that?

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Filed under Christian Living, Christianity, Life Lessons

She Might Be Flirting If…

The following is Part 2 of a 3-part series I wrote back in Sept. of 2013. I hope you’re enjoying it 😉

Stay With Me

Yesterday, taking a sharp turn from the direction I usually go, I wrote a post dealing with how men flirt. Today I am going to write about how women flirt, or at least my thoughts on the subject. But before you run off thinking The Recovering Legalist is becoming Vanity Fair or The Huffington Post, let me reassure you: there is a point to my madness.

Yesterday was about men. Today will be about women (or at least my understanding and perceptions of the creatures). Tomorrow will be about… Well, you’ll just have to come back tomorrow to find out. Just stay with me on this, OK?

More Nonsense

I scoured the web this morning looking for sources and I found several. However, unlike yesterday, I will give you the links at the bottom of the page, just so you’ll know I am not making this stuff up. Essentially there are a lot of websites and magazines with published articles dealing with “how to know if a woman is flirting.” But once again, several of the clues are deceptive.

Are you a nice person? Do you smile at people? Do you look people in the eye when you speak? Then you’d better watch out, somebody may think you are flirting!

The following are said to be clues that a woman is flirting, guys. So watch out, especially if she is one of those Proverbs 7 women (that’s not good).

  1. She’s staring at you. Never mind that you might have a piece of chicken in your tooth, or you may look like a suspected criminal, if a woman is staring at you, you might be daddy material.
  2. She smiles at you. According to the experts, yelling, screaming, hateful, and even non-emotional women are safe. It’s the ones that are smiling at you that should make you concerned (or excited). That means every girl that works at Chick-fil-A wants to take you on a date.
  3. sinead oconnerShe plays with her hair. Supposedly, if a woman fiddles with her hair – twirls it in her finger while talking or listening to you – she is flirting. Sinead O’Conner, therefore, will be hard to read, I suppose.
  4. She touches you. Normally, I would give credence to this one. However, some people are just “touchy” people. Some women have a motherly instinct that demands they straighten every tie and remove every piece of lint. So, don’t get creeped out when Granny brushes your shoulder.
  5. She draws attention to her body. Seriously? What woman does not try to draw attention to her body, or at least parts of it? What is makeup for? How long has it been since women have striven to be modest? Good grief, with the way women dress today, the only women not flirting are wearing long blue jean skirts (but they usually have long hair, so watch out for the twirling)!

My Experience

What do I think? How do I believe a man can tell if a woman is flirting? From my experience, which is admittedly limited, I believe there are a few legitimate, full-proof signs. Let me share them with you, but in a more Jeff Foxworthy-ish style…

  • If a woman looks at you with her eyes, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman throws the rock back at you from across the playground, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman asks you to sip something she is drinking, she is definitely flirting.
  • If a woman bites her lip when you wear chocolate-scented cologne, she just has a hankering for chocolate.
  • If a woman says you are ugly, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman says, “I wouldn’t go out with you in a million years,” all the while maintaining an incredulous smirk of disdain, ask her out again next week: she might be flirting with you.
  • If you happen to be wrestling (pronounced “wrasling”) around on the floor, and the girl you are pretending to let beat you up actually breaks your finger and then says, “OH, did I do that? I’m sorry!”… I’ll let you figure that one out. I just married her.

Well, my wife just asked me if I could tell when she was flirting, so I guess I will bring this post to a close. Just be careful, men.

The last thing you want to do is misinterpret a woman’s intentions. 

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Filed under current events, General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, wisdom

Giving Solomon Advice

Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

1000 Women

Has anyone noticed that this is the second time Solomon has said something about angry women? It was only ten verses ago that he said it was better to “dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (verse 9).” Do you think that Solomon could have been having marriage problems?

One of the great ironies in history is that the wisest man to ever live had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3)! One would think that with so much wisdom a man might have figured out a thing or two about the nature of women, but evidently he was either deficient in this one area, or a glutton for punishment. I am not as wise as Solomon, but even I could tell you that having more than one wife might be a bad idea, especially when you’re intending on sharing your life with a thousand! Good grief!

Solomon had a weakness for the opposite sex and all the money in the world to support his habit. 1 Kings 11:3 even says that his wives “turned away his heart” from God. In order to keep them happy, he built altars to other gods. As wise as he was, women were his downfall.

1000 Tempers

I tend to wonder what kind of “man cave” Solomon had. With all those wives and concubines, can you imagine how many tempers were constantly flaring? Can you imagine how many grudges were being held? When 2 or 3 women go to the ladies room together, rumor has it that they talk about us men. Can you imagine what emotional issues a harem full of women could talk about? And don’t you think they constantly blamed Solomon for everything?

It should come as no surprise that both times Solomon mentions women in this chapter he references emotion. After nearly 20 years of marriage and three daughters to my credit, I can speak from experience that women know how to get angry and stay angry. Women are different than men (duh!). It takes a wife that is filled with the Spirit to overcome her tendency to seethe over something stupid her husband did 10-15 years ago.

Advice for Solomon

It may be a little late, but if I could go back in time I would give Solomon a bit of humble advice. I would say to him, “King Solomon, sir, I have a few suggestions that could help you maintain peace in your palace, should you choose, in your wise and awesome wisdomness, to listen.

  • Find that ruby of a woman and make her a solitaire. One rare one is far better than a chest full of imported cubic zirconia.
  • Treat your wife with humility, love, and respect. An unloved and disrespected woman is an angry woman.
  • Money is great, but time is priceless. Spend time with your wife doing things she wants to do. A lonely woman is a bitter woman.
  • Worship the True God with your wife, not the idols of the world. Don’t marry outside the faith expecting to change her. Find a woman that loves the Lord and love Him with her. A woman at odds with you is a contentious woman.

Then I would say, “Choose to do otherwise, dear king, and you might as well go live in the wilderness.”

 

The above post may also be found at ProverbialThought.com

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Filed under Bible Study, Christian Maturity, Marriage

She Might Be Flirting If…

Stay With Me

Yesterday, taking a sharp turn from the direction I usually go, I wrote a post dealing with how men flirt. Today I am going to write about how women flirt, or at least my thoughts on the subject. But before you run off thinking The Recovering Legalist is becoming Vanity Fair or The Huffington Post, let me reassure you: there is a point to my madness.

Yesterday was about men. Today will be about women (or at least my understanding and perceptions of the creatures). Tomorrow will be about… Well, you’ll just have to come back tomorrow to find out. Just stay with me on this, OK?

More Nonsense

I scoured the web this morning looking for sources and I found several. However, unlike yesterday, I will give you the links at the bottom of the page, just so you’ll know I am not making this stuff up. Essentially there are a lot of websites and magazines with published articles dealing with “how to know if a woman is flirting.” But once again, several of the clues are deceptive.

Are you a nice person? Do you smile at people? Do you look people in the eye when you speak? Then you’d better watch out, somebody may think you are flirting!

The following are said to be clues that a woman is flirting, guys. So watch out, especially if she is one of those Proverbs 7 women (that’s not good).

  1. She’s staring at you. Never mind that you might have a piece of chicken in your tooth, or you may look like a suspected criminal, if a woman is staring at you, you might be daddy material.
  2. She smiles at you. According to the experts, yelling, screaming, hateful, and even non-emotional women are safe. It’s the ones that are smiling at you that should make you concerned (or excited). That means every girl that works at Chick-fil-A wants to take you on a date.
  3. sinead oconnerShe plays with her hair. Supposedly, if a woman fiddles with her hair – twirls it in her finger while talking or listening to you – she is flirting. Sinead O’Conner, therefore, will be hard to read, I suppose.
  4. She touches you. Normally, I would give credence to this one. However, some people are just “touchy” people. Some women have a motherly instinct that demands they straighten every tie and remove every piece of lint. So, don’t get creeped out when Granny brushes your shoulder.
  5. She draws attention to her body. Seriously? What woman does not try to draw attention to her body, or at least parts of it? What is makeup for? How long has it been since women have striven to be modest? Good grief, with the way women dress today, the only women not flirting are wearing long blue jean skirts (but they usually have long hair, so watch out for the twirling)!

My Experience

What do I think? How do I believe a man can tell if a woman is flirting? From my experience, which is admittedly limited, I believe there are a few legitimate, full-proof signs. Let me share them with you, but in a more Jeff Foxworthy-ish style…

  • If a woman looks at you with her eyes, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman throws the rock back at you from across the playground, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman asks you to sip something she is drinking, she is definitely flirting.
  • If a woman bites her lip when you wear chocolate-scented cologne, she just has a hankering for chocolate.
  • If a woman says you are ugly, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman says, “I wouldn’t go out with you in a million years,” all the while maintaining an incredulous smirk of disdain, ask her out again next week: she might be flirting with you.
  • If you happen to be wrestling (pronounced “wrasling”) around on the floor, and the girl you are pretending to let beat you up actually breaks your finger and then says, “OH, did I do that? I’m sorry!”… I’ll let you figure that one out. I just married her.

Well, my wife just asked me if I could tell when she was flirting, so I guess I will bring this post to a close. Just be careful, men.

The last thing you want to do is misinterpret a woman’s intentions. 

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Filed under current events, General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, wisdom

Eye of the Beholder

A Beholder, I Am

Master Yoda, when you were stuck away in the swamp for hundreds of years, did your sense for what you considered beautiful change? I mean, with no more Yodettes around, did you ever start thinking the slimy, green critters crawling on Luke’s half-drowned X-Wing were beginning to look like wife material? Wondering, I was just.

You see, here on this earth I am beginning to wonder if my sense of beauty is being affected. As I behold what so many others consider the definition of beautiful, I fear my eyes are being damaged beyond repair!

Danged if You do, and So Forth

Women are always wanting men to think they are beautiful. Rarely do they try to excite our gag reflexes. Yet, on the other hand, when we do express our opinions we are attacked for being “male.”

Most of the time women are trying to get us in trouble by asking, “How does this dress that I don’t like make me look?” But more recently women seem to be dressing in such awfully disgusting ways, all the while still demanding that we say, “Oh sweetie, you look beautiful! That nostril necklace accents your lip stud perfectly!” God help us if we every ask, “what were you thinking?”

Our only option is to judge them fit for beholder consumption without making a judgment.

Real-World Beauty Pageant

I guess I would really like to be a real-world beauty pageant judge – similar to those who determine the predetermined winners of other beauty pageants. I could be paid to walk around shopping malls and discount stores looking to hand out trophies for “Best Dressed on Isle 9,” or “Most Modest in a Hurricane.” I could even give away prizes to single moms who kept their mascara from running while in Toys-R-Us.

Women exhibiting any of the following would be automatically expelled from the competition and fined (in dollars, cigarettes, or whatever was most valuable to them).

  • womanSpandex or Sweat Pants outside of a gym
  • Tube tops…including sweat pants pulled up high enough to replace a tube top
  • Spiked hair, especially if tipped with any color not included in a natural rainbow
  • Any item of clothing with PINK written on it
  • Any tattoo that says, Sexy, Hot, or Boy Toy
  • Exposed flesh that hangs beneath the bottom of a full-lenght t-shirt
  • Enough piercings to tenderize a 16 oz. steak
  • Or, any exposed undergarments, such as pink bra straps, thongs, etc.

True Beauty

However, fortunately for everyone, I am not a beauty judge (aren’t you glad?) On the other hand, I do have eyes, which does makes me a beholder. Until I go totally blind…well…some people are just going to make my eyes hurt. And that’s OK.

TRUE beauty can only be found within. Outward appearances can only reflect what is inside, at best. Real beauty is determined by a woman’s heart and actions.

“A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” – Prov. 11:22 NLT

But beware men, even women who appear beautiful on the outside may turn out to be one of Yoda’s “girlfriends”.

“Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;” – Proverbs 6:25 ESV

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30 ESV

So, Master Yoda, is it that stranger things are becoming more accepted, and therefore judged to be more beautiful, or are we just getting used to the swamp?

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Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, clothing, Do not judge, General Observations, Humor, legalism, Uncategorized, World View