Tag Archives: Mothers

If I Were a Mother

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! Especially to all of you who are mothers in one way or another.

I mean, not everyone has literally given birth; some mothers are adopted šŸ˜‰

Nevertheless, I would like to say that I wish my mother and my grandmother a very happy day!


I wanted to write something a little different this year, even though I will still include the annual “Mother’s Day Song” at the end.

If I were a mother – and no amount of sex changes will ever make that happen – and, no, I’m not having a sex change – what kind of mother would I be? How would things be different?

1) Laundry

If I were a mother, I would make all my kids do their own laundry, and I wouldn’t care what color everything turned out in the end. I mean, if the kids want to have clean clothes, they wouldn’t need to come whining to me when they are the ones who get them all dirty and store them under the bed.

If I were a mother and a wife, however, my husband would always have clean, pressed laundry ready and placed out for the next work day. I would get up early before my husband – about 4 a.m. – and make sure his wardrobe for the day was place where he could find it, each part in the order in which it was to be put on.

Also, if I were a mother and wife of such a good man as the one I would marry, I would encourage him to toss his underwear and socks anywhere in the bedroom. I wouldn’t play games on my iPhone or computer, so this would allow me a little challenge each day. Yay!

2) Driving. Chauffeuring, etc.

If I were a mother, I would expect my husband to provide me with the best vehicle he could afford. What he drives would not concern me, but if I’m gonna be doing all the running around – if that’s what I do – then I’d better be in a nice Toyota Sienna Limited mini-van.

Now, with regard to the kids and all their spur-of-the-moment appointments, play dates, ball games, competitions, and whatever, I would expect some form of compensation – if they can’t drive, then they must pay. Where will they get the money? Heck, my girls went door-to-door selling dandelions and other assorted weeds, so any kid can earn money.

If my husband was tired, however, I would always let him lean back in the heated leather seat, or under his personally-selected temperature setting (hot or cold), and rest while I drive.

3) Cooking.

If I were a mother, I would make sure every meal was prepared from the freshest produce and hand-selected meats, daily procured from the local market. I would never serve the same recipe twice, except when requested.

As a wife, I would always make my husband’s favorite foods, even if the rest of the family ate something different. He would always have something at the table he is guaranteed to love, even if the children hate what I make.

Also, I would search the internet on a regular basis to come up with the most unique recipes for church socials – I must make all the husbands jealous of my husband, you know.

4) Giving Birth.

If I were a mother, I would make becoming a mother something enjoyable. I would never curse at my husband while I was in labor, either. I would never blame him for my pregnancy and accept all the blame myself. I would also ask my husband’s opinion on breathing, pushing, taking selfies.

If I were a mother I would hold all my children responsible for any and all pain and discomfort they inflicted on me.

But, I’m NOT a mother…

…or a woman, or a wife…not even the Caitlyn Jenner kind.

So, I can’t even imagine what life would be like without the wonderful mothers in my life, especially my wife who’s truly a gift from God.

I’m glad I’m a man, and a dad, and a husband… because being a mother would be more than I could handle – and the kids would probably die of disease and starvation.

Now, as Promised…

The Mother’s Day Song 

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Filed under Marriage, Parenting, Relationships and Family

Mother’s Day Song

Happy Mother’s Day

This year marks the 100th anniversary of Mother’s Day. However,Ā I don’t know many songs, if any, written specifically for this holiday.

My Mother, Grandmother, and Me

My Mother, Grandmother, and Me

I have a wonderful mother. My wife is a wonderful mother, too. Therefore, I find it unfortunate that there are no songs we can sing in the same way we gather around as a family and sing Christmas carols.

So, a couple of years ago, because of the shortage of Mother’s Day carols, I wrote one. Learn it, love, and share it!

With your help, generations to come will gather around that last slice of pie, that tinseled load of laundry, or whatever item chosen to symbolize motherhood, and sing a song for mothers everywhere.

The Mother’s Day Song

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. – Exodus 20:12

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Filed under music, Parenting, Relationships and Family

The Worst Field Trip Guide

The Trip

Today I transported 80 kindergarteners on a field trip to a mountain forest. Do you have any idea how loud 80 excited 5-year-olds can get when confined in a 40ft.-long steel box on wheels?

Teacher Talk

Anyway, I couldn’t help overhear the advice school teachers were giving to the little crumb crunchers. One warned, “Don’t pick anything up from the ground; you won’t be able to keep it, anyway.” Another said, “Don’t bounce on the swinging bridge; just look over the side.”

However, the best piece of advice was clear enough: “Do NOT get off the trail!” But I spoke up and said, “‘Cause if you get off the trail, we might have to send the dogs after you.”

Who knew the little girl was afraid of dogs? I didn’t! Cry baby.

Bad Advice

So, that got me to thinking: what would be the worst advice to give 80 children before a trip into the woods?

  • Don’t worry about your lunch box, theĀ forestĀ is full of pretty berries.
  • As long as the animal is smaller than you, go ahead and pet it. It won’t mind.
  • Hey, bounce on the swinging bridge…it’s just like a trampoline.
  • Of course! Rules are meant to be broken.
  • Bears? What bears? This is Tennessee, kid. We don’t have bears. You’re thinking of Chicago.
  • I don’t care what your mom said, poison oak is a hoax. Don’t your parents have oak furniture? Does it make you itch? See, she lied.
  • Who can get closest to the edge?
  • Whatever you do, don’t stay on the trail. Trails are for babies.
  • Snakes are overrated, misunderstoodĀ jump ropes.

Best Advice

Fortunately, when it comes to the wilderness of life, there is One who always gives good advice. He teaches us to stay on the path that He has already walked. He warns us of things that can harm us. He can even tell the difference between good and bad fruit trees.

Psa 23:4 – Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.Ā Matt 4:19 – And he saith unto them, Follow me….

Here’s a link to my other blog, i4Daily. There’s a nice picture of the swinging bridge.

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Filed under Christian Maturity, Life Lessons, Uncategorized