Tag Archives: Loss

by Anthony Baker | September 4, 2021 · 11:12 pm

It’s Hard to Write when Your Friend Dies

It’s nearly 10pm on a Saturday night, and I’m a pastor who has no energy for anything right now, especially to write. But this afternoon a friend died, and I have to write something.

Dr. David Self, the Associational Missionary for the Washington Baptist Association (Georgia), knows now what his faith was for – he sees what has been made sight.

Honestly, I have known others who’ve died after contracting COVID, but David was the first one who was a personal friend. I’m having a difficult time with it.

Oh, there are so, so many more people in this part of Georgia that are far more devastated by this loss than me. My loss is nothing like that of his wife, Kathy, or the rest of his family. It sure shook my world when my own father died, and I saw how it affected my mother and sister. So, I know this is harder for them than for me.

But if one thing remains, it’s my faith. The same faith the David Self had. The same that his family has, as evidenced by the Facebook post from his daughter, Kelly Self Carter.

My favorite hymn is “The Solid Rock.” To paraphrase the lyrics, my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness, not the recovery of health to those for which we desperately pray.

Before I learned of David’s passing, I had called for a gathering of folk to pray for him in the parking lot of our Associational Office. But before 10 minutes had passed after putting out the call on Facebook and over texts, I was told he died. He may have already been gone when I sent out the first message. But I went, anyway.

As I told another pastor, “Even if God didn’t heal David, He’s still worthy to be praised!” If it were not for the Lord, prayer would be useless and death would be inevitable. But it’s not! There is hope, and not only in this life, but when this life is over – because it will be, one day, COVID or not.

Consider the words of Job after he had lost everything but his life and his grieving wife…

Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
Job 1:21

Would David had died anyway, despite our prayers? That’s not for me to say, but it was always right to pray. Just read what King David said after losing the first child he had with Bathsheba…

He answered, “While the baby was alive, I fasted and wept because I thought, ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let him live.'”
2 Samuel 12:22 CSB

We don’t know what God is doing, for His ways are higher than ours, and so are His thoughts (Isaiah 55:9). Therefore, being commanded to pray for each other, we pray – and we trust the One to whom we pray.

And what perfect timing! As if God wanted me to affirm the truthfulness of the previous sentence, I just got THIS from a friend on Facebook Messenger…

Please take a moment to thank your sweet church folks for all the prayers for my Cody when he was so sick from covid. He was able to come by our house for a little bit today and I was FINALLY able to hug my son!!! I thought I was possibly going to lose my boy… but sweet Christian people, who don’t even know us, prayed for God to intervene and heal him. Today I received the hug I wasn’t sure I ever would have again.
Rhonda Altum Barnette

We are all going to miss Dr. David Self. However, “we do not sorrow as those who have no hope,” for the hope that David had is the same that we have – that I have – and that’s in Jesus Christ. Our day will come, COVID or not, and on that day our faith will be made sight, as David Self is experiencing this moment.

Please go to church somewhere in the morning.

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Filed under Faith, Life/Death

Tagged as Church, David Self, death, Friendship, Loss, mourning, Washington Baptist Association

by Anthony Baker | March 18, 2021 · 10:11 am

I’m NOT Going to Puke! I’m n…

This is going to be an unusual entry, as if the title wasn’t enough of a clue. I’m going to talk about holding back from puking – puking my emotions, that is.

Let’s start with the whole disgusting vomiting thing.

You know what it’s like – that feeling of a sour stomach, a queasiness, a warning that your body is preparing to expel what it thinks is harmful to process, right?

Have you ever had that feeling but determined you were going to do everything in your superpowers to stop it from happening?

First, you try to convince yourself that it’s nothing, really. I mean, sure, you didn’t give thanks to Jesus for that sandwich from Chick-fil-A because, after all, it came pre-blessed. And that sushi from the kiosk in the food court didn’t taste too strange, at least no more than normal.

The next thing you do is think, “It’s only a little upset stomach,” then ask, “Where’s the Mylanta?” Yeah, that’s all you need.

The sweat begins to bead on your forehead. More excuses. More rationalizing. You find a place to lie down and moan a muffled declaration into your pillow: “I’m NOT going to throw up!”

Sometimes it works. Sometimes.

Well, this is the best way I can describe the feelings I have after the death of my mother, Rebecca Marie Baker, this past Tuesday morning.

It’s like I feel a familiar sensation, a pressure, a something… it’s like I know if I was so many other people I would have already broken down and wept. But when the urge comes my immediate response – and it’s actually a physical, tangible response – is to tap it back down. And I am not even sure if it’s on purpose. Actually, I know it’s not.

If the body eats something that is bad for it, the natural response is to expel it. To keep it inside and to digest it could be harmful.

But what of the heart? What of the emotions? What of pain and grief?

I mentioned this to my wife and she suggested I “let it out.” But the last time I cried uncontrollably was when I stood at the door of the bedroom of one of our daughters after she moved off to college.

I don’t like to cry like that. I don’t like being that weak. I especially don’t like people seeing me that way.

However, Jesus wept. Yes, He did.

But not every time.

At least that we know.

I know these last few weeks were difficult, and I know we talked a lot about you going to heaven, but now that you are gone, I’m going to miss you. I am glad I was able to tell you I loved you and to hear your weak voice whisper back, “I love you, too.”

I’m thankful I was able to sit by your bed, hold your hand, and sing Amazing Grace to you as you left this world of pain. I wish I could have seen the look on your face when you breathed your first taste of heavenly air.

I can only imagine what it was like for you and Daddy to see each other again.

This is why it’s hard to cry. This is why it’s difficult to grieve. You are where you were born again to go.

Your faith has become sight!

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15 NLT

I’m happy for you, Momma! I’m sure there are tears of joy where you are, too.

10 Comments

Filed under Life/Death, Relationships and Family

Tagged as death, Funeral, hope, Loss, Mothers, mourning

by Anthony Baker | January 21, 2020 · 9:07 am

You Believe WHAT About God? Tuesday Thoughts 21 January 2020

Just the other day I shared a post from Pastor Randy which generated a lot of response, some not so positive. Well, I guess I’m a sucker for punishment because I’m going to do it again.

I don’t want to give any spoilers, but I, too, have heard some seriously stupid answers to the question of “why?” when it comes to the death of children (I worked in a funeral home for several years). The “angel” and “He needed them” reasons were also sickening to me. Yet, some of my Calvinist friends have also attempted to give some pretty sad excuses (ask John Piper), but that’s another argument for another day.

Anyway, “be still and know that I am God” is in vinyl lettering (from Hobby Lobby) above the mantle in our dining room.

Kingdom Pastor

I thought this Tuesday Thoughts edition was going to take a while to figure out what to write. I was wrong. It comes out of something that happened last week: 4 year old Wyatt Spann died from cancer. And this reminded me of something that happened a few years ago–the death of another young child, Noah Crowe, from cancer. It’s not “MY” feelings about these tragedies, but the things “some” people say. To be more specific: What some who call themselves ‘Christians’ say to broken and grieving hearts. It’s not only at funeral homes where they speak these abominations, but being active in disaster response, I’ve heard some of the same poor, DEPLORABLE theology.

Below are some of the DESPICABLE, VILE, LOATHSOME AND WRETCHED things some people believe, and Dear Lord In Heaven, say to people in the worst moment of their lives:

God needed them more than you. Really?…

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Filed under God, Life/Death, Struggles and Trials, Theology

Tagged as cancer, children, death, death of a child, Loss, loss of a loved one, questions, reblogging

by Anthony Baker | August 22, 2016 · 7:54 pm

I’m Totally Heartbroken

Many of you know what it is like to lose a pet. Many of you know what it is like to lose a family member. Some of you may understand what it is like when you lose a pet that is more than just an animal, but a family member. Well, that’s what my wife and I are going through.

Friday morning our daughter Katie let our little dogs out to do their business…two came back inside, but one didn’t. When I got home from Atlanta Friday night, little Nugget was still nowhere to be found.

We enlisted the aid of neighbors and a couple of church members to help look. All of us drove around our entire neighborhood, calling, praying, and just hoping there would be some sign…but nothing. And now it’s Monday.

Nugget is a Chorkie (Chihuahua/Yorkie), and in a disturbing “coincidence” two other Yorkies are missing from our same part of town. Was he stolen? Will we find him for sale online? We are hoping.

But another possibility is that our little Nugget, a precious little dog we’ve had since October of 2009, when he was only 2 months old, was taken by a coyote. If that’s what happened, well…

You see, a coyote has been seen a couple of times around our house. One night just a week or so ago my wife and daughters came home, got out of the car, and found themselves being threatened by what they thought at first was a fox (they were wrong – it was much bigger than that). It was at that time Nugget, the bravest little dog you’ve ever seen – a dog whose chased off large dogs and dear – wasted no time tearing off after the coyote, running it out of the yard.

My fear is that the coyote showed back up early Friday morning and Nugget got into a fight he couldn’t win. If that’s the case, our little dog died a hero. And if I find that coyote, I’m going to give it a taste of multiple gut-shattering personal defense 9mm rounds. Yes, I will.

Nugget was such a good little dog. For example, he was always obedient and house trained. If we came to the stairs, either in the house or outside, Nugget would always stand and wait for us to go down first…he would never trip us. When offered treats along with the other two dogs, Nugget would always sit back away from them and patiently wait his turn.

“No, I don’t want a steak biscuit.”

Nugget loved to go for a ride. Many times on Saturdays I would go out to McDonald’s for a cup of coffee. Nugget knew where I was going and would insist to ride along. When I’d get to the drive through Nugget would stand on my leg, put his front paws and head out the window, and practically place his own order – chicken nuggets. And whenever we went to Chick-fil-A, his favorite was a small scoop of ice cream.

Nugget was the only one who would stay up late into the night with my wife during tax season. He would stay right with her, either by her feet or on a little bed she made on her desk. Wherever she would go he would follow. And, yes, he slept with us.

He didn’t shed. He rarely did anything that got him into trouble. He loved to run and be chased. He loved to be held. He thought of himself as more human than the other dogs, for toys were out of the question – he just wanted to be with us.

I know it may sound crazy, but losing Nugget, although not a human child, is almost as painful as losing a human loved one. Nugget was my “little boy.” Because we lived in a house with so many females, Nugget and I would have our “guy time.” Now my little buddy is gone, and there are tears in my eyes and a broken heart in my chest.

My wife and I both are very heartbroken.

Now, some of you may find all this ridiculous. I mean, Nugget was just an animal, right? Sure, but God has created us with the ability to show emotion, to grow attached, and even to love little animals that are so faithful. After all, it could be argued that the best earthly example of agape love is a faithful dog.

One year old in 2010.

Making a profile pic.

Christmas pajamas – for dogs, too.

Learned behavior? It was always MY pillow, too!

Jack and Nugget arguing about something, I know not what.

Running out to meet me as I got off the bus.

Always ready to play.

Waiting to place his order, Nugget would even expect chicken from the bank.

After all the other Easter Sunday family pics, Nugget got to be in one, too.

And, should you read this and think of yourself more spiritual than one who would be heartbroken over a dog, consider the following verses:

And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and [also] much cattle? – Jonah 4:11

A righteous [man] regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked [are] cruel. – Proverbs 12:10

We will miss you, Nugget. You were the best.

Sleep well, buddy. You earned it.

11 Comments

Filed under animals, Life/Death, Struggles and Trials

Tagged as dogs, Loss, pet owners, Pets, sorrow, Yorkie

by Anthony Baker | May 17, 2016 · 11:24 pm

I Lost a Friend, and It Hurts

It Happens

If you live long enough, you’ll start losing friends. As a matter of fact, the older you get the more often it happens. That’s the problem with people – we die.

It’s not pleasant to think about, but we need to. So often we get caught up in day-to-day life and all its demands, and we rarely stop to consider that every passing moment is one less we have to live, that our clock is winding down. And what’s more, no one knows how much time is left.

I’m not one who will concede that death is just a natural part of life, for it was an intruder that came along after sin crept in and ruined creation. Yet, since the fall death is the constant we can all count on.

You can get out of paying taxes, but you can’t escape death. That’s an appointment we all must keep.

It Happened to a Friend

david bookhardt 2 Yesterday (Monday), a little after 5 p.m., a friend of mine, David Bookhardt, died in a head-on collision, along with the young father driving the other vehicle. It’s hard to put into words how much of a shock it was to hear the news, and it’s still difficult to believe.

I didn’t know David Bookhardt for that long, only a few years. We weren’t very close friends, but he was a man with whom I could share my heart. You see, David had a big enough heart that when I unloaded mine, he could keep a smile. That made him a friend like few others.

I know a whole lot of people – maybe too many. But David Bookhardt was the type of friend that you couldn’t have too many of. He was kind, uncritical, positive, and an ever-willing mentor. As a businessman, few could compare with his disarming personality, one that made you genuinely comfortable, trusting his expertise. And on those long drives across state lines, or on those long days prospecting for new clients, he was all about bringing you up to his level.

The “About” from one of David Bookhardt’s blogs.

My Condolences

Like I mentioned, I was not as close to David as many others, and I was only able to meet a couple of his family members in the short time I knew him. On the other hand, I met many, many who called David a friend.

Therefore, to the family and friends of David Bookhardt, I offer my most heartfelt condolences. If the loss I feel is so weighty, I can only imagine the burden you bear.

But we “do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, concerning those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve like the rest, who have no hope. Since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, in the same way God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep through Jesus. … For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the archangel’s voice, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are still alive will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.” – 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, 16-18 HCSB