Tag Archives: Mothers Day

If I Were a Mother

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone! Especially to all of you who are mothers in one way or another.

I mean, not everyone has literally given birth; some mothers are adopted 😉

Nevertheless, I would like to say that I wish my mother and my grandmother a very happy day!


I wanted to write something a little different this year, even though I will still include the annual “Mother’s Day Song” at the end.

If I were a mother – and no amount of sex changes will ever make that happen – and, no, I’m not having a sex change – what kind of mother would I be? How would things be different?

1) Laundry

If I were a mother, I would make all my kids do their own laundry, and I wouldn’t care what color everything turned out in the end. I mean, if the kids want to have clean clothes, they wouldn’t need to come whining to me when they are the ones who get them all dirty and store them under the bed.

If I were a mother and a wife, however, my husband would always have clean, pressed laundry ready and placed out for the next work day. I would get up early before my husband – about 4 a.m. – and make sure his wardrobe for the day was place where he could find it, each part in the order in which it was to be put on.

Also, if I were a mother and wife of such a good man as the one I would marry, I would encourage him to toss his underwear and socks anywhere in the bedroom. I wouldn’t play games on my iPhone or computer, so this would allow me a little challenge each day. Yay!

2) Driving. Chauffeuring, etc.

If I were a mother, I would expect my husband to provide me with the best vehicle he could afford. What he drives would not concern me, but if I’m gonna be doing all the running around – if that’s what I do – then I’d better be in a nice Toyota Sienna Limited mini-van.

Now, with regard to the kids and all their spur-of-the-moment appointments, play dates, ball games, competitions, and whatever, I would expect some form of compensation – if they can’t drive, then they must pay. Where will they get the money? Heck, my girls went door-to-door selling dandelions and other assorted weeds, so any kid can earn money.

If my husband was tired, however, I would always let him lean back in the heated leather seat, or under his personally-selected temperature setting (hot or cold), and rest while I drive.

3) Cooking.

If I were a mother, I would make sure every meal was prepared from the freshest produce and hand-selected meats, daily procured from the local market. I would never serve the same recipe twice, except when requested.

As a wife, I would always make my husband’s favorite foods, even if the rest of the family ate something different. He would always have something at the table he is guaranteed to love, even if the children hate what I make.

Also, I would search the internet on a regular basis to come up with the most unique recipes for church socials – I must make all the husbands jealous of my husband, you know.

4) Giving Birth.

If I were a mother, I would make becoming a mother something enjoyable. I would never curse at my husband while I was in labor, either. I would never blame him for my pregnancy and accept all the blame myself. I would also ask my husband’s opinion on breathing, pushing, taking selfies.

If I were a mother I would hold all my children responsible for any and all pain and discomfort they inflicted on me.

But, I’m NOT a mother…

…or a woman, or a wife…not even the Caitlyn Jenner kind.

So, I can’t even imagine what life would be like without the wonderful mothers in my life, especially my wife who’s truly a gift from God.

I’m glad I’m a man, and a dad, and a husband… because being a mother would be more than I could handle – and the kids would probably die of disease and starvation.

Now, as Promised…

The Mother’s Day Song 

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Which Would Make Your Mother Happier?

Sunday is Mother’s Day!

I have only one question for you:

Which of the following statements would make your mother more happy?

  • “Mom, I’m going to go to church, today.”
  • “Mom, in honor of you I decided not to go to church.”
  • “Mom, I heard a filthy joke, today. Want to hear it?”
  •  “Mom, I heard a great sermon today about mothers. Can I tell you about it?”

Why not go to church on Mother’s Day and find out 🙂

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The Witness of a Mother’s Love

The invisible things of God from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the love of a mother…therefore, we are without excuse.

Marie Baker. My Mother :-)

Marie Baker. My Mother 🙂

Listen to “The Mother’s Day Song” (by Anthony Baker)

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I’m Sorry, but It’s Mother’s Day

The Gripe

My dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to read the sometimes uncaring and cold-hearted commentary of a man without the “wo”;  a male without the “fe”;  and a testosterone-producing, horsepower-loving, father and husband who sometimes leaves the toilet seat up – on purpose. But that being said, I am not completely insensitive.

For example, I love kittens and puppies, the laughs of little children, and the occasional chick-flick. But more to the point, I understand that for some women, Mother’s Day is not the happiest day of the year.

Just the other day someone shared with me a link to an interesting and eye-opening article, An open letter to pastors (A non-mom speaks about Mother’s Day). I read it, thought about it, and got it. The only problem is that I (the pastor) am not the only one who contributes to the whole Mother’s Day celebration – mothers do!

If dad forgets to say, “Happy Mother’s Day, dear,” the wife gets her feelings hurt and then there’s Hades to pay. If the kids forget to say, “Happy Mother’s Day!” or forget to make a card out of noodles and Elmer’s glue, start handing out the tissues and Xanax. If the pastor forgets to make a big deal out of the holiday, or forgets to purchase carnations to distribute at the end of the service, then some little old lady will be demanding a special meeting to discuss his replacement.

So, as one who’s congregation is made up of more women than men, by a large – not a good word – significant percentage, what in the name of Oprah am I supposed to do???

The Plan

Here’s my plan: I will try to please everybody.

Mothers, we love you. Single women, we love you. Wives without children, we love you. Single, expectant mothers, we love you. Women who’ve lost their children, we love you. Women who want to have children but can’t, we love you. Those of you who had an abusive mother and still nurse the scars, we love you. Women who have adopted or are foster parents, we love you. Women who teach and mentor kids that are not your own, we love you. And what’s more, ladies, God loves you and understands your story more than any earthly man, even more than Dr. Phil.

Now, to those of you who just hate kids and want nothing to do with them, well… I guess I can’t please everybody.

The Song

So, I’m sorry, but it is the Mother’s Day weekend, and some traditions must go on. Each year on this blog I post one of the best Mother’s Day songs ever written, if not the best; I can’t help it if it doesn’t please everybody.  Just understand it was written by a half-brained male with frequent-stayer points at the Dog House Inn.

My Mother :-)

My Mother 🙂

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Mother’s Day Song

Happy Mother’s Day

This year marks the 100th anniversary of Mother’s Day. However, I don’t know many songs, if any, written specifically for this holiday.

My Mother, Grandmother, and Me

My Mother, Grandmother, and Me

I have a wonderful mother. My wife is a wonderful mother, too. Therefore, I find it unfortunate that there are no songs we can sing in the same way we gather around as a family and sing Christmas carols.

So, a couple of years ago, because of the shortage of Mother’s Day carols, I wrote one. Learn it, love, and share it!

With your help, generations to come will gather around that last slice of pie, that tinseled load of laundry, or whatever item chosen to symbolize motherhood, and sing a song for mothers everywhere.

The Mother’s Day Song

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. – Exodus 20:12

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Happy Mother’s Day

My Mother

It may come as a shock to all of you, but I do have a mother. Yes, there is a woman who claims responsibility for allowing me to come into the world.

My mother’s name is Marie. I won’t tell you how old she is, but she’s older than me. She is also not in the best of health, so your prayers would be appreciated.

DSC_0065My mother worked in the blood bank and lab at Erlanger Hospital for 46 years until she retired. She started working there when blood was still in black and white, long before most of the modern staff was even born. She went to college for four years to learn how to do a job that few today can do without computers.

My mother is also a godly woman who has read through her Bible countless times, verse by verse, circling the number each time. She is also the widow of a godly man who loved her. She never remarried.

Mother’s Day Song

There are a lot of songs celebrating Christmas, but few celebrating mothers. Therefore, last year I decided to write my own song for Mother’s Day.

I hope it brings honor to the woman who birthed me, beat me with a belt, and bears me up with her prayers. If you like it, sing it to your mother or grandmother. Even if they don’t like it, they will say they do – that’s what mothers do.

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Happy Mother’s Day ;-)

It’s Here

If you are one of the unlucky, unfortunate, or predestined to be elected to forget Mother’s Day, I’m sorry. Either by choice or design, you should have marked your calendar and set an alarm.

However, if you forgot, there may be hope (if you are a subscriber to this blog and read your email). Because this is being posted so early in the morning, you should have time to do some stuff before you see your mother (or your children’s mother), either at church, dinner, the nursing home, Wal-Mart, or place of incarceration.

A few last-minute suggestions…

  1. Get up right now, put down your smart phone, or stand up from your computer, and make her (your mother/wife) breakfast. You may even have time to brush your teeth before you say, “Good morning!” Or….
  2. Quickly sneak out of the house and drive to your nearest 24-hour gas station (that’s petrol, for you Brits). There you should locate a fine selection of plastic-wrapped silk roses (to keep them fresh), Doritos, lottery tickets, “genuine” lead crystal figurines, and NASCAR air fresheners. Or….
  3. Draw a hand-made card in an attempt to appear sweet and child-like to cover the fact you forgot to buy one. Then, when you give it to her, create a story about how you “can’t wait till she gets her surprise.” That will give you time to figure out where you are going to take her to eat, and how much you want to spend. OR….
  4. Learn the following song that I wrote just for mothers. She will love it. “Mother’s Day” 

But Seriously

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised (Prov. 31:30 ESV). May all mothers strive to fit that description.

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