Steve Martin wrote a bluegrass song (well, he sang it on stage with the Steep Canyon Rangers, at least) about atheists not having any songs. It was funny. I even saw him sing it live a few years ago.
On the other hand, Christians have multiple holidays! There is Easter (just around the corner), Christmas, St. Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Lent, Boxing Day, All Saint’s Day, Good Friday, and a few others.
What do atheists have? They have April 1st, April Fool’s Day!
But wait! Don’t atheists celebrate other days as well? Sure, they do!
Besides celebrating Christmas and Easter in their own godless ways, atheists are said to observe at least ten (10) other holidays when they’re not trying to ban crosses from roadsides or mangers from public lawns.
- Earth Day – This is the day when atheists can pretend to have a god, name it Maya, and celebrate its existence as they try to preserve it.
- Solstice – When the planets all line up, or when the days and nights get long, atheists can celebrate the complexity of an intergalactic machine that made itself.
- Arbor Day – When even the loneliest atheist needs love, they can hug a tree.
- Mothers and Father’s Day – Hey, even atheist have parents. They didn’t come from monkeys, you know.
- July 4th – The perfect holiday for the American atheist who is happy his ignorant, bigoted, racist, religious Forefathers (along with a couple of intellectual agnostics) decided to start a new country founded on free speech and the freedom of religion. It gives him something he can fight against, which is practically everything they stood for.
- World Health Day – Because even atheists hate getting the flu, AIDS, gonorrhea, syphilis, and Covid-19. And don’t forget their mental health, either.
- International Talk Like a Pirate Day – Arrrg! Who doesn’t enjoy talking like a mythical version of a murderous criminal of the sea, right?
- El Día de los Muertos – This is a Latin holiday, the Day of the Dead. Atheists love to reminisce about those who have gone on before, keeping their memory alive…because that’s all they’ll ever have.
- International Coming Out Day – Because closets are for clothes, old video tapes of NOVA, and apprehensions.
- Richard Dawkins’ Birthday – It’s sorta like Christmas, but without the virgin birth, nasty mangers, hope, and angels. There’s plenty of worshiping, however.
But seriously, no holiday is more fitting for the atheist than April Fool’s Day. After all, isn’t it the fool who says in his heart there is “no God” (Psalm 53:1)?
So, HAPPY ATHEIST DAY! …within reason, of course. 😉