Tag Archives: Humor

Misinterpreting Affection

This morning, while sitting in the parking lot of where I work, I wrote on a piece of lumber I still had in our van. 


I sent the picture, via text, to my wife. 

Valerie then responded with the following hand-written text…


Unsure how to interpret that, I responded with…


Maybe it would have been better if my loving, yet nauseated wife could have sent two separate texts. 

At least I think I understood what she was saying… Anyone else have an opinion?? 

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Filed under Humor, Marriage, Relationships and Family

Crazy Like Me

Crazy people like me exist so that normal people can define themselves.  – A. Baker

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Filed under Humor, Life Lessons

How Badly Do You Want to Be Loved?

Jingles (not the bell kind)

Do you ever catch yourself singing commercial jingles for no apparent reason? Well, when I am driving, bored, and a little (or a lot) sleepy, I tend to start singing songs I learned as a child. In particular, one song is tops on my repertoire

The Oscar Mayer Wiener Song.

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener / That is what I’d truly like to be ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener / Everyone would be in love with me.

First appearing in 1965, this song has become boiled, grilled, steamed, fried, and even micro-waved into our memories. But recently it struck me…what in the world am I saying? Am I so desperate for the attention of others that I would be willing to become an unhealthy food source?

The Need for Love

There are many hurting people in the world who would wish for nothing more than someone to love them. They go to great lengths to be prettier, richer, more popular, or even more “available” – all to find love. But do you really think it’s a good idea to wish you were a hot dog?

What most people don’t know is that there was a second verse to the Oscar Mayer wiener song. In the 1965 commercial a truly intelligent boy quickly understood the true ramifications of the song’s wish and sang the following:

Oh, I’m glad I’m not an Oscar Mayer wiener / That is what I’d never want to be/ ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener / There would soon be nothing left of me.

Sing it, brother! You tell ’em! Why would anyone want to be a hot dog? Do you really want to be loved so badly that you would sacrifice your humanity and allow yourself to be eaten? It’s not worth it, people…believe me!

The lyrics to this song could be re-written to expose what people are really saying. “Oh I wish I was something else instead of human / A tube of meat is what I want to be / I’d gladly die alone in boiling water / If you would only say that you loved me.

in potLook, there is no reason to want to become a hot dog (you might get eaten by one). Really, there is nothing to be gained by having your body boiled or grilled on an open flame; covered in chili, relish, mustard, and onions; then chewed repeatedly until you’re swallowed by someone who will forget you an hour later (unless the chili upsets them). Stay human. It’s better that way! 

You ARE Loved!

Ironically, someone did become something He was not in order to die for love. The big difference is that He was God and became Human, not a hot dog. And what’s more, He didn’t die to be loved – He died because He loved. His name is Jesus, and He died for you.

“For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16 KJV

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 NIV

You are VERY loved!

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Filed under Food, General Observations, salvation, Uncategorized, Witnessing

10 Things Christian Bloggers Wished the Rest of the Universe Could Understand

This list first appeared back in May of this year, but I thought it was worth re-posting… sorta like “the best of The Recovering Legalist.” Bloggers unite 😉 

The Audience

If you are reading this – evidently you are – it is probably because you are on some form of social media, like Facebook or Twitter. it is also possible you received an email notification as a subscriber, or you were forwarded a message from a friend who said, “You’ve GOT to read this!”

On the other hand, you may be a blogger who was surfing recent posts from followed sites or “suggestions”form WordPress (or some other inferior blogging platform). Those of you in this group – the bloggers – will understand what I’m about to write; the rest need help.

The following list will be less of a shocker than an affirmation of what Christian (and some pagan) bloggers already believe about themselves or others within their “community.” Therefore, the following list is meant more for the casual Facebook reader, the neglected child with a school project due, and the wife or husband whose eyes roll more often than a bowling ball.

10 Things Christian Bloggers Wished the Rest of the Universe Could Understand

1. The ability to write is a gift from God; the ability to write well takes work. Every post, if it’s worth posting, should be well-written. A poorly-written post is a poor reflection on the message we have to share. Therefore, don’t get upset if we spend 3 hours crafting a 500-word work of art.

2. Blogging is a form of worship. I know, it may sound crazy, but blogging can be a very legitimate means of giving praise and honor to God. Christian bloggers regularly speak of the goodness of God, praise Him in the midst of struggles, and challenge others to trust Jesus. Christian bloggers LOVE to praise God through computer screens all over the world!

3.  Christian bloggers are internet missionaries! You don’t have to travel the world to teach people with the Good News; you can do it from your kitchen! That’s right with a simple blog piece one person can instantly share relevant Truth in over 100 countries! Last time I counted, I’ve had readers in 126.

4.  Everything is fodder for a blog post. That’s right, everything from one’s recent trip to the mall to one’s battle with cancer – it’s all worth writing about, especially to the one who sees God’s hand working everywhere.

5.  Household chores will take care of themselves. Families of bloggers are usually the most stressed of housekeepers, but this need not be. Worse come to worse, dirty dishes, un-walked pets, and un-made meals can be used as writing topics (see point 4).

6.  Blogging is reporting. All bloggers wish the world would give us more respect. I mean, seriously, we deserve Press credentials! If you write a well-written blog you should be allowed into all political events, meetings, and all concerts for free. As for me, I think every blogger is a potential food and restaurant critic – we should eat for free.

7.  Christian bloggers don’t have selective hearing; we have selected focus. When I’m at the computer, don’t assume I hear anything you say. When I’m writing I’m in the “zone,” so voices outside the “zone” are muted. If you want my attention, offer food or show legitimate interest in what I’m writing.  Otherwise, don’t assume I heard you tell me to pay that bill.

8.  Donations are always welcome. Just because we Christian bloggers love doing what we do, that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t accept money. Money buys better computers, custom themes, and comfortable desk chairs.

9.  The Christian blogging “community” is a real thing with real people. Honestly, some of my best friends are bloggers I’ve met online. Several of us have met in person, prayed with each other, and shared in genuine Christian fellowship and worship. Bloggers love bloggers 🙂

10.  Christian bloggers come in all virtual shapes and sizes. Not every Christian is alike, and neither are our blogs. We are all unique and bring our own perspectives to the discussion of life. Don’t read just one.

So, what are your thoughts? Any points you’d like to share with the universe?

Kicked out of the house and in need of wifi, the blogger will do anything to maintain his habit of changing the world one post at a time.

Kicked out of the house and in need of wifi, the Christian blogger will do anything to maintain his habit: changing the world one post at a time.

 

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Filed under blogging, Christian Unity, Christianity, Humor

Five Years of Monkeying Around

The Notification

This morning I received a sweet little notification from Facebook. It was little reminder of a video I made introducing the “Monday Monkey” segments to my blog.

Sometimes these Facebook notifications are fun. Other times they depress me. I don’t know how to interpret this one. 5 years? Has it really been that long? Then, on the other hand, 5 years ago seems like an eternity.

It’s amazing the flood of water that can run under a bridge in 5 years, isn’t?

The First Official Video

The following week my daughters and I worked on putting together the very first “Monday Monkey” video. The purpose, as stated above, was twofold: 1) to insert a little fun into the mix; 2) to increase subscription numbers – to over 100. As best as I can tell, both goals were met…eventually.

In this first video you will see my middle daughter, Katie, playing the part of a teacher. Ironically, she is now a music education major (junior) at Bryan College in Dayton, TN.

It literally took us about 3 hours to film this little 1-minute video! Ahh, memories 😉

“Monkey Questions”

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Filed under animals, blogging, Humor, Monday Monkey

An Attempted Crossing

I once saw a cat chase a chicken.

It chased it across a main road.

Through traffic they raced unhalted

Until they stumbled upon a dead toad. 

Like half of a Sunday school song

It was flat and wide, not deep. 

It hadn’t been dead for long,

And both of them started to weep. 

“Oh cluck cluck cluck!” went the chicken.

“Meow so sad!” went the cat. 

Then before their fruitless chase could continue, 

A minivan flattened them flat. 
The End

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Filed under Humor, poetry, Uncategorized

Todal Anilation!

Photograph and Driving

First, I don’t know any better way to say it. The reason the above header says “photography and driving” is because “shooting and driving” sounds really, really bad. “Pic and driving” brings to mind images of one with one hand on the wheel, the other up a nose.

What im trying to say is that I took a picture while driving. I don’t know if doing so is illegal, like texting while driving is. All I know is that when I saw what I saw I had to take a picture to prove to it.

So, don’t text and drive… But if you’re taking pictures make sure they’re worth sharing.

A New Word

I learned a new word, today. I saw it on the back of a pest control truck. The word is anilate. 

imageI know this a new word because I can’t find a definition for it. As a matter of fact, when I did a definition search, not only did Google keep asking me, “Did you mean annihilate?”, but other helpful tools started popping up. For example, I didn’t know there was anything out there that searched word-game databases. However, the one I clicked on informed me that anilate was not accepted in ANY word game played in the English-speaking world.

What a bummer! I have proof anilate is a word, but I can’t use it to score points. Not fair! Somebody needs to tell Words With Friends.

Keeel ‘Em! 

Actually, I was driving down the road and had to take a picture of this pest control truck. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Now, should someone from the company read this post, I hope they forgive me. I mean, maybe they just came up with the word one day after they watched Achmed the Dead Terrorist say, “I’ll keeel you!” I hope so. If not, all I can imagine is a couple of guys sitting around dreaming up names for a new business venture.

“Bubba, I caint think of nuttin. It’s like all d’ good’ns are taken up!”

“Yeah, I know, Shorty. Well den, why don’t we just call it what we plan ta be do in’ wid all dis here poysuns?”

“Watchya got in mind, Bubba? Sump’n like Keeel’m Pest Control?”

“Naw, it’s gotta sound more perfeshional thun that. Weer gonna annihilate dem dang bugs, Shorty! Get it? Weer gonna uh-NYE-late ’em!”

“Yeah! How d’ya spell that?”

“A-N-I-L-A-T-E”

“Cool! I’ll call th’ sign comp’ny and get’r done!”

image

Now, if that’s NOT how it happened, I’ll be really disappointed. 😉

 

NOTE: This was meant in fun, so don’t give Anilate Pest Control a hard time. Heck, give them a call!  They just might be the ones to annihilate … er, ANILATE your bugs. You never know. Call (423) 432-8266.

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Filed under General Observations, Humor