I wrote this back in 2016 before I actually became a grandfather. Emma Louise and I haven’t had any real conversations, as of yet. But when we do… mmwwaahahahaa!
I’m not a grandfather, but I act like one. You know, the kind of old guy that says what he want to say when he wants to say it, then blames others for not understanding his wisdom? That’s me. I’m an up-and-coming codger.
Grandfathers are also notorious/famous for telling tall tales, embellishing the facts, and leaving grandkids confused about actual historical events. Of course, the point of those stories is to keep a kid’s attention for more than 30 seconds; the straight truth can be boring at times.
So, even though I’m not literally a grandpa, I play one on the school bus. It keeps me entertained.
Many times on Facebook I share short little conversations I’ve had with children on the bus (they say the darnedest things, you know). However, today I’m skipping Facebook and going straight to the blog.
I’m sure all of you are gonna hate me after you read this.
Me: Good morning.
5th Grade Boy: Good morning.
Me: How are you feeling today? You holding up?
Boy: What? Yeah, I’m ok. Why?
Me: I mean, it must be pretty hard; I heard the bad news.
Boy: What bad news?
Me: About your goldfish dying.
Boy: What? I don’t have a fish. At least not anymore. I haven’t had a fish in a long time.
Me: So it died.
Boy: I don’t know. I guess.
Me: Well I’m proud of you for taking it so well.
Boy: Uh, OK.
Me: And I heard about your cat, too. That was horrible.
Boy: Huh? What about my cat? Nothing happened to the cat.
Me: Well, I heard it died in a horrible freak lawnmower accident. I know that must be hard on you.
Boy: What? My cat didn’t die in a lawnmower accident! He just ran away.
Me: OK. If that’s what they tell you. You believe that.
Boy: Guess what!? (says the boy to another kid in a seat beside him) I had a cat die in a freak lawnmower accident! Cool, huh??
I pity my grandchildren [actually, my granddaughter], don’t you?