Tag Archives: Comedy

Poetry: Is It That Simple? Or, Do Cooling Cookies Feel?

Simple Rhymes

I never had a problem making simple rhymes. It always came real easy; I did it all the time. So when, in school, the teacher said, “Today, we will be writing verse,” I lept for joy and grabbed my pen, while other students cursed.

It’s also one of the many reasons I love The Princess Bride. The following scene left me splitting my side.

Advanced Poetry

But when it comes to the more complicated kind, my poetry skills fall way behind. Like just today, I read a piece that was slicker than butter in bacon grease. Yet, try as I might to comprehend it, it was too aloof for me to apprehend it. It seemed to make absolutely no sense, like putting a cat inside a fence. However, I knew, it wasn’t the poet; I was simply naive, as my comment doth show it.

I thought and I thought, I wrought and I wrought, until a moment of inspiration! “I know what,” I thought to myself, “I’ve too much preparation!”

I must start with a premise, a theme, or current event, then write with philosophic self-aggrandizement. It doesn’t matter if there’s no rhyming or detectable meter. All one really needs are random thoughts, the more confusing the better.

Heck, what makes it even better is when the poet refuziz to conform to societal norms, standard: punctuation, & ^ CAPitalization rules? get it?

Therefore, if you’ve yet to see through it, my theory is really that anyone can do it.

“Cooling Cookies”

I tried BBB’s “monster cookie” recipe 🙂 Click on picture for link.

Fourteen cookies on a cooling sheet, lying there, cooling there.
Fourteen, cookies. Numbers on a sheet. Only numbers.

Why must the raindrops fall from clouds? Are not oats round?
Hot. Cool. And now the bed is hot, too. The silence is dephning.

Meet me in St. Louis, if Louis is really that saintly. Did he play the trumpet?
Fourteen notes, like fourteen cookies, falling like spit from a trap.

Eat them! Do not lick them! They have cooled.
And when you have eaten them, you’ll turn your back on them.
Stooled.

– by Anthony C. Baker

 

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Filed under Food, poetry, writing

Don’t Be Immoral; Be Thankful

Title Undetermined

As I sit down to type this, I still don’t have a title for the post. Several things have crossed my mind, but nothing has clicked.

When I got to thinking about it, maybe that’s a good thing: having a title before the piece is written could affect what I write. So, I’m going to share what’s on my mind, then come up with a title – hopefully a catchy one.

Ephesians 5:23

I was reading through the Book of Ephesians and got to the passage you see in the photo (that’s actually from my Bible). The last part of verse 4 stood out to me so much that I grabbed a couple of colored pencils and marked it (yellow and orange).

But rather… What you have here is an either/or kinda thing. It’s a contrasting statement. Instead of doing one thing, do something else. And what is it that we are to do other than something else?

Give thanks.  Giving thanks is the contrasting opposite to six things described in verses 3 and 4. And what are those things?

  • fornication (πορνεία porneía): any illicit sexual activity outside of marriage
  • all uncleanness (ἀκαθαρσία akatharsía): in a moral sense: the impurity of lustful, luxurious, profligate living
  • covetousness (πλεονεξία pleonexía): the greedy desire to have more
  • filthiness (αἰσχρότης aischrótēs): obscenity
  • foolish talking (μωρολογία mōrología): stupid or rash conversation; like the conversation of a drunk man
  • jesting (εὐτραπελία eutrapelía): witty talk, usually with double, vulgar meanings 

Corruption and Comedy.  Notice, the first three (in verse 3) have to do with immoral actions and desires, while the last three (verse 4) have more to do with talking about it. Isn’t that what most comedians talk about?

Unbecoming.  The fact is that sexual immorality, along with even joking about it, does not “become” saints (Christians). It doesn’t look good on us. We can do better.

Beautiful thanks.  Giving thanks IS becoming! Giving thanks to God for all His blessings is a beautiful thing! It looks great on those who wear the name of Christ.

Why the Highlighted Part?

So why did I highlight the last part of verse 4? it’s because when I looked back at all the sexual sins that are so unbecoming, all of them have roots in ungratefulness.

Simply put, if we would just be thankful and content with what God has given us, then we wouldn’t try to seek out sinful activities to satisfy our longings. It really does make me think the last days are getting closer.

“For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, proud, demeaning, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,” – 2 Timothy 3:2 CSB

Let’s be thankful for what we have and leave what we don’t have alone.

It’s more becoming that way. 

(Now I have to think of a title…hmm.)

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Filed under Christian Living, Christianity, Culture Wars, Thanksgiving

It Won’t Be Funny When God Laughs

I had just gotten home from work and let our furry family members outside to relieve themselves, when I sat down on the couch in our living room and turned on the television (I knew the dogs would take a minute). So, since I had some time to spare, I did some quick channel surfing.

In the matter of only a few minutes I encountered enough blasphemy that, had it not been aimed at Christianity but Islam, heads would be rolling in blood-soaked streets.

One show (“America’s Dumbest…”) featured a gay comedian sitting in a virtual church pew commenting on a stupid driver, saying, “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy sh**!” That one shocked me, even from cable television. I changed the channel in disgust.

The next program (“The Nightly Show,” one I’d never seen before) featured a pseudo-newscaster commenting on Jesus’ six pack, the one showing while on a crucifix. Then, showing a fat version of Jesus on the cross, the mocking fool insinuated that Christianity would have never taken off like it did had Jesus not been so fit. If that wasn’t enough, he gave a wink to “church ladies” and said something akin to, “You know what I’m talking about.” This was all done, I came to find out, in an effort to keep us from laughing at fat people. Yeah, right.

I highly doubt the above comedians will ever be kidnapped, tortured, beheaded, or burned alive in a cage. Neither will the producers, directors, writers, or advertisers suffer any ill effects; they’ll just get laughs. Unfortunately for them, they may get laughs from God, too.

“He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.” – Psalm 2:4 KJV

“The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.” – Psalm 37:13 KJV

Ironically, I could have let our puppies do their business in the living room – at least they don’t throw their crap at me and expect me to smile.

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Filed under Culture Wars, current events

It Won’t Be Funny When God Laughs

I had just gotten home from work and let our furry family members outside to relieve themselves, when I sat down on the couch in our living room and turned on the television (I knew the dogs would take a minute). So, since I had some time to spare, I did some quick channel surfing.

In the matter of only a few minutes I encountered enough blasphemy that, had it not been aimed at Christianity, but Islam, heads would be rolling in blood-soaked streets.

One show (“America’s Dumbest…”) featured a gay comedian sitting in a virtual church pew commenting on a stupid driver, saying, “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy sh**!” That one shocked me, even from cable television. I changed the channel in disgust.

The next program (“The Nightly Show,” one I’d never seen before) featured a pseudo-newscaster commenting on Jesus’ six pack, the one showing while on a crucifix. Then, showing a fat version of Jesus on the cross, the mocking fool insinuated that Christianity would have never taken off like it did had Jesus not been so fit. If that wasn’t enough, he gave a wink to “church ladies” and said something akin to, “You know what I’m talking about.” This was all done, I came to find out, in an effort to keep us from laughing at fat people. Yeah, right.

I highly doubt the above comedians will ever be kidnapped, tortured, beheaded, or burned alive in a cage. Neither will the producers, directors, writers, or advertisers suffer any ill effects; they’ll just get laughs. Unfortunately for them, they may get laughs from God, too.

“He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the Lord shall have them in derision.” – Psalm 2:4 KJV

“The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.” – Psalm 37:13 KJV

Ironically, I could have let our puppies do their business in the living room – at least they don’t throw their crap at me and expect me to smile.

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Filed under Culture Wars, current events

An Interview With Mr. Monkey

It’s Monday!

Normally, in the real world, declaring it is Monday does not bring squeals of joy. However, this is the world of the Recovering Legalist, and I’m not a sour puss.

IT’S MONDAY!! Do you know what that means? Yes, it is time for a brand spanking new Monday Monkey video

The world may be burning, but there’s only so many fire extinguishers to go around, anyway. Chill out. Have fun for a few minutes. Laugh.

Yesterday, before I drove Katie (a.k.a. Piper Smokestack) back to school, she interviewed Mr. Monkey. The last time she did anything like that was when she was reporting on Mr. Monkey losing his banana.

But here’s the thing: Mr. Monkey now has a Twitter account! He will be staying in touch and answering fan mail. Just go to @MonkeyBuddy1984.

Now, tomorrow we can talk about some more serious stuff, if that kinda stuff floats your boat.

In the meantime, watch the video again, share it, then go buy one of my books. That will make us all have a great Monday 😉

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Filed under animals, blogging, Humor, Monday Monkey

Monday Monkey (Fur of Fury) Episode 35

It’s Monday.

I’m alive, but there’s so much to talk about right now that it might kill me.

So, heeeeeere’s Mr. Monkey!

If you need a hero to fight your evil, blue Care Bears, then Mr. Monkey is your, uh, man. OK, so he’s a monkey, but who cares?

i movie(The following video was hastily done with my iPhone 4S and the iMovie app.)

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Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey

Blog Drug

Can’t Help It!

I have so much writing to do by tomorrow night, it isn’t even funny (but that won’t keep me from finding something to laugh about, especially when I start operating on no sleep). I have to get a research paper done  – no excuses.

But when I keep getting email notifications of other blog posts, it’s like waving an addictive drug in front of an addict to addictive drugs. It’s driving me crazy! I want to write about stuff, too!

So, even though I am on a deadline, I had to get on here and say something. I can’t help it. It’s been too long.

Something

Something.” There, I said it.

That does remind me of a professor I had years and years and years ago. Dr. Jay P. Trimble was a black (African-American, to be politically correct) pastor and veteran of the Vietnam war. He was (and is) a tough cookie.

Whenever Dr. Trimble would say something worth saying, and he knew it, he expected a response. If he didn’t get an “amen,” a “hallelujah,” or a “you got that right,” he would slam his hand on the pulpit and say in a loud, gruff voice that would remind you of a Harley Davidson revving its engine, “I SAID something!

Well, I might not have had anything worth saying, but I DID say “something.”

Can I get an “AMEN!”?

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Filed under General Observations, Humor, Preaching

Monday Monkey “Happy Birthday” (Episode 30)

Woo Hoo! Happy Birthday!

Yep, it’s my birthday. I am 45 years old. 45 years ago one woman was given the honor to be my mother.

Will there be cake? I don’t know. Will there be presents? I don’t know. Will there be donations sent in from around the world to the Keep Anthony from Being Poor fund? I don’t know.

What Matters

Aside from a loving family and a roof over my head, what more could I ask for? Riches? No. A new car? Uh, no. I think I have been pretty blessed. And what’s more, I have something that no one else in the world has…

I have a monkey that can sing “happy birthday” to me.

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Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey, Uncategorized

Monday Monkey “Monkeys Hate Alarm Clocks” (Episode 29)

Keeping With the Times

Yes, in keeping with the “times,” I have produced another video with a clock in it. The last one I made stirred up a long string of comments and heated debate.

Maybe the atheists will approve of this one. (insert winking smiley face)

Oh! I almost forgot! Check out my daughter Katie’s photo blog, Shutter Elf. She is a great little photographer, and she is responsible for a couple of shots in the video.

Disclaimer

No monkeys, whether alive or not, were harmed during the making of this video. Also, no hammers were harmed in the making of the video, either.

“Monkeys Hate Alarm Clocks”

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Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey

Monday Monkey “Jumping On the Bed” (Episode 25)

Check it out! Our 25th Monday Monkey!

This is a very special episode of Monday (yes, I know it’s Tuesday) Monkey. Mr. Monkey (a.k.a. Buddy) had an accident while jumping on the bed. He fell off and bumped his head.

Actually, I had to take my wife to the emergency room this morning (for real). Being a good steward of God’s money (what He let’s me have of it), I figured I would take advantage of having thousands of dollars of medical equipment at my disposal, at least when the doctors weren’t looking.

Do you have any idea how much it would have cost to do this video if I had wanted to use an actual hospital? Oh, wait…it is costing a lot.

Here are three life lessons to learn from this episode of Monday Monkey…

  1. When your momma tells you to stop jumping on the bed, do it. If you don’t, you might fall off and bump your head.
  2. Doctors can think of thousands of reasons for conducting tests that have nothing to do with your actual complaint.
  3. Always carry a monkey with you wherever you go. Life can be the best movie set.

“Jumping On the Bed”

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Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey