My empty nest experience was a traumatic one, therefore we got a dog.
George is my puppy. He’s a chorkie.
George is not a yapper – he never barks at anything or anybody…
Unless, that is, they won’t play with him.
So, every night before we go to sleep, George is allowed in our bed for a little play time, the equivalent of a bedtime story, I suppose.
George has come to expect these bedtime play times, and when they get cut short, he AIN’T happy!
A friend posted the above picture to his Facebook wall, noting he got this as a Father’s Day present.
When I read what was on the cup I literally laughed out loud. My wife, a little annoyed by my disturbing behavior, continued playing a card game on her phone (which is her normal practice as she winds down to sleep).
She briefly glanced in my direction as if to ask, “What’s so funny?” But she didn’t ask… She knows I can’t keep something funny to myself.
She makes a quick play on her phone before my inevitable interruption.
I rolled over and said, “You’ve got to see this,” and showed her the picture. Hardly able to keep from laughing once again, I read to her what was on the cup…
As if waiting for a punchline, she asked, “And?”
Once again I started laughing…
Then I said…
“And evidently you must be the other kind.”
(I’m sorry Valerie, but it was too funny not to share.)
Marriage takes two 🙂
In a recent email from Tishia at Faithful Bloggers I was asked to list some fun and quirky things about myself. She said…
“When is the last time you shared something fun or a little quirky about you? I encourage you to create a post like this. Your readers will love it! It’ll let them connect with you on a more personal level as you give them a ‘glimpse’ into who you are by sharing some of those silly things.
Therefore, in the second post I’ve written in just one day, I will share with you 10 fun and quirky things: things to love; things to use as a connector; and things to give you a “glimpse” into what makes me the quirky, funny, unusual, and almost-committed person that I am.
So, there you have it… fun and quirky things you probably never knew about me. Do you feel closer? More connected? I hope so 😉
I also have a pet puppet monkey who thinks he is real – he even has a pet banana.
Filed under blogging, General Observations, Monday Monkey
I know this may sound a little crazy, but I can’t remember if I wrote the following “funnies,” or if I borrowed them from somewhere. I may have written them, but I can’t tell.
I found the following statements in my sermon note/outline basket, the place where I “file” my notes and outlines, when I was looking for some sermons to take with me to Zimbabwe. Unfortunately, if I copied these from somewhere I don’t know who to credit. So, I’ll just confess that even if the words are mine, the author is technically unknown.
Funny how we set our clocks to arise at 4 a.m. or 5 a.m. to be at the job by 7:30, yet when Sunday comes we can’t get to church at 11 a.m. to praise the One who gave us the jobs!
Funny how we call God our Father and Jesus our brother, but find it hard to introduce them to our family.
Funny how small our sins are, but how big their sins are.
Funny how we demand JUSTICE! for others, but expect mercy for ourselves.
Funny how much difficulty some have learning the gospel well enough to tell others, but how simple it is to understand and explain the latest gossip about someone else.
Funny how we can’t think of anything to say when we pray, but don’t have any difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.
Funny how we are so quick to take directions from a total stranger when we are lost, but are hesitant to take God’s direction for our lives.
Funny how people want God to answer their prayers, but refuse to listen to His counsel.
Funny how we sing about Heaven, but live only for today.
Funny how people think they’re going to Heaven but don’t believe there’s a Hell.
Funny how it is okay to blame God for evil and suffering in the world, but it is not necessary to thank Him for what is good and pleasant.
Funny how when something goes wrong we cry, “Lord, why me?” but when something goes wrong we think, “Hey, it must be me!”
Oh wait. . . maybe all this isn’t so “funny” after all.
Filed under Christian Maturity, worship
Yes, I know this is a day late, but it’s worth it.
I would normally share something like this on Facebook, but today I’m taking it to the blogosphere … ENJOY!
“Oh boy, oh boy…oh Danny.” LOL!
Filed under Humor
It’s cold in Chattanooga. How cold is it? I put ice cubes down my shirt just to warm up.
Seriously, this morning schools are delayed two hours because it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s just stupid cold for this part of the country.
My daddy used to say, “It’s as cold as a witch’s upper torso.” If you can figure out what that means, more power to ya’.
The funny thing is that no matter what the temperature, whether cold or hot, people are always going to wish it was the opposite. When it’s hot outside people complain. When it’s cold outside people complain. The only people I never hear complain are the ones who have the same climate year round, like the North Pole or Hawaii.
So, as you down here in the South complain about how cold it is, just remember the heat wave of 2012. That was when we would have welcomed a cold snap. I mean, 107 degrees and humid is hot no matter where you live!
“I don’t say this out of need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content — whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:11-13 HCSB
Maybe we should just take a cue from the Apostle Paul and learn to be content – no matter what temperature life may bring.
Filed under Christian Maturity, current events
Pardon me, but this post is a test of WordPress’ upgraded smartphone app.
The snow came suddenly, along with the frigid air that chilled my blood. But nothing could cause me to freeze in fear than a face-to-face encounter with the mythical, yet now all-too-real, Abomidable Snow Monkey.
I had been in my study studying, which is what I always swear I’m doing when I leave the estrogenated atmosphere of home for a few hours, when I finally had to break away from the parchments (wouldn’t you love to diagram a sentence like this?). So, up from my chair I arose, away from my desk I stepped, eventually exiting the mine in which I readily dig for wisdom. Into the cold I went, at first greeted with a refreshing breath of refreshingly refreshing cold air, then shocked with a chilling terror – the Abomidable Monkey.
There it was, backdropped by a hillside of tombstones, proof that fur and fear can inhabit the same flanneled square foot. What was I to do but slowly raise my iPhone and take a creative picture?
He/it stared. I stared back with nary a word. Then, like a couple of drifting snow flakes, we softly walked away, as if snow flakes could walk.
I will never forget that snowy day. And I’ll never again lay a wet with snow monkey on my office chair, either.
Filed under blogging, Humor, Monday Monkey
This is Friday. It’s been a good day, so far. So, I’m not going to get on my soapbox about anything, not even the biggest topics of the day.
No, I’m not going to address President Obama’s insanely ludicrous pandering to the pluralistic left at the National Prayer Breakfast.
No, I’m not going to address ISIS(L), burning people alive, Kings who act like real men and fly jets, or presidents who drink sweetened beer with uplifted pinkies, either.
Today is a day for something totally stupid…as if the daily news wasn’t full of it already.
The following (mostly) true story took place on my bus at around 7:45 a.m. in response to an honest, child-like question. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent.
Me: (to the kids on my bus) Do y’all know about Miss Cassie (she’s married, but we call her “Miss”)?
Kids: Yeah, she’s going to have a baby.
Me: No she’s not.
Kids: Yes she is.
Me: No, she is not.
Kids: UH HUH!! YES, she IS!
Me: You don’t know what you’re talking about…she is not going to have a baby!
Kids: You’re crazy, Mr. Baker! You know she’s having a baby, haven’t you seen her?
Me: Oh, I’ve seen her, but she’s not having a baby – she’s having an alien.
Kids: NUH UHHHH!! That’s CRAZY! She ain’t havin’ no alien!
Me: Is she big and fat?
Kids: Yes.
Me: See. She’s going to have an alien.
Kids: NO SHE AIN’T! How do you know she’s having an alien?
Me: She was taken up in a space ship and they put an alien baby seed inside her.
Kids: NUH UH, Mr. Baker! You don’t know that!
Me: She eats green beans, doesn’t she?
Kids: We don’t know! That don’t matter anyway!
Me: Just ask her…ask her if she eats green beans.
Kids: Why?
Me: You have to eat green beans to make the alien baby green.
Kids: No the DON’T!
Me: Just ask her…ask her if she eats green beans. If she does, then she’s having an alien.
Kids: That don’t mean nothin!
Me: Is she pregnant?
Kids: Yes! She’s having a baby!
Me: Do you know what the word pregnant means? It comes from two words: Preg, which means “Alien”; and Nunt, which means “inside.” Pregnant means “Alien inside,” so, she’s having an alien.
Kids: She AIN’T havin’ an ALIEN!!
Me: Just ask her.
One child: Mr. Baker, where do babies come from?
Me: The hospital.
Miss Hensley (she’s marred, too): Welllll, thank you very much, Mr. Baker! The kids from your bus were sooo thoughtful…asking me about my squirrel bite, and all.
Me: Only trying to help.
Filed under current events, Humor, politics
Surely you have seen it…the heroes of a movie walking slowly toward the screen.
Remember The Right Stuff? Remember how the astronauts, wearing their space suits, walked slowly through the steam?
Remember the scene in the 2005 movie Kicking and Screaming where Will Ferrell and his young soccer team, covered in blood after a day at the butcher shop, walked onto the field? They walked slowly, of course, and scared the other team into forfeiting.
Whenever want to make an on-screen impression that says, “I’m bad and I mean business,” walk toward the camera in slow motion. It never fails.
Oh! I almost forgot! You’ve also got to have some cool music with some punch and a good bass riff as a background track. Fortunately for me, iMovie had one I could use 😉
That’s why today’s Monday Monkey, the 1st one of 2014, kicks “beehind” (Baptist dirty word) and takes names.
Filed under animals, General Observations, Humor, Monday Monkey
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The Recovering Legalist 