Tag Archives: Hair

Don’t Call Me a Hallomeany

The following was originally published in October of 2012.

Not a Hallomeany

I am not a big Halloween guy. I don’t get in to the dressing up, and all that. For that matter, I don’t really celebrate the holiday.

However, I am not a total Hallomeany. I am not the Halloween version of Scrooge. For example, when a little girl asked what I thought of her costume, I didn’t say, “You look more like a prostitot than a princess.” I said, “You look very nice!”

When the little boys come around dressed like monsters, I always shiver like I am scared. When they dress like superheroes, I ask if they can fly. And when they look like a cat, dog, or freakazoid satanic mutt from the pits of hell, I say, “Wow! Do you have fleas, too?”

Wiggin’ Out

So, even though I don’t really celebrate Halloween, I try to keep the kids on the bus from thinking I am a “legalist.” What do I do? I wear a wig. This time I wore an Afro.

One little girl told me she was Little Red Riding Hood. I told her I was Big Black Afro Hood.

But the funny thing about all of this is the reaction of the elementary kids. It really made me wonder what bus they have been riding the last three months.

The Kids: (at least 1,000 times) “Mr. Baker, is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. It is. I was bald yesterday, but I put fertilizer on my head and my hair grew overnight.”

The Kids: “No it’s not…I bet it is a wig…that’s not your hair…let me touch it…I bet it’s a wig.”

Me:  “Of course it’s my real hair.”

The Kids:  “Is that really your real hair? You’re wearing a wig…I just know it.”

Me: (I got upset with some children who wouldn’t stay in their seats, so I got serious and took off the wig.)

A Little Girl (that has ridden the bus for 3 months): “Aaaahhhh (gasping, then giggling as she whispers to another child), Mr. Baker’s BALD!

Me:  “You THINK?! Where have you been? Did you not see me yesterday? Are you blind?”

You’ve Known Me How Long?

After telling the above story a few times, it seemed God wanted to tell me something.

I kept thinking of a conversation Jesus has with Phillip in John 14:8-9. Phillip asked, “Show us the Father.” That’s when Jesus replied in the same way I did to the little girl, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me?”

That got me to wondering. How long have I known Jesus? And how many times do I act like I haven’t even been paying attention to His presence? How many times have I been surprised by an answered prayer? How many times have I doubted, only to find Him faithful?

“You’ve known Me how long?” Long enough to know better.

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Not Paying Attention

Not a Hallomeany

I am not a big Halloween guy. I don’t get in to the dressing up, and all that. For that matter, I don’t really celebrate the holiday.

However, I am not a total Hallomeany. I am not the Halloween version of Scrooge. For example, when a little girl asked what I thought of her costume, I didn’t say, “You look more like a prostitot than a princess.” I said, “You look very nice!”

When the little boys come around dressed like monsters, I always shiver like I am scared. When they dress like superheroes, I ask if they can fly. And when they look like a cat, dog, or freakazoid satanic mutt from the pits of hell, I say, “Wow! Do you have fleas, too?”

Wiggin’ Out

So, even though I don’t really celebrate Halloween, I try to keep the kids on the bus from thinking I am a “legalist.” What do I do? I wear a wig. This time I wore an Afro.

One little girl told me she was Little Red Riding Hood. I told her I was Big Black Afro Hood.

But the funny thing about all of this is the reaction of the elementary kids. It really made me wonder what bus they have been riding the last three months.

The Kids: (at least 1,000 times) “Mr. Baker, is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. It is. I was bald yesterday, but I put fertilizer on my head and my hair grew overnight.”

The Kids: “No it’s not…I bet it is a wig…that’s not your hair…let me touch it…I bet it’s a wig.”

Me:  “Of course it’s my real hair.”

The Kids:  “Is that really your real hair? You’re wearing a wig…I just know it.”

Me: (I got upset with some children who wouldn’t stay in their seats, so I got serious and took off the wig.)

A Little Girl (that has ridden the bus for 3 months): “Aaaahhhh (gasping, then giggling as she whispers to another child), Mr. Baker’s BALD!

Me:  “You THINK?! Where have you been? Did you not see me yesterday? Are you blind?”

You’ve Known Me How Long?

After telling the above story a few times, it seemed God wanted to tell me something.

I kept thinking of a conversation Jesus has with Phillip in John 14:8-9. Phillip asked, “Show us the Father.” That’s when Jesus replied in the same way I did to the little girl, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me?”

That got me to wondering. How long have I known Jesus? And how many times do I act like I haven’t even been paying attention to His presence? How many times have I been surprised by an answered prayer? How many times have I doubted, only to find Him faithful?

“You’ve known Me how long?” Long enough to know better.

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Long-Haired Hippie Dog

Nugget

We have a little dog in our family named Nugget. We call him “Nug.” He was a gift to my wife when she got her accounting degree from UTC.

Before Grommingdale’s

Nug is a Chorkie (Chihuahua-Yorkie). He is cute as all get out, but his hair can get long. That is why we have to get him groomed every so often. If not, his hair will cover his eyes, which causes him to not be able to catch treats.

Just the other day, poor Nug was having all his treats snatched away because they would land in the floor. He couldn’t see me toss them, but our daughter’s dog, Baby Girl, could. That is when I’d had enough. He had to go to the groomers.

Bone Appetit

There is a cute little place in the North Shore district of Chattanooga called Bone Appetit. Believe it or not, they are a full-service dog-lover’s heaven. Not only do they sell toys, leashes, and food, but they sell all sorts of gourmet treats made in their own bakery.

Bone Appetit is also home to Groomingdale’s. This is where Nug went to make his fur look fine. The people there were so nice, and the facilities smelled…well…not like a kennel. Having a doggy treat bakery on-site must have had something to do with it, I guess?

And speaking of that bakery, I wondered what would happen if I stuck some of those treats in my daughters’ Christmas stockings? Would they figure out the cookies were meant for animals, not them? I wonder how they taste? Hmmm.

These are all for dogs!

Still Our Dog

So anyway, later in the day I went to get Nug. He was so happy to see me that he nearly jumped out of the groomer’s arms. Now that the hair was out of his eyes, he could see me! And he can catch treats, too!

After Groomingdale’s

Now, I said all of the above in order to make a point. Did the way Nugget looked before, or after, change his relationship to my wife and me? The way he looked had nothing to do with his place in our hearts, only whether or not he could be “blessed” with treats.

Our Master

The way we look has very little to do with our relationship to God, either. Just because one person may not look his best, that doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t a child of God. As a matter of fact, there was a really fancy poodle at the groomers, but (thank the Lord) it didn’t belong to me.

Be careful when you judge by appearances. Sure, some people dress in ways that are meant to make a statement. Some don’t dress at all in order to make a statement. But, generally speaking, looks are a poor indicator of “ownership.” Nugget is no more ours now than when his hair was long. God is no more my Master because I am bald.

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” – John 7:24 KJV

Just something for you to think about.

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Filed under Christian Maturity, Food, places