Don’t Call Me a Hallomeany

The following was originally published in October of 2012 – when I still drove a school bus.

Not a Hallomeany

I am not a big Halloween guy. I don’t get in to the dressing up, and all that. For that matter, I don’t celebrate the holiday.

However, I am not a total Hallomeany. I am not the Halloween version of Scrooge. For example, when a little girl asked what I thought of her costume, I didn’t say, “You look more like a prostitot than a princess.” I said, “You look very nice!”

When the little boys come around dressed like monsters, I always shiver like I am scared. When they dress like superheroes, I ask if they can fly. And when they look like a cat, dog, or freakazoid satanic mutt from the pits of hell, I say, “Wow! Do you have fleas, too?”

Wiggin’ Out

So, even though I don’t celebrate Halloween, I try to keep the kids on the bus from thinking I am a “legalist” about it. What do I do? I wear a wig.

This time I wore an Afro (a.k.a, Bob Ross w/attitude).

One little girl told me she was Little Red Riding Hood. I told her I was Big Black Afro Hood.

But the funny thing about all of this is the reaction of the elementary kids. It really made me wonder what bus they have been riding the last three months.

The Kids: (at least 1,000 times) “Mr. Baker, is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. It is. I was bald yesterday, but I put fertilizer on my head and my hair grew overnight.”

The Kids: “No it’s not…I bet it is a wig…that’s not your hair…let me touch it…I bet it’s a wig.”

Me:  “Of course it’s my real hair.”

The Kids:  “Is that really your real hair? You’re wearing a wig…I just know it.”

Me: (I got upset with some children who wouldn’t stay in their seats, so I got serious and took off the wig.)

A Little Girl (that has ridden the bus for 3 months): “Aaaahhhh (gasping, then giggling as she whispers to another child), Mr. Baker’s BALD!

Me:  “You THINK?! Where have you been? Did you not see me yesterday? Are you blind?”

You’ve Known Me How Long?

After telling the above story a few times, it seemed God wanted to tell me something.

I kept thinking of a conversation Jesus has with Phillip in John 14:8-9. Phillip asked, “Show us the Father.” That’s when Jesus replied in the same way I did to the little girl, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me?”

That got me to wondering. How long have I known Jesus? And how many times do I act like I haven’t even been paying attention to His presence? How many times have I been surprised by an answered prayer? How many times have I doubted, only to find Him faithful?

“You’ve known Me how long?” Long enough to know better.

6 Comments

Filed under Christian Maturity, God, Humor, Life Lessons

6 responses to “Don’t Call Me a Hallomeany

    • I’m curious. Are you saying “wow” to the brilliant writing, the humorous analogy, the unobservant children, or the spiritual truth? Or, are you surprised at the supposed cultural appropriation? Bob Ross had an Afro, you know 🙂

      • LoL. I was a bit dumb struck. We are in an election in Canada and our Prime Minister had photos show up with him in black face. So, he has been apologizing for the racial insensitivity for the last week or so. Im not sure if an Afro would count as such, people are to sensitive but then again we do seek to not harm another. But I think you look hip.

        I wouldn’t have thought nothing of it if it wasn’t for that.
        https://www.tspr.org/post/afro-wigs-tribute-or-racially-insensitive

      • Oh, man! Believe it or not, I’ve got photos of friends in blackface. From back in the early ‘80’s. It was a different era. We just didn’t think about it. Now those same people are anything but racists. It’s just a shame people these days are never judged based on who they actually are and what they really believe, only what fits a narrative meant to destroy.

      • I just read that article. What a load of snowflake victim crap. I’m sorry, but it just made me angry. Some people need to find more important things to gripe about.

  1. hawk2017

    Well said.

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