Category Archives: Humor

It’s Only a Steeple. Really?

A Steeple

If there is one bit of architecture that characterizes a Christian church, it is the steeple. Compared to the one at Woodland Park Baptist, Chattanooga, TN, ours is a fiberglass toothpick.

The first time I saw their steeple it took my breath away. A friend of mine and I were driving down the road, then all of a sudden there it was, just piercing the sky like a spear. Actually, it was sorta scary, sorta intimidating.

When my girls and I were out today, I drove them by the church to see this hazard to low-flying aircraft. They were equally impressed. Even though this portion of the church building is still under construction, the grounds are not finished, but who cares when you’re looking up?

Only a Steeple. Really?

One needs to remember, though, that a church a steeple does not make. The true Church is not even a building, but the body of Christ made up of believers in Jesus. We don’t worship steeples, or buildings, or people who build them. They are only things. The Church doesn’t need a steeple to be a church, nor does it need a steeple to point toward the risen Savior of the World. Steeples are just nice.

But as we drove away, today, I had a conspiratorial thought. What if what Woodland Park has built is not just a steeple, but something far different?

What could it be?

  • A camouflaged intercontinental missile developed in conjunction with the former George W. Bush administration?
  • A tower in which to house Bill Maher, Rachel Maddow, Chris Matthews, and all other left-wing media once Santorum is elected President?
  • A secret Holy Spirit antennae which allows Dr. Wayne Barber to receive knowledge unavailable to the common Christian?
  • A high-frequency radio signal tower that is sending out subliminal messages, making Independent Baptists join the Southern Baptist Convention?
  • A “Rapture Rocket.” In the even that the rapture skeptics are correct in their eschatology, select Woodland Park members, such as those who publish their own Bible studies, will leave Earth for the third heaven?

You just never know, do you?

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Filed under baptist, General Observations, Humor, Southern Baptist

Monday Monkey “Wisdom Teeth” (Episode 19)

My daughter showed me one video on YouTube [Click Here] of a girl who had her wisdom teeth removed. That led to another video, and another, and another. They were so funny (and sad) that I felt Mr. Monkey needed to have surgery.

There’s no deep, hyper-spiritual message to this episode of Monday Monkey. It’s just funny.

However, my wife did ask me, “So, what Bible verse will you use for this?” All I could think of was 1Corinthians 14:27 – If any man speak in an [unknown] tongue, [let it be] by two, or at the most [by] three, and [that] by course; and let one interpret. 

With that said, don’t get more than 3 cotton-stuffed monkeys in the same room – we Baptists might get nervous (smile).

“Wisdom Teeth”

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Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey

Monday Monkey “Safe and Sound” (Episode 18)

Monkey and I have been through a lot in the last couple of weeks. This video will help you understand why we did not do a video last week. Hopefully, everything will be getting back to normal.

Wait!….What’s normal? I don’t know if I like normal.

“Safe and Sound”

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Based on a True Story

Here’s the Story

On this past Saturday I went to hear Rick Santorum speak. What I did not expect was to meet Bill Maher and Michael Moore in the lobby. Awkward.

“Hey, Anthony, what’s up, my brother,” asked Bill as he grabbed my hand to shake it. “Can I give you a hug, my friend? Good to finally meet you in person,” said Mr. Moore.

“What are you two doing here,” I asked, “and where do you know me from?”

Bill said, “HBO asked me to do some research on Christian bloggers, and when I found your site, well, you won me over!” He went on to say, “I was so blinded by my hatred of Christianity that I would never give it an honest chance; but then I read your blog. You changed my mind. Since then I have become a believer.”

Michael Moore’s story was similar. He said, “I was working on a new anti-Republican, anti-Evangelical documentary when I read your brilliant blog. The power of your intellect, combined with the non-conspiratorial power of the Holy Spirit, convinced me I was headed down a liberal road to destruction. I confessed my sins and became a believer. Did you read my comment on The Recovering Legalist?”

“Wow! Unbelievable! This is awesome news,” I said. “Are you here because you’re leaving the Democrat party?” “No,” they said. The reason they came to hear Rick Santorum was to seek wisdom which they could use to transform the liberal Democrat political machine.

Here’s the True Part

Last Saturday I went to hear Rick Santorum speak. That’s the truth. The above was based on a true story.

While visiting the hospital today (one of those pastoral things) I heard one nurse comment to another, “It’ll be a great movie, and it’s based on a true story.” Really? Makes one wonder what part is true.

John 8:31-32 … So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

“As a matter of honor, one man owes it to another to manifest the truth.” ~ Thomas Aquinas

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Filed under America, Humor, politics, Uncategorized, voting

Monday Monkey “President’s Day Message” (Episode 16)

This episode came a little late in the day. I apologize. Just too many things to do in a day, you know?

I don’t know if pollen is a problem where you are, but it is here. So, on President’s Day, Mr. Monkey has a message for everyone to hear.

“President’s Day Message”

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Filed under America, Humor, Uncategorized

Monday Monkey “Valentine’s Day Song” (Episode 15)

Since I couldn’t get anyone to be my actors and actresses in Wally-Mart, I decided to just draw my video.

A few years ago I wrote this song, Try Me, for my wife, Valerie. I’ll let you figure out what parts are autobiographical, and which ones are just full of sugar.

Thanks for letting Mr. Monkey have a week off. He needed the rest.

“Try Me”

Oh, and by the way, my song IS protected under copyright laws, even though James Brown had a song by the same title back in the 1950’s.  If you would like to reproduce this song in any way, please contact me by email.

 

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Filed under General Observations, Humor, Monday Monkey, music, Relationships and Family, Uncategorized

Monday Monkey “Staring Contest” (Episode 13)

This episode was added later in the day. I apologize for that. Sometimes a man and his monkey can only do what a man and his monkey can do, you know?

Well, this week’s lesson might be hard to gather from the video, but it’s about choosing your battles.

Don’t choose to fight a losing battle. If nothing else, wait for a better time and place to make your stand. Be patient and prepared. Don’t let your enemy pick the battleground or set the rules. As one great general said, “Never enter a battle unless you know you can win.

However, there is a Hope when all seems lost, when the battle seems hopeless…

 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. – 1Jo 4:4

For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, [even] our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? – 1Jo 5:4-5

 

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Filed under Christian Maturity, Humor, Monday Monkey

Imagining the “Copacavaca”

The Name

Deep in the black forests of Romania there may live a scary animal. The locals have a name for it: Vaca Care Locuieste in Copac. 

I call it: Copacavaca (because the other name is too long).

The Creature

In the early 90’s, shortly after the fall of Nicolae Ceaușescu, I had the privilege to spend about a month in Romania. There I visited many cities, including Bucharest, Alexandria, Timișoara, Arad, Pitești, etc. The people were more than wonderful. The forests, however, were darker than any I had seen before. Literally, they soaked up light like a sponge.

One day, while walking through one of these dark forests, I was made keenly aware of the possibility of some creature in the trees above me. Being mindful of the legends associated with Transylvania, I could not help but imagine myself as one of those hapless tourists pounced upon by some non-mythical monster heretofore thought imaginary.

I thought to myself, “What could be above me, right now, which I might never expect? What kind of creature would be impossible to believe, therefore capable of living in obscurity, except for when it feeds?” It couldn’t be a vampire or werewolf. It had to be something totally off the wall. It had to be something as unthinkably dangerous as Clark Kent was powerful…then it hit me (not literally)… “Vaca.”

Vaca

Just the day before I had learned the word. “What do you call those big animals in the field that go mooooooo?” I asked. “Vaca” was the reply. Vaca. Now, above me in the trees, my mind imagined an animal so dangerous, so heavy, so tired of being milked and eaten between buns – the Vaca din Copac, the Romanian Tree-Dwelling Vaca, the Copacavaca!

The Horror

You see, when you walk through the woods in Romania, I would encourage you to be very careful. Just because you can’t see them, that doesn’t mean the Copacavaca aren’t there. They could be. If so, you could be in danger.

One thing you should know about the Copacavaca is that they cannot see very well – they hunt by hearing. It is when you walk through the woods and make noises like other animals (especially humans) that the Copacavaca realize you’re potential prey. They wait for you to walk under the tree they are in, then fall from on high to crush you beneath their massive weight. So, it is critical that you sound like them when walking among the pines (or oaks, cedars, maples, or whatever leafy, woody thingy is nearby).

I asked a friend who was with me if she had heard of tree-dwelling vaca. When she told me “no,” I demanded, in order to be safe, she make a sound to imitate the vaca. If not, the camouflaged, nearly invisible Copacavaca may mistake us for dinner.

“Mooo!” Do it again! “Moooooooo!” Louder! “MOOOOOOO!”

“Why am I making the sound of a cow?” she asked in frustration.

“Because that’s what the Copacavaca is – a man-eating, tree-dwelling cow.” For some reason, she didn’t believe me.

The Point

Imagination is profitable as long as it magnifies truth. Imagining things that don’t exist can be fun, but don’t take it too seriously. An over-active imagination can lead to irrational fears, like that of tree-dwelling cows. The imagination can even help us to see God from different perspectives; in different colors; with different expressions; however, don’t imagine Him to be what He is not. You see, the imagination can be dangerous when it creates a god of one’s own liking, replacing the God that is. That is idolatry.

Because that, when they knew God, they glorified [him] not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. – Rom 1:21 KJV

Some people say, “My god would never judge anyone.” Other people say, “My god understands me…he made me this way.” Still, others are convinced that “God doesn’t care what road you take, just as long as you’re sincere.” What kind of god are they imagining? Certainly not the God of the Bible. Maybe he’s a fairy that lives in the woods?

For More Information

If you want to know more about the Copacavaca, then maybe I can think of something else. I certainly have a wild imagination. Who knows, we may be looking at the next Dracula, only with for legs and utters (quick, somebody contact Chik-fil-a).

However, if you want to know more about the true God, read the Gospel of John in the Bible. And while you’re at it, try to imagine yourself huddled next to a campfire, late at night, as an old man shares the amazing story of what he saw – that you might believe (John 20:31).

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Filed under General Observations, God, Humor, legalism, worship

Monday Monkey “Monkey Train” (Episode 12)

If you like model trains, then you will love this episode.

If you have children, you will love this episode.

If you like monkeys who can read the Bible just enough to be dangerous, you will love this episode.

On the other hand…

If you don’t like children, were never a child, hate toys, can’t stand monkeys, or are a rabid KJV-only believer, you will NOT love this episode. But then again, you’ll probably not like anything else on this blog, either. That’s sad.

A Special Thanks

I would like to send out a special thanks to the guys at the Crossville Model Railroad Museum in Crossville, TN. They were very gracious to allow Mr. Monkey, Katie, and myself to film.

If you ever get the chance, try to stop by and pay the museum a visit. Tell them a monkey sent you.

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Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey, Relationships and Family, translations

Monday Monkey Tree House (Episode 11)

In this episode, Mr. Monkey and the Recovering Legalist team head off to Crossville, Tennessee.

What’s in Crossville? The worlds largest tree house, of course!

The Treehouse – The Way

If you want one, there are little business cards available with information. The business card has a picture of the tree house, and right beside are the words The Treehouse – The Way. What does The Way have to do with the Treehouse? Well, as I understand it, according the Horace Burgess, the builder/owner, God told him to build it.

No joke.

A lady we know heard of our trip to the tree house. She said she had been there, so I asked her what she thought. “It was all a bunch of nothing,” she said coarsely. She couldn’t understand why anyone would build such a thing, much less visit it. She saw no value in what Mr. Burgess was doing.

To be honest, saying that God told you to build the world’s largest tree house is quite unusual. But on the other hand, I am sure many thought the same as they made fun of Noah’s ark. Why couldn’t God instruct someone to build a tree house?

Some may joke about the man and the house, but the purpose of the structure is not a joke. As a matter of fact, instead of growing crops in an adjacent field, Mr. Burgess writes the Purpose for all to see – Jesus.

Encouragement

I hope this episode of Monday Monkey will encourage you in a several ways.

First, I hope it will encourage you to something creative, something weird, no matter how silly or strange, even if it means carrying a monkey puppet around in public. Don’t let naysayers squash your imagination.

Secondly, I hope it will encourage you to visit the tree house in Crossville, TN. While there, try to make a donation to help feed the abandoned horses.

Thirdly, I hope it encourages you to pray for Bro. Horace Burgess and his ministry, however strange. If nothing else, pray for those who will visit the tree house. Hopefully, because of one man’s vision, they will also see Jesus.

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Filed under America, Do not judge, God, Humor, ministry, Monday Monkey, Witnessing