The Recovering Legalist

by Anthony Baker | January 7, 2013 · 11:16 pm

Monday Monkey Suggestions

Where’s Monkey?

It has been a while since Mr. Monkey has been in front of the camera. Part of the reason has been a lack of creative ideas. When one is totally stressed with matters that are actually serious, coming up with monkey videos tend to be pushed to the side.

However, some have been asking, “Where’s Monday Monkey?” Believe it or not, there are Monday Monkey fans out there. So, I would like to bring Mr. Monkey back to the little screen very soon, but in order to do that I need ideas.

Got Suggestions?

What would you like to see Mr. Monkey do (that would not harm him)? Where would you like to see Mr. Monkey visit (no vulgar suggestions, please)? Any topics you would like Mr. Monkey to address?

The Beatles sang that all the world needed was love. I disagree. I believe it needs laughter, as well. It also need cute, fuzzy puppet monkeys.

Give Away Announcement!

I just thought of something (which usually means something unwise is about to happen). How would you like an autographed photo of Mr. Monkey and myself (or just Mr. Monkey, or both?) to frame and hang on your living room wall, in your baby’s nursery, or in your office at work?

Let’s see… How ’bout the first 10 people to give me an original idea that won’t cost me a lot of money to produce (like with props and stuff) and won’t harm my 30-year-old puppet, will receive an autographed 8×10 (allow 4-6 weeks for delivery, which will give me enough time to take the picture and get the money to mail copies)?

Disclaimer: In order to receive a picture 1) you must be a subscriber; 2) you must give me an address to mail the picture; and 3) my wife has to approve of all this nonsense.

Even if you don’t want a picture (tell me, but try not to hurt my feelings), please leave some suggestions for future videos.

7 Comments

Filed under animals, Monday Monkey, Uncategorized

Tagged as Animals, Humor, legalist, Monkey, Recovering Legalist

by Anthony Baker | January 5, 2013 · 1:13 pm

Going to Hobby Lobby

The Story

I won’t go into much detail about the reasons behind what is going on with Hobby Lobby. You all know that President Obama’s healthcare laws are forcing Hobby Lobby, a privately-owned company, to offer certain additions to their health insurance plans, additions which completely contradict long-held religious convictions.

The irony about all of this is that the ones complaining, attacking, vulgarizing, and spewing hatred against a private company are the same ones who preach “freedom of choice” at every turn. They continually complain that the “religious right” wants to force “religion” down their throats. Maybe we should consider the definition of the word “force.”

Force:

As a noun…1) physical strength or energy as an attribute of action or movement; 2) coercion backed by the use or threat of violence; 3) mental or moral power; influence; 4) an organized body of military personnel, police, or workers.*

As a verb… 1) make (someone) do something against their will; 2) make a way through or into by force.*

The Obama administration is using force (noun) to force (verb) the Green family (owners of Hobby Lobby) to either pay for medication which can induce an abortion, or pay $1.3 million a day in fines. What happened to that “freedom of choice” thing? Who are the actual bullies, here?

My Choices

Since it is still America, at least for the time being, I am going to exercise my right to drive 21 miles to a Hobby Lobby store and show my support by spending money (which I have very little of). Those who don’t want to support Hobby Lobby don’t have to go there.

Secondly, because I know that there are some of you who will read this post and react in predictable, hateful, vulgar ways, I am not going to allow any comments which are meant to insult, defame, belittle, or condescend. This is not a government-funded blog, nor is it a place where anyone can say whatever they want. I don’t have to put up with any angry, anti-religious, anti-God, pro-death, ego-intellectual nonsense.

My Recommendations

If you do not want the government of the United States forcing people of faith to do things which directly contradict their long-held beliefs, make your voice heard. The longer you stay silent the sooner the right to speak out will disappear.

On the other hand, IF you support the Obama administration’s utter disrespect for the rights of Christian-owned businesses, DON’T shop at Hobby Lobby. That’s your choice. No one will force you to go there.

THEN, once Hobby Lobby can no longer employ their thousands of workers in over 500 stores in 41 states, who make decent livings and already had health insurance which was better than what was offered by many other companies, YOU hire them.

Catherine Soanes and Angus Stevenson, Concise Oxford English Dictionary, 11th ed. (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2004).

Spend a little time and a little cash at Hobby Lobby this Saturday (patheos.com)
Hobby Lobby Appreciation Day: Stand Up for Religious Freedom (heritage.org)
Court rules Hobby Lobby must pay for “morning after pill” (kfor.com)
Hobby Lobby CEO Pens Letter About Loss of Religious Freedom (illinoisreview.typepad.com)
Hobby Lobby Forces Their Religious Beliefs on Their Employees (motleynews.net)

12 Comments

Filed under Christian Unity, Culture Wars, current events, politics, Uncategorized, voting, World View

by Anthony Baker | January 3, 2013 · 1:29 pm

Don’t Waste Time Being Warm

More to the List

My first post of the year contained a list of 13 things that I did not want to do in 2013. I could have made the list longer, but it was the basis for a sermon to be preached, so having 47 points might have been too much.

Some other things I do not want to do in 2013 could include eating cottage cheese, jumping from a perfectly good airplane, licking a cheese grater, or kissing Lady GaGa. Some things are just too nasty to contemplate.

I also don’t want to become the fattest man in Chattanooga, the slowest driver, the worst preacher, the least-read blogger, or a Democrat.

Freezing for Love

Number 9 on my list of thirteen things I don’t want to do in 2013 was “Waste Time.” So, when my 16-year-old daughter, Katie, asked me to go riding bicycles in 40 degree weather I thought, “This is insane.” But, when I thought about the movie “Courageous,” and then remembered that Katie will be going away to college very soon, I put on my helmet and grabbed my coat.

I could have stayed at home, inside where it was warm, doing something “important.” However, I made a list of things that I did not want to do, and here was an opportunity to test my resolve. Would I waste an opportunity to be with my little girl? No, it was time to freeze my taillight off for love.

Katie and I rode about 5 miles, took a break at McDonald’s to get warm, and I drank some coffee. Then, once we were warm, we rode back home and froze all over again…and it was worth it. Not a bit of time was wasted.

3 Comments

Filed under Relationships and Family

Tagged as bicycle, Chattanooga, Chattanooga Tennessee, Cheese, Coffee, Cottage cheese, daughters, Family, Grater, lady GaGa, Sermon

by Anthony Baker | January 1, 2013 · 11:57 pm

13 Things (I Don’t Want to Do)

Year-End Sermon

On Sunday night, December 30, 2012, I preached the final sermon of the year at Riverside Baptist Church. It was an honor to stand before the congregation and deliver a word from the Lord. So, what was the message I chose to encourage and motivate us all as we faced the new year?

Forgetting the past and reaching toward the things before has been preached countless times. Beginning again has been covered, as well as how to have a prosperous new year. Therefore, this year I decided to do something a little different. Instead of talking about resolutions or remembering, I simply listed 13 things I do not want to do in 2013.

I Don’t Want to…

1. Believe another politician. Why did I ever? I won’t do it this year, that’s for sure. Even if he/she is telling the truth, how would I know? Let God be true, and every man a liar, especially those running for office (Romans 3:4).

2. Eat more in one sitting than the average family in Africa eats in a week. (Prov. 23:21; 21:17)

3. Lie, cheat, or steal, even when it’s socially acceptable. This is especially important during tax season, but there are many times we lie to each other, deprive each other, and take what isn’t ours. Have you ever told someone you were “fine” when you actually weren’t? You lied. Used two coupons instead of one, just because the cashier didn’t notice? You stole.

4. Be angry. Anger rarely solves anything. Angry people are miserable and always finding fault. Angry people turn a leisurely drive into a demolition derby. “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

5. Whine or complain. What do I have to complain about? Really?

6. Tell people how stupid they are. I don’t understand why some people act the way they do, but I need to be a little more understanding of idiots, morons, ignoramuses, and bone-headed nincompoops. They must answer to God, not me, for their actions (Rom 14).

7. Add another x to my large. I can’t afford any more clothing. Even now I must wear Hawaiian shirts year-round because nothing will stay tucked in. I mean, seriously! The last thing I need is to expand the “temple.” (1 Corinthians 6:19)

8. Lose another favorite sock. I can’t figure out how it happens, but something has to be done.

9. Waste time. Today I listened to my two girls play with a new ukulele. They laughed and sang. Soon they will be grown, and there will be no more music, games, or bedtime stories. “Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away” (Psalm 144:4).

10. Get a divorce. Many do it because the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. They don’t realize the unnatural stuff has a nasty aftertaste. I want to stay with the woman God gave me. Who could be better than a gift from God? “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth” (Proverbs 5:18).

11. Give one more dollar to a guy on the street….without offering the gospel as a condition. If he wants a dollar, then fine. I’ll give him $5 if he lets me tell him about Jesus.

12. Be on a reality TV show. So many people say, “Anthony, your family would make a great reality show.” I say, “Yes, I know.” However, it ain’t gonna happen. The world isn’t ready for it.

13. Forget to pray. I don’t pray enough. More is better. What I need is to follow David’s example and pray morning, noon, and evening (Psalm 55:17). I shudder to think how much I’ve given up by forgetting to spend time with God.

James 4:17 “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”

5 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Defending Traditional Marriage, Divorce, Do not judge, Future, God, Life Lessons, Preaching, Relationships and Family, scary new year, the future, Uncategorized

Tagged as 2013, Book of Proverbs, children, David, Family, God, Legalism, lists of do's and don'ts, New Year, planning, Psalm, resolutions, Sermon

by Anthony Baker | December 30, 2012 · 5:12 pm

2012 in Review (Pretty Cool)

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Click the link below and you will get to see a pretty cool summary of the past year. Remember to scroll down.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 19,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

Blues and Better

Post-Christmas Blues

At some point in your life you have probably experienced the “blues” after Christmas. You know, those sad, melancholy feelings that come after all the expectations of Christmas day are over? They’re the “now what?” feelings.

Well, it took a while, but sometime this afternoon I began to feel depressed and kinda sad. In one way I was glad everything was over, but then I was also sad that there was nothing more to look forward to.

Next on the list? Clean house, clean carpet, paint a cabinet, plan sermons, clean a garage, wash windows and blinds, and wonder how to repay what we just borrowed to make people happy for one day.

Post-Christmas Perspective

But if you have experienced the blues after Christmas, be thankful. Being sad that the expectations of this world only bring temporary happiness is a good thing – actually, it’s a great thing! It means that there is something else…something more…something better…something that won’t get old the next day…something that will leave you never having to wish for anything ever again.

C. S. Lewis wrote, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

The post-Christmas blues are just reminders that I haven’t made it home.

“I’ll Rise”

Several years ago I wrote a song talking about a place better than this one, a place called Heaven. This year, standing beside a Christmas tree and surrounded by crumpled wrapping paper, my daughter wanted to sing it.

You can believe that this world is all that there is, and that’s OK. If you are right, then an infinity of nothingness won’t bother either of us. However, since no experience in this world, even the best Christmas present, can satisfy for long, I am going to assume there is better place, somewhere beyond the “blues.”

Year-End Wisdom from the School Bus

Life Lessons

If you are new to my blog, besides trying to pastor a church, parent children, and perturb a wife, I drive a school bus. It’s what I do to help pay the bills and increase my presence in the community.

A while back I wrote a series of posts called “Life Lessons from the School Bus.” I haven’t done any in a while, however. So, since school is now out for Christmas vacation, I thought it would be a good time to catch up.

Below are three, short examples of truth gleaned from inside the “yellow box” on wheels. If you like these, you should go read some of my older posts. You won’t be disappointed.

“Happy is the man who finds wisdom, And the man who gains understanding; For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver, And her gain than fine gold. She is more precious than rubies, And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.” – Proverbs 3:13-15 NKJV

The Roundabout

Europe came to Chattanooga a few years ago in the form of roundabouts. They are only in a few places, but people are getting used to them, especially the NASCAR fans – they love driving in circles.

Anyway, last week I came to a roundabout in my bus. About a quarter of the way through, a girl in a little car came from the street to my right and pulled directly in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes. “Oops!” was the look that came across her face. “Idiot!” must have been the look on mine.

Life Lesson? Are school buses invisible? No, and neither are many of the tragedies that run over people every day. People get so distracted with life that they never see the things approaching which could take life from them.

Losing Marbles

There’s this one little girl on my bus that cries over the least little things, like when she doesn’t get her way. One time she was crying about how everybody hated her. Then, just as she was stepping off the bus, another little boy looked back at her and said, “Nobody hates you, [name]; we just don’t like you.”

Well, that afternoon, when the elementary kids were getting on the bus to go home, this little girl got on first and sat on the front row. “Would you like a marble, Mr. Baker?” she asked. “No,” I said, “I have plenty.” “What kind do you have?” she asked. “The round kind,” I replied.

Then, as every child getting on the bus walked past her she would say, “Would you like a marble? You can have it for keeps. Everyone! Get your free marble, if you want one!”

I asked, “What are you doing? Why are you giving away your marbles?” She said, “Because I am going to make them like me.”

Life Lesson? Believe it or not, many adults do the same thing. They treat others poorly, then try to buy their friendship with shiny trinkets. Sadly, when all is said and done, the marbles just end up on the floor when the “friends” leave.

Puke Breeds Puke

It’s the last thing a bus driver wants to deal with, but puke happens.

Recently a driver in our area suffered a puking “perfect storm.” One child on his bus got sick and orally relieved himself, which started a chain reaction. I’ll never forget the driver’s words over the two-way radio, “It’s everywhere…all over…the bus is covered.”

You see, there is an irrefutable law on school buses: puke runs downhill (or down isles). So, when one kid started throwing up, six or seven others followed his example, leaving the bus to be washed out with a water hose.

Life lesson? Watch your mouth – and what you spew out of it. The way you talk will influence others. Bad attitudes breed more bad attitudes, and what you end up with is a nasty mess.

Want to be a school bus driver? Doesn’t pay a lot, but the lessons learned are worth a fortune!

9 Comments

Filed under America, Christian Maturity, General Observations, Uncategorized, wisdom

Tagged as Buses, Public Transport, Recreation and Sports, School bus, transportation

by Anthony Baker | December 19, 2012 · 10:57 am

The End Will Come – Eventually

The Prediction

I will not be the only one writing about December 21, the day the world is supposed to come to an end, but I have to do my job (if you call writing a blog that earns no income a job). Just this past Sunday a lady pulled me aside after church and questioned me about the Mayan calendar. She said, “I am not afraid to die, but I am afraid for my grandsons. What do you think will happen?”

Well, according to a lot of people who know how to read the writings of a people that could not predict the end of their own civilization, the world is going to come to a cataclysmic end on Friday, December 21. According to the Mayan wheel calendar 12/21/12 will be the end of time (because time ends when one runs out of space to chisel it into rock). Therefore, people around the modern world are running around all crazy planning to die in some horrible, earth-shattering way.

But just in case the world doesn’t end on December 21, 2012, you’re invited to some anniversary celebrations planned for December 22.

You’re Invited!

You’re probably scratching your aluminum foil-capped head and asking, “What will there be to celebrate on December 22?” Are you kidding me? Several parties are planned to celebrate some significant firsts. If the neighborhood is still here, why not join me?

Corvette Day – Did you know that on December 22, 1952, the first production-ready prototype of the 1953 Chevy Corvette was shipped to New York for the GM Motorama show on January 17? Yes, December 22 will be a day of celebration in honor of the famous fiberglass-bodied icon, and plenty of cotton (glass fiber) candy will be served.

Taylor Swift Day – On December 22, 2007, Taylor Swift’s “Our Song” went to #1. This unleashed a swift river of hits to flood the market, forcing everyone to admit that wearing a dress is cool (literally and figuratively). In celebration of this chart-topping day I will be wearing a sun dress, blond wig, and singing “Never, ever, ever getting back together!” to a picture of an ex-girlfriend.

“Dirty” Harry Day – Who would want the world to end before celebrating the beginning of one of the most influential crime-fighters in cinema history, Dirty Harry? On 12/22/71 San Francisco Police Department Inspector “Dirty” Harry Callahan showed us how to go after bad guys with “the most powerful handgun in the world.” In celebration of the release of this movie I will be waving a frozen hot dog bun in the face of my daughter the martial arts expert and saying, “Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya?”

Imminent End

It is highly unlikely that the world will end on December 22, but the world will most certainly come to an end for approximately 150,000 people. According to statistics, that is the number of people that die every day.

If the world doesn’t come to an end this week, or next, what guarantee do you and I have that we will be here to see next year? It is much more likely that you and I will die in a car accident than the world will end any time soon.

Whether it be sooner or later, death is imminent, and we don’t need a carved wheel to tell us that. The Psalmist said, “What man is he that liveth, and shall not see death?” (Ps. 89:48)

The real question is not “when will the world end,” but “am I ready for MY world to end?”

“Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.” – Hebrews 9:27-28 NIV

If the world does end, then somebody else get the lights – I’ve got a Heavenly party to attend.

4 Comments

Filed under current events, Future, the future, Uncategorized

Tagged as Chevrolet Corvette, December 21 2012, Dirty Harry, Friday, Harry Callahan, Maya calendar, New York, Taylor Swift

by Anthony Baker | December 15, 2012 · 3:39 pm

Leaving? Where Will You Go?

Jesus asked Peter, “Are you going to leave, also?” Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.” – John 6:67-68

In times of great trial many of us are tempted to walk away from our faith, but Peter realized that there was nowhere to go, at least nowhere that offered the “words of eternal life.”

Today is no exception. With so much going on in the news, many who once claimed to follow Christ are turning their backs on Him. But where will they go? To nothing? To self? To mankind that is becoming less trustworthy every day? To other gods?

Back in the early days of Israel, many were tempted to follow after other gods, even after all that had taken place since crossing the Jordan. In response to those were thinking about leaving, Joshua said the following…

“And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” – Joshua 24:15 ESV

And that is where I stand. Even when tragedy strikes…even when my dreams are destroyed…even when it seems like God is nowhere to be found…”as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” His thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and His ways beyond my knowing. Therefore, I will say as Job of old said, “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” (Job 13:15).

Come On Let’s Go!

Check out the stories of people who are saying, “Come on let’s go!” Maybe you can relate to Bernie, the Sony Records executive, or Jose, the cocaine dealer.

The God I serve is a good God, and He can change lives. He can make a difference in your life, just like those above. When He does, you will understand what Peter meant when he said, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.”

Already gone? Why not come home?

Leaving? Don’t!

100-Year Event Witnessed

Where Were You?

Where were you when Elvis died? Were you even born? I was sitting in front of a 13-channel Magnavox television at my baby-sitters century-old, north Chattanooga house.

Where were you when man landed on the moon? I was probably wetting my washable, cloth diapers.

Where were you 100 years ago? Well, I wasn’t around then, but 100 years from now, if I live to be 145, I will remember today.

Interrupted

Taken on my daughter’s iPhone.

I was in the process of taking my mind off of the true stresses and cares of this world, like finances, cell phones that don’t work the way you think they should after the money you spend on them, and sick wives (well, the one I have, at least), when all of a sudden my daughter screams, “You’re missing it!”

At one moment I was in the process of putting together a memorable blog piece about marbles and possibly some puke, then the next I was reminded that it was 12:12 on 12/12/12.

My daughter took a picture on her phone to archive the moment. Cool, huh? But not as cool as a post about marbles and puke, I bet.

Made Me Think

So, I began to think as I was typing this post as a substitute for the post I was in the process of composing, “what could be the point?” In other words, my daughter just memorialized a once-in-a-life-time event, but so what? It that it? Time was here, now it’s gone. What now? Has anything changed?

That’s when I thought of another date: 9/26/73. That was the day that a little boy named Anthony realized he was a sinner and needed Jesus to forgive him. That was the day he knelt beside a little Sunday School room table, and with the help of his dad, prayed to receive Jesus as his Lord and Savior. Everything changed that day.

It was a once-in-an-eternity event.