Tag Archives: lists

by | February 9, 2016 · 6:29 pm

3 Reasons Why You Should…

There are so many blog posts and articles out there that start with a number, followed by “reasons” or “things.”

Frankly, it’s getting annoying. Therefore, here are 5 reasons why, and 3 things you can do about it.

Just kidding.

My next post will be “[?] Reasons Why Small Churches Are Better.” But since I haven’t finished the list, I can’t give you a number.

On the other hand, the following are 3 reasons why you should read my next post:

  1. You know you need to. If you don’t read it, the next thing you know you’ll be waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat wondering if there was something important you forgot to do. Read my next post and sleep well. You need your sleep.
  2. It would make me happy. When’s the last time you did anything that you knew for sure made someone happy? What about that last birthday gift you bought? Are you sure he/she liked it? What about the last time you made dinner? Are you sure they liked it, or were they just telling you they did? Believe me, if you read my next post I will not only like it, I’ll LOVE it! Even more so if YOU “like” it.
  3. You need something to share with others. Face it, times are tough and there’s not a lot of anything to go around, much less share, right? You NEED to share in order to feel complete, at peace, and one with the universe – or something like that. Reading my next post will give you something you won’t feel compelled to hoard in preparation for a future zombie apocalypse; you’ll want to share it – and it’ll make you feel better about yourself. You need to feel better about yourself.

Now, leave at least 2 reasons why you’re anticipating what’s next! (If you do, your greatest prayer will be answered in the next 5 minutes, hair will start to grow on your bald spot, and Jesus will bring a grilled cheese sandwich to you in your sleep)

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by | February 3, 2016 · 10:56 am

7 Reasons Why Bald Pastors Are Better

The List Poster

We have a new Director of Missions (DOM) in my county. His name is Dr. Dennis Culbreth, and so far he has been a great blessing to our Baptist association, especially to us pastors.

Dr. Culbreth takes every opportunity to make good use of social media, such as Facebook. Every day he posts helpful hints and strategies from various ministries, websites, and blogs (but not mine – I wonder why?).

Many of the posts to which he links are lists. On any given day you may discover “7 Ways to Impress Your Deacons,” “5 Ways to Destroy Your Church Bus,” or “10 Reasons Why Pastors Should Make More Money than Politicians.” You just never know what he’ll post.

But because Dr. Culbreth is always posting new lists from everybody but me, I think it’s time to provide one which none of those other Lifeway-like ministries are reporting. Time to raise some eyebrows.

7 Reasons Why Bald Pastors Are Better

  1. A bald pastor never has to go to a barber or hair salon. Why is this a good thing? He can save anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars a year, thereby reducing the need to pay a higher salary. Also, a manly pastor should never set foot inside a hair salon.
  2. Bald pastors are cleaner pastors.  “And the man whose hair is fallen off his head, he [is] bald; [yet is] he clean.” – Leviticus 13:40
  3. Bald is a sign of leadership. As it has been said before, “The reason some men are bald is because they have their heads out the window driving this planet.” Bald pastors aren’t afraid to lead through the storms of life…unless they wear a wig.
  4. Bald pastors have more brains. Seminary is helpful, but pastors without hair have already demonstrated that their brains have left no room for follicles.
  5. Bald pastors never get into disagreements with dissenters. Just think, no church fights; no church splits; no angry deacons or pushy purse string holders! No, God just sends bears down from the woods…problems solved and a circus for free (2 Kings 2:23-24)!
  6. Bald is beautiful! Isaiah 52:7 declares, “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings…” And since God only shows off the more perfect of His cranial creations, why not hire the complete beauty package? Beautiful from head to toe!
  7. Church buildings remain safe. Just think, having a bald pastor means never having to worry about his righteous indignation turning into a Samson-like catastrophe.

Be thankful for your pastor, but even MORE so if he’s bald! 

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by | October 24, 2015 · 10:36 am

2,500 Followers and Bacon

Saturday List

Before I write anything else, I must warn you that my wife has a long list of things for me to complete, such as clean the windows, scrub the floor, clean of my computer desk, and make sure there’s nothing left on the china cabinet but dishes that we never use.

I just wanted to tell you about the list that awaits me because I am typing as fast as I can, all in the attempt to get this post written before my wife finishes breakfast and begins staring daggers through me.

Bad Bacon

Bacon. Yes, bacon.

Bacon. Yes, bacon.

Here’s a totally random question. Bacon…if it’s past the expiration date and slightly turned in color, but doesn’t smell bad, does frying it, thereby causing it to sit in sizzling grease, kill any bacteria or germs? In other words, can carbonized bacon make you sick?

Well, I just ate some. We will see.

Followers

Now, to the point of the day: 2,500 followers.

Do I really have 2,500 followers? Technically, no I do not, for as of this writing I am 20 followers shy of the mark. But the real question I have is how many of those followers are actual followers? How many of those nearly 2,500 people actually come behind me, watch my steps, and then walk in the path I am blazing? One? Three?

If the truth be known, many of those called “followers” are not really followers of me, or my blog. Many have only subscribed in order to get me to follow their blogs. Many have subscribed in haste after reading only one interesting post, then never come back. Others follow my blog and what I write in order to find fault, gather evidence, or get a laugh.

So, as I digest my bacon, what is the point I am frantically trying to make before my blogging time for the day is up? I don’t know, really. However, here are a few thoughts…

  • I am glad there are not 2,500 people looking over my shoulder
  • It would be nice if I could manage 2,500 views a day
  • If I really had 2,500 followers, more would question why I take certain paths
  • There is no way on earth I can write something without offending hundreds – if they actually read what I write
  • I want to be a better follower of Christ than I am a “follower” of someone’s blog

No Cross Required

If you want to know what it means to be a REAL follower – a disciple – then be a follower of Jesus Christ. But if you want to follow Jesus, please note that He requires more than a click and an email address.

“…If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” – Matthew 16:24

I am not asking you to give your life to me; no cross is required to follow The Recovering Legalist. But if you do follow my blog, I certainly hope you pick up on Whom I am following, and choose to do the same.

If you’d like to learn more about following Jesus, why not click HERE? 

Time to get on that to-do list my wife has for me. The bacon hasn’t killed me… yet.

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by | May 29, 2015 · 12:13 pm

Funny Freaky Fractured Friday Facts

Apologies 

My apologies to all those who have sent me awards. Even though I have appreciated them, I have never found the energy to follow through with all the demands: list this or that; link to all the best blogs with under 15 followers; reveal ten things about your feet; etc.

Therefore, in honor of all those who have bestowed upon this blog some generous and well-meaning widget, I will list some facts about me and this Friday (today) that were heretofore unknown.

Again, my apologies, both for the past and what you are about to read.

Just the Facts

  1. I am wearing shorts, but my knees are cold.
  2. I am wearing a shirt that a friend was going to throw away, but I thought he was an idiot, so I kept it. That could make me a dumpster-diving bum, but, in reality, I stole from what he wanted me to take to charity. Sue me.
  3. My wife gave me 30 minutes of un-interrupted time to write this post.
  4. I ticked off my daughter for informing her that I, the father, the one who puts a roof over her head, has the dadgum right to filter what musical trash she desires to pipe in. Again, sue me.
  5. I hate pimento cheese, but my daughter loves it. I made a sandwich for her, on toasted bread, cut it into four squares, and then sprinkled them with red pepper. She’s not as ticked any more.
  6. I am totally looking forward to preaching through the book of Acts!
  7. I know there is a jar of peanut butter in this house, but I can’t find it! And that makes me angry! There are times when a man just needs a peanut butter sandwich, dang it!
  8. I indoctrinate my children, and I’m proud of it – it’s called loving them.
  9. I am a very nice guy, but I could snap in an instant. I might even be looking for an excuse.
  10. I have a problem with comparing myself with others whom I deem more successful, but I’m working on it.
  11. I still have six minutes to work on this post.
  12. Yesterday was an emotionally difficult day, but what else is Thursday good for? Today is better, thank God!
  13. At this moment I am sitting here thinking about how many more of these points I should make, along with how this must be boring whomever is reading this. I will take it to 15 and quit.
  14. I ate a left-over cheese burger made with 90% lean Angus beef. My wife grilled them the other day, so they needed to be eaten. Essentially, I ate almost/but not quite need-to-be-thrown-away hamburger.
  15. I need new tennis shoes – these have holes in them – but that won’t keep me from walking with the Lord.

Have a great weekend, everybody! War a good warfare, keep the faith, and leave this life having a clear conscience and no regrets (1 Timothy 1:18-19).

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by | December 11, 2014 · 3:09 pm

The Impossible List

Many, O LORD my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. – Psalm 40:5

Lists

My wife is a list person. No, seriously, if anything needs to be done, bought, cleaned, learned, or debated, she can whip out a list quicker than gunslinger’s six-shooter – and with more shots.

However, one of our daughters (Katie) has not only learned from her mother, but has taken the whole list-taking thing to the extreme. How do I know this? Because if anything needs to be done, bought, cleaned, learned, or debated, any time frame in which those things need to be done must be extended in order for her to complete the list, print the list, decorate the list, and share the list with anyone who will listen.

I would say that I hate lists, but I don’t. The difference between my wife and daughter and me is that I don’t love lists; I just prepare them when I absolutely have to, such as: 1) when I am preparing a sermon; 2) when I am forced to order for the family at a drive-thru window; 3) when I have an important argument to win; or 4) when this blog calls for it.

The last thing I would want to do is list all the wonderful works and thoughts of God toward me. I couldn’t be done.

Impossible

Stop and think about it, could you make a list of all the things God has done for you? Could you list them in order of occurrence? David couldn’t. I know I can’t.

If I were to compile a list of God’s wonderful works, how could I list His thoughts? Even if I were to list the works of which I knew, how would I list the works I never knew about? He has done more for me than I will ever know!

Even if I were to sit down with pen or pencil in hand, like David, how could I list all God has done in order? It wouldn’t take long to wear out an eraser. As soon as a couple of items could be put down, something else would come to mind…erase…change the order…remember…erase…

O LORD, my God, your works and your thoughts toward me are beyond comprehension! Before I was born…while I sleep…even with eyes wide open…your wonderful works and thoughts toward me are impossible to list!

If only my praises were so numerable.

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by | April 11, 2014 · 11:04 pm

Things I Wish You Knew about Me

Awards

Folks, honestly, I appreciate all the accolades, but these awards that make you do stuff in order to receive what you’ve already earned…well…they’re ridiculous, OK?

very-inspiring-blogger-awardI hope I haven’t offended any of you. But seriously, what other kind of award demands that in order to receive it you’ve got to nominate 10 others? Can you imagine an Oscar winner being handed the statue, but before it exchanged hands the winner had to nominate 10 other actors? Can you imagine the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize having to nominate 10 others before receiving his mostly undeserved, politically motivated award money?

Honestly, there are many blogs better than mine. But if I deserve an award, they all do.

Things Heretofore Unknown

One requirement of many blogging awards is that the recipient list 8 or 10 things heretofore unknown (things you didn’t know about the blogger).  But as I began thinking about a list like that, a mental image of a creepy identity thief came to mind.

So, I’m gonna do something a little different. I am going to list 10 things about myself that I wish were true. In other words, I wish the following list would rise up and wake me out of my slumber, smack me in the face, and say, “You da man!”

10 Things about Myself I Wish Were True

  1. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face.
  2. I am fluent in three biblical languages, not including KJV.
  3. I love all forms of exercise, including running, mountain climbing, skydiving, and especially curling (the Winter Olympic version of shuffle board).
  4. I have every sermon planned in advance, outlined and alliterated, filled with perfect illustrations, by Friday night each week…6 months in advance.
  5. I never lose my temper.
  6. I handle all the finances in our household, never make a late payment, and never have to ask my wife for advice.
  7. I love cottage cheese.
  8. George W. Bush once asked to speak with me about some personal matters, but I referred him to Billy Graham, being that I already had a date planned with my wife.
  9. My book is on the New York Times best-seller list.
  10. I never sin.

The Worthy One

When I consider the above list one things stands out to me more than anything: I’m not perfect. But hey, I don’t claim to be, either. I mess up, get angry, act out of pride and my own self-interests, and generally fall short in every list I create. In short, I’m a sinner.

But even though I am a sinner, I have a Savior. And because of His mercy and love, the kind of love that took what I deserved and carried it all the way to Calvary, I echo the words to a wonderful song, “Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be to You the only wise King.”

I may receive a few awards, but one day I will lay every accolade, every award,every trophy, every crown at Jesus’ feet. He is the One who really deserves them.

If you never know anything else about me, I hope you know I love Him.

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by | March 6, 2014 · 6:00 am

Thursday Thoughts (From wars I hate, to things I like)

Gooooooood Thursday, world! My apologies for not sounding like Robin Williams.

There are a few things about which I will share a few thoughts. Unfortunately for me, I might not be in the best of happy moods, so this might irritate the more fragile of sensibilities. Actually, I don’t even know if I understood what I just wrote.

  • World War III. I don’t know what you want, but I would hate to see us all go to war again. There are a lot of people out there in other countries who read this blog – having intercontinental ballistic missiles soaring over each other would not make me happy. But if war does break out between Russia and America, don’t blame me.
  • Katie and orchidsOut-Gifting the Dad. This week was my daughter’s 18th birthday. I bought her a beautiful orchid plant and gave it to her at the restaurant where we ate. When we got home, sitting on the front porch was a box, from her friend that is a boy, containing an orchid plant. I did not like the fact that he had done this, and neither did God. You see, because his had been left on the porch in 30-degree weather, they wilted. I’m soooooo sad – NOT!
  • Music Likes. When I was on my Facebook, I noticed something strange. As you can see from a partial screen-grab, the music I “like” includes likes (pun intended) of As Isaac, Building 429, and the music I write. However, for some strange reason I am evidently Ozzie Ozbourne. music I write

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