Tag Archives: news

Freaky Friday Rhyming News

Rhyming

It’s just another freaky Friday, I suppose.

Before I head out, I’ll tell you why I think so.

And by the way, it wasn’t my objective

To write a post with a rhyming perspective

Nevertheless, tis the way it is going to be

I can’t stop now… It’ll be OK, you’ll see.

Scouting

Who would have thought in 1910

That the boys would allow the girls an in?

For equality’s sake, because of pouts,

Boys cannot be boys, but there’s still a Girl Scouts.

Funny thing, I was talking with my daughter

After getting worried and creating some laughter.

Seems I stressed over nothing, even thought she’s eighteen

Only boys must register; girls get off clean!

Well, don’t women serve now in all the military?

“Well, yes,” said my wife, “but it’s all voluntary.”

But what about equality? What about being fair?

I was spitting into the wind – nobody cares.

I think what it’s really all about

Is that girls always win when they learn how to pout.

Young man, forget to register and you’ll forfeit student loans

But try to make it fair and all you’ll hear will be groans.

Give us what we want when we want it – TODAY!

Because what you have is what we want, now go away!

So,

Distinctives only matter when the one crying “equality”

Demands her specificity is manifested in your polity.

And when you’ve abandoned whatever makes you unique

She’ll keep her own distinctives and call you a freak.

Greening

AOC (Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) D-New York

But speaking of freaky and totally spacey

Have you heard the proposal from the young AOC?

The Green New Deal, or something like that

Will never go through – It will surely fall flat.

On the other hand, what’s scary is that some take it serious

And that’s why our national future is perilous.

No more emissions, no more traveling by plane

In only ten years we’ll be riding on trains

Retrofit or rebuild every building in the land

And guarantee jobs for every woman and man.

Did I mention there’ll be chargers at every hand?

And, oh, by the way, we’re now on a mission

To inform all Hispanics that they’re Native American.

(No Joke about that last part – Here’s a link)

Conclusion

You may think I’m crazy or am going to far,

But read the newspaper or hear the news in your car.

There’s literally too much to absorb. It’s all crazy!

And that’s why I believe it’s a freaky Friday.

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Filed under America, current events, politics

A Post Made the Paper

For those of you who don’t live in Chattanooga, and for those of you who don’t have Facebook, here is some fun news from the Chattanooga Times Free Press.

Pastors in the area are sometimes asked to contribute so a section of the paper called “Voices of Faith.” Today’s Saturday edition featured a slightly re-written post I wrote for this blog a little while back. It was the third of three entries I submitted – the first two made my stomach upset the more I thought of them.

So, check it out, forward it, or do whatever. I hope it’s a blessing to someone 🙂

http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/life/entertainment/story/2016/oct/22/voices-faith-doubting-crucial-element-believi/393305/

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Filed under blogging

It’s Your Choice

I don’t have enough time, with all the other stuff going on this weekend, to write about everything of which I have an opinion. There’s just too much in the news.

Therefore, I want YOU to decide on what I write about next! You know, it’s sorta like a reverse of Fox News’ “We Report. You Decide.

You decide. I will report.

Now, if you would like a few suggestions, just consider what has been in the news over the last few days and weeks. Maybe one of these topics would interest you.

  1. The Republican and Democrat Presidential debates in America.
  2. Policemen jerking unruly punk kids out of their desks in school.
  3. Policemen getting killed for being policemen.
  4. China ends one-child-only policy, but only ups it to two.
  5. Miley Cyrus and her upcoming naked concert.
  6. A football coach getting fired for praying after games at the 50-yard line.
  7. School shootings and gun-free zones.
  8. NCIS and Gibbs’ new look.
  9. Chinese and American tensions in the South China Sea.
  10. The possibility the Russians are going to cut internet cables in the Atlantic.

Then there are other things that aren’t in the news, but are nevertheless important – at least to some:

  1. Portlandia.
  2. NCIS compared to Castle.
  3. My DVR is full and erasing things I want to see but don’t have time to watch.
  4. Candy corn.
  5. How to keep trick-or-treaters away from your front door.
  6. The American public education system and Asian exchange students.
  7. Sharing the news of a missing pet on social media.
  8. Posting embarrassing photos of your teenage children when they were young.
  9. The horrors of being in the driver’s seat at a drive-thru with 6 other people in your minivan trying to tell you what they want, and all of them being females who can’t keep anything simple.
  10. Camera phones and legalism.
And then there's this.

And then there’s this. Aren’t you curious?

 

What do you want me to write about (excluding ending sentences with a preposition)?

Leave a comment

Filed under blogging, current events

Spew-Worthy News

Coffee and Donuts

This evening I stopped by Krispy Kreme to buy some donuts and coffee for my wife and me (Actually, the coffee was for me – she hates coffee). We did so in order to celebrate something special, but I can’t tell you what the special thing was – it was just special.

kk-hot-signAnyway, we got donuts…I got coffee. That’s all you need to know about that part.

By the way, tonight was the first night I ever saw a deformed donut come off the line. It made me wonder if Krispy Kreme had a museum somewhere to keep the really unique ones.

The News

A short time later, as we were pulling into our driveway at home, I retrieved my recently-purchased coffee from the cup holder and brought it up to my lips. It was at this time a story came over the news which was then playing on the car radio. Permit me to paraphrase what I heard…

“Due to a recent surge in deaths, Russia is launching a new public awareness campaign to advise people of the dangers of taking selfies…”

Right about now I had brought my disposable paper cup full of black coffee to my lips and had begun to fill my mouth with said black coffee. The story continued, though, before I could swallow the ounce or two now bringing pleasure to my palate…

“The Russian government is using graphics to warn people that it is not safe to take selfies while standing on railroad tracks, putting a gun to one’s head, or while standing beside a tiger…”

I almost spit the entire contents of my mouth – the previously-mentioned black coffee – onto my steering wheel!

Tigers? …What the heck!?

Now, it wouldn’t surprise me to read about some dude from Alabama taking a selfie with a gun to his head. I mean, after all, do you know what the most common last words of a redneck are? “Hey! Watch this!”

Sure, I’ve taken selfies with a monkey, even made whole videos (see below)! And yes, I’ve even taken a few calculated risks – like the time I filmed on the beach…and at the zoo…and in a real hospital…etc.

But a tiger? Only in Russia. 

Here’s the story. Just don’t be drinking coffee when you read it.

2 Comments

Filed under current events, Humor, Monday Monkey

Keep Your Wood to Yourself

Good Monday morning, world! I sincerely hope that your Monday is turning out to be a good one, not the stereotypical kind that signals impending doom.

And since I want you to have a good day and a great week, I’m going to give you some important information – inside information – which will make all of your days more peaceful, less stressful, and far less depressing: don’t read the news.

The News

Dear friends, followers, and folk of all persuasions, listen to someone who knows: trust the news about as far as you can throw it – with a bad arm, that is.

Seriously, when you pick up a news paper (they still have those, actually), or watch the news on TV or the internet, never take for granted that you are getting all the news worth hearing, or even the truth, for that matter.

Media outlets are businesses, and businesses have to make money, a profit, to stay afloat. Therefore, whatever kind of news the executives think will capture your attention, that’s the news they’ll report. It doesn’t matter what it is, just as long as it is sensational enough to keep you coming back to consume update after juicy update.

Through the years I have learned some painful lessons about the news media. Most of the time, if not all of the time, they are quick to release a story, even if they have to make up some of the details. The longer the media can carry a story without adequate details, the longer they can keep people coming back for answers they rarely give.

Know for certain that whatever is on the news is what is meant to get your attention. If it strikes a nerve, makes you angry, or causes you disgust, you will pay attention. Many times this means giving vague details meant to stir up arguments on social media. The longer they can keep people talking, arguing with each other, making judgmental accusations, and playing armchair-attorneys, the better.

Look, long before there was a CNN, a FOX News Network, or illiterate Facebook threads, the Bible contained an antidote for the modern news story.

“Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.” – Proverbs 26:20

But isn’t that unfortunate? In a day when we should be able to have access to what really matters, about all we ever get is the sensational, the ill-reported, and the “conversation fire starter.”

Here’s a suggestion: Don’t play along, and keep your wood to yourself; the innocent and the victim will thank you.

3 Comments

Filed under current events

Funny Freaky Fractured Friday Facts

Apologies 

My apologies to all those who have sent me awards. Even though I have appreciated them, I have never found the energy to follow through with all the demands: list this or that; link to all the best blogs with under 15 followers; reveal ten things about your feet; etc.

Therefore, in honor of all those who have bestowed upon this blog some generous and well-meaning widget, I will list some facts about me and this Friday (today) that were heretofore unknown.

Again, my apologies, both for the past and what you are about to read.

Just the Facts

  1. I am wearing shorts, but my knees are cold.
  2. I am wearing a shirt that a friend was going to throw away, but I thought he was an idiot, so I kept it. That could make me a dumpster-diving bum, but, in reality, I stole from what he wanted me to take to charity. Sue me.
  3. My wife gave me 30 minutes of un-interrupted time to write this post.
  4. I ticked off my daughter for informing her that I, the father, the one who puts a roof over her head, has the dadgum right to filter what musical trash she desires to pipe in. Again, sue me.
  5. I hate pimento cheese, but my daughter loves it. I made a sandwich for her, on toasted bread, cut it into four squares, and then sprinkled them with red pepper. She’s not as ticked any more.
  6. I am totally looking forward to preaching through the book of Acts!
  7. I know there is a jar of peanut butter in this house, but I can’t find it! And that makes me angry! There are times when a man just needs a peanut butter sandwich, dang it!
  8. I indoctrinate my children, and I’m proud of it – it’s called loving them.
  9. I am a very nice guy, but I could snap in an instant. I might even be looking for an excuse.
  10. I have a problem with comparing myself with others whom I deem more successful, but I’m working on it.
  11. I still have six minutes to work on this post.
  12. Yesterday was an emotionally difficult day, but what else is Thursday good for? Today is better, thank God!
  13. At this moment I am sitting here thinking about how many more of these points I should make, along with how this must be boring whomever is reading this. I will take it to 15 and quit.
  14. I ate a left-over cheese burger made with 90% lean Angus beef. My wife grilled them the other day, so they needed to be eaten. Essentially, I ate almost/but not quite need-to-be-thrown-away hamburger.
  15. I need new tennis shoes – these have holes in them – but that won’t keep me from walking with the Lord.

Have a great weekend, everybody! War a good warfare, keep the faith, and leave this life having a clear conscience and no regrets (1 Timothy 1:18-19).

3 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, current events, General Observations, Life/Death, Struggles and Trials

My 15 Minutes

Fame

photo (40)Once the weekly community paper came out yesterday, I was famous for a moment or two. Just this morning, as I was paying for a cup of coffee at the gas station, the lady behind the counter asked, “Weren’t you in the paper?” “Yes, that was me,” I replied. But I still had to pay for the coffee.

Click HERE to read the article.

The kids on my bus were thrilled to see their bus driver in the news paper. “You’re famous!” “We’ve got a famous bus driver!” One little girl even took my copy of the article I had picked up that morning and never gave it back – she was way too excited, poor thing.

So, yes, I was on the front page of a little paper, got a friend request on Facebook from someone locally famous, and paid for my own coffee. Amazing what can happen when you write a book.

Lasting Notoriety 

But no matter how famous I become down here on this earth, fame is fleeting. Next week there might be a student, parent, or teacher who will comment on my recent notoriety, but in a few days it will be history – I’ll be non-famous again.

What matters most is that my name is not written down on the pages of some local rag, or even the New York Times best-seller list (don’t I wish), but that my name is written down in heaven (Luke 10:20).

“And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is [the book] of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.” – Revelation 20:12 KJV

I’ve had my 15 minutes of fame a few times over, and hardly nothing remains to show for it. On the other hand, however, my name has been written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, and that’s notoriety that will last forever – and I didn’t even do anything to deserve it.

I wonder if there’ll be coffee in heaven? If so, I bet it’ll be free 😉

 

4 Comments

Filed under current events, Life Lessons, salvation