Category Archives: wisdom

by Anthony Baker | February 20, 2014 · 12:45 pm

Thursday Thoughts (Proverbial Speaking)

Proverbial Thought

In February of 2012 the Lord put on my heart the idea of a blog/devotional called Proverbial Thought. Then, with the help of several others, I launched that blog on April 1st, 2012. Today, nearly 700 days and 350,000 words later, we are done.

A total of eight other writers contributed to Proverbial Thought over the last two years. Some contributed more than others, but all were greatly appreciated.

The three generations of Welfords in England – David, Nick (David’s son), and Ken (David’s father) – made C. S. Lewis and C. H. Spurgeon proud. Daniel M. Klem, residing in Arizona, put in his fair share while attending college and seminary. Grady Davidson, a Presbyterian pastor in Chattanooga, “lent” his deep thinking to several posts. Chris Jordan, a Four Square pastor in Canada, already a prolific writer, had a great Spirit. Jason Sneed, a music minister in Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee, shared his fine-tuned perspective. And last, but not least, my own daughter, Katie Marie Baker, contributed our most youthful (and certainly our most female) wisdom.

The Next Steps

As was always the plan, two things are going to happen next. First, even though none of us will be regularly contributing to Proverbial Thought, starting in April the old posts will be re-posted each day on a regular schedule. Now, there will be some new stuff every now and then, because a few proverbs (verses) were missed. And, if any of the contributors feel the desire, they are always welcome to come along and add some additional thoughts, later. Nevertheless, starting in April, there will be re-runs.

Secondly, I will be attempting to edit this voluminous work in order to submit it to a publisher. For all I know, no one will want to turn Proverbial Thought into a published commentary, one unlike any other on the shelves. If that is the case, we may have to self-publish. Either way, my desire is to have the contributions to Proverbial Thought turned into a printed work that will honor God, even when the internet is down.

Prayers Needed

Pray for me, please! Pray that I will recognize the right window or door God may open. Pray that Proverbial Thought will continue to minister to people around the world, whether digitally or in print. And lastly, pray that God will continue to bless those who graciously accepted the invitation to help me with this awesome project.

“But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.” – 1 Corinthians 1:23-25 KJV

8 Comments

Filed under blogging, Christian Maturity, Christian Unity, Countries, ministry, Preaching, the future, wisdom

Tagged as blogging, proverbs, publishing, writing

by Anthony Baker | January 22, 2014 · 12:09 am

Underwear Is the Answer?

WARNING! I am going to be talking about underwear (and other things). Some may find the following subject material inappropriate, so proceed at your own risk.

The other day one of my daughters sent me a video advertisement from a company called AR Wear. What were they trying to sell? Anti-rape underwear.

Anti-rape underwear…

(If you want to see the video, you can go look it up on YouTube.)

OK, so….

For the record, I believe rape is a horrible crime. Furthermore, I think predatory rapists should suffer punishments akin to those dished out in the Old Testament. Therefore, please don’t misunderstand me…if you want to wear anti-rape underwear, go for it!

However, what disturbs me is that there is evidently a market for anti-rape underwear, a market partially characterized by a lack of wisdom and common sense.

Below is the text from the first couple of minutes of the AR Wear video advertisement…

“Have you ever been out walking at night, alone, wishing you could feel safer? And you, parents and friends, how often have you worried about a loved one? We want to provide a product that will make women and girls feel safer when out on a first date, or a night of clubbing, taking an evening run, traveling in another country, or in other potentially risky situations.

The challenge was to find a way for the garment to be worn comfortably during normal activities, yet still be able to frustrate an attack…even if the person wearing it had too much to drink, was drugged, or asleep.

Seriously? I mean, really? Am I overreacting to the obvious?

Again, anything that will prevent a woman from being violated is a good thing, so I totally applaud the product AR Wear is trying to sell. But, just look at the people to whom they are trying to market. Are there not other options that could be utilized before resulting to rape-resistant undergarments?

Humor this old man for just a moment and think about the following words…

“Have you ever been out walking at night, alone, wishing you could feel safer?” Ladies, here is a suggestion: don’t go out walking alone at night! And if you must, why not invest in some mace or pepper spray, a German Shepherd, or even a .45 cal. semi-automatic! Believe me, if you are packing heat while walking Cujo, it will probably be the rapist who’ll need to be changing his underwear.
“[Safer] when out on a first date.“ Let’s think about this one for a moment, OK? Shouldn’t you do your homework on a guy before going out with him? [For additional thoughts on this, see the comments]
A “night of clubbing,” or “other potentially risky situations.“ Again, seriously? Is anti-rape underwear really that necessary? How about let’s just avoid the nights of “clubbing” and passing out on the dance floor or in the back seat of a stranger’s car?! Good grief!
Normal activities that include: “even if the person wearing [the underwear] had too much to drink, was drugged, or asleep.” I’m sorry, but if your normal activities include having too much to drink, getting drugged, and passing out, then you have problems that a pair of armored panties will never fix.

I don’t want to sound harsh, my friends, but it would seem that much of the need for the above product could be eliminated by smarter, wiser, more godly life choices.

Sure, there are times when bad things happen no matter what we do, but what should one expect from a lifestyle that includes regular excessive drinking, drug use, and “risky situations?”

The fact that anti-rape underwear is needed at all is sad enough. But when we add in the fact that much of the demand stems from unwise behavior, the whole idea seems tragically fatalistic.

6 Comments

Filed under abuse, America, Christian Living, Culture Wars, current events, General Observations, wisdom

Tagged as assault, behavior, dating, underwear

by Anthony Baker | January 8, 2014 · 11:08 am

Vaccines and Veterans

Vaccines

Have you ever gotten a flu shot (vaccine)? I got one, yesterday. So far I have not come down with any complications, only a slightly sore shoulder. Will I die? Eventually, I suppose, but probably not from the vaccine.

I have had other vaccines, too. I’ve been vaccinated against polio, the mumps, whooping cough, tetanus, and many more I can’t think of right now. What would our world be like had there never been any? Scary to think about, isn’t it?

A Needed Vaccine

However, there is a disease which sadly affects billions of people worldwide, causing pain, suffering, and even death, for which there IS a vaccine, but few will accept it.

Like other vaccines, including the flu shot I received, there are a lot of people who think the vaccine is dangerous and can cause more harm than good, so they are very vocal in their opposition. Their opposition, which includes statistics, testimonials, and even mockery causes many to turn away from much needed relief.

What is the disease? It goes by several names:

Stupidity
Foolishness
Ignorance

What is the vaccine? Taken in any amount, the book of Proverbs (in the Bible) is capable of rooting out and eliminating the stupidity virus. And here’s the best part – NO needles!

The Veteran

But while I was at the pharmacy, I saw an old man wearing a hat that said, “WWII Veteran”. I decided to talk with him, to find out a little about him, and to thank him for his service.

George Palmer was his name. He joined the Navy in 1940 when he was 18. His first duty station was aboard the USS Texas, which is currently the last surviving battleship from the super dreadnought days of WWI. He was on the Texas when the War broke out and told me how he remembered being called to battle stations when the news of the attack on Pearl Harbor came.

Mr. Palmer later served on several other ships, including two destroyers, one of which was sunk underneath him. He saw naval conflict in both the Atlantic and Pacific, staying in the navy until 1946. He said, “The good Lord was watching over me.”

When I asked if I could have my picture taken with him, he smiled and graciously approved. When I pulled out my iPhone, he said, “Isn’t that amazing?! That’s just amazing!”

No, Mr. Palmer, it’s men like you that are amazing. Thank you for your service.

My Fear

Aside from needles, and getting too close to Miley Cyrus, my fear is that the world is creeping closer and closer to another conflict, but without the men and women of “the greatest generation” to bail us out.

We used to be a nation with a moral compass that set our course of action. Now we are a pluralistic, even godless nation with no sense of purpose, no sense of right and wrong, and no moral basis on which to stand against Tyranny in any form.

My fear is that the last of the vaccinated generation will soon be gone, and then the virus will consume us all. God help us.

Click here for a link to the USS TEXAS

3 Comments

Filed under America, Christian Maturity, Culture Wars, Life Lessons, the future, wisdom

Tagged as USS Texas, Vaccination, vaccine, veterans, wisdom, WWII

by Anthony Baker | December 26, 2013 · 11:30 am

After-Christmas Gifts

“And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshiped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.” – Matthew 2:11

Late-Comers

Part of the Christmas story can be found in the book of Matthew, the first book in the New Testament. There, in chapter two, we read of several wise men, Magi, who followed the star till it rested over the place where the young Jesus was living.

But what most people fail to notice is that only the shepherds came to visit Jesus while he was still a baby in a manger. The Magi came later, once they were living “in the house” and Jesus was a “young child.” And, based on Herod’s decree that all male children 2 years old and younger should be killed (Matt. 2:16), Jesus could have been a toddler up and walking.

Simply put, generally ever manger scene protested against by atheists is not a faithful representation of the Christmas story. How ironic is that? But I digress…

The Gifts

When the Magi came to Bethlehem in search of “he that is born King of the Jews” (Matt. 2:2), they brought with them three very rare and valuable gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They were not random gifts, but ones with specific political, spiritual, and practical importance; they were meant to recognize a literal, earthly, but also heavenly King.

Gold was a universally recognized precious metal, symbolic of all wealth. Frankincense was a substance primarily used as incense, but also mixed with other substances to create the holy anointing oil placed on high priests and kings. Myrrh was a substance used for things ranging all the way from cosmetics and antiseptics, to perfuming the living and embalming the dead.

According to Matthew 2:11, the Magi fell down before Jesus, which would have been an appropriate response when in the presence of royalty (and these men knew the difference). But the wise men did more than fall prostrate before royalty, they “worshiped him.” This young king was more than just “King of the Jews,” but the long-promised Messiah, and they offered their gift to the Son of God.

Are You Wise?

As long as I can remember there have been sermons preached during and before Christmas entitled, “Wise Men Still Seek Him.” The sermons focus primarily on the seeking leading up to Christmas, but rarely, if ever, on the gifts given after the celebration is over. But today is different.

Today, I am going to ask you to consider three gifts we should give, now that the birthday celebration is over.

Gold. Gold represented wealth. In your worship of the King, will you give Him your wealth? In reality, God owns everything, including everything He loans unto you. But with your heart, are you willing to lay everything that is most valuable to you at His feet?

Frankincense. Frankincense represented worship. Would you be willing to fall down before Jesus, or do you hold back some of your Frankincense in reserve? Are there idols in your life – people or things – for which you reserve a little of that anointing oil, making those things lords of your life? Would you be willing to make Jesus Lord of all? Will you worship him without reservation?

Myrrh. Myrrh was symbolic of the beauty of life, from beginning to end. Would you give to Jesus everything that makes you happy? Everything that brings you hope? Everything that is sweet-smelling? Everything that hides your faults and failures, disguising your true self? Would you give Jesus your life? He can do more with it than you can do on your own.

Returns

For several days after Christmas people will stand in line to return and/or exchange unwanted gifts. Many will trade what others gave them for something they want more. Others will just ask for a refund or in-store credit.

Rest assured that when you give your gifts to Jesus, he will not return them, exchange them, or re-gift them next year. But will you, once you realize what you’ve given, want to take something back?

Don’t wait for a New Year’s resolution. Now that Christmas is over, be like the Magi and leave everything at Jesus’ feet, then “depart…another way.” Once you give Jesus those three gifts, you’ll never be the same.

2 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Christmas, God, Love of God, salvation, wisdom, worship

Tagged as Bethlehem, Biblical Magi, Christmas, gifts, Jesus, Mary, Messiah, Worship

by Anthony Baker | November 5, 2013 · 6:03 pm

Kissing Deer and Talking Sharks

This morning, as the first elementary children entered my bus, one child said to another, “Granny said to sit down!” Evidently, Granny had been giving some instruction on the way to the bus stop.

Teaching wisdom, one child at a time.

As we started to pull away from the stop, I glanced back to my right and saw the youngest little girl standing, along with the grandmother scowling and pointing a finger from the sidewalk. “You shouldn’t be standing,” I said, “especially if your granny said not to.”

Then, after a 2-minute story of what this little kindergartner did for her birthday, I proceeded to share with the rest of the children and her what other things they shouldn’t do. Why did I do this? I don’t know, but it was certainly interesting to here their responses.

Things You Shouldn’t Do

Don’t eat worms with syrup. No matter what, they don’t taste like spaghetti.
- “I did. They taste like chicken! And they’re slippery!”
Don’t ever kiss a deer on the lips.
- One girl asked, “Why not?” Another answered, “Because it might want to go out on a date with you, and dear won’t fit in a car.”
- “I saw a video where a guy made a dear mad because he took its picture.”
Never take a picture of a deer until you know it has makeup on and its hair done.
Never take a dear, or especially a moose, out to dinner on a date.
- “Why not?” asked one girl. “Because a moose won’t fit into your car, for sure, and they won’t serve a moose at a restaurant!” said another. I said, “And a moose has no table manners and can’t use a fork,” to which a little girl replied, “that would be a mess.”
Never, ever, lick a cheese grater.
- “Why not?”
If a bear comes up to you and asks, “Can I scratch your back?” say, “NO!”
- “What if it wants to drive your car?”
If you are ever walking by the water, and a fish sticks it head out of the water to talk and says, “Hey, come over here,” don’t.
- “Why?”
- “Iffa shark eva stick it head outta da watah un say, ‘C’mere, I wanna tell you somp’n,‘ DON’T DO IT!”

Wisdom

Really, it is amazing how children can show practical wisdom, even when they have no experience. All some kids know is that if it ain’t natural, like a shark trying to start up a conversation, then run away.

However, as we grow older and “wiser,” the things that used to be so simple grow more complicated. We desire the forbidden pleasures Granny used to warn us about, along with every other experience a liberated mind can dream up. We date the moose and schedule tickle fests with grizzly bears.

But in a day when men and women pride themselves in experience and boast in the knowledge gained from sin, Wisdom cries out like the little old granny from the street, “Listen to me! I’m warning you!”

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,” declares the Psalmist (111:10). But fools, captivated by the unnatural, politically-correct, whatever-makes-me-happy talking shark, jump into the water.

Too bad real wisdom gets left on the bus.

Note: For 4 hours this post was up and running with a major misspelling – “dear” was supposed to be spelled “deer.” The only one to clue me in was my daughter, Katie. She cared. How sweet. The rest of you must have been sleeping at the computer.

Shark victim wants ‘to warn other people’ (peace4animalscornwall.wordpress.com)
Moose on the loose in Saskatoon on Monday morning (metronews.ca)

2 Comments

Filed under Culture Wars, current events, Defending Traditional Marriage, General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, wisdom

Tagged as children, Granny, Moose, Shark, transportation, Wildlife, wisdom

by Anthony Baker | October 29, 2013 · 11:09 pm

The Non-Boyfriend Boy Friend

Girls

Here I am, 46 years into my trip toward room temperature, and I am still having to deal with girls’ emotions. I have been coming to terms with not understanding women, or at least knowing when to stay away when they feel like expressing their intelligence. And nearly 20 years of marriage has conditioned me for another 20 years of “whatever’s” and “yes dears.” So why now, after I have paid my dues, must I once again deal with teenage girls?

My dating years were not the best of years. My self esteem was irreparably scarred by the time one of my first dates asked me to drop her off early…in a parking lot…alone. Girls were like a fire to which I was drawn, and I was the helpless bug continually getting squashed. Therefore, since I am convinced teenage girls are hosts to alien invaders, why must I be forced to give aid and comfort to the enemy of mankind?

If I had to guess, part of the curse of the Fall was having to raise teenage girls. You can’t live with them, and you can’t ______ (you fill in the blank – I’m not going to incriminate myself) their boyfriends.

Boyfriends

I was once a boyfriend, and I hated myself for it. That is why I think it is my responsibility to guide other young men away from my daughters. Being a boyfriend is the last thing they should want to be. Staying away is best thing they can do.

However, what I find troubling is the attempt my daughter is making to fool me. She insists that her friend, a boy, is not a boyfriend. Yet, whenever a letter comes in the mail (in between the 42,584 texts), she grins and squeals as she reads it over and over. She invites him over to bake for him on his birthday and have pictures made together with their cheeks touching each other’s goofy faces. Believe, where there is chocolate, followed by physical contact of any kind, I am not fooled.

Between the Lines

So, tonight I made a comment that got Katie asking me all kinds of questions. In casual conversation, my so-far-alien-free daughter, Haley, asked, “When Katie and ____ (insert name or expletive, doesn’t matter) get married…” Excuse me?

That’s when I interrupted with, “She is not gonna marry _____.”

My single, unmarried, unspoken-for, and alien-inhabited daughter, Katie.

Later, when I was sitting at the computer, Katie came to kiss me goodnight and asked, “Why did you say I couldn’t marry ______ (insert name of endangered species)?”

Correct me if I am wrong, but was I not told that the non-boyfriend was just a friend? Then why would my statement about who she’s not going to marry be an issue? If my dad had told me I wasn’t going to marry my friend Kevin, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings one bit. So what’s the deal with endangered boy and daydreamer?

If she marries he-who-walks-on-thin-ice, then I’ll be forced to like him. Until then, what’s wrong with simply protecting a non-boyfriend from a danger he can’t understand? Who knows? If I spare him from being abducted by an alien, I might be the best friend the non-boyfriend boy friend could ever have.

He will thank me, later.

1 Comment

Filed under Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Future, Life Lessons, Parenting, Relationships and Family, wisdom

Tagged as Boyfriend, dating, Family, fathers, Girl, Marriage, Parenting

by Anthony Baker | October 23, 2013 · 3:44 pm

Embarrassing Local News

The News

What is it about being on “the news?” We go home and grab the wife and kids and say, “Honey! I was standing by a horrible car crash when the T.V. station pointed a camera at me! I’m gonna be on the NEWS!”

I have been written about in the news paper several times for different reasons (none crime-related). I have even been seen on local television news defending prayer at football games and chastising the city council for misappropriating tax dollars. But even if all I was doing was standing in line to buy fuel, it’s still fun to be spoken of in “the news.”

But sometimes being in the news is just plain embarrassing.

Dateline: Soddy-Daisy

Some places have a reputation for rearing bright, intelligent, first-class thinkers and leaders, like scholars, inventors, CEO’s, and U.S. Presidents (ok, we can discuss that last one later). But Soddy-Daisy needs to be careful of who they allow in the news, or before long they will have a reputation of bringing up idiots and fool-headed morons.

Soddy-Daisy, please don’t get angry with me! I lived there for years, as my mother and grandmother still do. I have lots of friends in Soddy-Daisy and consider it a great place to live. But seriously, you need to be careful about what kind of news stories you allow to get out. The one about the guy falling from the tree is now going global (thanks to me, ha!).

So, here’s the story….late last night (Tuesday, Aug. 22) a man was rescued from the woods after falling 70 feet from a tree. He suffered several fractures, but was lucky to be found alive after spending several hours calling for help.

(Puma concolor) aka: Mountain Lion, Puma (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

But here’s the REST of the story….he climbed the tree because he was chasing a mountain lion!

Just a few observations, then I’m done…

Don’t go into the woods (forest) without a shock-resistant cell phone. They make calling for help much more effective.
Mountain lions are not cuddly kittens. You don’t want to catch one in the wild.
If you feel the need to chase a mountain lion in the woods, seek psychological help immediately. I mean, seriously, what did it do, steal your wallet?
If a mountain lion decides to run from you and not towards you, one of two things should be done: a) you should stop, drop, and pray to God, giving thanks that your life was spared; or b) take a bath.
If for some reason you desire to chase a fleeing mountain lion up a tree, remember gravity is not your friend. Therefore, while in the tree you will be fighting two enemies: a big cat with knives for fingernails and the laws of nature.
If you fall out of a tree after chasing a mountain lion up the tree, don’t tell anyone, especially the news! Otherwise, you will be considered the biggest moron on the face of the planet, thereby further contributing to the bad press banjo-dueling rednecks already get.
The mountain lion should have killed you, you big dummy!

Public Warned To Be Vigilent After Mountain Lion Sighting In Woodside (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)
Mountain Lion Seen On Residential Street In San Carlos (sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com)
DNR Confirms Iowa Mountain Lion Sighting (kcrg.com)
BIG CAT: DNR Confirms Mountain Lion Sighting (whotv.com)

1 Comment

Filed under animals, current events, General Observations, Life Lessons, wisdom

Tagged as Animals, Chattanooga, Cougar, lions, Mountain Lion, news, Newspaper, Soddy-Daisy, Soddy-Daisy Tennessee

by Anthony Baker | October 16, 2013 · 12:47 pm

She Might Be Flirting If…

Stay With Me

Yesterday, taking a sharp turn from the direction I usually go, I wrote a post dealing with how men flirt. Today I am going to write about how women flirt, or at least my thoughts on the subject. But before you run off thinking The Recovering Legalist is becoming Vanity Fair or The Huffington Post, let me reassure you: there is a point to my madness.

Yesterday was about men. Today will be about women (or at least my understanding and perceptions of the creatures). Tomorrow will be about… Well, you’ll just have to come back tomorrow to find out. Just stay with me on this, OK?

More Nonsense

I scoured the web this morning looking for sources and I found several. However, unlike yesterday, I will give you the links at the bottom of the page, just so you’ll know I am not making this stuff up. Essentially there are a lot of websites and magazines with published articles dealing with “how to know if a woman is flirting.” But once again, several of the clues are deceptive.

Are you a nice person? Do you smile at people? Do you look people in the eye when you speak? Then you’d better watch out, somebody may think you are flirting!

The following are said to be clues that a woman is flirting, guys. So watch out, especially if she is one of those Proverbs 7 women (that’s not good).

She’s staring at you. Never mind that you might have a piece of chicken in your tooth, or you may look like a suspected criminal, if a woman is staring at you, you might be daddy material.
She smiles at you. According to the experts, yelling, screaming, hateful, and even non-emotional women are safe. It’s the ones that are smiling at you that should make you concerned (or excited). That means every girl that works at Chick-fil-A wants to take you on a date.
She plays with her hair. Supposedly, if a woman fiddles with her hair – twirls it in her finger while talking or listening to you – she is flirting. Sinead O’Conner, therefore, will be hard to read, I suppose.
She touches you. Normally, I would give credence to this one. However, some people are just “touchy” people. Some women have a motherly instinct that demands they straighten every tie and remove every piece of lint. So, don’t get creeped out when Granny brushes your shoulder.
She draws attention to her body. Seriously? What woman does not try to draw attention to her body, or at least parts of it? What is makeup for? How long has it been since women have striven to be modest? Good grief, with the way women dress today, the only women not flirting are wearing long blue jean skirts (but they usually have long hair, so watch out for the twirling)!

My Experience

What do I think? How do I believe a man can tell if a woman is flirting? From my experience, which is admittedly limited, I believe there are a few legitimate, full-proof signs. Let me share them with you, but in a more Jeff Foxworthy-ish style…

If a woman looks at you with her eyes, she might be flirting.
If a woman throws the rock back at you from across the playground, she might be flirting.
If a woman asks you to sip something she is drinking, she is definitely flirting.
If a woman bites her lip when you wear chocolate-scented cologne, she just has a hankering for chocolate.
If a woman says you are ugly, she might be flirting.
If a woman says, “I wouldn’t go out with you in a million years,” all the while maintaining an incredulous smirk of disdain, ask her out again next week: she might be flirting with you.
If you happen to be wrestling (pronounced “wrasling”) around on the floor, and the girl you are pretending to let beat you up actually breaks your finger and then says, “OH, did I do that? I’m sorry!”… I’ll let you figure that one out. I just married her.

Well, my wife just asked me if I could tell when she was flirting, so I guess I will bring this post to a close. Just be careful, men.

The last thing you want to do is misinterpret a woman’s intentions.

2 Comments

Filed under current events, General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, wisdom

Tagged as Body language, eye contact, flirting, Huffington Post, Jeff Foxworthy, People, Women

by Anthony Baker | October 15, 2013 · 1:41 pm

Signs of Flirting?

Uncomfortable Topic

OK, so this is not a subject I normally discuss, but I feel I must say something.

I have seen several pieces in the news about how to know when a man is flirting, but the signs leave me a little puzzled. I mean, I am a man, so I should have some knowledge of when I am flirting, correct? But, evidently, I may be flirting when I don’t know it!

I don’t remember the sources for the following, but if you want to, just Google them (It is not my intention to plagiarize, but I am not getting graded on a paper, applying for a job, or getting paid for this post, so I’m not going to worry too much at this point). Here are…

Ten (supposed) ways to know a man is flirting with you:

He makes eye contact when he talks.
He touches his face.
He laughs at a girl’s jokes.
He messes with his own hair.
He tries to gain your attention.
He leans in closer when you talk.
He touches you on the shoulder.
He always has a smile.
He puts his hands on his waist.
He throws rocks at you from across the playground.

Analysis of List

First, I always thought that I was supposed to make eye contact when talking with someone. Does this mean that every time I look someone in the eyes I am flirting? I guess I am going to have to revert back to my insecure, shifty-eye days.

Second, what if a guy feels bugs crawling on his face and in his hair? Should #2 and #4 on the list be avoided? I mean, if I get an itch, does that mean a woman is going to slap me?

Third, maybe guys are just being nice, you know? I try to smile at everybody’s jokes, don’t you? Sometimes a girl can be funny, even when she is ugly as a burnt tree.

Attention? What’s wrong with trying to get someone’s attention? Sure, there are different ways to do that, but come on! Just because I honk my horn at a lady walking down the street does not mean I want a date; there may be a tiger behind her, or a hole in front of her. The right thing to do is warn her.

Next (is this fifth?), the reason I lean in closer to a girl is because I am deaf from all the head-banging Southern Gospel music I have played.

Sixthly, I may put my hands on my waist, but it might only mean I am disgusted with you. I would hardly call that flirting. But if I do put my hand on your shoulder, it might mean that I am secretly trying to see if the Vulcan grip really works.

Seventh, I always smile. Not really. That’s a lie.

Eighthly, ninethly, and tenthly, if I throw a rock at you on the playground, then I am absolutely flirting. Every boy knows that’s the way you let a girl know you like her. But since I am married, and since flirting with other women could cause my wife to do bad things to me in my sleep, I will keep my rocks to myself.

One Other Thing

There was one other sign that I did not include in the above list, but was in one article I read: “If a guy plays footsies with you in the sand, he might be flirting.”

If a guy starts rubbing his feet all over yours, that’s not a sign of flirting, people; that’s something way more. Ladies (and I am talking to women at this point), either get wedding invitations ready, or make use of a well-placed knee. You need no other signs.

Your welcome.

7 Comments

Filed under current events, General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, wisdom

Tagged as dating, eye contact, flirting, marriage counseling, Relationships

by Anthony Baker | September 25, 2013 · 10:50 am

Proverbial Thoughts

Commercials

Every once in a while I do a commercial for Proverbial Thought. It is my other site which features several others and me commenting daily on the book of Proverbs. Every day we share personal thoughts based on life experience and study of the selected scripture.

Just recently Chris Jordan wrote a post (which I can’t find) on his blog which listed several of the last posts he had written on Proverbial Thought. That’s when I thought to myself, “Why don’t I do that?”

So, below you will find links to a few “thoughts” I’ve had. I would encourage you, if you haven’t already, to subscribe to Proverbial Thought and receive some real wisdom (not necessarily from me) on a daily basis.