Back in 2013 a pastor had a “hissy fit” during the Sunday morning service. I don’t know how to define “hissy fit,” but when you see one, you know it.
You can do a search of my blog posts by typing “hissy fit” in where you see the little magnifying glass. That will take you to the post I wrote addressing the abusive rant made by a pastor, Dr. Jim Standridge. I don’t want to make it easy on you by simply leaving a link because if you really want to find out about it, you’ll look for it. Otherwise, I don’t want to add fuel to a fire that has already simmered.
But it was the sermon by Dr. Standridge that I remembered while doing a sermon/teaching series at our church and online on Discord (FaithChatt).
Emotional Abuse
Before I go any further, if you do watch the sermon by Dr. Standridge, understand that there are some out there that applauded what he did. I, for one, think what he said was shameful, reprehensible, and illegal, to be honest.
Yet, this sermon provided context for understanding how there are not only different denominations, but different pastors and congregations within those different denominations. And no matter what the label, if the environment is abusive, one should leave – now.
But Anthony, how do I know if my pastor or my church is abusive? I’m glad you asked.
In one quick google search I found multiple lists of warning signs and red flags one can look out for when abuse is suspected. One of those lists was provided by Safehouse.org. That list (which I will share) does not specifically address religious institutions, but it might as well. The similarities are obvious.
So, if you notice any of the following signs of emotional abuse in your church, LEAVE! Don’t go back. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t try to reason with your pastor or leadership, just WALK AWAY!
5 Signs of Emotional Abuse
They are Hyper-Critical or Judgmental Towards You (in the following ways)
Put you down in front of others
Humiliate you or embarrass you
Use sarcasm or “teasing” or “jokes” to make you feel badly about yourself.
They always have an opinion about what you say, do, or think
Upset if/when you don’t agree (e.g., how you dress, how you spend your money, who you spend time with, what you are interested in)
They Ignore Boundaries or Invade Your Privacy
They are Possessive and/or Controlling
The abuser may try to restrict your behavior through unreasonable jealousy such as
Monitoring your actions
Constantly calling or texting when you are not around
Getting upset when you want to spend time by yourself or with family or friends alone
isolating you from other people in your life and/or activities you enjoy or work
Demanding access to your phone, email, or social media accounts
They are Manipulative
Withdrawing affection when you’ve done something “wrong”
Ignoring or excluding you
Guilt trips
Making you doubt yourself
Denying something you know is true
They Often Dismiss Your Feelings
So, there ya’ go. Any of this strike a nerve, ring a bell, sound familiar? If so, LEAVE THAT CHURCH!
Sheep should never be abused by other sheep or especially their shepherd. Find another flock.
I know that what I am about to share with you could be taken the wrong way. Therefore, I am going to do everything I can to keep that from happening. Please read the following bullet points.
Sexual misconduct is a sin, but it’s also a disqualifier for ministry leadership.
Sexual misconduct, particularly assault, but not exclusively, is a crime which should not be tolerated.
Any sexual misconduct that is reported should immediately be turned over to the proper authorities. Nothing is to be handled internally.
All accusations of sexual misconduct should be taken seriously and investigated.
Alleged victims should be treated with compassion and respect.
Sexual assault, especially by a trusted leader or mentor, is monstrous and deserving of punishment to the fullest extent of the law.
Next, I would like to remind you that my family and I have had to endure the pain of sexual misconduct and abuse. We have personal experience with the legal and judicial process, also. Even more, I carry with me the guilt of having not seen the red flags early enough and the shame of having believed the denials and lies of a sexual predator.
So, my point is this: Don’t get on a podium and preach to me about this subject, especially when I say what I’m about to say; I know of which I speak.
Accusations are not proof of guilt. Denials are not proof of innocence. Therefore, when it comes to accusations of sexual misconduct, the accused deserves to be treated as innocent until proven guilty. That’s not only constitutional; it’s biblical.
Unfortunately, especially for those in ministry, accusations are about as damaging and destructive as a conviction. Because of how our legal system works, it is possible for a good defense attorney to get an actual offender cleared of all charges. Therefore, though technically innocent (or “not guilty”), it is feasible for the accused to still be guilty, though not punished. The result is perpetual suspicion that the accused is guilty, regardless the evidence.
Let me be honest, I believe once a sexual predator, always a sexual predator. I didn’t used to believe that, but my opinions changed several years ago. Therefore, if you’ve ever been convicted of a sex crime, don’t ever expect to come to a church I pastor and think you’re going to be treated the same as everyone else. It doesn’t matter if you’ve repented; I can’t take the risk with my sheep. But what do I do with those who’ve been accused, yet never convicted?
This all came to the forefront this week when news that the Guidestone report on the investigation of the Southern Baptist Convention Executive Board was released. In it are damning allegations of sexual misconduct, even assault, by not only individuals on the board, but also evidence that misconduct in local churches by pastors was covered up.
So, what we now have are major influential ministries and ministers in the Southern Baptist Convention having to step down from their respective positions, see their incomes taken away, and be forced to live with the ever-present stain of disqualification, guilty or not. This is where I have a huge problem.
Tragically, this conundrum affects both parties involved. The victims often find it difficult to be believed and often have their character destroyed in trial by the defense. Those who are accused are often considered too risky to keep around and therefore lose everything in the process of proving their innocence. All the while, those of us on the outside rarely receive enough credible information to make an informed decision and we’re often the products of our own biases (i.e., “always believe the woman,” or “it’s always political”).
As hard as it may be, the fact is that we need to remember a fundamental doctrine in our system of law – everyone is innocent until proven guilty. It is NOT the other way around. Although the accusations may be disgusting and horrible, we are not guilty of them until proven. We cannot continue to allow the accusation of sin be the conviction of sin.
By the way, it’s pronounced “uh-salt,” NOT “uh-sult.”
Some of you may know him as the kind, polite, father and husband who lives up north where the maple trees grow. Others of you may know him as the troll who loves to leave hateful comments on this blog.
If you are not familiar with Stephen, he calls himself a “red letter” Christian who is an “a** hole at times,” but particularly when dealing with other “a** holes” like pastors, ministers, Bible-teachers, etc. And it is here, on this blog, where Stephen loves to imitate the aforementioned body part.
Stephen and his comments go back a while. At one point they were much more cordial. He has even wished my wife and me well! However, although he claims to harbor no hatred toward organized religion, the bitter sarcasm and frequent pointed vulgarity say the opposite.
As of recently (mainly because I’ve started writing again), our Canadian friend has been back at it with renewed vitriol. What’s more, he’s even taken to replying to commenters with condescending, insulting comments.
So, the purpose of this post is to bring Stephen out into the open where everyone can see what he is saying, not just those who leave or read the comments. And what’s more, I’m going to share some points from the Canada Human Rights Act that may have a bearing on Stephen’s language.
CHRA Quotes
I am not sharing the following information as a means of support for the Canada Human Rights Act. Personally, I think making hate speech a major crime, especially when the laws can be interpreted to include just about anything that offends another, is government overreach.
However, since it IS the law in Canada, I thought it would be interesting to share what I found and then use it as a light to shine on recent comments from Stephen.
Fear of hate propaganda offence or hate crime 810.012 (1) A person may, with the Attorney General’s consent, lay an information before a provincial court judge if the person fears on reasonable grounds that another person will commit
(a) an offence under section 318 or subsection 319(1) or (2);
(b) an offence under subsection 430(4.1); or
(c) an offence motivated by bias, prejudice or hate based on race, national or ethnic origin, language, colour, religion, sex, age, mental or physical disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, or any other similar factor.
Communication of hate speech 13 (1) It is a discriminatory practice to communicate or cause to be communicated hate speech by means of the Internet or other means of telecommunication in a context in which the hate speech is likely to foment detestation or vilification of an individual or group of individuals on the basis of a prohibited ground of discrimination.
Continuous communication (2) For the purposes of subsection (1), a person who communicates or causes to be communicated hate speech continues to do so for as long as the hate speech remains public and the person can remove or block access to it.
Definition of hate speech
(9) In this section, hate speech means the content of a communication that expresses detestation or vilification of an individual or group of individuals on the basis of a prohibited ground of discrimination.
Stephen’s Comments
Now, since you’ve hopefully read the above statutes, I would like to share with you a couple of recent comments which Stephen has left. I will embolden key words so that you can compare those with the CHRA.
have to excuse me if I don’t take advice from religious grifters who can’t keep their children safe Anthony. You have no moral high ground and absolutely no authority over anybody. But your mental illness keeps you from seeing this truth. Only an absolute legalistic, religious zealot would believe that Gods’ grace, joy, fulfillment and blessings are bases on showing up Sunday mornings to a religious business. You don’t even know Jesus Christ yourself and yet you rob people of their hard earned money with your weapon of choice, the bible. You’re truly a disgusting human being Anthony.
Stephen, 5/23/22 2:07 p.m.
And again you prove yourself an asshole. You’ve got a history of supporting sexual predators so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. No matter how many times God proves to you that some of your beliefs are way off, little Anthony Baker knows better. Just another religious asshole who refuses to take responsibility for himself. Blaming fictional people “the woke” or “the left”. If you knew just how stupid you sound you might shut the heck up. A pastor who supports murderers and sexual predators, seems par for the western christian church.
Stephen, 5/24/22 8:52 a.m.
As a pastor, my reputation in the public’s eye is critically important. It’s one thing to make statements like those above about engineers, taxi drivers, or dentists, but when it’s against a member of the clergy, even suggestions of misconduct or seeming alignment with criminal or perverse behavior can cost a man and his family a living. And, not just the pastor, but the whole congregation and the name of the church in their community can suffer.
Therefore, when we look at what I’ve emboldened in the above comments from Stephen, what we see are words that not only vilify an individual but give evidence of a class hatred. Then, since these comments are meant to be viewed by all, even though they could be redacted, one can only assume that the end result would be to manipulate the reader and malign my character.
What do YOU think? Does Stephen put himself at risk for a $20,000 payment to me and a $50,000 payment to the Canadian government? It’s either that or jail time, from what I read.
Last night I received some heartbreaking news about the Southern Baptist Convention. Heartbreaking and sickening.
When my wife and I attended last year’s general session in Nashville and voted for a transparent investigation into allegations of sexual misconduct, I had no idea what would happen. However, my intention, along with all the other delegates (as best I can tell), was to take a proactive stance that would show we won’t (and won’t) tolerate that kind of stuff.
However, over the past year it became obvious to me and some others that more was at play than an investigation. Certain red flags were waving in the camp of the SBC leadership – the woke ones – not the SBC Executive Committee, and the shakeup that followed looked more like an ideological purge than an attempt to make something right.
But yesterday the report from Guidestone dropped. And what was in that report? Accusations that the leadership of the SBC has been covering up hundreds of sexual misconduct accusations, including the one from 2010 against former SBC president Johnny Hunt. It seems Hunt was accused of sexual assault against another pastor’s wife 24 years his junior. He vehemently denies it.
Are the accusations true? Well, according to the report from Guidestone, the accusation seems credible and conversations with Johnny Hunt did not leave the investigators with much confidence. As a result, Hunt has resigned all positions and, at the least, will suffer ministerial destruction.
If he did what he was accused of, then Hunt should get what’s coming to him. If, however, all we have are accusations and no evidence worthy of prosecution, we are left with nothing more than unanswered questions, ruined reputations, and one more staunch conservative kicked out of the way.
Now, again, I am totally in support of weeding out sexual misconduct, so don’t misunderstand me. But please forgive me if I’m suspicious of the motivations behind those doing the investigating.
Regardless, the ultimate result will be that SBC missionaries on the field will suffer. Because of this mess, true or not, already decreased giving will take a sharp turn south resulting in the recall of many sharing the Gospel in places all over the world.
This morning at 11 a.m. (eastern), the Executive Committee will be live streaming a special called meeting. They have invited all who are interested to watch it. Whatever the case, regardless of where the evidence leads, this whole thing is totally sickening.
If YOU want to join us as we watch the meeting, I am sharing a link. I hope it works.
“Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.”
“And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.” – Luke 18:11, 13
The Perfect Candidate
Imagine that instead of the temple, a Pharisee and a publican walked into a pastoral search committee meeting. They walk in, introduce themselves, and compare resumes.
Which one do you think would be offered the position? I believe it would be the one who meets the average preconception of what every Christian fit for service should be. I believe the Pharisee, the one with the perfect resume and appearance, would be the first considered.
But God doesn’t use perfect people; He uses REAL people. Unfortunately, there are many men and women in the church who feel inferior and useless because of their sinful and broken pasts. They are the people who sit on the pews, week after week, doing all they can to be faithful in life, but are forbidden to hold positions in the church. They are much like the Publican, men and women who know they have failed in the past, but want to be forgiven and start new.
Genesis of Dysfunction
A while back I read through the book of Genesis in a couple of sittings. Reading a book of the Bible that way, especially in a different translation, can help you see the story from a new perspective. This time I was just astounded at how messed up these people really were! There was so much “stuff” going on that if it were today, it would make an episode of Jerry Springer look tame!
Consider, if nothing else, the sad story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. This was a seriously messed up family with real marital problems. At one point, Leah and Rachel get into a jealous argument over a son’s mandrakes. Just imagine you were a marriage counselor and listened in to the following story…
Reuben went out during the wheat harvest and found some mandrakes in the field. When he brought them to his mother, Leah, Rachel asked, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.” But Leah replied to her, “Isn’t it enough that you have taken my husband? Now you also want my son’s mandrakes?“
“Well,” Rachel said, “you can sleep with him tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.” When Jacob came in from the field that evening, Leah went out to meet him and said, “You must come with me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So Jacob slept with her that night. – Geneses 30:14:16 HCSB
Check this out…
Twice Abraham told other people that his wife, Sarah, was his sister so that he would not be harmed.
Joseph’s brothers hated him and sold him to traveling salesmen.
Jacob and Esau were seriously at odds.
Leah, poor thing, kept trying to have children so that her husband, Jacob would love her.
And there’s more!
Jacob’s father-in-law, Laban, got him drunk on his wedding night and gave him the wrong wife – on purpose.
The son’s of Jacob (founders of ten of the tribes of Israel) lied to a bunch of men about making a covenant, then proceeded to slaughter all of them after they had convinced them to be circumcised.
It just goes on and on. Messed up, I am telling you! MESSED UP!
Nevertheless,
God told Abraham in Genesis 12:2-3: “And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” How is this even possible?
If God can use Abraham and his family – with all their problems – to bless the nations, then He can use ANYBODY!
A while back, but less than 10 years, my family fell prey to a sexual predator. Some of you may know what that is like, what the roller coaster of emotions one must endure feels like, and how violated you feel when the one that did the harm was supposed to have been a friend.
I’m not going to share many details, but I am thankful for the fact that our loved one didn’t go missing or wasn’t found dead in a ditch. It could have been much worse.
Regardless, as a pastor, I learned some hard lessons about how sexual predators prey on children by infiltrating congregations while disguised as the best church members you could ever want. I also learned that forgiving a sexual predator does NOT translate into wiping the slate clean and “forgetting” in the same way God does our sin.
Initially, even though it’s hard to say with certainty because a man doesn’t truly know what he will do until he’s put in a situation, if given the opportunity I would have killed the man. As a matter of fact, there have been times when I doubted my manhood because I didn’t kill him. But that desire for vengeance has passed.
Do I want the man to be released from prison? Not any time soon. That’s because I don’t want him to have the chance to do more harm, to abuse more young girls. But do I want him to stay in prison forever? Honestly, not really. Actually, it’s not something I think about anymore.
Granted, if he showed up at my door unannounced, there would likely be bloodshed. Just saying. Why? Because I’ll never be able to trust him again. Period.
But do I hate him? No, I don’t. Have I forgiven him? Yes, I have. And I love him, too.
How is this possible? Well, to begin with, I gave him over to the authorities to deal with. They were the ones set up by God to carry out justice on this earth. Taking justice into my own hands would be contrary to God’s law, therefore a sin. I’m not seeking more punishment, for to do so would be seeking vengeance, not justice.
Next, my prayer is that one day this man would genuinely recognize the harm he has done and call out to God for mercy and forgiveness. I want him to feel remorse, but I also want him to bring God glory by calling out to Him in faith.
But this is how I know my heart is right, at least as right as can be considering the circumstances. I would love to see this predator in heaven one day. And do you know what I want to do when I see him there? I want to smile and say to him, “Isn’t God good!”
The greatest end to this tragic story would be to stand there with that sinner and recognize that my own sins would have damned me to hell just like him . . . if not for God’s grace, if not for Jesus!
Then, at that moment, the only right thing to do will be to turn toward the Throne and worship the One who saves to the uttermost!
What glory is there in seeing someone burn in hell for an eternity? God doesn’t want that, for He is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9). The glory comes when God is praised for his grace and mercy that is greater than all our sin! The glory comes when God is praised for eternity and His goodness and wisdom is displayed to all the principalities and powers in heavenly places!
"At the Cross"
Alas! and did my Savior bleed
And did my Sovereign die?
Would He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?
Was it for crimes that I had done
He groaned upon the tree?
Amazing pity! grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!
But drops of grief can ne’er repay
The debt of love I owe:
Here, Lord, I give my self away
’Tis all that I can do.
At the cross, at the cross where I first saw the light,
And the burden of my heart rolled away,
It was there by faith I received my sight,
And now I am happy all the day!
- Isaac Watts (1707)
I have been feeling under the weather (sick) for most of the week. I went to the doctor just to make sure that I did not have the flue (or Coronavirus), and the test was negative. I just had a bad case of an acute stomach virus or food poisoning. That was good news, especially considering I was determined to speak at a funeral service on Thursday.
However, for the rest of the week I have been wiped out – no energy, thirsty, little appetite, and no desire for coffee (yeah, something’s really wrong). Every time I get up to do anything, I feel like I need to sit back down. It’s been miserable.
But then I read a news story that injected some adrenalin into my veins and animated my limbs (at least my fingers). I knew I had to say something, the sooner the better. Anger overcame lethargy.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What kind of idiots would do such a thing? Are they stupid? Crazy?
No, actually, they are probably like so many other Christians who believe the right thing to do is forgive, and they’ve likely never experienced the fangs of a predator within their flock. Or, maybe they’re just the stick-a-fork-in-a-socket kind of dumb.
The Amazon link may show a different cover, but this is the book.
Dear friends, wherever you are, I beg of you…I plead with you!.. order this book by Dr. Anna C Salter. My wife and I were given a copy several years ago by a family counselor who was tasked with helping us heal from the wounds of a sexual predator. As we read it, we both became physically ill, not simply from the content, but how we had been duped by a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
The reason why I became so angry when I read the story of how Mt. Ararat Baptist Church in Jacksonville hired a convicted sex offender is that they evidently don’t know what they are dealing with! They’ve never read a book like this! If they had, this guy’s name would have never been considered, not even for an outside gutter sweeper!
Tell Me, Why?
I don’t know what they used for justification, but those who suggested Rev. Darrell Gilyard as a candidate for pastor should be tarred and feathered for furthering the endangerment of children and women. His name should have never even been considered!
So, why is it that he was picked? Why did anyone vote him in? I can only guess, and here are a few that come to mind:
He’s a great, powerful preacher; he’s gonna have his weaknesses.
He never really did any of the things he was accused of or found guilty of. All were simply misunderstandings.
He did commit a horrible sin, but that was in 2009, and he has paid his debt to society. Are we to still treat him like he’s a criminal?
God is the God of second chances.
If Jesus Christ forgave him for his sin, then who are we to hold it over him?
He may have done those things in the past, but he is a changed man, now.
But let me tell you how it really is and should be (If you’re the soft-hearted type that can’t stand the sight of blood, look away; it’s going to get brutal.)
Reality
Sex offenders, rapists, pedophiles, and child molesters are predators. They do not change. They are never reformed. They will always have a taste for prey.
Oh, I know what some of you are thinking. You are shocked that a good-ole Baptist preacher like me would claim anyone is beyond the saving grace and changing power of the blood of Jesus Christ, right? Well, that’s not what I’m saying.
God can change anyone. Period. If the Word of God is true (and I believe it is), if anyone repents and accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior, he will become a new creature: a born-again individual with a new nature that seeks to please God, not the flesh (2 Cor. 5:17).
But how do you typically know when people have been changed by God, saved by His grace, given a new heart, etc.? Their testimony.
In other words, by their words and their works they testify to the change that has taken place. And who doesn’t love a good testimony story, amen?
The only problem is that every predator that infiltrates a church usually does it with a GREAT testimony. Then, before long, he/she is put in a place of authority with access to all the victims he wants, even if he has to groom them a little while before he feasts.
In the news video from Chanel 4 in Jacksonville, one of the pastor’s supporters (James Andrews) said something very telling. He said, “I forgave him.”
Stop and think about that for just a moment, would you? What did this man have to forgive him for? What did Darrell Gilyard do to him? What does his forgiveness have to do with anything, really?
“Of course I believe I have changed. But time will tell everyone if I have changed,” Gilyard told First Coast News in 2014. “I’m a believer in when you do something wrong, you pay the price. But do you pay the price forever?”
What the Hades?!! Is he really that ignorant? He evidently thinks we are.
The predator doesn’t tell the prey he is dangerous.
Time is not a luxury any church can afford when it comes to this.
Anna Salter interviewed a young deacon (only in his 20’s) who had been convicted of sexually molesting a young boy in his youth group. Before he was arrested for that, he was accused of other things, but he cleverly picked children with histories of lying, so no one believed them. By the time he was put away, he voluntarily confessed to 95 other victims. What did time tell?
Yes, for some things you DO pay the price forever. The girls you molested certainly will. And have you ever heard of Hell?
For the safety of your children, you can NEVER, EVER trust a convicted sex offender. Never. No second chances. None.
What Now?
So, what would I do if I were in the shoes of the folk there at Mt. Ararat Baptist? First, I would immediately fire Mr. Gilyand. I would not even allow him to preach a good-bye sermon. He had no business – NONE – even being behind the pulpit according to the books of Timothy and Titus.
After getting rid of Mr. Gilyand, the congregation of Mt. Ararat needs to re-evaluate what it was that made them approve of hiring a wolf to lead them, then repent and ask forgiveness from God. After that, never let the same people serve on any search committee again.
For everyone else, especially if you are a church leader, order Predators:Pedophiles, Rapists, & Other Sex Offenders: Who They Are, How They Operate, and How We Can Protect Ourselves and Our Children, by Anna C Salter, Ph.D.
Be sober. Be vigilant. – 1 Peter 5:8
If you would like for us to share our personal experiences dealing with a sexual predator within our (former) flock, my wife and I would love to talk with you. Comment below or email me at PastorACBaker@yahoo.com.
Just imagine, what if you could say you held in your hand a small item, a one-of-a-kind, totally unique, and personally made by God Himself? How would you treat it?
Would you hold it carefully, caress it, watch over it?
Would you toss it in the trash, make fun of it, or abuse it?
Are we not unique? Are we not “fearfully and wonderfully made” by God? Are we not valuable beyond compare? Did God not offer His own Son as a ransom for our souls?
For you know that you were redeemed from your empty way of life inherited from your fathers, not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of an unblemished and spotless lamb. – 1 Peter 1:18-19 CSB
Then why do we treat each other the way we do?
We should treat each other as priceless because we are!
“Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.”
“And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.” – Luke 18:11, 13
Looking for Perfection?
God doesn’t use perfect people; He uses REAL people. Yet sadly, within the church, there are many men and women who have felt inferior and useless because of sinful and broken pasts.
They are the people who sit on the pews, week after week, doing all they can to be faithful in life, but are forbidden to hold positions in the church.
They are much like the Publican, men and women who know they have failed before, but want to be forgiven and start new. They are not the ones that look down on others for mistakes they’ve made.
Genesis of Dysfunction
A while back I read through the book of Genesis in a couple of sittings. Reading a book of the Bible that way, especially in a different translation, can help you see the story from a new perspective. This time I was just astounded at how messed up these people really were! There was so much “stuff” going on that if it were today, it would make an episode of Jerry Springer look tame!
Consider, if nothing else, the sad story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. This was a seriously messed up family with real marital problems. At one point, Leah and Rachel get into a jealous argument over a son’s mandrakes. Just imagine you were a marriage counselor and listened in to the following story…
Reuben went out during the wheat harvest and found some mandrakes in the field. When he brought them to his mother, Leah, Rachel asked, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.” But Leah replied to her, Isn’t it enough that you have taken my husband? Now you also want my son’s mandrakes?”
“Well,” Rachel said, “you can sleep with him tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.” When Jacob came in from the field that evening, Leah went out to meet him and said, “You must come with me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.” So Jacob slept with her that night.– Geneses 30:14:16 HCSB
Check this out…
Twice Abraham told other people that his wife, Sarah, was his sister so that he would not be harmed.
Joseph’s brothers hated him and sold him to traveling salesmen.
Jacob and Esau were seriously at odds.
Leah, poor thing, kept trying to have children so that her husband, Jacob would love her.
And there’s more!
Jacob’s father-in-law, Laban, got him drunk on his wedding night and gave him the wrong wife – on purpose.
The son’s of Jacob (founders of ten of the tribes of Israel) lied to a bunch of men about making a covenant, then proceeded to slaughter all of them after they had convinced them to be circumcised.
It just goes on and on. Messed up, I am telling you! MESSED UP!
Nevertheless,
God told Abraham in Genesis 12:2-3: “And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.” How is this even possible?
If God can use Abraham and his family with all their problems to bless the nations, then He can use ANYBODY!
A lot of push back has bubbled up this year from those who are tired of the easily-offended expressing their outrage. Now that the #metoo crowd has angrily entered the political correctness battleground, the whining and complaining has reached a new level of chalk-board-scraping irritation.
That being said, we shouldn’t let the snowflakes of the world callous us to the truth. A snowman may say it’s comfortable in 0-degree weather, but it’s still freezing.
Those who are always looking for something about which to be critical can find racism, bigotry, misogyny, and any number of phobias wherever they search. They are as equally quick to dismiss the mores of past generations as they are to view situations from the past through their own distorted lenses. So, they have no problem with criticizing Charlie Brown for being a racist and Rudolph’s unsupportive social structure for contributing to mental abuse.
But when it comes to how a man should treat a woman, especially from a holy, God-fearing, gentlemanly perspective, it’s never OK to talk her into doing something that might besmirch her reputation, dishonor her parents, or leave her with feelings of guilt or regret. What’s more, there’s nothing loving about a man trying to sweet talk a reluctant female into satisfying his own selfish sexual desires.
And from a Christian perspective, it’s unwise to flippantly toss around a song that glorifies sexual indiscretion, seduction, and using another person against his or her best wishes to fulfill an illicit sexual impulse.
And if that means you need to reevaluate what you listen to the rest of the year, not just during Christmas when “It’s Cold Outside,” then so be it.
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The Recovering Legalist 