Category Archives: abuse

A Sexually Predaceous Christmas Song

 “No!” Means “NO!”

A Winter Romance album coverI don’t know about you, but “Baby It’s Cold Outside” absolutely disgusts me. Every time I hear it sung on the radio (usually by Dean Martin), primarily during the Christmas season, it makes my blood boil! But what happens when I complain? Nothing. It’s “just an innocent song,” they say.

It’s just a “cat and mouse” thing, they say.

But seriously, would you just consider the lyrics? Have we not progressed to the point in society where we recognize red flags when we see them? Or, are we still in the age when it’s perfectly acceptable to coerce a woman, to interpret her “no” as a “yes”?

Is it acceptable these days to care nothing about a girl’s feelings and reputation all because your pride might get hurt if she says no to your advances? Well, that’s all “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is: an aroused sexual predator pressuring a reluctant date to stay the night, drugging her if necessary.

Red Flags

To make my point, I have included the lyrics to “Baby It’s Cold Outside” in this post, highlighting and commenting along the way.

“Baby It’s Cold Outside”

I really can’t stay – Baby it’s cold outside
I’ve got to go away – Baby it’s cold outside
This evening has been – Been hoping that you’d drop in
So very nice – I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice

Up until this point, it’s not that bad. Asking someone to stay the night is not the problem (from a legal sense). But things start to progress from questionable to insensitive pressuring very quickly.

My mother will start to worry – Beautiful, what’s your hurry?
Father will be pacing the floor – Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I’d better scurry – Beautiful, please don’t hurry
Maybe just a half a drink more – Put some records on while I pour

So, the girl actually cares about the feelings of her parents – imagine that! But does that matter to the guy? No. He cares nothing for her fears or her parents feelings – sounds like a real “keeper.”

The neighbors might think – Baby, it’s bad out there
Say, what’s in this drink?No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how – Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell – I’ll take your hat, your hair looks swell

Yeah, who cares what the neighbors think? No biggie, right? But isn’t putting drugs in your date’s drink illegal? Isn’t denying your date safe transport home considered kidnapping? Isn’t drugging your date and keeping her against her will the precursors to rape? I guess it’s hard to break the “spell” of a drug once it’s already caused one’s eyes to sparkle like “starlight.”

I ought to say no, no, no – Mind if I move in closer?
At least I’m gonna say that I tried – What’s the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can’t stay – Baby don’t hold out
Ah, but it’s cold outside

Notice the “no, no, no” followed by the predator’s advancing moves (as a father, I wan’t to beat the crap out of this guy about now). She said “no,” but she also said she “ought” to say no. Well, what do you expect someone drugged to say??? Now you’ve got a girl who’s unable to decide for herself what to do and a guy who’s making her feel guilty for not putting out!! Whatever happened to the season of giving, not getting, hmmm?

I’ve got to get home – Oh, baby, you’ll freeze out there
Say, lend me your coat – It’s up to your knees out there
You’ve really been grand – Thrill when you touch my hand
Why don’t you seeHow can you do this thing to me?

Don’t you just love this? It’s now around the fifth time this girl’s expressed her desire to leave her date’s house, but he won’t give up. Then she appeals to chivalry and asks for his coat, because by now she can’t remember why she doesn’t have one, even though it’s cold enough to be snowing. Does he give it to her like a gentleman should? No, he hides her coat (evidently) and continues to touch her! Finally, she begs him to recognize her reluctance, but all the animal can do is play mind games (a hallmark of predators).

There’s bound to be talk tomorrowThink of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied – If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can’t stayGet over that hold out
Ah, but it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside
Oh, baby, it’s cold outside

Once again, it’s all “poor me” from the predator, mixed in with a little twist of feigned caring (“Oh, you’ll get sick!”). Does he care about her reputation? Does he care about her at all? Evidently not. Even after she makes one last plea, all he can say is “get over your holding out on me!” Because, after all, it’s cold outside.

 – Lyrics written by: Frank Loesser, 1944

We say we hate sexual abuse, yet this song continues to be played every Christmas season. How long before we say, “Enough!”?

Am I overreacting? What if it was YOUR daughter? 

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Filed under abuse, General Observations, Parenting

Perfection Not Required

Jesus Said…

“Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.”

“And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.” – Luke 18:11, 13

The Perfect Candidate

Imagine that instead of the temple, a Pharisee and a publican walked into a pastoral search committee meeting.  They walk in, introduce themselves, and compare resumes.

pharisee and publicanWhich one do you think would be offered the position? I believe it would be the one who meets the average preconception of what every Christian fit for service should be. I believe the Pharisee, the one with the perfect resume and appearance, would be the first considered.

But God doesn’t use perfect people; He uses REAL people. Unfortunately, there are many men and women in the church who feel inferior and useless because of their sinful and broken pasts. They are the people who sit on the pews, week after week, doing all they can to be faithful in life, but are forbidden to hold positions in the church.  They are much like the Publican, men and women who know they have failed in the past, but want to be forgiven and start new.  

Genesis of Dysfunction

A while back I read through the book of Genesis in a couple of sittings.  Reading a book of the Bible that way, especially in a different translation, can help you see the story from a new perspective.  This time I was just astounded at how messed up these people really were!  There was so much “stuff” going on that if it were today, it would make an episode of Jerry Springer look tame!

Consider, if nothing else, the sad story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. This was a seriously messed up family with real marital problems.  At one point, Leah and Rachel get into a jealous argument over a son’s mandrakes.  Just imagine you were a marriage counselor and listened in to the following story…

Reuben went out during the wheat harvest and found some mandrakes in the field.  When he brought them to his mother, Leah, Rachel asked, “Please give me some of your son’s mandrakes.”  But Leah replied to her, “Isn’t it enough that you have taken my husband?  Now you also want my son’s mandrakes?

Well,” Rachel said, “you can sleep with him tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.”  When Jacob came in from the field that evening, Leah went out to meet him and said, “You must come with me, for I have hired you with my son’s mandrakes.”  So Jacob slept with her that night. – Geneses 30:14:16 HCSB

Check this out…

  • Twice Abraham told other people that his wife, Sarah, was his sister so that he would not be harmed.
  • Joseph’s brothers hated him and sold him to traveling salesmen.
  • Jacob and Esau were seriously at odds.
  • Leah, poor thing, kept trying to have children so that her husband, Jacob would love her.

And there’s more!

  • Jacob’s father-in-law, Laban, got him drunk on his wedding night and gave him the wrong wife – on purpose.
  • The son’s of Jacob (founders of ten of the tribes of Israel) lied to a bunch of men about making a covenant, then proceeded to slaughter all of them after they had convinced them to be circumcised.

It just goes on and on.  Messed up, I am telling you! MESSED UP!

Nevertheless,

God told Abraham in Genesis 12:2-3: “And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.”  How is this even possible?  

If God can use Abraham and his family – with all their problems – to bless the nations, then He can use ANYBODY!


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Filed under Abortion, abuse, Christian Living, Do not judge, Faith, General Observations, legalism, Relationships and Family, Struggles and Trials, World View

Nauseous Hosts

Proverbs 23:6-8

“Eat thou not the bread of [him that hath] an evil eye, neither desire thou his dainty meats: For as he thinketh in his heart, so [is] he: Eat and drink, saith he to thee; but his heart [is] not with thee. The morsel [which] thou hast eaten shalt thou vomit up, and lose thy sweet words.” – KJV

“Don’t eat with people who are stingy; don’t desire their delicacies. They are always thinking about how much it costs. “Eat and drink,” they say, but they don’t mean it. You will throw up what little you’ve eaten, and your compliments will be wasted.” – NLT

Puzzling 

I have been struggling with this proverb. You must admit, it’s a little odd. I mean, what’s the deal with “dainty meats” and throwing up?

The best I can figure, the meaning of this proverbs is pretty simple once you get past the language. For one thing, don’t eat with a hypocrite. Secondly, if you do, you’ll regret anything nice you ever said.

It does seem a little strange, though. Why would someone feed you and say, “Go ahead, dear, eat all you want,” while at the same time regret you ever came to dinner?

Better to Eat Herbs

Solomon must have had an experience or two with people who wanted to entertain him with a meal. But evidently there were people who offered the best on the menu while wincing every time he took a nibble. Have you ever known anyone like that?

What makes a person sick after eating all the nice, expensive food is the guilt one is made to feel. There are some people who want to make you think they care, but then they make you feel guilty for taking advantage of their hospitality. The great Matthew Henry said,

Do not sponge upon those that are bountiful, nor make thyself burdensome to any; but especially scorn to be beholden to those that are paltry and not sincere. Better have a dinner of herbs, and true welcome, than dainty meats without it.*

Gag Reflex

Here’s the point that must be taken: don’t desire the things that belong to the wealthy, nor ask them for a free meal. Sure, there are kindly millionaires who love to give. The problem it that there are many others who love money more than people, but don’t want to seem greedy on the surface. That is why they will say, “Eat and drink,” but gag you in the end.

One commentary says that “Cultivating the friendship of the wealthy is a waste of effort,” and then goes on to say…

“For like a hair in the throat, so he is.” Just as getting a hair in the throat while eating causes a gag reflex and sometimes vomiting (v. 8), even so the wealthy man’s hospitality will leave one feeling disgusted.**

I sure hope the next rich person that takes me to dinner keeps his hair off my food.

Sources:

*Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1994), Pr 23:6–8.

**Duane A. Garrett, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, vol. 14, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1993), 195-196.

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Another Day In Court

“I See the Offender”

 

The offender stands within my sight,

Bound with the chains of judicial might.

I cannot reach him – I wouldn’t try,

But it’s crossed my mind – I wouldn’t lie.

 

Forgive me.

 

My little girl so young and sweet!

How can I stay here in my seat?

The rule of law will be my guide;

Within Thy Fortress I will hide.

 

Hold me.

 

Vengeance is not mine, I know;

It’s in Your hand where this will go.

But somehow wrongs will be made right,

If not now, then in Your sight.

 

Avenge me!

by: Anthony Baker

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BREAKING: My Immediate Response to the FBI Announcement Regarding Clinton Emails

If You Care

First, I don’t know if you care what I think, or not. Honestly, you are probably going to think and believe whatever you think and believe right now, regardless of what I say. Nevertheless, I have a blog, therefore I will speak my mind.

Secondly, I don’t know if you care about what the director of the FBI just said about the presumptive presidential candidate for the Democrat Party, Hillary R. Clinton. Regardless, this is my cyber-pulpit, so I’m going to speak.

Thirdly, I don’t know if you care one drop of spit for what goes on in our legal system. For all I know, you trust the justice departments, both locally and nationally, implicitly. Maybe you don’t trust any government or authority figure at all. That doesn’t matter today – I’m going to give you my two, small, worthless cents.

If you care, keep reading.

Faith and Trust

Folks, it all comes down to trust. Can you trust your legal system, your representatives, your congressmen and senators? Can you trust the policeman on the corner, the judge ruling on a case, or the word of the one who says, “Don’t worry, I have your back”?

Trust was the issue in the following verses. Actually, you can take it even farther and say that FAITH is the issue. God has set the standard for government and law enforcement.

Lev 19:36 – Just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin, shall ye have: I [am] the LORD your God, which brought you out of the land of Egypt.
Deu 25:13 – Thou shalt not have in thy bag divers weights, a great and a small.
Pro 16:11 – A just weight and balance [are] the LORD’S: all the weights of the bag [are] his work.
Pro 20:10 – Divers weights, [and] divers measures, both of them [are] alike abomination to the LORD.

Should the language of the old King James be too difficult for you to understand, maybe the following from the New Living Translation (NLT) will make is simple.

Lev 19:36 NLT – Your scales and weights must be accurate. Your containers for measuring dry materials or liquids must be accurate. I am the LORD your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt.
Deu 25:16 NLT – All who cheat with dishonest weights and measures are detestable to the LORD your God.
Pro 16:11 NLT – The LORD demands accurate scales and balances; he sets the standards for fairness.
Pro 20:10 NLT – False weights and unequal measures–the LORD detests double standards of every kind.

Did you get the last part of the last verse in the NLT? It says, “the LORD detests double standards of every kind.” In other words, it is an “abomination” when people can’t count on recognized standards to be consistent.

From our United States Constitution:

Article IV, Section 1:

Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof.

So here’s the problem presented in a question:

How can the government be trusted on any level when at the very top it’s leaders are not held to the same standards as their fellow citizens, the ones they are supposed to represent?

The answer is simple: They can’t. And why was this such a big deal with God? Because He is the Righteous Judge, and all institutions acting under His authority should reflect His character – the LORD does NOT approve of weighted scales.

valueSince the 1990’s the American people have witnessed the Clinton’s Teflon-like machine avoid judgment for anything. Did they do all the things they’ve been accused of doing? Who knows? All we people really know is that in the last week all the people involved in the current scandal have given off the appearance that something very weighty was placed on one side of the scales of Justice. From Jessica Flowers to Monica Lewinsky; from cattle futures to emails: the weights in the bag are always changing (Deut. 25:13).

So, whether the DOJ, the FBI, the White House, or the State Department are telling the truth, or not, there’s no way to know, because the scales and balances have been questioned for so long! Just consider the fact that General David Petraeus, former head of the CIA, was forced to step down in disgrace, and all he was charged with was “mishandling classified information.” What did the Director of the FBI say of Mrs. Clinton in today’s briefing?

“To be clear, this is not to suggest that in similar circumstances (i.e., if someone else were being weighed on these scales), a person who engaged in this activity would face no consequences. To the contrary, those individuals are often subject to security or administrative sanctions.”  – FBI Director James B. Comey (click here for link to full statement)

But that is not what we are deciding now,” he said. No, the decision on whether or not to prosecute, or even slap a wrist, is going to be left up to the lead prosecutor in the country, Loretta Lynch, who just last week had a lengthy, private conversation with former President Bill Clinton on her airplane. And they only talked about their grandchildren. Of course.

If Justice was truly blind…if we are supposed to place our “full faith and credit” in a government which is “of the people, by the people, and for the people”… then maybe THIS circumstance should be treated the same as all other “similar circumstances.” If that would happen, maybe, just maybe, faith and trust wouldn’t be in such short supply.

The LORD ain’t the only one who hates double standards.

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Filed under abuse, America, current events, General Observations

A Battle Worth Fighting

Many times, especially as a parent, I’ve had to determine which battles to fight and which ones to just walk away from.

Then came Friday the 13th, 2016. 

Well, because our family has been directly affected by predatory sexual abuse, this is a battle I will fight.

Please watch the attached video from ADF. Then, be bold and fight along with me – for our daughters.

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Filed under abuse, Culture Wars, current events, Parenting, politics

Where Was God?

The Phone Call

I will never forget the phone call my wife answered early that morning of January 16, 2006 – ten years ago today. It was the kind of phone call that scars you for the rest of your life, making every other call that comes in the middle of the night one you’re afraid to answer.

The phone rang, my wife answered, and all I could hear were screams coming from the receiver. What could finally be understood through the uncontrollable crying were words one’s brain has a hard time processing…and then the words from someone less hysterical saying, “They’re dead.

It was a murder-suicide.

Back to Chattanooga

In just a few hours, or less, my wife and I were in Chattanooga (we broke a few speed limits). By the time we arrived the bodies were gone, but not the results of the shooting. It was a sight nothing on television or in the movies can adequately recreate. It was literally dumbfounding how much damage, how much carnage, could be unleashed by one person with just one handgun.

The walls, the ceiling, the floors, the floor on the level below, and even the garage below that – the effects were everywhere. Even the third floor of the massive home was not immune to the damage; that’s where I found a bullet lodged in a child’s bean bag.

Where Was God?

“Where was God?” some people asked. You might be tempted to ask the same thing. If God was real, why didn’t He do something?  Why didn’t He stop this? Why did He let this happen to such a likable, popular couple?  Why did children lose a father and a stepmother? Where was God?

Believe it or not, He was there the whole time, even long before the tragedy took place. He was there, letting a man and wife live as they chose, loving them by giving them their free will. He was there every time the conscience was stung, and every time it was seared. He was there, speaking through His Word, offering to guide, but never forcing.

God was there in the voice of those saying, “Don’t drink like that.” He was there in the voice of those saying, “Don’t stay here; he’s going to hurt you.” He was even there in the the last-second pleas to not shoot. Yes, God was there.

Here’s a question: Where was God the last time you made a bad choice? Where was God when you last idolized yourself by putting your wishes first? Where was God the last time you got angry and sinned, wounding your wife, your children, or a friend with an outburst you now regret? He was there; you just chose to do things your way, not His.

That’s what happened 10 years ago; God’s way was avoided and man’s way was chosen.   And on a stand adjacent to where the murder and suicide took place, on January 16, there was an open Bible…opened to Jeremiah 16. Read it for yourself.

Where was God? A better question might be, “Where are you?”

 

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Filed under abuse, Life/Death, wisdom