Category Archives: America

by | November 5, 2012 · 12:54 pm

Voting Monkey?

Picture Story

Well, I did not have time to do a Monday Monkey video like I wanted to. For some reason the local election commission would not let a man with a camera and a puppet go to the voting station before election day. Why not?

So, instead of having to work with grumpy election officials (good grief!), I decided to draw what I was wanting to do. Below is the story in picture.

Monkey thinks to himself, “I think I would like to vote. Oh, look! This must be the place to go. The sign says, ‘Vote Here.'”

“Now that they are asking for identification, I am glad Mr. Anthony made this for me – my own drivers license! This is all I will need.”

Mr. Monkey goes inside the building and walks up to the table where a nice, balding man asks, “May I help you?”

“I would like to vote in this election,” Mr. Monkey replies. “Here is my identification.”

“Uhhh, I am so sorry, but, uh, I don’t believe that will be possible,” the man says in a monotone voice.

“Excuse me? Why not?” asks a perturbed little puppet.

“Because monkeys can’t vote, even with an identification.”

Puzzled, Mr. Monkey asks, “Not even as a Democrat?!”

“If I was a famous mouse from Florida I bet you’d let me!”

Go Vote!

What’s the point of this nonsense? It’s simple, really. Monkeys can’t vote, but people (with proper identification) can. So if you are not a monkey – go vote!

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by | November 1, 2012 · 12:30 am

Packing Heat?

In Harm’s Way

Pastor Danny Kirk, Sr., and family.

This week another pastor died. But he didn’t die from a heart attack, cancer, or just plain old age. He didn’t even die in an accident on some busy highway. No, Danny Kirk was beaten to death with an electric guitar in the sanctuary of the church he founded 18 years ago. (Click here for the full story)

Of course, this wasn’t the first pastor to die at the hands of an assailant. This wasn’t the first to die in a church building, either. No, there have been others. They have been shot, beaten, and stabbed. One was even found naked and spread-eagle in front of the altar, mutilated.

I’ve Seen It

When I was only in second grade (1973) my dad, a pastor, was threatened by those who wanted to physically remove him from the pulpit. They were stopped by a Marine who had just returned from Vietnam.

One time a man threatened to come shoot my dad at church. He had already shot at our house. Fortunately, some other men of the church found out. They stood around the church, armed with pistols under their coats. He came…and he left.

But it seems like attacks on ministers are becoming more frequent here in America. In other countries Christians are regularly mistreated, assaulted, and even killed. But here in this country, it is pastors that are being targeted. Why that is happening is up for debate. The question I am posing is whether or not a pastor should carry a weapon.

False Expectations

For the longest time people have thought that preachers, pastors, ministers, priests, etc., should be mild and mannerly…peaceful and placid…always turning the other cheek. Somehow, because of the Romantic perception of a wimpy, mamma’s boy of a Jesus, people think that His servants should be softies. They forget it was Jesus who vacated the temple with a whip (not something your average 90 lb. girly-man would do).

And when it comes to being attacked, there is this notion among many that the Christian, especially the minister, should not try to defend himself, just “turn the other cheek.” They think that true faith dictates we lower our hands and let God fight our battles for us.

I actually heard a man defend passivity to the extreme. When asked what he would do if a criminal attacked his wife or children, he said, “If it is God’s will they die, then I am not going to stand in His way. His will be done.” I wanted to beat the guy myself! What kind of insanity is that? To stand and watch your family be molested because you think it is wrong to defend yourself?

God-Given Sense

Friends, God gave us brains. He also gives the believer the Holy Spirit. If you have both, then it should be pretty simple to discern that a man (or woman) has a responsibility to defend his loved ones, as well as himself. Even Jesus understood that there are times when we need to protect what is in our care. He said, “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own palace, his goods are in peace” (Luke 11:21 NKJV). How much more should we guard our own lives?

And what about the idea of being a good shepherd? What kind of shepherd would have allowed wolves, bears, and lions to come and carry away his sheep? What did David do to the bear and lion (1 Samuel 17:36)? Was it not his duty to protect his sheep?

What if a gunman entered the church? Where does Scripture say that the only option is to stand (or cower under a pew) and pray that he will see the error of his ways, lay down his AK-47, then take communion? What would David do?

My Thoughts

This is how I see it. God is my strong tower (Ps. 61:3) and my shield, my fortress in time of trouble (Ps. 144:2). He is also the One who led Nehemiah to set guards as the wall around Jerusalem was being rebuilt. As a pastor, I believe that God has called me to a “great work” from which “I cannot come down” (Neh. 6:3). Therefore, I will keep in mind the instruction Nehemiah gave those who labored…

“Nevertheless we made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them day and night, because of them. … Therefore set I in the lower places behind the wall, and on the higher places, I even set the people after their families with their swords, their spears, and their bows. And I looked, and rose up, and said unto the nobles, and to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, Be not ye afraid of them: remember the Lord, which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses. … They which builded on the wall, and they that bare burdens, with those that laded, every one with one of his hands wrought in the work, and with the other hand held a weapon. For the builders, every one had his sword girded by his side, and so builded. And he that sounded the trumpet was by me.” – Nehemiah 4:9, 13-14, 17-18 KJV

I see nothing wrong with a modern-day wall builder having a modern-day weapon “girded” to his side.

What would you do if attacked? Would you defend your loved ones?

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by | September 28, 2012 · 2:00 am

Would You Sign?

The following post is not meant to offend or make anyone uncomfortable, especially my friends who hold to different beliefs. However, please understand that there are times when we must speak out for the things we value.
Check back later for more crazy posts about crazy stuff.

The Declaration

As we enter into the last few days before a presidential election, we need to be in prayer for our country. The future direction of our country could literally be at stake, and that is a view held by people on both sides of the political isle.

But as a believer in Christ, I feel it is my duty to encourage those in leadership to guide this great nation down a path that secures basic liberties and promotes certain values I hold dear. That is why I signed the Manhattan Declaration.

What is the Manhattan Declaration? It is a “call of Christian conscience.” The following is a quote from ManhattanDeclaration.org…

Christians, when they have lived up to the highest ideals of their faith, have defended the weak and vulnerable and worked tirelessly to protect and strengthen vital institutions of civil society, beginning with the family. It was in this tradition that a group of prominent Christian clergy, ministry leaders, and scholars released the Manhattan Declaration on November 20, 2009 at a press conference in Washington, DC. The 4,700-word declaration speaks in defense of the sanctity of life, traditional marriage, and religious liberty. It issues a clarion call to Christians to adhere firmly to their convictions in these three areas.

Not a Compromiser

Some good friends of mine have decided not to sign this document for fear of giving the wrong impression, the impression of theological compromise. They believe that by signing it they would be supporting the furtherance of key doctrinal differences and error. Specifically, some have expressed fear that signing this document would show support for the Catholic church. However, that is not what this is about.

I have signed this document, as have many other solidly conservative evangelicals, such as Dr. Daniel Akin, Kay Arthur, Dr. Michael Easley, Dr. Al Mohler, Chuck Swindoll, and Ravi Zacharias. None of these people are promoting a different belief system, nor am I. But what we are doing is siding with others who hold to the same cherished beliefs regarding the sanctity of life, traditional marriage, and religious liberty.

Let Your Voice Be Heard

Please, just take a moment or two and read the Manhattan Declaration.  If you do not agree with it, then don’t sign it. If you do not support the values it promotes, then don’t sign it.

But, if you do agree with it….well, you know what to do.

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by | September 19, 2012 · 9:56 am

Crazy Statements

Things I’ve Heard

I know you have heard crazy things that people say, even though the people saying those things think what they are saying is brilliant. Here are just a few that I have heard…

– “If you don’t stop crying, I’m gonna give you something to cry about.” Really? If I was already crying, did I not have something to cry about?

– “It’s pretty complicated until you understand it, then it’s pretty simple.” I literally heard a nursing instructor say this to a student as I was walking through a hospital.

– “If we just keep flying the fuel will burn off and then it will level out.” O. K. Yep, that’s a great idea. And that is exactly what my father-in-law told me after we had taken on fuel and were flying funny.

– “If you want to learn to swim, just jump in.” As much as I loved my dad, I never understood the logic of that one.

– “How are you doing today?” Well, if I was asked that question on a street corner, or in the middle of nowhere, I might understand. But when I am asked that question by a doctor while I am lying on an emergency room table, what am I supposed to say, “Fine?” Typically I say, “Well, if I were doing well I wouldn’t be here, now would I?”

The Craziest of All (at least recently)

But recently I have been hearing a crazy statement being uttered by seemingly thoughtful and intelligent Americans. They say it like it is supposed to make sense, but it doesn’t. They think it is a statement which exhibits wisdom, moral clarity, and profundity on the level of King Solomon himself.

Maybe you have heard it. Maybe you have even been tricked into saying it. Maybe, without you knowing it, aliens implanted little devices in your brain while you were sleeping, so you can’t help yourself. It goes like this…

“I refuse to vote, because voting for the lesser evil is still voting for evil; therefore, if the greater evil wins, at least my conscience will be clear, because I did not vote for either.”

Save yourself! Seek help, immediately! Making crazy statements like this could be a sign that your brain is shutting down.

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

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by | September 12, 2012 · 1:23 pm

NBC: “We Will Re-mam-ber”

Thank You

I just want to thank the Today Show and NBC for focusing on the more important things in this world. Not being pressured, the Today Show stood firm in its resolve to raise breast implant awareness to the position it deserves.

At 8:46 am on the day when everyone else in New York were observing a moment of silence, you were anything but silent. And because of your voice, your interview with Kris Jenner is firmly implanted in our minds.

Even though it is important to remember such a traumatic date as 9/11, you felt it was more important (paraphrasing Jenner) “to remind women that, you know, check your expiration date.”

The Message

While President Obama and the First Lady were standing in silence; while families of those who were killed bowed their heads; while first responders stood quietly remembering their fallen comrades; you reminded us that fallen comrades and family members, even fallen buildings, are not as important as the cure for fallen breasts.

Eleven years ago on September 11th, the world gasped as they witnessed the horror of Islamic terrorism bringing America to her knees. Each year after that we have been remembering the very moment when the first plane hit the World Trade Center. But you, oh herald of all things truly relevant, made the decision to speak out during the silence. How brilliant!

Now, instead of fallen heroes, we are focused on fallen breasts. Instead of the tears of a nation, we will remember the clear silicone that is close to so many hearts. And instead of the faces of those lost on that tragic day, we will now remember the face of the reality TV star who was brave enough to talk about her expansions.

Thank you, Today Show and NBC, for preaching the mammary message we all need to hear – “Towers may fall, but boobs don’t have to.”

Don’t worry, NBC, we WILL remamber!

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by | September 11, 2012 · 12:30 am

Where Were You

Eleven Years Ago

Where were you eleven years ago on the morning of September 11th? Do you remember? I do.

That morning I was driving a school bus in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. I will never forget going to my car after parking my bus, then turning on the radio to listen to Bob and Tom, a morning radio show.

Normally, the radio program was constant joking around, funny comedy bits, and crazy songs (My wife usually griped at me for listening to them). That morning, when I cranked my car and turned on the radio, there was something different in Bob and Tom’s voices. They weren’t laughing. They weren’t joking. Something had happened, and they were not quite sure what it was. An accident?

The Television

I turned off my car, walked quickly across a gravel parking lot, and went into the office where a crowd of other drivers were not gathered. They were all looking up at a little 12 inch television in the mounted in the corner of the room.

Smoke was coming from one of the Twin Towers. People were wondering what in the world could have happened. Then they showed a second plane hit. The world changed.

It was while I was watching that little television that I realized life would never be the same. I walked out of the office, in a daze, sick at my stomach, thinking about what I had just witnessed. I started to cry.

That Afternoon

My was at home in bed with a migraine. She wasn’t watching TV, so she had no clue what was going on. I opened the door to the bedroom and said, “Valerie! Dad-gum it! You’re sleeping through history!!” Frankly, she wasn’t very happy me or my volume.

Things changed so quickly, especially after the other attacks and the collapse of the towers. Hopkinsville was right next to Fort Campbell, the home of the 101st Airborne. Just a few days before all that had been necessary to get past the guard and on base was a drivers license. The laid-back soldiers at the guard posts, armed only with a pistol, would politely wave you through and wish you a good day. That afternoon non-essential personnel were prohibited from passing through the gates, and at each post there stood soldiers in body armor and armed with automatic assault weapons. Each had orders to shoot.

There were 40,000 (est.) soldiers (not counting family) on base at Ft. Campbell, and more living in either Hopkinsville, KY, or Clarksville, TN. Many of those soldiers and their families went to churches in our town. Their children went to school on our buses. That afternoon the buses were almost empty.

I was glad. I was sick. I couldn’t focus on much. I was constantly fighting back tears.

That Night

That night was a night of contemplation, of prayer. That night brought a swell of patriotism. That night turned many peaceful people into would-be warriors. That night America wanted revenge. That night I didn’t sleep well.

That night I looked up into the night sky, to the heavens, to pray. There were no red or white blinking lights, only stars. God had our attention that night. But that was then.

Where were you? Where are you now?

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by | September 7, 2012 · 12:59 pm

Old Wisdom on New Bus

It was over a year ago that I did a series of posts entitled “Lessons from the School Bus.” Now that a new school year is here, and because I have a “new” bus for my route, I thought it would be fun to re-visit an old post.

This is my “new” 374 sitting behind our church in front of my study. After I took the picture I realized it is in a handicap parking place. But don’t worry, I don’t park it there on church service days.

(The following post was first published as “Lessons from the School Bus #2”)

“Which Way?”

Every school bus driver is a hero, but Sub Drivers are in a class by themselves. I should know….I was one.

Sub Drivers Rule!

Unlike a driver that has a regular route, a “sub” is driver that drives different routes every day. Whenever a driver gets sick, lays out, or gets fired for doing something stupid, the substitute driver has to drive that route. Most of the time, the call comes without any warning…or sunlight.

However, one of the problems that a sub driver faces is figuring out where to go. Imagine being put in a vehicle with 70 children just out of class, wanting to go home. Imagine you are in a part of town you’ve never been in before. Imagine that you have no instructions or directions, but must depend on the kids (Heaven help us) to get you where you need to go. Been there…done that…literally got the t-shirt.

Now, try to imagine that the very ones that are trying to tell you where to turn don’t EVEN know their rights from their lefts! It happened to me…..surely it did!

“I’m NOT Stupid”

I will never forget pulling up to an intersection and being forced to decide which way to go. I ask, “Which way?” The response comes back, “Go right.” So, that’s what I proceeded to do, when, I swear, the conversation went something like this:

Kid 1:  NOOO! Go RIGHT! You’re going the wrong way!

Me:     Wait, you said “Go right,” so that what I was doing.

Kid 1:  No you weren’t…you’re going left…I said “go right.”

Me:     I DID go right!

Kid 1:  No, you went left.

Kid 2:  You did tell the bus driver to go right, man, and that’s what he did.

Kid 1:  No he didn’t! He went left!

Kid 2: Dude, you must not know your right from your left.

Kid 1:  Shut up! Yes I DO!!

Me:     (To Kid 1) Ok, let’s get this straight. Which is right, and which is left? Hold up your right hand.

Kid 1:  (Holds up his left hand)

Me:     Hold up your left hand.

Kid 1:  (Holds up his right) See, I told you. I’m NOT stupid!

Life Lesson

There is a right way, and there is a wrong way. The right way may be the left way; but if the facts are not right, somebody’s gonna get left. I know I’m right on this one.  As a matter of fact, there is a verse in the Bible that seems to talk about the same thing.

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. – Pro 14:12 (NIV)

Make sure of two things: 1) the direction you are going; and 2) that your source of determining right and wrong (or right and left) is reliable. You don’t want to go the wrong way for an eternity, do you?

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by | August 2, 2012 · 10:25 pm

My Take on Chick-fil-A

The Story

If you haven’t heard about Chick-fil-A and what happened August 1, 2012, then you’re probably living under a rock. This privately-owned fast-food restuarant chain broke all sales records as people from all over the country showed up to support them by buying their food. It was called “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day.”

Now, what got all this started was an outcry by the liberal and LGBT crowd. They were made aware of a statement made by Dan Cathy to the Baptist Press (a Southern Baptist news paper) regarding his views on same-sex marriage – he’s against it. When they heard this, a call was made to boycott Chick-fil-A. In response to the call for a boycott, millions did the opposite.

The Craziness

What is really crazy about all of this is the argument behind all the hate towards Chick-fil-A. Those protesting have made erroneous, unfounded accusations that the resturant chain discriminates toward homosexuals. What a load of, well, chicken poo!

The thing that is making people on the left angry is the simple fact that Dan Cathy expressed a belief that disagrees with the pluralistic, post-modern, hedonistic, amoral segment of society – and he is a wealthy, conservative Baptist. So, because of an individual’s personal beliefs, the left, including politicians, want to punish a legitimate, non-discriminatory business.

I have heard it said over and over, “Chick-fil-A hates gays!” How is that even defensible! In order for that to be true, we should be seeing gays turned away or offered poor service. In order for that to be true, we should be reading of multiple, nation-wide examples of discrimination in the work place. None of that can be found. The accusation is totally bogus.

Can’t Win for Losing

Then there are those who are griping and complaining over the response from communities nation-wide. Believe it or not, there are believers in Christ (who themselves disapprove of gay marriage and support Dan Cathy’s right to express his opinion) condemning all of those who showed up to support the unfounded condemnation of Chick-fil-A. What’s the deal?

How many times have we heard it preached that it is time for the Christians to stand up for what they believe? Then, when they do, what do we hear? We hear, “The Church has failed…We should stay out of politics…They’re just out to get free food.” Aside from the fact that it wasn’t just Christians showing up yesterday, it was people who were expressing their support for a business.

My Decision

This is what I am going to do. Tomorrow (Friday) I am going to drive our church van to a couple of different Chick-fil-A locations, look for any gays or lesbian kissing in public, and offer to buy their food. I am going to go with a $100 budget.

You see, the whole argument against Cathy and Chick-fil-A, and all Christians, is that we hate gays. Sure, there are some idiots who do, just like there are hateful people on all sides, but as a whole we don’t. What we hate is sin. What we hate is being forced to accept something we firmly believe to be wrong. What we hate is being unjustifiably attacked and maligned. We do not hate gays.

For the Record

God made man (generically speaking) in His image, which makes each individual precious in God’s eyes. Jesus even gave His life so that those who hated Him could be forgiven and offered eternal life. If I were to hate homosexuals, how could I claim to be a follower of Jesus? But does this mean I agree with the act of homosexuality? No. Do I believe that marriage, an institution ordained by God to be a covenant between a man and a woman, should be expanded to include the union of same sexes? No. What it does mean is that I will seek to love people like Jesus did.

So, if you want to show the love of Christ in a tangible way, do what I am going to do. Show those who have claimed we hate them that we actually do love them. If you see a couple of men kissing in a Chick-fil-A, go up to them and tell you that you want to show them that you do love them, and in the Name of the One who first showed you love, buy them the best chicken sandwich known to man.

Romans 5:8 – But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

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by | June 28, 2012 · 2:39 pm

How it Will Really Work

While I worked on a research paper due tomorrow morning, the President rejoiced over his political victory in the Supreme Court. The reality of his health care policy then caused me to think of the following words.

Eyes are burning,
There’s much to do.
Paper must be written,
I’m nowhere near through.

I’m drinking a lot of coffee,
I’m eating lots of snacks,
But I don’t have to worry,
Obama’s got my back.

“Stop your learning!”
Says Capital Hill.
“Your behavior is risky,
It might make you ill.”

But what of my paper?
My final report?
Can I not appeal this?
Have I no retort?

“I’m not your momma,”said Mr. Obama,
“But let me be perfectly clear,
“You do what I say, come good or bad grade,
“Or my health care won’t cover your rear.”

“I will determine if what you are doing
Is worthy of tax payer dimes.
Any activity determined a risk to thee
Will cost you in IRS fines.”

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by | May 21, 2012 · 11:12 am

Summer Reruns

Summer’s Here

Yes, according to our school calender, summer is here, and so are all the network television reruns.

For some reason, and I don’t know why, actors and other Hollywood folk have never been able to work year-round. They always take the summer months off, then start a “new season” in the fall. Why? Are we all enrolled in the same educational program? Yes. It’s called the College of Brainwashing, Indoctrination, and Cultural Manipulation (CBICM).

Sicker Stuff Coming

And speaking of cultural manipulation, have you heard about a new show that MTV tried to start, but cancelled? It was to be called “Losing It.” Literally, the folks at CBICM planned to start a new “course” in the fall that would document 18+ year-olds losing their virginity! Last year, FOX’s “Glee” celebrated straight and gay teen couples’ “First Time,” so I guess MTV had to test the depths of the gutter…

“Do you want to take things to the next level? Like, are you ready to hand over your V card? Or do you have a friend who is ready to lose it? Young adulthood is a time for exploration. New relationships, fresh experiences and sexual firsts,” read the casting notice. “Now MTV is looking to frankly capture that journey in a new series called My First. We’re looking for adults who are ready to go all the way. Let MTV come along on your journey… as you try to lose your virginity!”

Remember Twin Beds?

Do you remember when Lucy and Ricky slept in separate beds? Do you remember when no one cursed on screen? Do you remember when cartoons were full of simple violence (Bugs Bunny), instead of New Age mysticism and earth worship?

Sadly, most anything still decent to watch is old stuff in reruns (if they’re being shown at all). Every once in a while one can stumble upon an episode of The Andy Griffith Show, but now most reruns are just as bad as the new stuff. Now, instead of seeing a happy couple in separate beds, we are shown multiple couples in the same bed.

A Safe Rerun

Well, not all summer reruns have to be sick or disturbing. Some can be funny without being dirty; exciting without being violent. Some reruns even feature a monkey.

Since some of you are new to The Recovering Legalist, you may have missed early episodes of Monday Monkey. So, I hope you enjoy a couple of my favorites while the production team revamps and renews. In a few weeks Monday Monkey will be back with some new episodes worthy of the wait.

“Monkey at the Wheel” (Episode 2)

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