Tag Archives: Marriage

Birds and Bees 2.0

The following is fiction, but based on a sad, tragic reality: children are growing up in a culture with no norms, no absolutes, and no foundations but the shifting sands of desire. The “birds and the bees” are not what they used to be.

Here’s a helpful link should you get confused with gender-related terms: CLICK HERE.


Teigan’s Story

Teigan was getting ready to leave school, when at that moment, just as soon as she exited the gender-neutral bathroom, she saw what looked to be a cis gender female with a large belly. Looking down at her own sun dress, she thought to herself, “I wonder if I could look like that?”

Teigan was just like any other gender-fluid child; gender was whatever the mood of the day dictated. Although born a male, Teigan’s parents refused to impose any stereotypical roles; they encouraged role experimentation and never referred to him as “son,” only “child.” Therefore, if Teigan wanted to wear a nice dress out to dinner with her parents, then her parents would select the most appropriate ribbon for her hair. If Teigan wanted to play ball with the other boys, he would put on his Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt and jeans and head out to the park. Teigan’s gender preferences were as fluid as water in a mountain stream, changing direction with every obstacle and shift in terrain.

Thinking of the cis female (a female who identifies as a woman/has a feminine gender identity) h- saw earlier at school, Teigan was excited to ask h- parents the question all adults dread: “Where do babies come from?” You see, there were times when Teigan wanted to be a mommy, just like the cis female h- had seen earlier. But it was the particulars of “how” that confused h-.

According to Facebook, there are over 58 different genders one could select when signing up for a new account, and Teigan knew there was no way h- could choose just one. Teigan was not a just a boy or a girl, h- was whatever h- felt that day…and that posed a problem. You see, Teigan had noticed that the only genders with large bellies (the ones with child) were typically cis females, along with the occasional gender questioning or FTM. In most cases, the one with the large belly never fluctuated gender like Teigan did. “How, then,” Teigan wondered, “could I get a big belly to show off my dress, but then wear blue jeans later with the cis boys?”

Teigan had gotten gold stars for paying attention in h- sex education classes. H- had learned all about how tadpoles and eggs become something called a parasite, or fetus… but h- was still confused. The time had come to ask his parents.

“Dad, Papa, where do babies come from, and how can I have one?” Teigan asked.

Teigan’s father’s eyes shot over at his husband’s with a look of “what do we say?” Dad sat down his latte and replied, “Papa will tell you all about it.” Papa, realizing his husband would only end up acting like a wife if he refused, agreed to give Teigan a thumbnail sketch of the new “birds and bees,” or as it’s understood today, “Birds and Bees 2.0.”

Papa began: “You see, Teigan, when a loving couple wants to have a baby, depending on their gender, sexual orientation, or surgeries that may have been performed, they might go to bed and hold each other really close. At that point, when they get really, really close, a baby is made.” Papa continued: “For others, they just go to bed and wake up the next morning, after which they decide to go have a baby made for them.”

Teigan, still a little confused, then asked, “But how can I get a big belly and have a baby, too?” With excitement, Teigan added: “It would be fun to waddle around like the cis female I saw at school – I think she was a teacher – and wear a big, pretty dress! If I fall in love and get really close can I get a big belly and have a baby, too?”

“I’m sorry, Teigan, but we haven’t evolved that far…yet,” Teigan’s other father, Dad, said. “We’ll just have to wait and see what Mrs. Clinton can do.”

Heartbroken, little Teigan began to cry. As the tears began to wash away h- sparkly blush, h- whimpered, “But I want to have a belly like those cis females who are always cis females.”

“Maybe someday,” said Papa. “Yes, maybe someday,” said Dad.

“In the meantime,” Papa asked with a smile, “why don’t we go get some ice cream?”

Awesome!” exclaimed Teigan. “What should I wear?”


My Thoughts

When I was a child, a long time ago, my dad told me the “facts of life,” which included the “birds and bees” info. Included in that awkward lecture, however, were references back to the book of Genesis, where we are told God made “male and female,” not cis male and cis female. It was certainly a simpler time.

What are we doing to our children? What kind of harvest are we going to reap after sowing such seeds of confusion? Are all the options we’re creating in order to satisfy and coddle a morally bankrupt and confused generation going to strengthen familial bonds? Will the term family even survive the next generation?

God’s Thoughts

And [Jesus] answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made [them] at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh‘? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6 NKJV

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Filed under Culture Wars, current events, Defining Marriage, Humor, Relationships and Family

10 Easy Tips to Spark Up Your Love Life (Conservative Evangelical Edition)

Your Requests

Lately I have been getting a lot of requests* from my readers and random people I meet on the street. They have been asking things like, “Hey, Anthony! Why don’t you write a blog post that deals with relationships and dating?”

There have also been multiple married couples** across the country come up to me and point-blank beg me to share my thoughts on marriage, keeping the love alive, etc. Probably 25 couples*** specifically asked, “Can you enumerate a list of actions we as couples can take to ‘spark’ things up, but in a Baptist way?”

So, what else can I do but give my readers what they ask for, right?

Therefore, as requested, here are approximately 10 easy tips to spark up your love life – if you are a conservative Evangelical or Baptist, of course.

10 Easy Tips to Spark Up Your Love Life

Men:

  1. Open the car door. I know, it may sound old fashioned, but the ladies really to like it when you open and hold the door to the car, especially when other people with bad marriages are looking. NOTE: Make sure you hold it open and watch your wife/fiance/date actually complete the task of getting all the way in before you turn your head and shut the door. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to notice the ooo-ing onlookers touched by your chivalry; that’s the female’s place…you don’t want to break her ankle.
  2. Buy her flowers. Christian girls adore God’s creation just as much as the nearest tree-hugging liberal. Therefore, don’t forget to buy your woman some flowers now and then. NOTE: Make sure beforehand if she is allergic to any particular specimen. Otherwise, make sure you have some anointing oil handy, along with someone who can demand that the spirit of asthma be gone.
  3. Choose the right restaurant. When your better half wants to go out to dinner, or when you suggest it, ask where she would like to eat. When she then says, “Oh, it doesn’t matter; wherever you want to go,” you softly say, “I think I would like to go to _______.” With what do you fill in the blank? The restaurant SHE likes, NOT where you would actually want to go.
  4. Tell her she looks beautiful. Married guys, right when you roll over in the morning and see your wife, tell her you love her AND “you look beautiful this morning!” No, she won’t believe you, but she will enjoy hearing it. Then, later in the day, say it again, right when she doesn’t expect it. NOTE: Don’t tell her she looks beautiful more than twice in the same day – she’ll know you’re up to something and the plan will backfire. Single guys, just tell her she’s “pretty” and save the rest for marriage.

Women:

  1. Tell your man you’re proud of him. In all seriousness, if there is anything a man wants, it is to be respected. Even if he’s been acting like an idiot and messing up everything he touches, let him know you are proud of him for trying. The last thing you want to live with is a bumbling idiot whose depressed, too.
  2. Brag on your husband. Don’t misunderstand, bragging on your husband is just the half of it. What you need to do to spark things up is brag on him to other women, and do it is such a way that he is not supposed to know what you said, but you “accidentally” let him find out. For example, send an email or text to your BFF saying something like, “God gave me the best husband any woman could ever dream of! I’m sorry your husband isn’t as wonderful as mine…#praying4u” Then, leave your computer on, or “accidentally” forward him a copy.
  3. Surprise him with tickets to a manly-man guy flick. Believe me, ladies, if you want to make your man feel special, accepted, loved, and adored, say to him, “Honey, guess what? I got us both tickets to go see Star Wars! Unless, of course, you’d like to go see The Day the World Was Saved by Blowing Up Stuff; I’d really like to see that, too.”
  4. Pick some flowers for him. First, you’d be amazed at how guys can be touched by something as sensitive and caring as you giving him flowers. But, keep this in mind – don’t buy them! Your man will be far less stressed if you don’t spend money on stupid stuff like flowers that are only going to die in a day or two, anyway. Pick the flowers and he will love them – and you!

TransGender & LGBT Folk:

NOTE: I can’t help you. However, see the United Methodist, Presbyterian (USA), Unitarian Church, Alliance of Baptists, and Ecumenical Catholic websites, to name a few, for further information. Or, just look for wherever the co-opted symbol of the rainbow is displayed.

For Couples (heterosexual, married, and not just living together):

  1. Pray together. Don’t just pray for each other; pray WITH each other.
  2. Go to church together. Don’t just go to church, however; sit with each other and worship together. NOTE: if you have children that seem to require the whole pew and it forces the both of you to separate and sit at either end, see my other post entitled “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child.”
  3. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. That’s all I’m going to say about that; you’ll need to look that up on your own.

BONUS: Spend the evening together at your local Lifeway Christian Book Store.

Conclusion

The last bit of advice I can give is this: Put God first in your relationships and He will provide whatever you need to make it great and make it last.

 

* Not really.

**Again, not really. I’m joking.

***Ditto.

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Filed under baptist, Christian Living, Defending Traditional Marriage, Faith, Humor, Relationships and Family, wisdom

Size Shaming? Or Just a Lie?

Ticked Teen

Colossians 3:21 (KJV) says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Therefore, unless absolutely necessary, I try not to make my youngest daughter, Haley, mad at me.

Not only do I not want to see her discouraged, but she has a grudge-holding characteristic comparable to an elephant with an attitude – she never forgets, so neither will the offender. Maybe it’s just a female thing.

Anyway, Haley would be upset with me if I didn’t follow through with a promise: a promise to write about the craziness of the same size of clothing being labeled as different sizes. Here’s the post, Haley…I’m writing it.

4 Pants, 4 Sizes

Haley came into the office area where I was sitting at my computer. Draped over her arm were four garments; each one was a pair of pants, all the same length, and all having the same circumference around the waist. Man (or woman), was she ticked.

“Would you look at this!” she huffed. “Why do they do this?” she asked. At that point she held up the four pair of pants, waist to waste, and then asked, “Do these look any different?” Well, honestly, to my male-chromosomed ocular orbs they looked exactly the same, which worried me. Should I answer, or not?

“Well,” I began cautiously, “they all do look to be the same size, I suppose.”

“Exactly,” Haley replied, “but now look at this!” She then proceeded to show me the various tags attached to the inside of each garment, and I’ll be dang if every one was different!

Haley was frustrated, and I can understand why. Let’s just say somebody asked what size of pants a guy wears. If he answered “36,” you could go to just about any clothing store and find a pair of jeans, size 36, and the waist circumference would be comparable to any other brand or make of pants for men in the same size. For guys a 36 is a 36, end of story.

Not so for women’s clothing. Why is that?

Perception is Reality…Change the sizes! 

As best as I can surmise, women don’t like to be called “fat.” Therefore, the larger the number attached to the size of a garment, the lower the self-esteem, especially when asked what size she wears.

When I asked my wife about this, she informed me that women’s sizes today are a lot larger, but the numbers have stayed the same. In other words, if we were to compare a size 8 from today to a size 8 from 20 years ago, we would find today’s size 8 a lot bigger than the 8’s of the past.

To put it another way, if it makes you feel fat to wear a size 24, then fitting into a size 12 will make you feel like you’ve lost 150 lbs. It’s all about perception.

One big problem with this kind of thinking, however, is that no matter how often you redefine something, the objective standard of the bathroom scale never changes. 

And neither does God’s Word. 

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Filed under clothing, General Observations, Relationships and Family, World View

Opera of Life

I do not understand why life cannot be a musical!– said/sang A. Baker to his irritated wife and daughter as he musically expressed every word, the obvious result of attending an opera. 

“Because more people would get murdered.” – replied the youngest daughter of A. Baker, the obvious result of also having attended the same opera. 

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My Daughter’s List

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not trying to get my daughter hitched. However, if you are a young man who can live up to Katie’s high standards, then let’s talk.

And believe me, we will talk first.

A few days ago my daughter Katie (age 20, not far from 21) sent me an email containing a list of what she wanted in a man. Unbelievably, even though she is now a senior at Bryan College, has a beautiful voice, is a fantastic photographer, and bubbles with a personality as lovely as her looks, she still has no marital prospects. Crazy, right?

What’s wrong with you guys??

Do you have, and can you do all the following?

  1. katie-before-the-banquet-at-bryanHas a heart that wants to serve God in every way and serves to refine my heart for Christ
  2. Patient
  3. Respectful to all people and animals
  4. Wants to honor my family
  5. Respects and honors my body
  6. Has a love for children
  7. Lives a healthy lifestyle and encourages me to do the same
  8. Will be respectful of my dietary requirements
  9. Has a strong work ethic with a reasonable plan for life
  10. Will willingly give quality massages (primarily on feet and neck) upon request and out of self will

If you are interested in becoming my son-in-law, you’ll figure out how to get in touch with me. Then, if I think you might possibly make her happy, I’ll forward the info. She has the final word, though.

Any takers?

Oh! I do have a badge (so I have connections), and I firmly believe in the 2nd Amendment. Just FYI.

Visiting Bryan to hear Katie sing her first solo with the choir and full orchestra. She sang Vivaldi.

Visiting Bryan to hear Katie sing her first solo with the choir and full orchestra. She sang Vivaldi.

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Filed under Life/Death, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships and Family

Responding to Temptation

Young Woman,

I don’t care how young you are, 20’s or whatever. I don’t care how pretty you are, at least what I can see. I don’t care how much fun and full of energy you are; I’m not. I don’t care how much you want to please me. I don’t even care how much you care about me, or how much you need me. 

You see, whatever you have to offer, no matter what it may be, is not worth my marriage. No amount of “love making” could compare to the love that’s been built over the last 23 years with my wife. 

I love my wife and I love my God who gave her to me. I love my daughters and the trust they place in me. Nothing you can offer is worth what I’d have to give up. 

Lastly, marriage is designed to be symbolic of the relationship between Christ and the Church. Because of this, and because of the gospel, I will remain faithful to my wife because Jesus is faithful to me. 

In other words, I’m not interested in what you have to offer. 

Respectfully,

Happily Forever-Married Man

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A Lesson Learned

Living in a house full of women has taught me one thing, if nothing else. It’s almost impossible to get in the last        . 

– Anthony Baker

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Filed under Aliens, Humor, Marriage, Relationships and Family, Uncategorized, wisdom

In Marriage, Dependence is Good

The following guest post was written by Madelyn over at Messages from the Mythical (she says she’s someone who’s not supposed to exist).  Go visit her blog and see if she does 😉


In our culture, dependence is acceptable only for small children and invalids. Contemporary young women shrink  from the slightest suggestion of dependence on anyone, and mock the suggestion that they should in any way be dependent on their (future) mates.

A United Front

But hindsight is 20/20. Do you know any older couples? What are some signs which show you that a couple is actually happy, rather than only enduring one another? Do they mention one other kindly? Do they smile at one another? Do they praise one another to third parties? Do they tell stories about their history together?

Do they roll eyes and make signs of exasperation, grit teeth or openly take jabs at one another, or do they actually seem to like each other?

Doesn’t that happy older couple begin to seem like a united front, or a society unto itself?  One way that successful relationship can be described is dependent.

Dependence doesn’t happen automatically; it is the result of intentional and mutual investment.

A Solid Rock

In investing in your spouse, you are actually developing all kinds of dependence on each other. That is good.  And years of daily investing creates a unique and solid relationship. Dependence becomes not a weakness but a solid rock. Mutual dependence becomes an interdependence, an intertwining of  selves. There is a sense in which two together become one entity. And that entity is stronger and better, in many ways, than either person alone or even two people together in any other kind of relationship.

For all the life learning, all the skills and wisdom I have now that I did not have when I was young, you’d think I was more independent than ever before. In many ways, I am.

But I’m more dependent on my husband than ever. And he is on me too. We are more and more dependent on each other because we have chosen to throw away all other options and to invest all our affections on one person. We have invested all the things which belong to a spouse, including our loyalty, our respect, and our mutual submission.

Planned Disappointment

Openly and insidiously, our culture discourages young women from forming a dependence on their spouses. That is a recipe for marital conflict and disappointment. If a young woman notices she is depending on her spouse, she is taught to be ashamed, and that she has diminished herself, that someone has perpetrated an injustice upon her, and that she is a victim of systemic oppression.

We fight the impulse to depend. We cultivate conflict. But we could instead be validated and grateful. We could cultivate investment and unity.

When you’re on your deathbed, do you want a spouse to give you respect for the strength you’re showing while walking that lonely path? Or do you want a spouse who has practiced carrying you, through rushing rivers and arid deserts, and sharing that path with you as though you were one being?

In marriage, dependence makes us stronger. Dependence is a good thing.

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The Fill-In-the-Blank-ers Should Protest

In a culture where self-identification is the norm and homosexuality has become the new 90-foot golden statue of Nebuchadnezzar* before which all must bow, a lot of other sinners are getting shortchanged.

As recently as this June another, …umm, “popular” …umm, “Christian” musician (Trey Pearson) came out of the proverbial closet and admitted he is gay. The married (to a woman) father of two admitted that he’d been hiding his true feelings for too long, trying to be something he was not meant to be. Marriage vows and children aside, it was time to give in to his desires and finally enjoy his life the way he believe God intended.

From his “coming out” letter…

“I know I have a long way to go. But if this honesty with myself about who I am, and who I was made by God to be, doesn’t constitute as the peace that passes all understanding, then I don’t know what does. It is like this weight I have been carrying my whole life has been lifted from me, and I have never felt such freedom.”

“In sharing this publicly I’m taking another step into health and wholeness by accepting myself, and every part of me. It’s not only an idea for me that I’m gay; It’s my life. This is me being authentic and real with myself and other people. This is a part of who I am.” – click for source

Now, let’s not get all tangled up in the doctrinal issues surrounding Trey’s treatment the “peace that passes all understanding.” After all, how can we blame poor Mr. Pearson too harshly for his heresy when his mentor and former pastor is Love Wins! himself, Rob Bell?

No, for the sake of this discussion, let’s focus more on something else: the glorification, affirmation, and weight-shifting freedom associated with one admitting and embracing his divorce-inducing sexual activity. 

Do a search of all the articles written in support of not only Trey Pearson, but Ray Boltz (came out in 2004) and others, all who left their wife and kids behind to follow the leading of their passions – their “true” selves. What you will find are accolades, praises, whole-hearted attaboys for men (and women) who’ve broken sacred vows and left their spouses and children to pick up the pieces.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but despite the illiterate notions that Jesus never addressed homosexuality, thereby condoning it, didn’t He say something very clearly about divorce? And what about adultery? Isn’t that one of the big “Thou shalt not’s”?

Here is my question and the subject for this post:

If homosexuality is to be considered a sin no longer, all because it corresponds with one’s sexual desires; and if one’s sexual desires should not be repressed if one’s sexual desires constitute one’s identity; what other up-till-now adherent behavior, along with all recognized “normal” behavior, could be used to justify breaking the clearly outlined command of God, “Thou shalt not commit adultery”?

Countless men are walking away from marriages and being praised for it. “Brave” and “courageous” are what they’re called. They succumb to desires which for some reason have become attached to their nature and demand to be respected. The wife and children are mentioned only as a sidebar to the “valor” of the adulterer, and the clearly delineated commands of God are relegated to a dusty “suggestion” box.

What then of the regular adulterer? What then of any number of definers by which one self-identifies? Fill in the blank with whatever you want – voyeur, philanderer, exhibitionist, pedophile, scumbag. Who are we to ostracize any of these if in the event of coming out of their own closets they bring about the destruction of a family unit? Should we not praise them for being brave?

Let us re-read the following part from Trey Pearson’s letter, only this time let’s replace “gay” with a blank.

“In sharing this publicly I’m taking another step into health and wholeness by accepting myself, and every part of me. It’s not only an idea for me that I’m ______; It’s my life. This is me being authentic and real with myself and other people. This is a part of who I am.”

What if we were to insert adulterer? For that matter, what if we were to insert “a fisherman“? As a heterosexual male, I was born – made by God – with a built-in desire to have sex with women. Should I say, “That’s my life, to have sex with multiple women,” would I be taking a step toward wholeness? What if I said, “Fishing is my LIFE!”? Should I be praised for walking away from my marriage vows to catch trout?

Because of the self-identification craze, more and more people are allowing themselves the excuse to give in to every carnal desire and label it as “health and wholeness.” Yet, sad to say, it is a false peace to which they are clinging as their understanding is darkened. They have believed a lie.

In the meantime, a whole lot of other guys are still paying the price for their taboo actions. When will the culture recognize they’re just being true to themselves? Hmmm?

Why should only certain groups have a monopoly on 90-foot idols? Maybe those fill-in-the-blank-ers should protest!

Meanwhile, Shadrach, they’re heating up the furnace.

 

* See Daniel 3:1-30

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Giving Solomon Advice

Proverbs 21:19

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

1000 Women

Has anyone noticed that this is the second time Solomon has said something about angry women? It was only ten verses ago that he said it was better to “dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (verse 9).” Do you think that Solomon could have been having marriage problems?

One of the great ironies in history is that the wisest man to ever live had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3)! One would think that with so much wisdom a man might have figured out a thing or two about the nature of women, but evidently he was either deficient in this one area, or a glutton for punishment. I am not as wise as Solomon, but even I could tell you that having more than one wife might be a bad idea, especially when you’re intending on sharing your life with a thousand! Good grief!

Solomon had a weakness for the opposite sex and all the money in the world to support his habit. 1 Kings 11:3 even says that his wives “turned away his heart” from God. In order to keep them happy, he built altars to other gods. As wise as he was, women were his downfall.

1000 Tempers

I tend to wonder what kind of “man cave” Solomon had. With all those wives and concubines, can you imagine how many tempers were constantly flaring? Can you imagine how many grudges were being held? When 2 or 3 women go to the ladies room together, rumor has it that they talk about us men. Can you imagine what emotional issues a harem full of women could talk about? And don’t you think they constantly blamed Solomon for everything?

It should come as no surprise that both times Solomon mentions women in this chapter he references emotion. After nearly 20 years of marriage and three daughters to my credit, I can speak from experience that women know how to get angry and stay angry. Women are different than men (duh!). It takes a wife that is filled with the Spirit to overcome her tendency to seethe over something stupid her husband did 10-15 years ago.

Advice for Solomon

It may be a little late, but if I could go back in time I would give Solomon a bit of humble advice. I would say to him, “King Solomon, sir, I have a few suggestions that could help you maintain peace in your palace, should you choose, in your wise and awesome wisdomness, to listen.

  • Find that ruby of a woman and make her a solitaire. One rare one is far better than a chest full of imported cubic zirconia.
  • Treat your wife with humility, love, and respect. An unloved and disrespected woman is an angry woman.
  • Money is great, but time is priceless. Spend time with your wife doing things she wants to do. A lonely woman is a bitter woman.
  • Worship the True God with your wife, not the idols of the world. Don’t marry outside the faith expecting to change her. Find a woman that loves the Lord and love Him with her. A woman at odds with you is a contentious woman.

Then I would say, “Choose to do otherwise, dear king, and you might as well go live in the wilderness.”

 

The above post may also be found at ProverbialThought.com

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