by | November 2, 2012 · 12:10 am

Not Paying Attention

Not a Hallomeany

I am not a big Halloween guy. I don’t get in to the dressing up, and all that. For that matter, I don’t really celebrate the holiday.

However, I am not a total Hallomeany. I am not the Halloween version of Scrooge. For example, when a little girl asked what I thought of her costume, I didn’t say, “You look more like a prostitot than a princess.” I said, “You look very nice!”

When the little boys come around dressed like monsters, I always shiver like I am scared. When they dress like superheroes, I ask if they can fly. And when they look like a cat, dog, or freakazoid satanic mutt from the pits of hell, I say, “Wow! Do you have fleas, too?”

Wiggin’ Out

So, even though I don’t really celebrate Halloween, I try to keep the kids on the bus from thinking I am a “legalist.” What do I do? I wear a wig. This time I wore an Afro.

One little girl told me she was Little Red Riding Hood. I told her I was Big Black Afro Hood.

But the funny thing about all of this is the reaction of the elementary kids. It really made me wonder what bus they have been riding the last three months.

The Kids: (at least 1,000 times) “Mr. Baker, is that your real hair?”

Me: “Yes. It is. I was bald yesterday, but I put fertilizer on my head and my hair grew overnight.”

The Kids: “No it’s not…I bet it is a wig…that’s not your hair…let me touch it…I bet it’s a wig.”

Me:  “Of course it’s my real hair.”

The Kids:  “Is that really your real hair? You’re wearing a wig…I just know it.”

Me: (I got upset with some children who wouldn’t stay in their seats, so I got serious and took off the wig.)

A Little Girl (that has ridden the bus for 3 months): “Aaaahhhh (gasping, then giggling as she whispers to another child), Mr. Baker’s BALD!

Me:  “You THINK?! Where have you been? Did you not see me yesterday? Are you blind?”

You’ve Known Me How Long?

After telling the above story a few times, it seemed God wanted to tell me something.

I kept thinking of a conversation Jesus has with Phillip in John 14:8-9. Phillip asked, “Show us the Father.” That’s when Jesus replied in the same way I did to the little girl, “Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me?”

That got me to wondering. How long have I known Jesus? And how many times do I act like I haven’t even been paying attention to His presence? How many times have I been surprised by an answered prayer? How many times have I doubted, only to find Him faithful?

“You’ve known Me how long?” Long enough to know better.

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by | November 1, 2012 · 12:30 am

Packing Heat?

In Harm’s Way

Pastor Danny Kirk, Sr., and family.

This week another pastor died. But he didn’t die from a heart attack, cancer, or just plain old age. He didn’t even die in an accident on some busy highway. No, Danny Kirk was beaten to death with an electric guitar in the sanctuary of the church he founded 18 years ago. (Click here for the full story)

Of course, this wasn’t the first pastor to die at the hands of an assailant. This wasn’t the first to die in a church building, either. No, there have been others. They have been shot, beaten, and stabbed. One was even found naked and spread-eagle in front of the altar, mutilated.

I’ve Seen It

When I was only in second grade (1973) my dad, a pastor, was threatened by those who wanted to physically remove him from the pulpit. They were stopped by a Marine who had just returned from Vietnam.

One time a man threatened to come shoot my dad at church. He had already shot at our house. Fortunately, some other men of the church found out. They stood around the church, armed with pistols under their coats. He came…and he left.

But it seems like attacks on ministers are becoming more frequent here in America. In other countries Christians are regularly mistreated, assaulted, and even killed. But here in this country, it is pastors that are being targeted. Why that is happening is up for debate. The question I am posing is whether or not a pastor should carry a weapon.

False Expectations

For the longest time people have thought that preachers, pastors, ministers, priests, etc., should be mild and mannerly…peaceful and placid…always turning the other cheek. Somehow, because of the Romantic perception of a wimpy, mamma’s boy of a Jesus, people think that His servants should be softies. They forget it was Jesus who vacated the temple with a whip (not something your average 90 lb. girly-man would do).

And when it comes to being attacked, there is this notion among many that the Christian, especially the minister, should not try to defend himself, just “turn the other cheek.” They think that true faith dictates we lower our hands and let God fight our battles for us.

I actually heard a man defend passivity to the extreme. When asked what he would do if a criminal attacked his wife or children, he said, “If it is God’s will they die, then I am not going to stand in His way. His will be done.” I wanted to beat the guy myself! What kind of insanity is that? To stand and watch your family be molested because you think it is wrong to defend yourself?

God-Given Sense

Friends, God gave us brains. He also gives the believer the Holy Spirit. If you have both, then it should be pretty simple to discern that a man (or woman) has a responsibility to defend his loved ones, as well as himself. Even Jesus understood that there are times when we need to protect what is in our care. He said, “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own palace, his goods are in peace” (Luke 11:21 NKJV). How much more should we guard our own lives?

And what about the idea of being a good shepherd? What kind of shepherd would have allowed wolves, bears, and lions to come and carry away his sheep? What did David do to the bear and lion (1 Samuel 17:36)? Was it not his duty to protect his sheep?

What if a gunman entered the church? Where does Scripture say that the only option is to stand (or cower under a pew) and pray that he will see the error of his ways, lay down his AK-47, then take communion? What would David do?

My Thoughts

This is how I see it. God is my strong tower (Ps. 61:3) and my shield, my fortress in time of trouble (Ps. 144:2). He is also the One who led Nehemiah to set guards as the wall around Jerusalem was being rebuilt. As a pastor, I believe that God has called me to a “great work” from which “I cannot come down” (Neh. 6:3). Therefore, I will keep in mind the instruction Nehemiah gave those who labored…

“Nevertheless we made our prayer unto our God, and set a watch against them day and night, because of them. … Therefore set I in the lower places behind the wall, and on the higher places, I even set the people after their families with their swords, their spears, and their bows. And I looked, and rose up, and said unto the nobles, and to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, Be not ye afraid of them: remember the Lord, which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses. … They which builded on the wall, and they that bare burdens, with those that laded, every one with one of his hands wrought in the work, and with the other hand held a weapon. For the builders, every one had his sword girded by his side, and so builded. And he that sounded the trumpet was by me.” – Nehemiah 4:9, 13-14, 17-18 KJV

I see nothing wrong with a modern-day wall builder having a modern-day weapon “girded” to his side.

What would you do if attacked? Would you defend your loved ones?

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by | October 24, 2012 · 9:28 pm

15 Awesome Quotes on Preaching (by Chris Jordan)

Today I was fortunate to cross paths with a brother in Christ, Chris Jordan. He is a pastor and author in Canada.

This post of his is worth reading, especially if you are one of those who stand behind a pulpit each week. I was convicted by several of the 15 quotes he included.

 

 

15 Awesome Quotes on Preaching.

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by | October 23, 2012 · 7:14 pm

Wouldn’t You Take Him Home?

Tear Jerkers

Frequently I see posts/pictures on Facebook that are really meant to make one cry. And many times the tears are supposed to make one want to do something, like give to a charity, hug a tree, or feed the hungry.

Now, look at the picture to the right. Here you have a grown dog sitting in the middle of a street getting soaked in the rain. I don’t know who took the picture, but the title of the Facebook post was something like, “Wouldn’t you take him home?”

That got me to thinking about some things. Can I share them with you?

  • Go ahead, go up to the dog. I bet it’ll snap your hand off at the wrist.
  • Have you ever wondered why a grown dog has chosen to just sit in the rain?
  • If the dog was smart enough to fetch your slippers, don’t you think it could have found something to hide under?
  • It the dog is so stupid that it can’t get out of the rain, then do you really want it in your home?
  • Is it possible that he simply wants to be left alone because his girlfriend left him for a Doberman? If that is true, refer back to the first point.

An Old Dog

Looking at this dog sitting in the rain also got me to thinking about some other things. For instance, why don’t we think about old men that way? Let’s just say that dog in the road is 5 or 6 years old – that would make him what, 30 or 40 in human years? Would you look at a drug addict lying in the rain and ask, “Wouldn’t you take him home?”

No, a grown man has made his choices, right? He should be left in the rain, or on the side of the road bleeding. It’s one thing to help a dirty dog, but a stranger? Get real, right? I mean, who does that kind of thing? A good Samaritan?

Isn’t that strange? Why is it that we would be more likely to cry a tear over an old dog than a man? A mother’s child?

What About These?

And then I remembered this picture. It is not of a dog in the rain, or a cat in a kennel, or a puppy in the pound; it’s just a bunch of orphans.

Back in 1992 I had the rare privilege to visit a Romanian orphanage. The children did not know why we were there, but they were excited. It wasn’t often that strangers were allowed in, especially after a 1990 news story on ABC’s 20/20.  They stood lined against a wall…waiting.

Wouldn’t you take one home? Don’t you know what happens to orphans in places like this, especially after they “graduate” at age 18?

Misplaced Sorrow

It is only my opinion, but I think we should worry less about animals in the rain and more about humans living in drains. I’ll never forget a story I saw about children living in the sewage drains of Kenyan cities. They would sniff glue at night, not for fun, but to keep from feeling the pain of hunger. That should make us cry.

“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!'” – Matthew 25:35-40 NLT

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by | October 18, 2012 · 1:56 pm

I “_____” Weddings

“_____”?

I know what you must be thinking (I am a mind reader, you know; you have to be to survive around women), “what does ‘_____’ stand for?”

Do I really have to say? I mean, come on, I am a preacher, a pastor, a man of the cloth…I am supposed to be all about weddings, right? Right? If nothing else, it’s a good way to make a quick buck, right? Right?

Oh, you have no idea…no idea…

A Symbol

Don’t misunderstand, I love what weddings are all about. I believe in weddings. As a matter of fact, God loves weddings so much He uses them to describe the ultimate coming together of the Body of believers (the Bride) and His Son, Jesus Christ (John 3:29).

God loves and promotes marriage, even to the point where He says that He “hates divorce.”

“For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the LORD of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.” – Malachi 2:16 NKJV

God hates divorce because, just as marriage symbolizes His love for us, divorce symbolizes unfaithfulness. He said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5). So, don’t get me wrong – I totally LOVE marriage.

A Serious Pain

What I DON’T LOVE are all the practical realities of wedding ceremonies. The logistics. The non-logistics. You name it.

Have you ever noticed mothers and fathers crying when their children get married? It is not because they are losing/gaining children; it’s because they are relieved the nightmare is over! (My wife just said, “OH, Anthony!“)

Here, let me just provide you with a simple, ten-point list of things that irritate me, then you might better understand why I “_____” weddings.

  1. 4,937 peasants could be fed for two months and 4 days for what one wedding cake can cost.
  2. No matter how much pre-marital counseling I do, I know everything I say is going in one ear and out the other.
  3. There are always people who “have reason why these two should not be married,” but they are too cowardly to stand up and say something.
  4. Family members are just as likely to kill each other over the color of mints as the number of ruffles on a wedding gown.
  5. Wedding cake tastes like lard.
  6. Everybody always gets new clothes – except the preacher.
  7. Brides-to-be and their mothers are pickier than Eric Clapton on speed (Old Age Alert: Eric Clapton is an actual musician who plays a real guitar, not one attached to a game console).
  8. Shotguns are not allowed anymore.
  9. Daughters force their parents to watch episode after episode of Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding. (Did I mention I have a daughter getting married?)
  10. If I mess up the vows, then I am responsible for ruining the lives of females who never forgive.

I “Like” Weddings

Is “like” the best word? It’s not what best describes my feelings, but I guess it will have to do. But may I suggest a few things that would help me “love” weddings more?

  1. Elvis actually showing up to say, “I did not look like that, thangya very much.”
  2. Grilled steak instead of cake (Dr. Atkins would be proud).
  3. No dancing. Period. None. People that don’t know how to dance should just sit in a chair and eat steak.
  4. Bags of money, instead of rice or bubble makers (Cleaning up would be much easier).
  5. A simple promise that the bride and groom will take their vows as seriously as their choice of cake toppers.

Seriously

Seriously, if you are getting married, God bless you! May your union be filled not only with love, but also the commitment it takes to show that love to each other throughout the years to come.

And if at all possible, I prefer my steak a nice, pink medium. I do.

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by | October 17, 2012 · 11:15 am

Publishing Suggestions?

Quick Question…

Some of you have a little insight into the differences between self-publishing and somebody else-publishing. A few of you are either already published authors, or are in the process.

What are the reasons you chose to take the route you did? Would you do things differently if given the chance?

Trying to Look Edumacated.

I am going to begin working on a book very soon, and I would appreciate any advice you have.

Have any of you had any experience with either Crossway Books, or Xulon? I have talked with both, but have not come to any conclusions (both publish Christian authors).

Thanks!

Oh, by the way…Am I only deceiving myself, or do you think my writing style is bankable? Go ahead, it’s OK to tell me you love me.

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by | October 16, 2012 · 5:59 pm

“Freshly Pressed” High, then Reality

Woo Hoo!

I was so thrilled when I was told this blog was going to be featured on “Freshly Pressed.” I was literally ecstatic (well, let me make sure of the definition – a trance-like state of joy or delight – OK, that’s good), really I was.

Just the thought that this wee widdle bwog was chosen out of so many thousands was mind blowing. It was better than when I got the Perfect Attendence Award in 3rd grade! Or was it 4th grade? Or was it the spelling bee?

Anyway, on October 1st my recorded views gradually climbed and climbed, peaking out at 942 by midnight. Wow! Never in one day has so many people come to read anything I had ever written. Wow!

Woo!

Then October 2nd came. Wow! Several hundred views in one day. Not too bad, little camper!

And then all the other days came…and went…with gradually declining numbers. It was like watching Enron‘s stock prices fall. It was like I was watching my stats try to break the sound barrier after leaping from a record height.

But it was all right. I knew that going in. I knew there were no promises that I would become an award-winning blogger overnight, all because of some silly award-like gift from the blogging mega-minds at WordPress. I mean, after all, I did get a few followers and a whole lot of “likes” (to which I have not yet finished replying – sorry).

Oh Hooey!

No, the real problem was that once the initial high was over, I had to face reality. Only 1000 views in a day? Are you kidding? I was excited about nearly 1000 views in a day?

Do you realize that there are blogs out there that receive tens of thousands of views a day? Let me spell that out – Tee Eee Enn Thous Ain’t Nothin’. Whatever.

If getting thousands of views a day means I  have to become another Perez Hilton, forget it.

Oh Hey!

Thanks, though, for all of you who regularly stop by to read my nonsense. You are appreciated. All 15 of you.

Now back to writing about stuff that matters. My wife just told me, “You keep writing stuff like that, and if it were me, I would quit coming back to see what you wrote – all that ‘just to write‘ stuff doesn’t interest me. Just saying.”

Next Topic: How NOT to Encourage Your Spouse

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by | October 14, 2012 · 7:06 pm

A Dream Come True, Sadly

A Dream

It has long been a dream of mine to just lay (lie?) in bed all day. All day, all night, just chillin’ there in my Spongebob pants.

Part of the dream is getting phone calls with people asking, “Anthony, where are you?” In response I would say, “Oh, just laying in bed.”

“But it’s 3 in the afternoon!” they would exclaim, thinking I could be shocked back to reality. “Really?” I would say, “I thought it was much later.”

A Nightmare

Well, my dream became reality, only it was a reality far too real to be fun. Saturday morning, about 9 a.m., I began to feel ill. By 10:00 I was in full-blown stomach virus meltdown. I made it to my bedroom and didn’t leave until just before this post.

On Thursday and Friday our oldest daughter, Alicia, came to visit. She stayed in our bed, sick with whatever my wife and I both caught. Friday night my wife became ill, then I followed.

But hey, there I was, over 24 hours in bed (except for the multiple trips to the toilet and the occasional cooling off time on the bathroom floor).

Be Careful…

You know the old saying, “Be careful what you wish for?” Well, be careful what you wish for.

Laying (lying) in bed all day and night is no fun, especially when you can’t do anything. I couldn’t read, watch TV, listen to music, get comfortable, or even enjoy crackers and water.

Important Things

But I can say that spending all that time in bed sick as a dog (although I have never seen a dog so sick) reminded me of what is most important – not being sick.

When one is puking his guts up, along with incurring the revenge of Montezuma, Facebook, WordPress, Twitter, texting, and any other form of modern communication is worthless. Relationships are even worthless if they are as sick as you are. The most important thing is to not be sick, unless you have other family who is willing to treat you like a spoiled baby and meet your every perceived need.

Thankfully, after coming home from a youth outing Saturday night, our other daughters were able to see the humor in two adults in misery. Considering how this stuff is so contagious, I wonder how important they will think it was to make fun of mommy and daddy in a day or two?

They’re just lucky they brought us jello and water when we asked. That was important, too.

Oh, One More Thing…

Years ago, when I was in Romania, I became similarly ill. Well, actually I was much worse, because that illness lasted for nearly a week – I almost died.

Do you know what I was given to make me feel better? Green tea, white rice, and goat cheese. Sorry, but it didn’t help.

What I wanted was Sprite (or something like it) over real, honest-to-goodness ice. You know, H2o that is frozen into little tiny cubes. My host family said, “Nu, Nu, Nu!” I said, “Da, Da, Da!”

Long story short, a U.S. Navy medic who was traveling with us agreed to find a carbonated drink (which ended up being mineral water with fruit syrup) and some bottle caps. We boiled some water, filled the caps, and snuck them into a tiny freezer. That night I had ice in my drink.

American ingenuity – what a wonderful thing!

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by | October 10, 2012 · 1:09 pm

Blog Drug

Can’t Help It!

I have so much writing to do by tomorrow night, it isn’t even funny (but that won’t keep me from finding something to laugh about, especially when I start operating on no sleep). I have to get a research paper done  – no excuses.

But when I keep getting email notifications of other blog posts, it’s like waving an addictive drug in front of an addict to addictive drugs. It’s driving me crazy! I want to write about stuff, too!

So, even though I am on a deadline, I had to get on here and say something. I can’t help it. It’s been too long.

Something

“Something.” There, I said it.

That does remind me of a professor I had years and years and years ago. Dr. Jay P. Trimble was a black (African-American, to be politically correct) pastor and veteran of the Vietnam war. He was (and is) a tough cookie.

Whenever Dr. Trimble would say something worth saying, and he knew it, he expected a response. If he didn’t get an “amen,” a “hallelujah,” or a “you got that right,” he would slam his hand on the pulpit and say in a loud, gruff voice that would remind you of a Harley Davidson revving its engine, “I SAID something!”

Well, I might not have had anything worth saying, but I DID say “something.”

Can I get an “AMEN!”?

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by | October 6, 2012 · 11:26 am

Long-Haired Hippie Dog

Nugget

We have a little dog in our family named Nugget. We call him “Nug.” He was a gift to my wife when she got her accounting degree from UTC.

Before Grommingdale’s

Nug is a Chorkie (Chihuahua-Yorkie). He is cute as all get out, but his hair can get long. That is why we have to get him groomed every so often. If not, his hair will cover his eyes, which causes him to not be able to catch treats.

Just the other day, poor Nug was having all his treats snatched away because they would land in the floor. He couldn’t see me toss them, but our daughter’s dog, Baby Girl, could. That is when I’d had enough. He had to go to the groomers.

Bone Appetit

There is a cute little place in the North Shore district of Chattanooga called Bone Appetit. Believe it or not, they are a full-service dog-lover’s heaven. Not only do they sell toys, leashes, and food, but they sell all sorts of gourmet treats made in their own bakery.

Bone Appetit is also home to Groomingdale’s. This is where Nug went to make his fur look fine. The people there were so nice, and the facilities smelled…well…not like a kennel. Having a doggy treat bakery on-site must have had something to do with it, I guess?

And speaking of that bakery, I wondered what would happen if I stuck some of those treats in my daughters’ Christmas stockings? Would they figure out the cookies were meant for animals, not them? I wonder how they taste? Hmmm.

These are all for dogs!

Still Our Dog

So anyway, later in the day I went to get Nug. He was so happy to see me that he nearly jumped out of the groomer’s arms. Now that the hair was out of his eyes, he could see me! And he can catch treats, too!

After Groomingdale’s

Now, I said all of the above in order to make a point. Did the way Nugget looked before, or after, change his relationship to my wife and me? The way he looked had nothing to do with his place in our hearts, only whether or not he could be “blessed” with treats.

Our Master

The way we look has very little to do with our relationship to God, either. Just because one person may not look his best, that doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t a child of God. As a matter of fact, there was a really fancy poodle at the groomers, but (thank the Lord) it didn’t belong to me.

Be careful when you judge by appearances. Sure, some people dress in ways that are meant to make a statement. Some don’t dress at all in order to make a statement. But, generally speaking, looks are a poor indicator of “ownership.” Nugget is no more ours now than when his hair was long. God is no more my Master because I am bald.

“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” – John 7:24 KJV

Just something for you to think about.

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