by | October 17, 2013 · 12:17 am

A Flirting God?

Don’t Be Shocked

I know that the title may come as a shock to many of you, but don’t be too shocked, at least not yet. I have been talking about men and women flirting over the last couple of days, but as I told you, there was a method to my madness.

You might be saying, “And if you say God is a flirt, then you are truly mad, you crazy fool!” But please, hear me (or read me) out. “Flirting” might not be the best word, but what about “wooing”? If not a flirting God, surely He woos us all the time.

Background

Now, just in case you think I am crazy, let me share with you one of my favorite verses from one of my favorite books in the Bible, Hosea.

“I drew them with cords of a man, with bands of love: and I was to them as they that take off the yoke on their jaws, and I laid meat unto them.” – Hosea 11:4 KJV

With metaphor God explains to the prophet Hosea how He has gone the extra mile to win over His people’s love. That, after all, is the message portrayed by Hosea’s pursuit of Gomer (that’s his wife’s name) as she runs from lover to lover. God would much rather win our love than divorce (judge) us.

When I think of the first part of that verse, the words “cords of a man” become “heart strings.” In other words, in order to win our affections, God is doing everything He can to “pull our strings,” or at least the emotional strings of our hearts. Cool, huh?

Signs of Wooing

As with the last two posts, I’d like to consider some ways in which God might “flirt” with us. In other words, God might be wooing you if…

  • You wake up earlier than you wanted, but see the most beautiful sunrise of your life.
  • You decide to give up on life, only to have an email pop up showing someone worse off than you.
  • It seems that there is no meaning in life, but then you hear a baby cry, or your child says, “I wuv you.”
  • In the dark, late at night, you find yourself crying, but a warmth you can’t explain wraps around you, cradling you to sleep.
  • You find yourself feeling like a failure, worthless and dirty, then from out of nowhere comes a verse you learned in Sunday School: “For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten Son…”

Do I need to go on? Is He pulling the strings of your heart? Will you respond to His advances?

He does love you!

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by | October 16, 2013 · 12:47 pm

She Might Be Flirting If…

Stay With Me

Yesterday, taking a sharp turn from the direction I usually go, I wrote a post dealing with how men flirt. Today I am going to write about how women flirt, or at least my thoughts on the subject. But before you run off thinking The Recovering Legalist is becoming Vanity Fair or The Huffington Post, let me reassure you: there is a point to my madness.

Yesterday was about men. Today will be about women (or at least my understanding and perceptions of the creatures). Tomorrow will be about… Well, you’ll just have to come back tomorrow to find out. Just stay with me on this, OK?

More Nonsense

I scoured the web this morning looking for sources and I found several. However, unlike yesterday, I will give you the links at the bottom of the page, just so you’ll know I am not making this stuff up. Essentially there are a lot of websites and magazines with published articles dealing with “how to know if a woman is flirting.” But once again, several of the clues are deceptive.

Are you a nice person? Do you smile at people? Do you look people in the eye when you speak? Then you’d better watch out, somebody may think you are flirting!

The following are said to be clues that a woman is flirting, guys. So watch out, especially if she is one of those Proverbs 7 women (that’s not good).

  1. She’s staring at you. Never mind that you might have a piece of chicken in your tooth, or you may look like a suspected criminal, if a woman is staring at you, you might be daddy material.
  2. She smiles at you. According to the experts, yelling, screaming, hateful, and even non-emotional women are safe. It’s the ones that are smiling at you that should make you concerned (or excited). That means every girl that works at Chick-fil-A wants to take you on a date.
  3. sinead oconnerShe plays with her hair. Supposedly, if a woman fiddles with her hair – twirls it in her finger while talking or listening to you – she is flirting. Sinead O’Conner, therefore, will be hard to read, I suppose.
  4. She touches you. Normally, I would give credence to this one. However, some people are just “touchy” people. Some women have a motherly instinct that demands they straighten every tie and remove every piece of lint. So, don’t get creeped out when Granny brushes your shoulder.
  5. She draws attention to her body. Seriously? What woman does not try to draw attention to her body, or at least parts of it? What is makeup for? How long has it been since women have striven to be modest? Good grief, with the way women dress today, the only women not flirting are wearing long blue jean skirts (but they usually have long hair, so watch out for the twirling)!

My Experience

What do I think? How do I believe a man can tell if a woman is flirting? From my experience, which is admittedly limited, I believe there are a few legitimate, full-proof signs. Let me share them with you, but in a more Jeff Foxworthy-ish style…

  • If a woman looks at you with her eyes, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman throws the rock back at you from across the playground, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman asks you to sip something she is drinking, she is definitely flirting.
  • If a woman bites her lip when you wear chocolate-scented cologne, she just has a hankering for chocolate.
  • If a woman says you are ugly, she might be flirting.
  • If a woman says, “I wouldn’t go out with you in a million years,” all the while maintaining an incredulous smirk of disdain, ask her out again next week: she might be flirting with you.
  • If you happen to be wrestling (pronounced “wrasling”) around on the floor, and the girl you are pretending to let beat you up actually breaks your finger and then says, “OH, did I do that? I’m sorry!”… I’ll let you figure that one out. I just married her.

Well, my wife just asked me if I could tell when she was flirting, so I guess I will bring this post to a close. Just be careful, men.

The last thing you want to do is misinterpret a woman’s intentions. 

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by | October 15, 2013 · 1:41 pm

Signs of Flirting?

Uncomfortable Topic

OK, so this is not a subject I normally discuss, but I feel I must say something.

I have seen several pieces in the news about how to know when a man is flirting, but the signs leave me a little puzzled. I mean, I am a man, so I should have some knowledge of when I am flirting, correct? But, evidently, I may be flirting when I don’t know it!

I don’t remember the sources for the following, but if you want to, just Google them (It is not my intention to plagiarize, but I am not getting graded on a paper, applying for a job, or getting paid for this post, so I’m not going to worry too much at this point). Here are…

Ten (supposed) ways to know a man is flirting with you:

  1. flirtingHe makes eye contact when he talks.
  2. He touches his face.
  3. He laughs at a girl’s jokes.
  4. He messes with his own hair.
  5. He tries to gain your attention.
  6. He leans in closer when you talk.
  7. He touches you on the shoulder.
  8. He always has a smile.
  9. He puts his hands on his waist.
  10. He throws rocks at you from across the playground.

Analysis of List

First, I always thought that I was supposed to make eye contact when talking with someone. Does this mean that every time I look someone in the eyes I am flirting? I guess I am going to have to revert back to my insecure, shifty-eye days.

Second, what if a guy feels bugs crawling on his face and in his hair? Should #2 and #4 on the list be avoided? I mean, if I get an itch, does that mean a woman is going to slap me?

Third, maybe guys are just being nice, you know? I try to smile at everybody’s jokes, don’t you? Sometimes a girl can be funny, even when she is ugly as a burnt tree.

Attention? What’s wrong with trying to get someone’s attention? Sure, there are different ways to do that, but come on! Just because I honk my horn at a lady walking down the street does not mean I want a date; there may be a tiger behind her, or a hole in front of her. The right thing to do is warn her.

Next (is this fifth?), the reason I lean in closer to a girl is because I am deaf from all the head-banging Southern Gospel music I have played.

Sixthly, I may put my hands on my waist, but it might only mean I am disgusted with you. I would hardly call that flirting. But if I do put my hand on your shoulder, it might mean that I am secretly trying to see if the Vulcan grip really works.

Seventh, I always smile. Not really. That’s a lie.

Eighthly, ninethly, and tenthly, if I throw a rock at you on the playground, then I am absolutely flirting. Every boy knows that’s the way you let a girl know you like her. But since I am married, and since flirting with other women could cause my wife to do bad things to me in my sleep, I will keep my rocks to myself.

One Other Thing

There was one other sign that I did not include in the above list, but was in one article I read: “If a guy plays footsies with you in the sand, he might be flirting.”

If a guy starts rubbing his feet all over yours, that’s not a sign of flirting, people; that’s something way more. Ladies (and I am talking to women at this point), either get wedding invitations ready, or make use of a well-placed knee. You need no other signs.

Your welcome. 

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by | October 14, 2013 · 1:32 pm

Her Pain Is Mine

Fibromyalgia

I don’t know what you know about fibromyalgia, but whatever it is, whatever causes it, my wife suffers terribly from it. Over the last several years it has robbed my wife of her ability to enjoy many things in life that we take for granted, like sitting, sleeping, getting dressed, washing one’s hair, or even being hugged.

So many people doubt fibromyalgia is real. They say that if it was a legitimate illness, then there would be clearly identifiable symptoms, specific medications or treatments that would work, and even a Jerry Lewis-like celebrity raising money for research. Unfortunately, the only real constant for my wife is pain, and all that comes with never getting relief.

valeriePutting on a brave face is a daily occurrence. My wife was always the hard worker, the entrepreneur, and the aggravating “early riser” who would wake everyone else in the house with, “Thank you, Lord, for this fine day!” Now, her smile is for the encouragement of others who look to her as a pastor’s wife; but her family knows the truth: she spends much of her time in tears.

We have tried doctor after doctor, from local clinics to Vanderbilt. Tests of every kind have been run, yet all are inconclusive. The only diagnosis is fibromyalgia – and there is no cure. She has her better days, and her really bad days, but rarely are there good days. It would seem that this is a burden which we are destined to bear, that is, until God sees fit to lift it.

After a particular troubling doctor visit today, one who made all kinds of false assumptions and accusations, my dear wife decided she couldn’t handle much more. She wept. That is when I wrote the following poem.

Give Us Strength

I tend to wonder

About what I know

Or at least what I think I know

About pain, about grief

About the reason for no sleep

I tend to wonder

I tend to ask

The usual “whys?”

And I guess I know the “why”

But I doubt at times

When there’s no reason or rhyme

I tend to ask

I know the truth

But I tend to wonder

About the load she’s under

The pain without an end

I ask for answers, even when

I know the Truth

Give me strength

But give her more

Dry her tears; make mine pour

On my shoulders place her sorrow

And for the joy again tomorrow

Give us strength

Pray for Us

I try to be funny on this blog. There are times I get angry, too. But right now I really want to ask all of you who pray to intercede for my wife, Valerie. Pray for her healing. Pray that I will know how to better encourage her. But pray, most of all, that through all that we endure God will receive the glory.

As both of us cry together and wonder why she has to go through this, I am reminded of our Savior who also cried in the garden and said: “Father, if it be your will, let this cup pass from me.” Our prayer is that this will pass.

But, Jesus also said, “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.” (Luke 22:42) Whatever tomorrow holds, to God be the glory!

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV

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by | October 12, 2013 · 2:01 am

Arguing for Infanticide?

WARNING! The following subject may be unsuitable for some people. If you support abortion you will probably be offended, so just go click something on the Huffington Post’s website. If not that, go watch a video of Bill Mayer bashing Christians, or something. Just understand, this is a WARNING from a pro-life Christian that what I am about to say will not make Planned Parenthood supporters very happy.

(Maybe we’ll get to some more lighthearted posts next week.)

Post-Birth Abortion?

What I am about to share with you goes beyond anything I’ve ever seen. Even those of you who are “pro-choice” should recognize that a line dividing humanity from devils is being crossed.

The video you are about to watch is not new, but it shows a woman by the name of Alisa LaPolt Snow, a lobbyist representing the Florida Alliance of Planned Parenthood Affiliates, defending the murder living, breathing, pain-feeling, on-the-table-kicking babies. I recently saw this on a Facebook post and decided I had to comment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=qEv1afKaLhA

It’s Murder

I don’t know how else to define taking the life of a living, breathing, baby but cold-blooded murder. There is no other sensible way to describe it.

And you know what, dear readers, it doesn’t matter a hill of beans what circumstances surround the birth or what may potentially come of the child in question. None of us know what tomorrow holds, so since it is possible we might end up in a vegetative state after a car accident, should we just go ahead and commit suicide? Who are we, then, to commit murder based on what type of life a child may or may not have in the future?

The final questioning in this video had to do with whether or not an abortion doctor should be required to provide transportation to a medical facility for a baby born alive. All Ms. Snow could say was “what if it’s 45 minutes away?”

God help us, people! How calloused can we be?! How could people just sit there with no emotion as a blooming idiot representing Planned Parenthood could deny she knows what happens in an abortion clinic? How could they not rise up with indignation and throw her out of the court room when she admits the thought of the baby actually being the patient was something she had not considered, but was worthy of further discussion?!!

But, you know, why should we criticize Alisa LaPolt Snow and Planned Parenthood? They are, after all, only following in the steps of the great universal health care provider himself, President Obama. Consider the following audio from the Illinois State Senate in 2003. Here Senator Obama makes essentially the same argument as Ms. Snow, but much more eloquently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUkbuhXzbvI&feature=player_embedded

The sad fact is that a fetus outside the womb is a baby. If that baby is breathing and moving, it is alive. The question of “viability” is no longer part of the equation. To let it die, or to kill it, is without question, except in the mind of those who desire no accountability, murder.

Again, God help us.

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by | October 11, 2013 · 9:53 am

Where Are the Guards?

The following is political commentary. It also references certain aspects of the Confederacy in a positive light. Be forewarned: I do not now, nor have I ever condoned slavery, so comments along that line will not be accepted.

The Shutdown

By now I am sure most of you, no matter what country you are in, have heard of the government shutdown in America. It is sad on many different levels, especially for those whose livelihoods depend on tourism and trade on government lands. It is even sad for those tourists who planned for years to visit a particular park, only to find it closed and guarded.

storming the memorialRecently, a group of WWII veterans went to visit their memorial in Washington, D.C. Many of those veterans will not live another year, so they were terribly upset to see barricades keeping them out of an open-air memorial. So what did they do? They went in, anyway, carrying American flags and playing Amazing Grace on a bagpipe.

The administration in Washington says that it does not have the funds to operate public parks and monuments/memorials. It even closed Point Park here in Chattanooga. What amazes me, though, is the fact that the places being closed really didn’t need anyone there in the first place. Yet, after saying there is no money, they put guards around a monument which never had people there before! What gives?

Honestly, I feel like the whole thing is intended for political purposes and has nothing to do with a lack of money. If guards can be paid, then so could a senior citizen who needs a few extra dollars. For that matter, there are plenty of volunteers wanting to work the parks, but the government says, “NO!” The proof of spitefulness, I believe, can be found in what monuments/memorials/parks are guarded, and which are not.

Visitors Needed

silverdale cemetery

Yesterday, I drove past this cemetery in Chattanooga. Normally it would have not caught my attention, but this time something stood out – there were no barricades…no guards. Much like the WWI memorial, this place is not actually a national memorial, so maybe that has something to do with why no barricades or guards are present. But, stop and think about it, what’s the difference?

I think the real difference is that people are not visiting the parks that are not barricaded, therefore no barricades or guards are necessary. Only the parks most likely to be visited are guarded, so as to make people more inconvenienced and angry. Pure and simple.

The barricading and guarding of PUBLIC memorials and monuments on PUBLIC land is a testimony to spiteful government that is no longer FOR the people, but AGAINST them.

When I think about that Confederate cemetery, where over 150 men lie in unmarked graves – men who died from wounds suffered in combat after being left when their hospital had to leave – I think about what they fought for. It was not primarily to continue slavery (even though that was an issue), but states’ rights – the rights of the individual states to self-govern.

The idea that our federal government is so big, so intrusive, so overpowering, so dictatorial, so regime-like, and SO much of a playground bully makes me consider the cause of my gray-clad ancestors. If our states had the rights originally given to them by our U.S. Constitution, this shutdown and Obamacare fiasco would not be happening. Maybe we should think long and hard about what our Founding Fathers intended. I guarantee you it is not what we have in Washington today.

Maybe we need to revisit a bit of the past – before Washington barricades it all.

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by | October 7, 2013 · 10:31 pm

Hupomenō : a Daughter’s Suggestion

Writer’s Block

Believe it or not, I have been enduring a strange kind of writer’s block. It is a form of writer’s block, however, so the full power thereof has been turned away (that’s a 2 Timothy 3:5 pun). Full-blown writer’s block would have left me with no ideas…no creativity…no thoughts…no opinions. What I have is simply a lack of energy.

Really, there have been a lot of topics crying out for my opinion. The news has been full of stories needing to be discussed at length, but am I up to it? Have I had enough sleep?

For Example(s)

If I wanted to take the time, here are some subjects on which I would love to tell you what I think and why. The only problem is that they all make me ill.

  • Miley Cyrus. “Oh, Anthony, you shouldn’t pick on her and be all negative and stuff like that…you will never win her over by being judgmental and critical,” they say. Really? For the record, I am more concerned with the little girls who are now becoming sexually degenerate while trying to imitate this 20 year-old spawn of Madonna. There is sooooooo much I want to say, but Hannah Montana fans might get angry and point a foam finger in my face (and who knows where that has been?).
  • New York Bike Gang. All I will say is that had those crotch-rocket-riding hoodlums tried doing what they did to the family in the Range Rover down here in Tennessee, there would have been a lot more broken than one guy’s leg. Switching lanes without warning is a common, heartfelt practice in Chattanooga, so I can imagine the motorcycle parts strewn across the highway. Of course, there’s also the fact that Southerners believe in the Second Amendment.
  • Government Shutdown. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. Those shutting down the government and closing open-air WWII memorials are still getting paid while common people suffer. And do you know what’s so ironic? There are more people guarding places than used to work there when they were open!
  • High School Dance Teams. “Don’t say anything, Anthony! Don’t offend anybody, Anthony!” I can’t help it. People, when you think it is appropriate for your underage daughter to “shake her thing” in barely-there clothes…perform moves only an experienced, professional pole dancer should know…and when you applaud to a guy with a microphone as he says of your daughter and her fellow dancers when they spread their legs on their backs in front of a stadium full of football fans, “I told you they were bad,” you’re not a parent, you’re an enabler!

See, I have things I could write about. There’s just too much to say about too many things.

Hupomenō?

You must be wondering what the title of this post is all about. Well, it all started this evening when I told Katie, my daughter, that I was having a “form of writer’s block.” She asked, “Do you want me to give you a random suggestion?” I said, “sure.”

hupomenoTwo minutes later she comes to me with a picture and a word: hupomenō (ὑπομένω). “Write about this,” she said.

The word is a Greek word which means “to remain under,” or, “to remain under the test in a God-honoring manner, not seeking to escape it but eager to learn the lessons it was sent to teach.”* But it could also mean standing firm by holding one’s ground (Mt 10:22; 24:13; Mk 13:13) and persevering in spite of difficulty (2 Tim 2:10).** The words that  hupomenō is most commonly translated into are “patience,” and “endure.”

Katie’s a godly young girl, so she wrote this on her hand as a reminder to be patient and to “endure.”

Patiently Learning

So, what have we learned? How can I close this post?

I will patiently endure the pressures of this world, and seek to glorify Christ as I persevere through difficulties. But if my patience runs out, well…

…just keep that stupid foam finger away from me, Miley. And for Billy Ray’s sake, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

*Kenneth S. Wuest, Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament: For the English Reader (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), Ro 12:9.

**James Swanson, Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains: Greek (New Testament) (Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997).

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by | October 6, 2013 · 3:57 pm

Hope Springs…from a Public School Principal

It is not often that I “reblog” a blog post, but this one was too much to pass up. I lived in Soddy-Daisy, so I am proud of fellow pastor, Alan Stewart, and the principle of Sale Creek Middle/High School. Way to go!

Rebeca Seitz's avatarRebeca Seitz's Blog

Y’all are not going to believe this. Well, some of you may.

RechpicA dear friend of mine, Alan Stewart, is a longtime pastor in the Mayberry-esque East Tennessee town of Soddy-Daisy. His church has become known in recent years for its crazy-effective Vacation Bible School programs, which Alan wrote and based on the public domain characters from those incredible children’s tales written by Christians – Beauty and the Beast, Wizard of Oz, The Little Mermaid, and Peter Pan – after realizing several years of other VBS programs had been entertaining, but not effective.

Alan and the church are a go-to resource when the town needs, well, anything. Food, shelter, counsel, money, a listening ear, an answer to a troubling situation. They are what the church is supposed to be, at least in so much as I’ve known them the past few years.

Alan was asked by

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by | October 1, 2013 · 1:29 pm

Random Thoughts

First,

I would like to thank all of you for your prayers and well-wishes. I don’t have any solid answers regarding my health, but I have appointments scheduled. Hopefully, we will find out whether or not the pain I am experiencing in my chest is heart related, or just lung or esophageal.  Come to find out, pain in one’s chest could come from a plethora (love that word) of sources. 

Whatever happens, may all the glory belong to the Lord.

Second,

The U.S. government has partially shut down. Yet, the sun still came up this morning, there is still oxygen in the air, birds are still singing, and the President is still receiving a pay check.

If you want to know my political opinions regarding this mess, just ask. Go ahead, ask. Ask me what I think about being forced by my government to buy something. Ask me what I think of my government taking away me freedom. Ask me what I think about politicians who will hold innocent people hostage for political gain, never minding the fact that we can’t afford whatever plan is chosen. Ask me what I think of a president who wants to “fundamentally change” the nation that so many risk their lives to come to for freedom and hope.

Go ahead, ask.

Third,

A story out of Nashville (Tennessee): “Fencing coach stops robbery in shopping center.”

This_is_Inigo_Montoya_by_Dranzer_DarlingI took fencing in college and loved every minute of it. Unfortunately for me, Princess Bride had not yet been made, so never once did I get to look at another student and say, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father…prepare to die.” Yet, when I took the class there were others who criticized me, saying, “When will you ever use a sword?”

Now I have an answer!

Fourth,

You may have seen the news story about a bunch of thug motorcyclist who beat up a man in New York. It seems that this gang of motorcyclists were being a bunch of punks and spooked an innocent husband and dad of a 2 yr-old girl, causing him to run over a guy to get away.

Video shows the gang of punks chasing his Range Rover through the streets of New York until they finally pin him in, crash through his window, and drag him to the street where he is severely beaten. All along, his wife and little girl are forced to watch.

People, when you feel like your life is threatened, a 4,000 lb. vehicle makes a perfect defensive weapon. If you are fool enough to attack someone with a 4,000 lb. weapon, you deserve to get what’s coming to you. But I couldn’t help but think of what could have happened had this scene been played out on any given street in the South.

  • Forget the Range Rover, have you seen what a monster truck can do?
  • Since swords are back in style, now, well…
  • Guns are legal, loved, and carried in the South. Go ahead and be a bunch of punks around a good ol’ boy, his woman, and his little baby…what you may find out is that somewhere in your family history your ancestors had target-like birthmarks on their foreheads, and for some reason you still have their DNA.
  • Demolition derbies are usually won by the vehicle with four wheels, not two, so keep that in mind.

Off to Drive

Well, it’s about that time. I have to go drive the school bus. Who knows what things I will hear? Like today, a kindergarten girl said: “I have a granny who is 99 years old. She is going to be 100 on her birthday, and then she can die.“

Kids…aren’t they great?

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by | September 29, 2013 · 5:03 pm

Stupid Chest Pain!

Not Again!

Earlier in the year (maybe late last year) I had been having chest pain. At one point I was literally afraid I was having a heart attack. Yet, after extensive humiliation, all tests came back negative (which is actually a positive).

Well, here we go again. More chest pain – in the same place – and more tests. Friday night I went to the ER just to be safe (and to make certain people be quiet). That’s when I got the same questions, the same initial tests, and the same evil looks from self-righteous, healthy, gym-membership-owning nurses who know I need to lose weight.

However, this time was a little different from times in the past.

What Am I?

When my wife and I first got to the hospital, I walked up to the desk and was greeted by a not-so-sweet lady with a clip board. “What’s the reason for your visit?” she asked. “Um, well, it’s a chest pain thing,” I answered. Then, without looking up she hands me a clip board and says, “Fill this out and sign at the bottom, then take a seat.”

In a moment or two I am triaged and taken to have chest x-rays. When I got to the room for the x-ray the technician asked to see my arm band (for identification). They had not given me one.

Later, while lying in bed and hooked up to monitoring devices, a hospital rep came in to ask me a lot of personal questions. They needed to know about any medications, whether or not I had insurance, and about previous illnesses or surgeries. Among the questions were the following:

  • “Mr. Baker, are you now, or have you ever been pregnant?” she asked. “I know I may look it, but no,” was my reply.
  • “Are you on any type of birth control medication?” That’s when I look at her with the same look that Gary Coleman used to have when he said, “What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?“

Now folks, I have had little kids come up to me, touch my belly, and ask, “Are you having a baby?” But honestly, either my wife has been secretly poisoning me with estrogen, or this woman must have though I was one ugly woman in a lesbian relationship. Why would she ask such questions? You’d think my facial hair, low voice, and Adam’s apple would be a dead giveaway!

Signing Out

Fortunately, the ER doctor decided not to admit me. He said they wouldn’t be able to do an arteriogram over the weekend, so I might as well go home and take nitrates until next week when I talk to a cardiologist. Who knows? I might be in bad shape, but we will have to wait.

So, after talking with the doctor, he said: “I’ll have them bring in your paperwork, then you’ll be free to go home.”

Guess what was written on the prescription?

Name: Anthony Baker   Sex: Female

Should change my name to Antonia? !!

In all seriousness, I would appreciate your prayers. I still feel pain and have little energy. It would be great to find out what is wrong (as inexpensively as possible).

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