Her Pain Is Mine


I don’t know what you know about fibromyalgia, but whatever it is, whatever causes it, my wife suffers terribly from it. Over the last several years it has robbed my wife of her ability to enjoy many things in life that we take for granted, like sitting, sleeping, getting dressed, washing one’s hair, or even being hugged.

So many people doubt fibromyalgia is real. They say that if it was a legitimate illness, then there would be clearly identifiable symptoms, specific medications or treatments that would work, and even a Jerry Lewis-like celebrity raising money for research. Unfortunately, the only real constant for my wife is pain, and all that comes with never getting relief.

valeriePutting on a brave face is a daily occurrence. My wife was always the hard worker, the entrepreneur, and the aggravating “early riser” who would wake everyone else in the house with, “Thank you, Lord, for this fine day!” Now, her smile is for the encouragement of others who look to her as a pastor’s wife; but her family knows the truth: she spends much of her time in tears.

We have tried doctor after doctor, from local clinics to Vanderbilt. Tests of every kind have been run, yet all are inconclusive. The only diagnosis is fibromyalgia – and there is no cure. She has her better days, and her really bad days, but rarely are there good days. It would seem that this is a burden which we are destined to bear, that is, until God sees fit to lift it.

After a particular troubling doctor visit today, one who made all kinds of false assumptions and accusations, my dear wife decided she couldn’t handle much more. She wept. That is when I wrote the following poem.

Give Us Strength

I tend to wonder

About what I know

Or at least what I think I know

About pain, about grief

About the reason for no sleep

I tend to wonder

I tend to ask

The usual “whys?”

And I guess I know the “why”

But I doubt at times

When there’s no reason or rhyme

I tend to ask

I know the truth

But I tend to wonder

About the load she’s under

The pain without an end

I ask for answers, even when

I know the Truth

Give me strength

But give her more

Dry her tears; make mine pour

On my shoulders place her sorrow

And for the joy again tomorrow

Give us strength

Pray for Us

I try to be funny on this blog. There are times I get angry, too. But right now I really want to ask all of you who pray to intercede for my wife, Valerie. Pray for her healing. Pray that I will know how to better encourage her. But pray, most of all, that through all that we endure God will receive the glory.

As both of us cry together and wonder why she has to go through this, I am reminded of our Savior who also cried in the garden and said: “Father, if it be your will, let this cup pass from me.” Our prayer is that this will pass.

But, Jesus also said, “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.” (Luke 22:42) Whatever tomorrow holds, to God be the glory!

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV



Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, Defining Marriage, Do not judge, Faith, Life Lessons, poetry, Relationships and Family

10 responses to “Her Pain Is Mine

  1. what a blessing, your love for each other, and what a beautiful woman she is. I worked with a lady years ago who suffered from this, my first encounter with it. All I understand is that it is thought to be neurological and known to be extremely painful. I certainly will pray for your requests.

  2. Chris Jordan

    Praying for the Lord Jesus to heal your wife Valerie… for a total and complete healing in her body, and for all pain and discomfort to go, and for the Lord to give you the wisdom and grace to love and care for your wife. Blessings to you today my friend…

  3. thingsyoudream

    Reblogged this on Life is for the living or you're better off dead and commented:
    This made me a little emotional so I thought I would share. It is nice to hear from the people who have to cope with their partners or someone in the family suffering from Fibromyalgia. It gives it a new perspective.

  4. Jennifer Lofty

    She is a blessing to me….Always encouraging! I miss her!

  5. Chess

    You are in my prayers. I also have fibromyalgia and a few other nasty things so I have a very deep appreciation for the effort it takes you wife to put on a smile everyday.

  6. Reblogged this on a simple man of God and commented:

    Love the poem. Love the people more. Pray for Valerie Baker, Anthony, and their children. Though my only interaction with any of them has been through blogs and Facebook, I can tell you that they are pretty great people. Let us lift this family up to our Lord for strength, peace, and healing!

  7. Praying for healing and for you guys and know that we are here for you at anytime!

  8. Praying for your wife. I also have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue and am blessed with a supportive husband as you are to her. Through all the pain and huge redesign of life that comes with it my prayer, like yours, is that God be given the glory through it all; somehow, that we can see He will also work this together for good!

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