Stupid Chest Pain!

Not Again!

Earlier in the year (maybe late last year) I had been having chest pain. At one point I was literally afraid I was having a heart attack. Yet, after extensive humiliation, all tests came back negative (which is actually a positive).

Well, here we go again. More chest pain – in the same place – and more tests. Friday night I went to the ER just to be safe (and to make certain people be quiet). That’s when I got the same questions, the same initial tests, and the same evil looks from self-righteous, healthy, gym-membership-owning nurses who know I need to lose weight.

However, this time was a little different from times in the past.

What Am I?

When my wife and I first got to the hospital, I walked up to the desk and was greeted by a not-so-sweet lady with a clip board. “What’s the reason for your visit?” she asked. “Um, well, it’s a chest pain thing,” I answered. Then, without looking up she hands me a clip board and says, “Fill this out and sign at the bottom, then take a seat.”

In a moment or two I am triaged and taken to have chest x-rays. When I got to the room for the x-ray the technician asked to see my arm band (for identification). They had not given me one.

Later, while lying in bed and hooked up to monitoring devices, a hospital rep came in to ask me a lot of personal questions. They needed to know about any medications, whether or not I had insurance, and about previous illnesses or surgeries. Among the questions were the following:

  • “Mr. Baker, are you now, or have you ever been pregnant?” she asked. “I know I may look it, but no,” was my reply.
  • “Are you on any type of birth control medication?” That’s when I look at her with the same look that Gary Coleman used to have when he said, What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?

Now folks, I have had little kids come up to me, touch my belly, and ask, “Are you having a baby?” But honestly, either my wife has been secretly poisoning me with estrogen, or this woman must have though I was one ugly woman in a lesbian relationship. Why would she ask such questions? You’d think my facial hair, low voice, and Adam’s apple would be a dead giveaway!

Signing Out

Fortunately, the ER doctor decided not to admit me. He said they wouldn’t be able to do an arteriogram over the weekend, so I might as well go home and take nitrates until next week when I talk to a cardiologist. Who knows? I might be in bad shape, but we will have to wait.

So, after talking with the doctor, he said: “I’ll have them bring in your paperwork, then you’ll be free to go home.”

Guess what was written on the prescription?

Name: Anthony Baker   Sex: Female

Should change my name to Antonia? !!

In all seriousness, I would appreciate your prayers. I still feel pain and have little energy. It would be great to find out what is wrong (as inexpensively as possible).


Filed under fitness, General Observations, Humor

15 responses to “Stupid Chest Pain!

  1. Mike Turner

    I hope everything is okay. I’ll be praying for you. Keep us posted on the results.

  2. Amos Lowrance

    Praying for you. Remember in all things give thanks It could have been much worse

  3. you certainly have my prayers. so does the staff at that hospital. doesn’t engender much confidence. you have to tell your cardiologist what happened.

  4. Anonymous

    Prayers my friend. Also go see Calvin Bell. One of the best cardiologists in this city. He’s also not in any group, you have very personalized attention and he’s a wonderful man.

  5. I hope the best of you and your family. I found it funny though with our health system, health worker should be more empathic with patients although they themselves could have burnout. And as a medical student I suggest you to see your cardiologist for further diagnostic. It would help if you tell him whether you had a history of hypertension, diabetes, birth heart defect, previous heart disease, and if you had a localized or diffuse chest pain. From what I learned (don’t take it seriously) a diffuse chest pain could be caused by heart and localized chest pain usually caused by pleura (a sheath that cover our lungs).

  6. First of all, I will be praying! I remember your first post often, and how you entreated us to pray that God would be glorified, not that you would just be healed. That post meant a lot to me!

    But now I have a story. My friend is an x-ray tech at an orthopedic office. They have a patient she has had to x-ray multiple times, a person who is in the middle of a sex change. This person started out as a 6’5″ man, over 250 pounds. He’s HUGE. (She’s huge, whatever.) But now he/she needs to have an MRI, so my friend had to call over to the hospital to arrange for one big enough. She reported that the receptionist on the other end was astonished to hear that a woman that big was coming for an MRI, and I can only imagine the questions they will have to ask her.

    Do I have a point? Sort of. Maybe your hospital has had an onslaught of men/women and they’ve given up trying to distinguish the genders. Or maybe the nurse on duty just doesn’t care anymore.

  7. please tell us what happened! still praying…

    • –just read your replies here. I never heard of a doctor who won’t see a patient paying out-of-pocket. So now the truth of obamacare comes to light.

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