It is Hump Day, i.e. Wednesday.
So, besides using the Paint program on my computer to draw an amateurish illustrative, I have creatively compiled a collection of encouraging encouragers which may help heave your heavy heart over Hump Hill.
Filed under current events, Easter, General Observations, Humor
Yes, I know this is a day late, but it’s worth it.
I would normally share something like this on Facebook, but today I’m taking it to the blogosphere … ENJOY!
“Oh boy, oh boy…oh Danny.” LOL!
Filed under Humor
Originally posted in Sept. of 2012, but nothing’s changed…I opened another box – same results. Just read, and you’ll understand.
Just because I am a recovering legalist, that does not mean that I advocate breaking the law. The law is there for a reason…which is a whole other theological issue.
But when it comes to laws around the house, especially ones which my wife makes without letting me have a say, anything is up for grabs. The law that says I can’t steal a box of Nilla wafers because she was planning to use them in a banana pudding is absolutely crazy. Who does she think she is?
So, what you will see in this post are actual photographs of a crime in progress. In order to show you one of my favorite foods, I had to break the law.
Yesterday, I talked about comfort food. Well, this is another comfort food…at least for me. And it is more than a comfort – it is a thrill.
I like peanut butter. I also like Nilla (pronounced like “vanilla,” but without the “va”) wafers. But when you put them both together you get something akin to a drug. But this drug is not available on the street; it has to be dug out of hiding places around my house.
You see, my wife makes some awesome banana pudding (that’s another post), so she need these wafers. And because she knows that I really like putting peanut butter on them, she thinks she can hide them until she needs them.
Not always, dear.
What you do is take a box of wafers, open it up, and pour out a random amount into a plate (and let’s get this straight, if they are not Nabisco brand Nilla wafers, they are nasty). Next, you count them. But, there has to be an even number, because you need two to sandwich the peanut butter. It’s not an obsessive-compulsive thing.
Once you have determined that you have an even number, you take a clean knife (obviously) and spread any kind of peanut butter (unless it’s that generic toxic waste stuff) on one wafer. Make sure there is enough, too. Because what you want is enough to squeeze out around the sides when you press the two together. That’s the part you lick off (but I won’t show you that part).
There is also another reason for having an even number. Having an odd number will only make you want to go back for more. When I do, that is when my wife catches me.
As I was writing this post, my wife walked in the front door. Then, as she came by me sitting at the computer, I handed the box of crispy wafers to her – smiling. She smiled back with an understanding look…like she perfectly understands how she is going to remind me of the “law.”
Thankfully, she’s forgiving. Unfortunately, no banana pudding tonight.
Do YOU have a favorite comfort food?
Because of the recent bad weather (or whatever it’s supposed to be), a field trip I was scheduled to run was cancelled. With that in mind, I thought you might enjoy a selection from my little book Life Lessons from the School Bus. The following is “Stop #15.” And, yes, I did all the illustrating 🙂
One day I transported 80 kindergartners on a field trip to a mountain forest. Do you have any idea how loud 80 excited 5 year-olds can get when confined in a 40ft.-long steel box on wheels?
I couldn’t help overhear the advice school teachers were giving to the little crumb crunchers on the bus, then later after they unloaded. One warned, “Don’t pick anything up from the ground; you won’t be able to keep it, anyway.” Another said, “Don’t bounce on the swinging bridge; just look over the side.” Seriously? How can you tell a 5 year-old not to jump on a swinging bridge and then expect him not to jump on the swinging bridge?
SIDE NOTE: I remember when our oldest daughter, Alicia, who was around 12 or 13 at the time, went with me to visit the old capital building in Frankfort, Kentucky. In that old landmark is a genuine floating staircase on which Alicia decided to jump up and down. I asked, “What are you doing?” She calmly replied, “Trying to see if it will fall.” I said, “Two things…First, it’s been here since 1827 and hasn’t fallen, yet you think your scrawny self is going to break it? Second, why would you want to be on it if you could make it fall?”
Anyway… the best piece of advice from the teachers was clear enough: “Do NOT get off the trail!” But again, honestly, how many kids actually listen to instructions that make sense? I mean, you take a child that’s never been out of the suburbs to a forest with plants taller than their apartment buildings and you expect them not to run amuck? Therefore, I decided to speak up and add some clarification to the teachers’ warning. I said, “Because if you get off the trail, we might have to send the DOGS after you.”
Who knew one little girl was afraid of dogs? I didn’t! …Cry baby.
So, that got me to thinking: what would be the worst advice to give 80 children before a trip into the woods?
Don’t worry about your lunch box; the forest is full of pretty berries.Thankfully, when it comes to the wilderness of life, there is One who always gives good advice.
In his famous Psalm 23, David wrote, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” God urges us to stay on the path that He has already walked, which is why Jesus said in Matthew 4:19, “Follow me.”
He knows the difference between good fruit and the forbidden kind.
Route Suggestions
Filed under Food, Humor, Life Lessons
Even though I plan on consuming more fiber, that’s not what I’m talking about when I say “regularity.” No, I am going to endeavor to post more regularly this year (2016).
If I can manage a post of some kind every day, that will nearly triple my average. However, that means not all of my posts will be super-spiritual, in-depth, near-canon-quality essays capable of lifting your soul to heavenly heights.
Some will be short, stupid, or simply for fun. Something for everyone.
So, for the first Monday of the year here is a video. It’s not for everybody, I understand. It’s violent, messy, and childish.
On the other hand, it is creative, cathartic, and…well…childish. Don’t we all need to act a little childish sometimes?
This video is specifically for all of you out there who love explosives, creating things only to destroy them, and plastic toy soldiers. It’s also a video for all of you who just need to get a little frustration out of your system.
My daughter and I made a styrofoam “concrete” building, painted it, put plastic army men in it, invited some friends over on New Year’s Eve, and fired off 144 bottle rockets.
Enjoy!
We all hate getting a song stuck inside our heads, and every day I drive the school bus I run the risk of that happening. Many times I find myself humming or whistling, even singing a random song just to tune out the noise of crumb crunchers.
The other day I got stuck on the well-known and loved-by-all show tune from Annie, “(The Sun Will Come Out) Tomorrow.” I kept singing the main lines over and over, often re-worded to my fit my fancy. One of the little girls sitting behind me asked, “Mr. Baker, why are you so stuck on that song?”
I love it when kids ask me questions…mmmwwaahahaha!
Yes, a little girl asked me a question, and like the great grandfather I know I will be one day, I unloaded with a barrage of questions the tiny dancer was unprepared to answer.
I love talking with kids on the bus. Can you tell?
In all actuality, there are some really good reasons to have hope in tomorrow. But on the other hand, all we are promised is today, and it might be shorter than you think. Why not seize what you have and be thankful?
“This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118:24
We won’t have to answer to God for tomorrow, but today is a different bus trip altogether.
Filed under Future, Humor, Life Lessons, music
I hate Halloween. But if you are a big fan, one who looks forward to the glorification of death, evil, and the grotesque, then ghoul for you. My minimal desire for bags of candy and apples bobbed for in spit-filled water is not enough to make me dress up like a satanic mass murderer, which is what most costumes seem to portray.
Actually, this time of year gets on my nerves, and one of the biggest reasons is the proliferation of horror movies. Horror movies don’t scare me that much; they tick me off! They are always full of idiots walking into the dark asking, “Buffy, is that you?” And what’s worse, so many of today’s horror flicks involve ghostly, demonic hauntings by creepy dead kids. HINT: if a soaking-wet dead girl crawls out of a well and starts climbing through your TV, change the channel (preferably to a Christian station).
On a side note, has it ever occurred to anyone that all the demonic activity pictured in horror movies is nothing more than an attempt to convince us that the spiritual realm is real?
Really, I hate Halloween. I find no pleasure celebrating the very Enemy taking my friends and loved ones to hell.
But what I really don’t get is the “undead”…zombies…Michael Jackson’s dance partners. Can somebody help me understand the logic behind the capabilities and actions of walking corpses?
English: A participant of a Zombie walk, Asbury Park NJ, USA. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There has been so much talk about zombies, lately. There have been a lot of movies and television programs devoted to grossing us out with their nastiness and appetite for human flesh. What’s the deal? Is it just an attempt to shift our attention away from the spiritual to the natural or animalistic? Who knows?
All I know is that the walking dead make no sense. Consider the following:
To be very honest, I am more afraid of my own stinking flesh than some dancer from Thriller.
“O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” (Romans 7:24)
I must crucify it on a daily basis and live in the life of Jesus Christ (Romans 13:14). For if I live in the power of my own zombie-like self, I will die: but if through the Spirit I put to death the deeds of this stinking body, I shall live (Romans 8:13).
What you just read was originally written in 2013, so it might interest you to learn what has happened since then. The girl from “The Ring” might be living in my house!
Actually, this year we decided to host a foreign exchange student from South Korea. She is a totally adorable teenager with a great sense of humor, and we love her bunches. However, I don’t think she’s ever seen “The Ring,” nor is she familiar with the black-haired, demonic ghost-girl that disjointedly crawls out of a well and through the television screen to kill people.
Credit: “The Ring”
If she had seen the movie, and if she really didn’t want to creep me out, then maybe she would stop coming out of the shower at night, on the way to her room, with her long black hair covering her entire face.
Maybe…just maybe…when getting on my school bus in the morning, when it is dark, and sitting in a seat behind me, like she did this morning, she could uncover her sleepy face and have a smile on it when I look into the mirror!
I’ll just keep telling myself she’s never seen the movie. She hates scary movies.
Or does she?
Filed under Christian Maturity, current events, General Observations, Humor, World View
“Why are you so late?” was the question out of the first child’s mouth. That’s not true; I just felt her think that as she stepped onto the bus.
Yes, I was about ten minutes late picking up the kids this morning. Some nearly died from the additional exposure to the 49-degree weather (I know this because they got on the bus saying that they were about to die waiting on me in the cold). However, it didn’t help them too much to get on the bus, for since I was running late I didn’t have time to warm it up – or put up the windows that were put down by the elementary kids the day before.
Anyway, why was I late? I overslept…simple as that. But telling that to the first child I picked up proved to be rather boring and nothing to write about. Therefore, since my adrenaline was already pumping and my mind was functioning at regular speed (unusual for 6:40 in the morning), I decided to make the reason for my tardiness (I hate that word) more memorable.
“You are NOT going to believe what happened to me this morning!” I exclaimed to the next kids that got on my bus. “I am running late because of a herd of chihuahuas.”
You see, what happened was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! This morning I walked out of the house and started across the parking lot to my bus, but then all of a sudden I heard the humming sound. I first I didn’t know what to make of it, and then it got louder…then I heard growling…then a chorus of tiny, yappy barks.
My rendition of this morning’s horror.
Totally taken aback, I look forward and peer into the early morning shadows to see the ground moving around my school bus! As I fearfully inched closer, it became clear that a dadgum herd of chihuahuas was surrounding my school bus! What the taco was going on???
At least a hundred pocket-sized terrors began barking at me, growling, snarling. When I took a few more steps toward the bus, knowing I had children to go pick up, the biting burritos from some south-of-the-border Hades started biting at my shoes – which are the expensive gray kind old men like me buy from New Balance – and that ticked me off!
At first I tried shooing them away, but they couldn’t understand me. Besides that, there was something about the bus they liked, and they wouldn’t leave for love nor pesos. That’s when I walked back to my house, went into the garage, and retrieved my personal putter normally reserved for Gooney Golf games in which I mercilessly defeat every opponent during youth outings with our church.
Knowing there were freezing children out there waiting on the side of the road…freezing children, fearful that their bus driver had abandoned them…I had to act with speed and ferocity. With a whack here and there, followed by the Hispanic-like squeals from demonic chihuahuas, I was finally able to clear the way to my bus.
Fifteen minutes later, in a cold bus, I was doing what God has called me to do – save the lives of freezing children and transport them to a place where they can be educated.
Now, you can decide for yourself it the above story is a good one and believable. Unfortunately, many people are more willing to believe an exciting story than the boring truth. And beyond that, the more one tells a lie the more likely the listener (or reader) will believe it, especially if the lie is told with passion.
With that being said, Hillary Clinton is being questioned by a congressional committee. I want to hear what she has to say about the chihuahuas in Benghazi.
Filed under current events, Humor, politics
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The Recovering Legalist 