Tag Archives: Chihuahua

Chihuahuas Attacked Me!

I Was Late

“Why are you so late?” was the question out of the first child’s mouth. That’s not true; I just felt her think that as she stepped onto the bus.

Yes, I was about ten minutes late picking up the kids this morning. Some nearly died from the additional exposure to the 49-degree weather (I know this because they got on the bus saying that they were about to die waiting on me in the cold). However, it didn’t help them too much to get on the bus, for since I was running late I didn’t have time to warm it up – or put up the windows that were put down by the elementary kids the day before.

Anyway, why was I late? I overslept…simple as that. But telling that to the first child I picked up proved to be rather boring and nothing to write about. Therefore, since my adrenaline was already pumping and my mind was functioning at regular speed (unusual for 6:40 in the morning), I decided to make the reason for my tardiness (I hate that word) more memorable.

The “Real” Reason

“You are NOT going to believe what happened to me this morning!” I exclaimed to the next kids that got on my bus. “I am running late because of a herd of chihuahuas.”

You see, what happened was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen! This morning I walked out of the house and started across the parking lot to my bus, but then all of a sudden I heard the humming sound. I first I didn’t know what to make of it, and then it got louder…then I heard growling…then a chorus of tiny, yappy barks.

My rendition of this morning's horror.

My rendition of this morning’s horror.

Totally taken aback, I look forward and peer into the early morning shadows to see the ground moving around my school bus! As I fearfully inched closer, it became clear that a dadgum herd of chihuahuas was surrounding my school bus! What the taco was going on???

At least a hundred pocket-sized terrors began barking at me, growling, snarling. When I took a few more steps toward the bus, knowing I had children to go pick up, the biting burritos from some south-of-the-border Hades started biting at my shoes – which are the expensive gray kind old men like me buy from New Balance – and that ticked me off!

At first I tried shooing them away, but they couldn’t understand me. Besides that, there was something about the bus they liked, and they wouldn’t leave for love nor pesos. That’s when I walked back to my house, went into the garage, and retrieved my personal putter normally reserved for Gooney Golf games in which I mercilessly defeat every opponent during youth outings with our church.

Knowing there were freezing  children out there waiting on the side of the road…freezing children, fearful that their bus driver had abandoned them…I had to act with speed and ferocity. With a whack here and there, followed by the Hispanic-like squeals from demonic chihuahuas,  I was finally able to clear the way to my bus.

Fifteen minutes later, in a cold bus, I was doing what God has called me to do – save the lives of freezing children and transport them to a place where they can be educated.

You Decide

Now, you can decide for yourself it the above story is a good one and believable. Unfortunately, many people are more willing to believe an exciting story than the boring truth. And beyond that, the more one tells a lie the more likely the listener (or reader) will believe it, especially if the lie is told with passion.

With that being said, Hillary Clinton is being questioned by a congressional committee. I want to hear what she has to say about the chihuahuas in Benghazi.

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Filed under current events, Humor, politics

American-Made Idol

Ten Commandments

When I first came to pastor Riverside, one of the first series of sermons I preached was on the ten commandments. Believe it or not, I had a really cool pair of fake stone tablets, and each week I would bring them in with a new commandment “engraved” upon them.

I took great care to make those “stone” tablets look as realistic as possible. That makes me think: how heavy were the real ones?  I mean, they must have weighed at least fifty pounds each! And can you imagine carrying those things down a mountain? I guess that’s what tending sheep for forty years in the wilderness can do for ya’.

No Idols

God told Moses, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). He went on to say that he should not make any images to worship or bow down to (20:4). Yet, what did Moses find when he came down and saw the children of Israel partying (Exodus 32)? A golden calf. A graven image. An idol.

So, in order to have a visual for the sermon, I made an idol. No, it wasn’t made of gold, but it’s amazing what a little tin foil, coat hangers, spray paint, and insulation foam can do. I made my own golden calf (except it looked more like a chihuahua).

When I uncovered the “golden calf” that Sunday morning, one could sense a feeling of uneasiness. “It’s fake,” I told the congregation, “so don’t feel too nervous.” In a few moments everything was fine, and the message went well.

But later that night…

The Golden “Chihuahua”

Sunday evening after church we were at home getting ready for bed, when my wife asked a question. “What are you going to do with that idol?” she said with a serious voice. “I don’t know, probably put it on a shelf in the garage.”

“Oh, no you won’t!” she replied. “You are NOT keeping that thing in the house. You either take it back to the church, or destroy it…I don’t care…just get it out of the house.”

What? Didn’t she realize how long I worked on that silly thing? Didn’t she appreciate my artistic ability, my ingenuity, my imagination? What was wrong with keeping my idol? I made it.


Isn’t it amazing how at the turn of a moment God can get our attention? We make idols every day out of the cheapest of material. Forget the gold, we worship stuff of even less value. Our idols are nothing like the ones in the Bible, not made of solid gold, but we put them before God, nevertheless.

I was convicted. God used my wife to make a point. If I couldn’t destroy a fake idol, cheap as it was, what made me think I could do away with other idols? Real idols? The gods (little “g”) that demand my time, my attention, my worship?

Only a picture remains.


Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, God, Relationships and Family, Uncategorized, worship