Category Archives: General Observations

Just things I see that make me think.

by | September 19, 2012 · 9:56 am

Crazy Statements

Things I’ve Heard

I know you have heard crazy things that people say, even though the people saying those things think what they are saying is brilliant. Here are just a few that I have heard…

– “If you don’t stop crying, I’m gonna give you something to cry about.” Really? If I was already crying, did I not have something to cry about?

– “It’s pretty complicated until you understand it, then it’s pretty simple.” I literally heard a nursing instructor say this to a student as I was walking through a hospital.

– “If we just keep flying the fuel will burn off and then it will level out.” O. K. Yep, that’s a great idea. And that is exactly what my father-in-law told me after we had taken on fuel and were flying funny.

– “If you want to learn to swim, just jump in.” As much as I loved my dad, I never understood the logic of that one.

– “How are you doing today?” Well, if I was asked that question on a street corner, or in the middle of nowhere, I might understand. But when I am asked that question by a doctor while I am lying on an emergency room table, what am I supposed to say, “Fine?” Typically I say, “Well, if I were doing well I wouldn’t be here, now would I?”

The Craziest of All (at least recently)

But recently I have been hearing a crazy statement being uttered by seemingly thoughtful and intelligent Americans. They say it like it is supposed to make sense, but it doesn’t. They think it is a statement which exhibits wisdom, moral clarity, and profundity on the level of King Solomon himself.

Maybe you have heard it. Maybe you have even been tricked into saying it. Maybe, without you knowing it, aliens implanted little devices in your brain while you were sleeping, so you can’t help yourself. It goes like this…

“I refuse to vote, because voting for the lesser evil is still voting for evil; therefore, if the greater evil wins, at least my conscience will be clear, because I did not vote for either.”

Save yourself! Seek help, immediately! Making crazy statements like this could be a sign that your brain is shutting down.

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

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by | September 12, 2012 · 1:23 pm

NBC: “We Will Re-mam-ber”

Thank You

I just want to thank the Today Show and NBC for focusing on the more important things in this world. Not being pressured, the Today Show stood firm in its resolve to raise breast implant awareness to the position it deserves.

At 8:46 am on the day when everyone else in New York were observing a moment of silence, you were anything but silent. And because of your voice, your interview with Kris Jenner is firmly implanted in our minds.

Even though it is important to remember such a traumatic date as 9/11, you felt it was more important (paraphrasing Jenner) “to remind women that, you know, check your expiration date.”

The Message

While President Obama and the First Lady were standing in silence; while families of those who were killed bowed their heads; while first responders stood quietly remembering their fallen comrades; you reminded us that fallen comrades and family members, even fallen buildings, are not as important as the cure for fallen breasts.

Eleven years ago on September 11th, the world gasped as they witnessed the horror of Islamic terrorism bringing America to her knees. Each year after that we have been remembering the very moment when the first plane hit the World Trade Center. But you, oh herald of all things truly relevant, made the decision to speak out during the silence. How brilliant!

Now, instead of fallen heroes, we are focused on fallen breasts. Instead of the tears of a nation, we will remember the clear silicone that is close to so many hearts. And instead of the faces of those lost on that tragic day, we will now remember the face of the reality TV star who was brave enough to talk about her expansions.

Thank you, Today Show and NBC, for preaching the mammary message we all need to hear – “Towers may fall, but boobs don’t have to.”

Don’t worry, NBC, we WILL remamber!

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by | September 11, 2012 · 12:30 am

Where Were You

Eleven Years Ago

Where were you eleven years ago on the morning of September 11th? Do you remember? I do.

That morning I was driving a school bus in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. I will never forget going to my car after parking my bus, then turning on the radio to listen to Bob and Tom, a morning radio show.

Normally, the radio program was constant joking around, funny comedy bits, and crazy songs (My wife usually griped at me for listening to them). That morning, when I cranked my car and turned on the radio, there was something different in Bob and Tom’s voices. They weren’t laughing. They weren’t joking. Something had happened, and they were not quite sure what it was. An accident?

The Television

I turned off my car, walked quickly across a gravel parking lot, and went into the office where a crowd of other drivers were not gathered. They were all looking up at a little 12 inch television in the mounted in the corner of the room.

Smoke was coming from one of the Twin Towers. People were wondering what in the world could have happened. Then they showed a second plane hit. The world changed.

It was while I was watching that little television that I realized life would never be the same. I walked out of the office, in a daze, sick at my stomach, thinking about what I had just witnessed. I started to cry.

That Afternoon

My was at home in bed with a migraine. She wasn’t watching TV, so she had no clue what was going on. I opened the door to the bedroom and said, “Valerie! Dad-gum it! You’re sleeping through history!!” Frankly, she wasn’t very happy me or my volume.

Things changed so quickly, especially after the other attacks and the collapse of the towers. Hopkinsville was right next to Fort Campbell, the home of the 101st Airborne. Just a few days before all that had been necessary to get past the guard and on base was a drivers license. The laid-back soldiers at the guard posts, armed only with a pistol, would politely wave you through and wish you a good day. That afternoon non-essential personnel were prohibited from passing through the gates, and at each post there stood soldiers in body armor and armed with automatic assault weapons. Each had orders to shoot.

There were 40,000 (est.) soldiers (not counting family) on base at Ft. Campbell, and more living in either Hopkinsville, KY, or Clarksville, TN. Many of those soldiers and their families went to churches in our town. Their children went to school on our buses. That afternoon the buses were almost empty.

I was glad. I was sick. I couldn’t focus on much. I was constantly fighting back tears.

That Night

That night was a night of contemplation, of prayer. That night brought a swell of patriotism. That night turned many peaceful people into would-be warriors. That night America wanted revenge. That night I didn’t sleep well.

That night I looked up into the night sky, to the heavens, to pray. There were no red or white blinking lights, only stars. God had our attention that night. But that was then.

Where were you? Where are you now?

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by | August 11, 2012 · 9:55 pm

Late-Nite Saturday Rant

In the Dark

I’m sitting in the dark on an empty school bus, waiting for a high school football team to finish playing. I have 29% battery on my iPhone, and I want to read my real Bible, not an app.

So, since it is dark (28%, now), I will blog in the dark. At least until I get to 20%.

Things that Irritate

A lot of people have used their blogs to gripe about things they hate, or things that irritate them (27%). Therefore, because I just heard something that irritated me when I watched a video on Socialcam, I will share some of my dislikes. Why not?

…..the limited capabilities of WordPress’s smartphone app.

…..(26%) people that won’t sing a well-known song to the beat, but delay the lyrics in order to appear more spiritual (’cause it doesn’t make them sound better).

…..when there is a hole in one slice of bread and the jelly on my peanut butter and jelly sandwich leaks onto my hand.

…..(25%) mosquitoes.

…..cat hair in my throat (or any hair) that won’t wash down or cough up, but just sticks there.

…..a sunburn on my bald head.

…..(24%) no car charger for my phone while on a field trip.

…..reporters that ask to interview me, then distort the truth, making me look bad.

Oh great! The team is done. I’m cranking up the bus. I have light!

Going Home

Well, I now have 23% battery on my phone, but now it’s time to go home. I’ve got to make sure everything’s ready for the road.

Hope everybody goes to church somewhere this Sunday. You’re welcome to visit ours and hear me preach. If you do, that will NOT irritate me.

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by | August 1, 2012 · 1:15 am

Interview Questions

A Great Idea

I was just reading the blog of a new subscriber, Jessie Clemence. One of her posts consisted of an interview conducted by herself. That gave me an idea – why not interview ME?

Yes, I think it would be fun to conduct an in-depth, newsworthy interview with myself. I could ask all the right questions, none of the wrong ones, and make myself look pretty darn impressive.

The only downside to interviewing myself is that if I am the only one asking the questions, then I might get mad at myself for prying too much. I would hate to make myself so angry that I never talk to myself again.

Your Questions

So, why don’t you help me interview myself by suggesting some questions myself could ask me?

Do you have questions about my past? My favorite things? Where I was on the night of June 18, 1994? My connection with MI6? What kind of man fights in Hawaiian shirts?

Keep the questions clean, of course, or myself will have to delete them.

If this interview goes well, I may have to do one with Mr. Monkey. Now that would be interesting.

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by | July 14, 2012 · 12:20 am

Evil Pants

The Old Days

Do you remember the old days? No, I’m not talking about when there were only three channels on TV, or when telephones were anything but mobile. I am not even talking about the old days when cartoons were reserved for Saturday morning, providing a distinct break between school day and weekend. I’m talking about…

…when it was forbidden for women to wear pants.

What? You don’t remember those days? Well I certainly do! I remember them very well. I even remember culottes (which is a memory I try to drown with anything short of alcohol – because I don’t want to die and go to H.E. Double Hockey Sticks).

Must be Liberal

I remember the old days when one could easily determine who was spiritual, and who wasn’t. There use to be a day when a godly man could look at a woman (without lusting, of course) and know right off the bat if she was a God-fearing, fundamentalist catch. Now it’s getting hard to judge by appearances.

Once, when our pastor gave us the freedom to visit another church (it was a special occasion – we were visiting family), we went to what we thought was a very conservative Independent Baptist church. I was only a young boy at the time, but I can still remember the words my daddy said as we looked down from the balcony, “Evidently, this church has gone liberal…look there…isn’t that sad?…the pastor’s wife is wearing pants.”

The Uniform

Seriously, I am a firm believer in modesty. And if it is your honest, heart-felt, full-of-faith conviction that a woman should only wear dresses, then hallelujah! However, I am not going to make my little girl wear a dress as she learns how to kick the you-know-what out of the first boy who tries to touch her.

How many black belts (or sashes) have you ever seen wearing a dress instead of a traditional uniform? I’ve never seen one. Oh well. I guess that may pose a problem for some that are still living in the old days.

But on a different note, a Wing Chun uniform isn’t exactly a white shirt and polyester pants, either. So, you guys (especially the one in the video with the long hair) might ought to consider what you are wearing (insert winking smiley face, which is meant to inform the reader that the last comment was in fun).

Haley Get’s Her First Promotion

Click here to find out more about Dojo Chattanooga and Trevor Haines.

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by | July 11, 2012 · 9:23 am

Decaffeinated Christianity

Like vs. Love

I like coffee, but I wouldn’t say I love it. My wife and kids, on the other hand, are worth dying for. I love them. I only like coffee. I’m not going to jump in front of a moving train to save an espresso.

But there are times when I like coffee more than I like my wife. Every once in a while I want a cup of coffee more than a kiss or a hug. I still love my wife, but she won’t fit into the French press.

Now, it must be said that I also like tea. Thanks to the influence of certain English folk, my tea consumption has increased a thousand fold! Yet, tea is not coffee. Sometimes I want coffee more than tea. Sometimes tea needs to leaf me alone. There’s a big difference between loose-leaf anything and some medium roast Jamaican Blue Mountain. That’s real coffee, and I really like it.

What is Real?

But wait! That raises a question. What is real coffee? What is the difference between freshly brewed coffee and let’s say, uh, freeze-dried instant? Both are real, aren’t they?

Fake coffee. Whoever still drinks that stuff on purpose should be psychologically evaluated. Coffee is only coffee if it comes about as the result of gently ground coffee beans being caressed by steaming hot water. Chicory is of the Devil.

Instant coffee. It comes packaged in a jar, but it is made from real coffee. It may not taste as good as fresh-brewed, but it’s real, nevertheless. The worst instant coffee is still better than dandelion tea, believe me.

Nasty coffee. Even the stuff you find in a gas station, an army mess tent, or a crazy relative’s thermos is still coffee. Coffee is coffee, even if it tastes like road tar.

“Unleaded.” What I don’t understand is decaffeinated coffee. Sure, it tastes the same to most people, but why would anyone want it? Without the caffeine coffee is…well…it’s just not coffee. It has the look and taste, but no umph, no kick, no power.

Powerless

Decaffeinated Christianity is the same way. It looks like the real thing. It smells like the real thing. It tastes like the real thing. For crying out loud, it even outsells full-strength, real Christianity 10 to 1! People love it! They wear t-shirts promoting their favorite brand. Yet, decaffeinated Christianity is no better than decaffeinated coffee without the Power.

You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that! – 2 Timothy 3:1-5 NLT

What are you drinking?

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by | June 14, 2012 · 2:48 pm

Big Mouth? Check!

Well, it’s official…I have a big mouth.

Now, I know what some of you are saying. You are totally shocked aren’t you. Some of you are screaming at your computer this very moment saying, “NO, Anthony! It isn’t true!” But it IS true. It’s been scientifically proven.

Dentists

If there was one branch of the medical field that I would hate to practice, it would be dentistry. Dentist have it bad. Just think, no body wants to visit them; they have to deal with spit and bad breath every day;  and pretty much everything they do involves pain.

On top of that, dentists get no respect. Orthodontists get all the rich clients with braces to buy. Dentist get all the people who can’t afford braces – or dental floss. And when it comes to medical school, dentists are just as educated, but nobody calls them “brain surgeons.”

Back to the Point

So, like I said, I have a big mouth, and it was proven by my last dentist visit. The tray that is meant to hold the compound used to make impressions was too small. The largest one they had was too small! So what did they have to do? Modify it.

Yep, in order to make an impression of my of my upper teeth, the dental assistant had to cut away the sides of the tray. Who wants to bet that little piece of plastic wasn’t cheap?

I have been told on many occasions that I have a big mouth, but now we know it’s something I couldn’t help. God made me that way. He knew long before I was born how many Oreo’s this “oracle” could hold.

Making Use of It

Now that it has been confirmed beyond all doubt that my orthodontic orifice is larger than most, wouldn’t it be a shame if I didn’t take full advantage of it? It would be one thing to not speak when given the opportunity, but it would be a shame to waste such a voluminous gift.

Therefore, my friends, “Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.” – Ephesians 6:19-20 NIV

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by | May 31, 2012 · 5:41 pm

Big Picture. Big Lie.

Makeup

Just the other day I went shopping with my lovely wife, Valerie. She was in the market for some new makeup, but didn’t want to spend a whole lot. So, instead of purchasing Estée Lauder from the mall, we went to Target to find something less expensive.

For the record, I totally support women wearing makeup, just as long as they are not trying to look like Tammy Faye or Lady Gaga (gag gag). Makeup is meant to enhance the natural beauty of a woman. Anything more is false advertising.

But, as I write this, the thought comes to mind, “Anthony, some people out there don’t believe in women wearing makeup.” For those people all I have to say is, “Homely is in the eye of the beholder.”

Big Picture

Once we entered Target and I purchased my usual cup of coffee from Starbucks (they have those in some stores), we turned to walk toward the health and beauty section. A few seconds later I looked up to see a very large, beautiful woman smiling at my wife and me.

I must have looked a little strange standing there…looking up…staring. But, for some reason the clarity of the photo, the flawless teeth, and the sheer size momentarily captivated me. This wasn’t like the time I was seen 10 inches away from a swimsuit calender hanging in men’s locker room. Then, I was staring at the picture of a girl in a bikini because I was convinced she looked like my sister-in-law (it was her). This time I was just amazed at the craft.

Standing next to my wife, I looked up at the giant female face and said, “You know, there are two truths that are evident with this picture: 1) that must have been an awesome camera, and 2) somebody knew how to use Photoshop.”

Big Lie

Too many men, when they look at such airbrushed perfection, fall prey to the lie that woman actually look like that. Some desire to transform their wives into what they see, or seek a new model. They trade the “fountain of their youth” for a mirage.

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Too bad most men never see past the surface. Real beauty comes from within. Perfection only comes from above.

When I looked past the picture of the super-sized super model, there in the isle was a woman who far exceeds anything created in a studio. With or without makeup, her value exceeds that of rubies (Prov. 31:10) and she is worthy to be praised (Prov. 31:30). My wife is a real beauty – the woman in the picture is just cardboard.

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by | May 29, 2012 · 2:09 pm

Somebody’s Watching

Reality TV

Reality television has taken over the airwaves. Nearly every one of the fourteen billion channels have at least one reality show, and there are even whole networks devoted to them. As I was reading Proverbs 5:21-23, I couldn’t help thinking of all those security cameras.

It seems that criminals never learn. Either that, or they never watch reality TV. Do they not know that when they steal gasoline, rob a bank, or mug a toddler at the candy store, someone is watching? Have they never looked up? Have they never noticed that electronic eye mounted in a corner above them?

Never Looking Up

The same question might be asked of us with regards to sin. When will we ever learn that Someone is watching us? When will we look up? When will we notice the “eyes of the Lord?”

“For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.” – Proverbs 5:21-23

Addressing the issue of adultery, Solomon warns his sons that sin is not done in secret. No matter how dark the room, or secluded the hotel, “the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth” (2 Chron. 16:9a). Even though one’s husband or wife may not know, God does.

Why doesn’t the sinner look up? Too often he suffers from a form of tunnel vision. He is so focused on the temptation that he becomes blind to everything else, including that heavenly security camera above.

Bound by Sin. 

It may seem crazy that a criminal would forget cameras are watching his every move; but some the excuses they give, once caught, are equally insane. Some will literally watch video of themselves committing a crime, then deny it. They say, “That wasn’t me!”

In one program called “Bait Car,” police rig an automobile with hidden cameras. They also wire the care so that it can be remotely shut down and locked. When criminals steal the car, not only do they get filmed, but they get trapped.

Sin has a nasty habit of not letting go. The one who says “Just this once” usually gets bound by his actions. Once the fun is over, there is always a price to pay. Unfortunately for the wicked, most “die without instruction.”

Don’t Get Trapped

The Apostle Paul could have been speaking of the car thief or the adulterer in 1 Corinthians 3:19. The wisdom of the world leads the wicked to think he can get away with sin, but God ”traps the wise in the snare of their own cleverness” (NLT).

Yet, for those who have sinned – for those who have forgotten to “look up” – Jesus offers you freedom from the chains of sin. When one “sees Jesus” (John 12:21), he will not only “turn from his wicked ways,” but he will find One who can break the “cords of sin.”

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.” –  Luke 4:18 KJV

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