Homeopathiphobea…
What I am: homeopathiphobic. I’d rather trust an over-the-counter medication purchased in a pharmacy than a dark fluid or crushed-up herb prepared by a paranoid mother of ten named Luna.
Category Archives: General Observations
Stupid Chest Pain! (Remembered)
The following post was written on 9/29/2013 – NOT today! But I’m thankful to the Lord for what He has brought me through over the last 4 years.
Not Again!
Earlier in the year (maybe late last year) I had been having chest pain. At one point I was literally afraid I was having a heart attack. Yet, after extensive humiliation, all tests came back negative (which is actually a positive).
Well, here we go again. More chest pain – in the same place – and more tests. Friday night I went to the ER just to be safe (and to make certain people be quiet). That’s when I got the same questions, the same initial tests, and the same evil looks from self-righteous, healthy, gym-membership-owning nurses who know I need to lose weight.
However, this time was a little different from times in the past.
What Am I?
When my wife and I first got to the hospital, I walked up to the desk and was greeted by a not-so-sweet lady with a clip board. “What’s the reason for your visit?” she asked. “Um, well, it’s a chest pain thing,” I answered. Then, without looking up she hands me a clip board and says, “Fill this out and sign at the bottom, then take a seat.”
In a moment or two I am triaged and taken to have chest x-rays. When I got to the room for the x-ray the technician asked to see my arm band (for identification). They had not given me one.
Later, while lying in bed and hooked up to monitoring devices, a hospital rep came in to ask me a lot of personal questions. They needed to know about any medications, whether or not I had insurance, and about previous illnesses or surgeries. Among the questions were the following:
- “Mr. Baker, are you now, or have you ever been pregnant?” she asked. “I know I may look it, but no,” was my reply.
- “Are you on any type of birth control medication?” That’s when I looked at her with the same look that Gary Coleman used to have when he said, “What’chu talkin’ ’bout, Willis?“
Now folks, I have had little kids come up to me, touch my belly, and ask, “Are you having a baby?” But honestly, either my wife has been secretly poisoning me with estrogen, or this woman must have thought I was one ugly woman in a lesbian relationship. Why would she ask such questions? You’d think my facial hair, low voice, and Adam’s apple would be a dead giveaway!
Signing Out
Fortunately, the ER doctor decided not to admit me. He said they wouldn’t be able to do an arteriogram over the weekend, so I might as well go home and take nitrates until next week when I talk to a cardiologist. Who knows? I might be in bad shape, but we will have to wait.
So, after talking with the doctor, he said: “I’ll have them bring in your paperwork, then you’ll be free to go home.”
Guess what was written on the prescription?
Name: Anthony Baker Sex: Female
Should I change my name to Antonia? !!
UPDATE: It is now 9/29/2017 and my name’s still Anthony :-)… and my chest is fine.
Filed under fitness, General Observations, Humor
Wednesday Workday Words
Training
As you folks probably already know, I’m a school bus driver. But in case you missed it, I am also a school bus driver trainer (BTW). So, on a regular school day I drive my usual route in the morning and evening, but train new drivers in the middle (3-4 hours).
Part of the training, as you can imagine, is getting out on the road and driving. I don’t drive; I sit behind and beside the trainee, of course, coaching as necessary. The fun part is when I take trainees on demanding and dangerous roads.
The challenging task I selected for today was going up and down a curvy mountain road… and it was as enjoyable as expected.
What Kind of Instructor?
As we were going up the curvy, mountain road, and as the new driver was beginning to get comfortable with the long wheelbase of the bus, he edged the right front tire across the line…right where the road was damaged…right next to the edge…right next to a few-hundred-foot drop!
Thankfully, the school bus trainee was also an experienced truck driver, so he didn’t over-correct by jerking the steering wheel (a mistake which actually contributed to the infamous “Woodmore” crash here in Chattanooga).
Nevertheless, I was calm, cool, and composed. That is when I said the following words…
“If you do that again I guess I’ll become a flight instructor.”
Praise the Lord, we made it back down to the valley without needing wings 🙂
Filed under General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons
Tuesday Tidbit
“As a married man with daughters ages, it becomes evident that it’s not his mind that goes; it’s that he acquires the ability to randomly change it.” – A. Baker
Filed under General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorized, wisdom
But I’m Still 25, and Less
On Sunday I turned 50.
There wasn’t too much fanfare, especially since my wife was still in the hospital that morning. However, I did get a nice card from my church and a wonderful church-lady-prepared dinner afterwards. Later that night I also got a free meal at a local restaurant, along with a unique gift sure to set me apart from the locals this winter – a set of Nordic woolen underwear (literally from Norway, not the restaurant).
Today I turned 50+2, but that’s the end of looking at it that way. Today I’m letting the whole world know I am not 50 years old – I’m 25, and less.
Seriously, I am a 25-year-old trapped in a 50-year-old’s body.
Forget what the numbers add up to when you look at my government-issued driver’s license (for which I’ve just gone through a roll-full of red tape to renew)- I’m 25, so just affirm it.
You see, even though this body of mine looks like a handsome, graying, bald man, I’m really a young man with healthy joints trapped inside. Unfortunately, no age-reversing creams or surgeries can help me look like what I really am, so you are going to have to accept me for who I choose to be – young and millennial.
But there’s more!
Even though I am only 25, there’s another me that’s trapped inside the 25-year-old me… it’s the fluid-aged me.
(Yes, I know it’s complicated, but there has to be boundaries, you understand. I can’t keep my job as a school bus driver in Tennessee if my true self fluctuates below the legal bus-driving age of 25.)
This other me (and what’s wrong with more than one?) can get down on the floor and play with blocks, color with crayons, play with Silly Putty, and throw food at people when they aren’t looking. It’s the same me inside of me that tends to make strange noises with my body and blame it on spiders; or make other kids laugh and get in trouble with their teachers, but never own up to causing it.
The me inside of the 25-year-old me varies from age to age, but that’s typically based on which toy aisle I’m visiting.
So, again, I’m no longer going to simply identify as a 50-year-old man, but a bi-personage with both fixed and fluid younger ages. Those of you who rate life and health insurance should take note and lower said rates accordingly.
However, should the military draft ever be re-instated, and should the 25-year-old me receive a letter, just understand that you might be putting an AR-15 in the hands of an 8-year-old, also.
Being 50 on the outside does have some advantages, I suppose.
Filed under current events, General Observations, Humor
Labor Day, Legalism, etc.
Well, here we go with the holidays. Today is Labor Day , and it won’t be long before every other holiday will be upon us. Along with all of these special days will come all sorts of arguments for and against their observance. Some will make more sense than others, but lurking around every corner is the temptation to be legalistic. How is that possible? Simple…just accuse somebody else of being worldly or less spiritual for celebrating a certain day over another. They did it in the Bible.
For the record, however, I believe that some holidays are worth debating.
Labor Day, for instance, is a holiday that was founded by the unions, which in turn were founded by those with “collective” and “progressive” ideologies. From a purely ideological perspective, the whole holiday is one in which the worker is supposed to feel free to flip a relaxed finger in the face of evil, greedy, imperialistic corporations and fat rich people and say, “This is my day! No profit for you!” Essentially, our Labor Day was designed to be a watered-down version of International Workers Day (the Communist May Day holiday). So, is there anything wrong with standing up for workers’ rights? Absolutely not. Is there room to evaluate the intent of some who would move our nation down the path of socialism? You betcha!
If one wanted to see the similarities, he would have to look no further than the Communist symbol of the “raised fist” and the claim that “the workers” are what made our country great (not freedom, democracy, or capitalism).
However, my purpose here is not to bash Labor Day; it’s to encourage us not to be legalistic. Just like Labor Day, there are other days approaching (Halloween, for example) which cause many to cringe. Sour-faced legalists will complain about Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, but a lot of others will use the holidays to be with family, give thanks to God, and celebrate Jesus’ birthday (even if it wasn’t in December). The legalists should keep in mind Paul’s words to the Romans:
Romans 14:5-6 One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. He that regardeth the day, regardeth it unto the Lord; and he that regardeth not the day, to the Lord he doth not regard it. He that eateth, eateth to the Lord, for he giveth God thanks; and he that eateth not, to the Lord he eateth not, and giveth God thanks.
I am taking advantage of this holiday, whether I am for the idea behind it or not. Why? Well, I can’t exactly go to work today, since everything is closed. Also, it is because I know that there are a great many Americans who only associate this day with God, freedom, and apple pie (not mention hot dogs, hamburgers, and adult beverages). Most people in this country are just good people who love America. So, regardless what the Communists (including BLM and Antifa) may have in mind, I am going to celebrate America and the average guy who worked his rear off to make this country great.
God Bless America!
Filed under America, Christian Living, General Observations, legalism, World View
Girls, Take My Advice
What I’m Not
I know it may offend some of you, but I need to get this out in the open right from the start – I am not a woman, nor do I feel like one…and I don’t want to.
I am very happy to be a man – one born that way – with no desires to experience female-related problems. Those males who do desire to “feel like a woman” seem to want to avoid those problems, too. For example, I rarely hear it reported that a sex-change operation will promise one the glorious ability to experience menstruation, heat flashes, mood swings, or endometriosis; that doesn’t appear to be a selling point.
And now that I think about it, should I ever – which I won’t – decide to become a “female,” I tend to think multi-tasking and “women’s intuition” wouldn’t magically appear with the removal of my guy parts and the injection of estrogen. So, if I couldn’t have those two advantages, why become someone who has to worry about hair, makeup, heels, fabric combinations, etc., etc., etc.
Oh, and if you think what I just said was stereotypical and sexist, it might have been. And if it was, then why is it that men who say they want to become women can’t become women in the masculine context in which they were born? In other words, why is it that Bruce Jenner had to turn into the stereotypical vision of what a “woman” is “supposed” to look like? Why couldn’t he, and every other trans, stay the way they were instead of trying to fit into the box of the stereotype? There’s MUCH more that I could say on this issue, but I will digress.
What I Am
Like I said, I know I am not a woman, and I don’t want to be. And because I am not a woman, it might be hard for me to understand …scratch that… it’s nearly impossible for me to understand how women think. However, I do have some valuable insight based on years of experience with women; therefore, you might find it beneficial.
You see, even thought I am not an estrogen-producing sis-female (to be PC for once), I have lived a long time with a bunch of them. But what’s more important than what I don’t understand is what I DO understand, and that is the mind of a man.
I am a man… a red-blooded, stereotypical, gun-toting, testosterone-producing (no shots needed), stand-up-peeing kind of guy. I have a one-track mind, can compartmentalize like you wouldn’t believe, and love the smell of gunpowder in the morning.
What’s more, I am a faithful husband, a spiritual leader, and a father to three wonderful girls. That’s what I bring to the table today.
My Advice
My daughters (at least the two younger ones) are eventually going to find husbands, one probably sooner than the other. The advice I would like to leave with not only them, but all of you other girls out there, is what to look for in a man you will marry. Take it from me – a man – I know the difference between a good one and a not-right-now-put-him-back-on-the-shelf one.
10 Words of Advice to Girls Who Are Searching
- Know your own worth.
- Don’t settle.
- Find a man who loves God more than you. Matthew 6:33
- Life is like a trip through the Atlanta airport – even the smallest of baggage gets heavy after a while.
- Never, ever assume the man you meet will become the man you want. Ain’t gonna happen.
- Accept nothing less than a spiritual/moral leader you can respect; if he looks up to you more than you look up to him, ditch him.
- It’s better to be single than smothered, abused, and/or controlled.
- Know who you are, what you are, and Who’s you are, then find a man who accepts and compliments (yes, I used that word) all you desire to be.
- If he doesn’t honor and respect his or YOUR parents, then he will most likely never be the kind of parent worth respecting – and he might not live long (Matthew 15:4; Ephesians 6:2-3).
- Lastly, make sure you like his family, and he likes yours… and that your family likes him, too. Marriage is meant to grow family, not destroy it.
Look, you don’t have to agree with any of my advice, but it comes from years of experience and professional observation. You have a choice in the matters of love, so don’t let someone sweep you off your feet without first doing your homework.
When you let the wrong man sweep you off your feet, you’re likely to fall from arms that can’t hold you.
A “Perfect” Role Model?
Sermon Prep
Not long ago I was doing some research for a sermon on Jonah. In the process I came across a Muslim website that made an interesting observation (and I will paraphrase):
“The Bible proves it is not true because God would not allow the prophets’ reputations to be smeared.”
The Muslim website went on to say (paraphrasing, again):
“What kind of role model would a prophet be if we read of him making mistakes?”
What kind of role model? That’s a good question! Was the Muslim author trying to say that role models had to be perfect in order to be real? Here’s a shocker – in one way or another, everybody is a role model.
If the defining characteristic of a role model is “perfection,” that would rule out King David, Solomon, Moses, Joshua, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Peter, Paul, Sarah, Mary (all of them), the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears, and many, many others…
…especially Jonah.
Jonah
Now, Jonah wasn’t exactly the type of person after which I would want to pattern my life, but he was a prophet of God. He had some serious character flaws, though. He was angry, disobedient, and was a racist who constantly talked suicide. He even spouted off to the Lord for being too forgiving!
No, Jonah’s not the type of person I would want to emulate. But hold the whale puke! I am more like him than I thought!
- I have run from God.
- I have harbored racist feelings in the past, I’m ashamed to admit.
- I have been angry and disobedient.
- I have wondered if life was worth living.
- I have even wanted to see whole cities destroyed, innocent people and all, after September 11, 2001.
I have been more like Jonah more than I care to admit.
The Encouraging Part
The fact is that the Bible is not only full of role models, but models of the people we already are: flawed, broken, and human. But here’s the encouraging part: even when we are not perfect, God can still use us – and change us.
- Jonah ran from God, but God pursued.
- Jonah disobeyed God, but it didn’t derail God’s plan.
- Jonah got angry with God, but God responded to him with the understanding kindness of a wise Father.
- Jonah even wanted to die, but God never belittled him. He only focused Jonah’s attention on the bigger picture: 120,000 souls, not to mention animals, whose lives were spared (Jonah 4).
I thank God that the Bible doesn’t white-wash humanity. There are so many examples of how people, just like me, can find hope, even when we’re not perfect.
The Perfect One
It is not hard to come to the conclusion that there were some really dysfunctional people in the Bible. But you know what? That’s what adds to the authenticity of Scripture. There are no “perfect” role models in the Bible, except for one – Jesus.
“For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth.” – 1 Peter 2:21-22 ESV
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” – Hebrews 4:15-16 NIV
I want to be more like HIM!
Filed under Christian Living, General Observations, God, Life Lessons, Preaching, Struggles and Trials
Scars To Your Subjectivity
I Heard a Song
Even though it’s been out for a while – like over a year – it was just a few months ago that I heard “Scars To Your Beautiful” for the first time while doing some channel surfing on the radio (actually, it was on my Amazon Prime music app, but let’s not get picky).
If you have never heard the song, or seen the official video featuring the artist, Alessia Cara, then take a moment and absorb the message… Then let’s talk.
OK, did you listen? Did you pay close attention to the lyrics, including the testimonies of the people featured in the video? What did you think?
Who Made Her the Beauty Judge?
First, I think it is terrible to bully people because of their looks. Despite what they say about sticks and stones, words hurt deeply. Therefore, I can sympathize with the message of the song, for I was made fun of when I was young. People, especially kids, can be cruel.
But, as I listened to the song in the car, something came to mind that made me pause the music (you can do that with Amazon Prime) and say to my daughter who was riding with me, “You do realize, don’t you, that this song makes absolutely no sense without God?”
“What do you mean,” Haley responded? Well, that’s not what she really said. Actually, she just turned in my direction, tilted her head down, lifted up her eyes and eyebrows, and mumbled out a “Hmmm?”
I then asked, “Who is this girl (the singer) to say someone is beautiful just the way she is? Who defines what is beautiful?”
Seriously, haven’t we always been told, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”? Of course we have! So, if that is so, what is wrong with saying someone is ugly? What if I don’t behold beauty, but scary?
Alessia Cara sings the following in the chorus:
But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Honestly, I’m not trying to be funny, but what gives her the right to say those things? Why should anyone know she’s beautiful just the way she is? Why shouldn’t she or he have to change? For crying out loud, why should the whole world be expected to change its beauty standards to fit the self-proclaimed, totally subjective beauty definitions of an outwardly-odd human?
If we are nothing but space junk, the product of chance, and nothing any more special than naked apes, why should any of us think we are intrinsically beautiful? And what kind of hope is in the dark?
Intrinsic Beauty
Believe it or not, I talked about all this with my daughter while the song was paused. Then I said, “It’s because we are made in the image of God…because we were created by Him…because Jesus was willing to go to the cross for us so that we could be saved…because God loves us…
Each and every one of us is a unique masterpiece, intricately woven together, shaped by the Hand of the Master Artist of the universe. So, despite the critical eye of the beholder; despite the subjective, labeling trends that give definition to fleeting beauty; the One who made you, who loves you, and sees deep into your soul says, “You were worth the nails.”
That’s why you’re beautiful.
Filed under General Observations, Love of God, self-worth
When you hear the sound of the trumpet…
Nearly seven years ago (Oct. 28, 2010) I wrote the following post. Now that a new school year is upon us – and now that I’m actually pastoring in Soddy Daisy, TN, it seems appropriate to be reminded of some some things that are as true today as they were back then.
Last night (10/28/2010) I had the honor to participate in an event of community prayer. I was invited to speak by a student at Soddy Daisy High School. If you don’t know what happened, a whole bunch of people gathered together in the park to celebrate our right and freedom to pray, even though it was recently mandated that prayer be stopped before football games. This meeting was organized by students who decided enough was enough.
In my closing remarks (I spoke for 7 1/2 minutes) I brought up the story of Nehemiah, specifically a part in chapter 4, verse 20. Nehemiah, in response to threats from enemies intent on stopping them from rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem, set people on the wall as lookouts. Being that the wall was big and spread out, and being that there were few people, Nehemiah came up with a plan. He said :
“The work is great and extensive, and we are separated far from one another on the wall. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us.” Nehemiah 4:19-20 NKJV
To me, and I am just little ol’ me, there should have been a lot more people present last night. Why? A trumpet was sounded for the body of Christ to come to the aid of not only Soddy Daisy, but for all of Hamilton County. An attack on our freedoms, as both Christians and Americans, has come to our soil. Why is it that our schedules and programs and our own sections of the wall are more important than stopping the enemy somewhere else?
Last night was your typical “Wednesday night prayer meeting” night. Besides the fact that prayer is rarely the object of attention at a lot of these meetings, what would have been wrong with jumping in the church bus and heading to where the trumpet was sounding? Where there may have been 500+ at this event last night, there should have been 1-2000. Why were they not there? Because it was more important for local congregations to remain safe and snug in their own little sections of “the wall.”
Here was a prime example of LEGALISM in action, for many did not want to participate in an event that featured speakers who weren’t part of a particular denomination.
Here was a prime example of LAZINESS, for it may have been difficult to get people together to go somewhere on a weeknight, especially if it wasn’t to Ryan’s (the local steak house) or the bowling alley.
Here was a prime example of DENIAL, PRIDE, and APATHY, for there were others who did not attend because they either didn’t think there’s a problem, it wasn’t their idea, or they just really didn’t care. Folks, what has been “typical” needs to be trashed.
This past Sunday I told my congregation that I would be in Soddy Daisy on Wednesday night because a trumpet had been sounded. I went to stand in the gap with my brothers and sisters who cared enough to make a public stand against the tyranny of a few over the wishes of the people.
In the future, when other trumpets sound, I pray that the churches of our county and our country will rally together in defense of the few walls we have left in this nation… a nation that, for now, claims to be “under God.”
May our God truly fight for us, for we don’t seem to want to fight for ourselves.
…Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses. – Nehemiah 4:14
The Recovering Legalist 