Category Archives: Divorce

Happy Fox Is Leaving

If you have lived for any amount of time, like most of you surely have, I’m positive there’s been a time or two when the air was knocked out of you by some bad news.

Think of something you’ve experienced – not so bad as the death of a loved one, though, – and you’ll understand how I feel right now.

Names

The first thing you need to know is that I name children on my school bus. If that sounds strange, the reason is because sometimes I can’t remember their parent-given names, especially early on in the school year. Therefore, I give them a name in the same way my Native American ancestors did; I name them based on something I see.

For example, one girl is tall and thin as a stick, so I call her Sticky. There’s a boy who always runs from his house to the bus, so I call him Runny Boy. Flower Girl lives on a street called Magnolia. Flower Girl’s little sister, a 5th grader who started riding my bus in Kindergarten, blew bubbles on the bus, so… her name is Bubbles, a name which she fiercely defends (she’ll go by that name in college one day).

Another little girl started riding my bus four years ago, I believe. The thing that set her apart from every other child on my bus was her smile – it was constant and predictable. So, when she started riding my bus it was cooler weather, therefore she always wore a hat that looked like a fox head (with ears and all). That’s when I started calling her Happy Fox.

The Notification

This afternoon, as I was standing in the big room where all the children come to sit in their designated areas, each one with a sign that displays the number of the bus they will ride, Happy Fox walked up to me with only half a smile.

“I’m gonna be leaving you,” she said with an uncharacteristically somber tone.

“What? You’re gonna be leaving me?” I asked jokingly.

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m not going to be riding with you anymore.”

A little shocked, I replied, “Really? Why not?”

With an brave little attitude that some kids have – the kind that care about the feelings of others and don’t really expect your sympathy – she explained, “Yeah, well, my mom and dad are breaking up, and I’ve got to go live with my dad…so I won’t be riding anymore after Friday, I think.”

That.  Hurt.  On.  So.  Many.  Levels!!

The Others

Here’s the thing: God hates divorce! You want to know why? Well, besides the fact that it is the opposite of what God wants, which is a picture of faithfulness that mirrors His faithfulness to us, it hurts a LOT of people, especially the children!! … And the bus drivers!!!

Too often couples will separate for the most petty of reasons. Others break up for good reasons, but the reasons were preventable. Nevertheless, no matter the reason, there are very few of them that are insurmountable, should the offended couple think of others besides themselves.

Today was a good example of the ripple effects divorces have. Sure, some couple thinks their lives are going to be better now that they don’t live with each other, but children are going to suffer; future families are going to suffer; risks for many bad things are going to go up; and even people like me are going to cry, get in an ill mood, bite the heads off their own families, and write depressing blog posts at the end of the day.

I just pray that Happy Fox can keep that smile.

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Filed under Defending Traditional Marriage, Depression, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships and Family

Ashley Lied

Her Father

You may have already heard the news, but a hacker released the names and information of men who used the services of the illicit affair provider Ashley Madison.

Screen grab from website

Screen grab from website

Unfortunately for her (I say “her” only because it seems appropriate in a proverbial sort of way) suitors, Ashley Madison was not able to provide complete anonymity to those to whom she promised could arrange an adulterous affair. No, all of her safeguards were useless. She lied.

Well, I guess you could say I am being a little unfair. Ashley Madison didn’t technically lie about keeping the secrets of men wanting to have affairs; she was hacked. But in reality, why would anyone have believed her promises in the first place? After all, she is of her father, the devil, and he is the father of lies.

Other Lies

If Ashley Madison didn’t lie when she said she would keep her suitors’ confidential information secure, then it was the only lie she didn’t tell. As a matter of fact, Ashley Madison was well versed in many lies of which her father, Satan, has been using for ages…some of which are made more dangerous because of the included element of truth.

Ashley Madison’s motto is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Truth is, life is short, especially in comparison to eternity. But what the motto doesn’t tell us is that the consequences of sin can last a lifetime, and eternity is even longer.

Ironically, I just logged on to Ashley Madison’s website and found a few other blatant lies still posted.

  • Over 40,860,000 anonymous members
  • 100% discreet service
  • Trusted Security Award
  • “Our Married Dating Services for Married individuals Work.”

Consequences

Now that the names are coming out, people are killing themselves. How’s that for “marriage dating services…that work?” What was Ashley Madison’s plan? For people to be happy? To have fulfilling marriages characterized by faithfulness? Not hardly.

Like I stated before, Ashley Madison (and her creators) is just like her father the devil and all the “strange women” he has always used to bring men and marriages to destruction.

“For the lips of a strange woman drop [as] an honeycomb, and her mouth [is] smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.” – Proverbs 5:3-5

More men will be seduced. More names will come out. More marriages will be ruined. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

“Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. … For the ways of man [are] before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.” – Proverbs 5:15, 21

Be warned.

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Filed under current events, Defending Traditional Marriage, Divorce

Pre-Salvation Counseling?

Pre-Marital Counseling

Have you ever given pre-marital advice? Have you ever sat down with a young couple, stars in their eyes, and tried to break them up? No? Then maybe you don’t know what real marriage counseling is all about.

Honestly, one of the things I try to do before I marry a couple is to break them up. OK, no, I don’t go into a counselling session with the intent on making them run out of the room crying and screaming at each other. But what I do try to do is bring to the surface issues that might cause problems down the road which will ultimately lead to major problems, even divorce. Believe me, a lot of people could have been spared a lot pain and heartache had they been asked some serious questions before they tied the knot.

So, if you want me to conduct your wedding, you must endure at least four hours of me trying to find out if you are aware of what’s ahead.

Salvation Counseling 

Much like the syrupy-sweet lovers who want to jump into marriage without even considering what comes after the honeymoon phase, many are led into believing that becoming a Christian is the answer to all their problems. Because of many one-stop, Vegas-like “wedding chapels” we call “worship centers,” scores of people have been drawn into a relationship with Jesus – but without the “pre-marital” counseling.

Reality check: Following Jesus will not be easy. As a matter of fact, it might even result in a life of pain and suffering, of hunger and want. This relationship may even cost you your life.

And when [Jesus] had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, “Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” – Mark 8:34

Oh, make no mistake about it, entering into an eternity-long relationship with Jesus is totally worth it! Just make sure you know what you’re getting into.

See the Movie

This Friday (March 20) Do You Believe? will come out in theaters. Please, take my advice, go see this movie! It may prove to be the best spiritual “marriage counseling” you’ve had in a while. Oh, and take someone with you who is lost; you won’t regret it.

 

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Filed under Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Divorce, Life Lessons, Movie review, salvation, Witnessing

Honey Maid Fatalism?

Yesterday evening, just before I was about to head on over to the church, my wife saw a commercial on the television she had on while she was doing taxes for a client. She said, “Did you hear what that commercial just said?”

“No, what commercial?”

OK, before I go any further, before any of you get too judgmental, my wife is an accountant and this is income tax season – she barely has time for sleep and is doing tax work every available minute. Therefore, even up to 30 minutes before time to leave for evening services at church, my wife – the pastor’s wife – was still sitting in front of two computer screens and listening to a television for background noise. 

“There was a commercial from Honey Maid (they make graham crackers),” she said. “Here, I’ll just rewind it…watch this…”

Evidently this commercial is not new, but would anyone with any sense like to explain to me what I just watched? Does this not in any way concern any of you? What in the world does it mean when you say, “What makes us wholesome never will”?

Some of you (you know who you are) don’t understand why this commercial upsets me. After all, it’s only a reflection of the pagan, post-Christian culture in which we live, right? “It is what it is,” some might say, “so just move on.” But this commercial DOES anger me! As a matter of fact, it does more than anger me – in breaks my heart. Let me tell you why.

First, it condones divorce, even going so far as to making it a positive for the children involved. In the first few words we hear a father say how that he never thought he’s get a divorce, but now he sees it as just that many more people to love the kids. Really? That’s akin to stating, “Hey, divorce ain’t that bad, just look at how happy the kids are!”

Second, it promotes brokenness. Yes, I said it “promotes” it. Even though this commercial is linked to a larger advertising campaign, #NotBroken, that aspires to celebrate the diverse landscape of the modern family unit, it’s actually celebrating brokenness as an inherent virtue. There is nothing in this commercial that promotes wholeness, is there? There’s nothing in this commercial that calls for the support of intact, nuclear families, is there? No, only the celebration that families come in all shapes, sizes, colors, AND sexual orientations.

Third, it’s fatalistic and hopeless. The money quote from the commercial is, “What makes us wholesome never will.” In other words, whatever it was that we as a culture ever thought was normal and healthy, forget it – we will never be “wholesome,” for there is no such thing…except for Honey Maid crackers.

But, supposedly, this is our culture. Mondelez International senior marketing director Gary Osifchin said of their add campaign, “[W]e’re holding a mirror up to America and celebrating all-American families. We’re on a journey here where we are very much showing America who they are. … It’s reality.[Source] Maybe so, but it’s not by God’s design.

We’ve given up on promoting nuclear families; now we’re celebrating the pieces left over from a nuclear blast, and supposedly the kids are happier for it.

 

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Filed under America, Culture Wars, Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships and Family, World View

50 Shades of the Same Lie

Movies

There was a time back in the day when I was not allowed to go to a movie theater. As a matter of fact, it was not until 1977 (I was 10 years-old) that I saw my first movie in a theater: Star Wars.

You see, the prevailing thought back then was that Hollywood movies were of the devil, sinful, ungodly, etc., and no Christian who claimed to be right with God would go pay money to see one. So much has changed since then, hasn’t it?

Really, even though I have seen my share of films since 1977, I am beginning to feel the pendulum is swinging back in the other direction. Not much is worth seeing anymore, and especially 50 Shades of Grey.

50 Shades

fifty shadesToday is opening day for a movie which is nothing more than filth, smut, prettied-up gutter scum, a proverbial loaded pistol with the hammer cocked aimed at the heart of marriages everywhere.

Like the name of this blog implies, I used to be a legalist, but I have moments of relapse. This might be one of those moments. If you call yourself a Christian and pay money to go see movie which glorifies everything immoral and feeds your own lustful flesh, you’re probably not right with God. I did say “probably.”

There is absolutely NO reason to allow yourself to be sucked into the vortex of public hype when you know what this movie is going to be about…

There are NO articles to read – it’s ALL pictures!

So, you do what you want, but God knows where you will be come showtime at your local theater. And then later, when you are trying to be intimate with your spouse (and that’s the ONLY one with whom you should be intimate!), God will know what’s going through your mind.

Reviews

Like I said, I’m not going to go see this mover or read the book; I’ve been scared enough because of other images my mind has recorded over the years. So, if you must know what 50 Shades is all about, my friend Chris Jordan posted a great article with links to all the info you will need.

“Black and White Thoughts on 50 Shades of Grey” by Chris Jordan

Remember:

“I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?” – Job 31:1 KJV

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8 NIV

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Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, current events, Defining Marriage, Divorce, General Observations, Movie review

How to Fix the Fergusons of the World In 12 Difficult Steps

My Confession

Let me begin by confessing that I am not a person of “color,” at least not in the politically-correct use of the term. This is important to recognize up front because, according to many, my color (or lack thereof) disqualifies me from commenting on racial issues (unless I’m willing to confess any bigotries).

However, even though I am “white” (regardless of the fact that my shading is tinted by several hues on the palate of history), I would like to suggest some steps that could lead to true reconciliation and sustainable peace, not only in Ferguson, Missouri, but in all areas suffering from racial tensions, gang violence, urban decay, poor leadership, and civil unrest.

The Qualifier

Now, let it be known that the following suggestions will only work in a nation that supports the rule of law, condemns mob violence, and understands that there is a Higher Standard to which all will ultimately be held accountable. As long as we choose to continue down a road toward total moral relativism and anarchy, our cherished Constitution inevitably must give way to tyranny and/or ruin.

“[W]e have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. . . . Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.” – John Adams (Signer of the Declaration of Independence and Second President of the United States), 1798

1. Make the “Reverends” preach the Gospel.

You see, here’s the thing: if you claim to be an ordained Christian minister (Reverend), lay off the political charades and race-baiting…preach the WORD! When Jesus asked Peter if he was going to leave like others had, Peter responded with “Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life” (John 6:68). 

My advice to those like Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson is twofold. First, move beyond the “social gospel” that’s been so perverted, even from what it was intended from the beginning, and on to the true gospel of Christ that cares not about race, nationality, or social status.

The second thing is this: God knows why you’re doing what you’re doing; be careful how you make your fortune and why you demand to be in the spotlight.

For if I preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast of, for necessity is laid upon me; yes, woe is me if I do not preach the gospel! … What is my reward then? That when I preach the gospel, I may present the gospel of Christ without charge, that I may not abuse my authority in the gospel. – 1 Corinthians 9:16, 18 NKJV

If you preach the Jesus of the Bible, you have a message of hope that can change lives and communities, black or white. So many of the following suggestions will show that.

2. Forgive.

Storing up hate and exacting revenge is a never-ending spiral towards destruction. Jesus warned his disciples: “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15). Restoration must begin with forgiveness. Was it not Jesus, even when He was being crucified, that said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do”?

Are we more righteous than Jesus?

3. Love your enemies.

“Ye have heard that it hath been said, ‘Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.‘ But I say unto you, ‘Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you‘” (Matthew 5:43-44).

“If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee” (Proverbs 25:21-22). Do you want to change people’s hearts? Try doing good instead of burning down buildings!

4. Do more then seek justice.

It is important that justice be served, but don’t be hypocritical about it; those who demand justice should not act like they are above the law.

Micah 6:8 – He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

No one wants to live in a society of laws not tempered by mercy, unless, of course, that person proudly feels he’s never in the wrong. The humble are rarely recruited by lynch mobs.

5. Teach that everyone’s life is sacred because of Who created it.

If you want to live in a more peaceful society, teach its citizens that life is intrinsically precious. According to the Bible, Mankind was created by God, made in His image. When you add to that the fact that He sent His own Son to die in Man’s place to save him from sin (John 3:16), the value of each life then becomes inestimable. Instill this truth into the hearts of a people and there will practically eradicate drive-by’s, abortions, and prostitution.

6. Condemn any culture/media/personality that promotes and profits from illicit, denigrating, and abusive behavior.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:8 ESV

When your children’s heroes are girls that swing naked from iron wrecking balls, pimps that bitch-slap their ho’s, and athletes who’d rather “put a cap in yo’ ass” than score a legitimate goal; when the most listened-to music glorifies multiple sex partners, violence, and drug use; when movies get praised for how many f-bombs they can drop; when “reality” is anything but reality, what can you expect?

7. Restore dignity to committed, faithful marriage.

Statistics don’t lie: most thugs and gang-bangers come from broken, single-parent, and/or abusive homes, especially ones without a father at home.

You want to talk about broken systems? Any system that will promote infidelity, encourage shacking up, reward having multiple children out of wedlock, and yet financially punish the family that prays together and stays together – that’s a broken system. Fix this system and you’ll reduce abuse, poverty, welfare addiction, and petty crime. You’ll also see a drop in the prison population, less depression and suicide, and less use of drugs and alcohol.

8. Discipline youth while they are young.

He that soweth iniquity shall reap vanity: and the rod of his anger shall fail. – Proverbs 22:8

We cannot wait until our youth get in trouble to start “scaring them straight.” It may be cute, now, as you laugh at your little brat’s actions and giggle at his use of foul language, but it won’t be later when he’s getting arrested for cussing the cop that questions him. Make your children behave well while they’re young; don’t wait till they’re older to lose your temper on them: it will fail.

9. Teach respect for all those in authority, including: parents, teachers, coaches, older adults, police, government officials, and ministers.

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you. – Hebrews 13:17

Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. – Romans 13:1-4

10. Hold those in authority accountable to higher, morally-objective standards, regardless of party or race.

“Where is the security for property, for reputation, for life, if the sense of religious obligation desert the oaths, which are the instruments of investigation in Courts of Justice? – George Washington (Farewell Address), 1796

11. Create a friendly environment for charitable organizations to do their work.

Simply put, don’t make it hard on churches and charities to do what they do best – look after the needs of the poor, the hungry, and the homeless. Don’t arrest ministers for giving out free food on the street. Don’t force ministries to pay for abortion services against their will, thereby forcing them to close. Encourage ministries to reduce the government’s welfare burden, instead of keeping people dependent in order to secure a political advantage.

12. Demand personal responsibility for criminal activity.

“We must reject the idea that every time a law’s broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.” ― Ronald Reagan

I may have missed it, but not once have I heard the Michael Brown family, the family’s attorney, the “Reverends,” or the justice-demanding rioters on the street ever address the fact that the young Mr. Brown robbed a convenience store and assaulted the store owner. Did I miss it? Was that fact overlooked? Do we honestly think that had Mr. Brown purchased his socially-influenced, unhealthy, crappy cigarillos, instead of stealing them, the policeman would have still sought him out to shoot him?

There’s an old saying that goes, “Do the crime – Do the time.” When a man refuses to accept any responsibility, he’s no longer a good American. It’s past time people man up and assume responsibility for their own actions.

There’s also another saying: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Galatians 6:7).

A New Proclamation

When our nation was young, while we were still at war, our Continental Congress crafted several proclamations calling our leaders and our people to pray.  If we would only humble ourselves, pray, seek God’s face, and turn from our wicked ways (2 Chronicles 7:14), a “fix” for Ferguson might come.

May we commit to do as they did in 1777 and set aside a day…

[For] Solemn Thanksgiving and Praise; That with one Heart and one Voice the good People may express the grateful Feelings of their Hearts, and consecrate themselves to the Service of their Divine Benefactor; and that together with their sincere Acknowledgments and Offerings, they may join the penitent Confession of their manifold Sins, whereby they had forfeited every Favour, and their humble and earnest Supplication that it may please GOD, through the Merits of Jesus Christ, mercifully to forgive and blot them out of Remembrance; That it may please him graciously to afford his Blessing on the Governments of these States respectively, and prosper the public Council of the whole; to inspire our Commanders both by Land and Sea, and all under them, with that Wisdom and Fortitude which may render them fit Instruments, under the Providence of Almighty GOD, to secure for these United States the greatest of all human blessings, INDEPENDENCE and PEACE; That it may please him to prosper the Trade and Manufactures of the People and the Labour of the Husbandman, that our Land may yet yield its Increase; To take Schools and Seminaries of Education, so necessary for cultivating the Principles of true Liberty, Virtue and Piety, under his nurturing Hand, and to prosper the Means of Religion for the promotion and enlargement of that Kingdom which consisteth “in Righteousness, Peace and Joy in the Holy Ghost.”

Or, we can simply continue to fight, blame each other, envy each other, hate each other, kill each other, and watch our cities sink deeper into chaos and despair.

“Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.” ― Ronald Reagan

 

 

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Filed under Abortion, abuse, Alcohol, America, Culture Wars, current events, Divorce, General Observations, God, Life Lessons, ministry, music, Parenting, places, Preaching

Re-Examining the Divorce Controversy

Recently, I have been asked about the issue of divorce and whether or not it ultimately disqualifies one from ministry, especially the pastorate. Even though I know there will be many of you who disagree with me on this, here are my thoughts on the subject. Please understand that I did not come by them lightly.

My Story

I will never forget the phone call I got from a church in Rome, GA about 16 years ago. Someone on the other end of the line was part of a search committee looking for a new pastor.  They had gotten my resume and were impressed enough to give me a call.  Everything was going well until they asked a very pointed question, “Bro. Anthony, does your wife have a spouse that is still living?”  I responded coldly, with squinted eyes and through clinched-teeth, “Yes, ME.”  Unfortunately, this would not be the last time something like that happened.

What I encountered on the telephone that day was not unusual, nor unexpected, but it stung, nevertheless. I had chosen to marry a woman who had been divorced and it cost me. But even though our (then) pastor told me marrying Valerie would “put the final nail in the coffin” of my ministry hopes, I was aware the scripture (1 Tim. 3:2) being used against me was lacking in exposition, and it was ultimately up to God whether or not I pastored a church.  So, after much study, I felt peace that what I was doing was right (but it didn’t hurt when the late Dr. Spiros Zodhiates gave us his approval).

But let me be clear about a few things…

wedding picture fourFirst,  I have never been divorced, so for me the whole argument of 1 Timothy 3:2 should be moot.  Second, my wife was left with no choice but to divorce; furthermore, it happened before she was a believer.  Third, my wife’s ex-husband remarried and divorced again before I even met her. By all accounts my wife was free to remarry, so both she and I were clear from any “adultery” issues.  

Also, I am “the husband of one wife,” and Scripture NEVER said a bishop “must be the husband of one wife who was the wife of only one husband, ever.” Just a minor observation.

So, what DOES the Bible say?

1 Timothy 3:2 says,  “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife...”  Also, verse 12 says, “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife...”  The difficulty with these verses is not what is being said, but how it is interpreted.  

Is Paul telling Timothy that in order to be a pastor, deacon, or elder in a church, you must have only been married once?  Could it even be possible that Paul is saying that a man of God MUST have a wife, because being single would disqualify one from ministry?  These are things that have been debated for centuries.  

Some believe that a pastor, deacon, or elder should have never been divorced (or married to a divorcee) . Others believe that in order to be a proper leader, one must be married.  Still, many commentators believe that the proper rendering of the Greek is “one-woman man,” implying faithfulness and character over the number of wives.  In reality, what the Bible says is one thing, but as William D. Mounce put it, “The Greek gives us a range of possibilities, but our theology is going to determine our interpretation.” 

I think there’s another way to look at it…

Take a look at 1 Timothy 3 and read through verse 12.  The best I can figure is that there are between 16 and 17 qualifications for the bishop, and between 6 and 8 for the deacons.  All of these are preceded with a literal or an implied “must be,” as in “must be blameless,” or a “must have.”  How does this affect the argument that an elder “must have” only been married once, never remarried, or never divorced?    

Think of any great man of God you know that has stood behind the pulpit and faithfully proclaimed the Word of God.  Has he always been blameless?  Has he always been on his best behavior?  Did he ever get drunk, covet, lose his patience, or curse his wife or children in anger?  Was he ever a novice, a beginner subject to pride? If so, then according to the logic of some, he should never be able to preach or lead in God’s church, for just as a man “must be the husband of one wife,” so he also must be “blameless, vigilant, sober, well-behaved, given to hospitality, patient, never greedy, and always in control of his house and children.”  

Do you see it?  If your interpretation leads you to believe that the bishop must have only had one wife – ever – then the same hermeneutic (the study of the principles of interpretation) should apply to the other “must be’s.”  “Must be the husband of one wife” = never divorced.  “Not a novice” = never been a beginner in the faith. Doesn’t make sense, does it?

1 Timothy 3:1-12 is in the present infinitive tense (i.e., must be / dei einai).  The requirements listed are ones that describe a man of character and faithfulness, of sobriety and gravitas; not a beginner or one untried and unproven.  What I see is a list of requirements that may not have always been present in a man, but should be NOW, after God has done a verifiable work in his life.  In other words, the Bible says a bishop “must be,” not “must have always been,” or “must have never done.”  Paul said, “and such were some of you:  but ye were washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:11

Here’s my point…

I believe that there are plenty who are sitting back or hiding out because someone has convinced them that they are used up and un-usable.  For example, I can think of men right now who, for whatever reason, are divorced.  Yet, these men, now Christians, are sold-out, God-fearing, faithful, Spirit-filled fathers and husbands with proven testimonies and unimpeachable character.  Sadly, however, because of mistakes made when they were young, unsaved, and stupid, they cannot serve as deacons, much less as pastors.  

On the other hand, I can think of several pastors today who were once murderers, drug dealers, fornicators, extortioners, and abusers of mankind (do I need to explain that last one?). Yet, only because they don’t have “divorced” to add to the list of past sins, they are accepted and given full reign as leaders in the church. 

Sad.

It’s time the body of Christ re-examine this issue in the light of GRACE.

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Filed under baptist, Divorce, General Observations, Independent Baptist, legalism, Relationships and Family, Uncategorized

Another Marriage Prerequisite

Weddings

I do weddings.

But let me be honest, weddings aren’t always fun, and they are most certainly never easy. I do weddings, but I don’t always want to.

weddingWhy don’t I want to do weddings every time I am asked? Because so many know so little about what marriage is, where it came from, what it means, or what it will take to make it work. For crying out loud, most people that say they want to get married don’t even know the person to whom they are about to commit.

I do weddings, yes, but I require pre-marital counseling. Period.

Counseling

I have several things that I require a couple to go through before I will consent to marry them. Aside from the basic questions that must be asked, a while back I decided to require anyone I marry to watch 2 movies:

  1. Fireproof
  2. Courageous

You see, I figure it this way – if you really want to get married, then you should be able to watch a couple of movies and then talk about them. If you can’t do that, or if you’re just too rushed, then you don’t need to get married; you are already starting off on the wrong foot.

Additional Requirement

Now I have a new requirement. On top of Fireproof and Courageous, I have another video to watch before anyone hears, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” My daughter recently showed me a video she watched at camp. The first time I watched it I cried. I was forced to admit I have not been the godly husband I need to be.

I have been preaching through the book of Ephesians on Sunday nights. This past Sunday night we came to the part in chapter five that deals with “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord,” and “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church…” (Eph. 5:22, 25). It is a touchy section in this day and age, but it shouldn’t be, at least not with those who understand the meaning of marriage and the “mystery” of the church (Eph. 5:32). Too many come to the “submit” part and stop. They fail to understand that “submission” in marriage goes both ways; that marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church; and that the wife’s “submission” and husband’s “love” are supposed to work in conjunction.

However you want to argue it, though, if the husband would love his wife like Jesus loved us, then there would be a lot more happy wives out there, not to mention healthy families and lasting marriages.

What we need, ladies and gentlemen, is a “Crucifixion Type Love.

Watch the video.

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Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, Defining Marriage, Divorce, Life Lessons, Relationships and Family

19th on the 18th

Our Anniversary!

Last year I wrote a post celebrating 18 years of marriage to the most beautiful woman in the world, my wife. Now that another year has come and gone, I thought it would be appropriate to celebrate again. I’m so glad Valerie and I are still together, which is a blessing and a miracle. I don’t deserve such a gift.

Valerie has asked me several times in the past, “If you could do it over again, would you still marry me?” To be honest, there were times when answering that question was difficult, especially back around 1999-2001. During those days I was going through the lowest time of my life, but she stood by me.

If Valerie was to ask me that question today, however, the answer would be a resounding “YES!”

It takes time!

So many people get divorced after a few years of marriage, never staying in it long enough to work through the hard times. In doing so, they miss out on the treasures that years of faithfulness bring. Because they give up too early, they uproot seeds before they have time to germinate, never being able to experience the fruit of a life-long relationship taking root.

The past year has brought with it many heartaches and sorrows. Valerie has had to endure much physical pain which has tested our faith and pushed us to the limits; the loss of income has been terribly stressful; and crisis after crisis has taken an emotional toll on us all. Yet, after 19 years we are more in love, more in faith, and more in God’s will than ever before. How is that possible? “It’s not by power, nor by might, but by my Spirit,” says the Lord.

I love you, Valerie. Happy anniversary!

As I said last year, it’s been a bumpy but wonderful ride. Thank you for staying in the car with me. I’m looking forward to the rest of the trip!

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Filed under Christian Living, Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Divorce, Life Lessons, Relationships and Family, the future

Reality Relationships?

Random Questions

For the record, I have never watched a single episode of The Bachelor. I couldn’t care less. But when went to pay for my groceries, I walked by the magazines and saw this. Unbelievable, in a sad, pathetic way.

bachelor virginI don’t want to say too much. All I want to do is ask some questions. You don’t even have to answer them; I just have to get them off my chest.

  1. What kind of blooming idiots think, after the first season of this nonsense, that true love is being picked from a list of narrowed-down options?
  2. Who seriously believes anyone in Hollywood is still a virgin?
  3. So, Mr. Lowe, how do you feel about a dozen non-virtuous, camera-hungry females fighting for your affection?
  4. What kind of real woman would sit by and wait for a guy to decide between some other woman and her? Most real women would say, “H@#*, no!”
  5. What does it say about people when they are “stunned” to hear someone is saving himself for marriage? Were they expecting to be treated with respect by a guy would sleep with every girl in the line-up?
  6. What does it say about your dating habits when you go to a “Fantasy Suite” for a date, but find it awkward – because there won’t be any sex?
  7. How shallow and pitifully void of morality is the idea of “coping” with a “sexless engagement?”
  8. Who actually thinks this is a good way to find wife?
  9. What kind of mother says to her daughter, “I’m so proud of how you fought off all those other girls and won a man that had a hard time deciding between you and that other contestant!”?
  10. Are you kidding me? THIS is reality?

Random Verses

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4 ESV

“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” – 1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10 KJV

A Final Thought

I wonder how a real dad with a real shotgun would influence Mr. Bachelor’s decision making process? I don’t guess that matter much, though, since it seems Sean Lowe picked his bride to be.

Hope it works out, bubba. Reality is tough on a marriage made in fantasy land.

 

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Filed under Culture Wars, current events, Defending Traditional Marriage, Divorce, Relationships and Family