I don’t know what you know about fibromyalgia, but whatever it is, whatever causes it, my wife suffers terribly from it. Over the last several years it has robbed my wife of her ability to enjoy many things in life that we take for granted, like sitting, sleeping, getting dressed, washing one’s hair, or even being hugged.
So many people doubt fibromyalgia is real. They say that if it was a legitimate illness, then there would be clearly identifiable symptoms, specific medications or treatments that would work, and even a Jerry Lewis-like celebrity raising money for research. Unfortunately, the only real constant for my wife is pain, and all that comes with never getting relief.
Putting on a brave face is a daily occurrence. My wife was always the hard worker, the entrepreneur, and the aggravating “early riser” who would wake everyone else in the house with, “Thank you, Lord, for this fine day!” Now, her smile is for the encouragement of others who look to her as a pastor’s wife; but her family knows the truth: she spends much of her time in tears.
We have tried doctor after doctor, from local clinics to Vanderbilt. Tests of every kind have been run, yet all are inconclusive. The only diagnosis is fibromyalgia – and there is no cure. She has her better days, and her really bad days, but rarely are there good days. It would seem that this is a burden which we are destined to bear, that is, until God sees fit to lift it.
After a particular troubling doctor visit today, one who made all kinds of false assumptions and accusations, my dear wife decided she couldn’t handle much more. She wept. That is when I wrote the following poem.
Give Us Strength
I tend to wonder
About what I know
Or at least what I think I know
About pain, about grief
About the reason for no sleep
I tend to wonder
I tend to ask
The usual “whys?”
And I guess I know the “why”
But I doubt at times
When there’s no reason or rhyme
I tend to ask
I know the truth
But I tend to wonder
About the load she’s under
The pain without an end
I ask for answers, even when
I know the Truth
Give me strength
But give her more
Dry her tears; make mine pour
On my shoulders place her sorrow
And for the joy again tomorrow
Give us strength
Pray for Us
I try to be funny on this blog. There are times I get angry, too. But right now I really want to ask all of you who pray to intercede for my wife, Valerie. Pray for her healing. Pray that I will know how to better encourage her. But pray, most of all, that through all that we endure God will receive the glory.
As both of us cry together and wonder why she has to go through this, I am reminded of our Savior who also cried in the garden and said: “Father, if it be your will, let this cup pass from me.” Our prayer is that this will pass.
But, Jesus also said, “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.” (Luke 22:42) Whatever tomorrow holds, to God be the glory!
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV
There are days when driving a school bus can drive me crazy.
One day I asked a little boy, “Are you wearing socks?” “Yes,” he answered. “Then will you take one of them off and stuff it in your mouth?!”
On other days I have fun just aggravating the little crumb crunchers. For example, I keep telling two little girls that their neighbors are aliens (like from another planet, not Mexico). They say, “Nuh uh!” I say, “Uh huh!”
Last week I told kids to ask me what my favorite letter of the alphabet was:
Little Girl: “What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?”
Me:“Y”
Little Girl: “I don’t know, you told me to ask. What is it?”
Me: “Y!”
Little Girl: “You told me to ask you, so I’m asking you what your favorite letter is!”
Me: “Y!!”
Little Girl: “Uuuuggghhh! What is it?”
Then there are other days…
Elementary kids will tell their parents “good-bye” before they board the bus, then they will do it again once they find a seat. Almost without fail my first and second-graders will take ten seconds to hug and say “good-bye” at the stop, but then rush to lower the windows in order wave as they scream out as we pull away, “Bye! Bye, Momma! Bye!”
Later in the day, when I take these same children home, they talk and play with each other (sometimes too much) until they get close to their stop. They’re usually not thinking too much about getting off the bus, but the moment they feel the bus slow down they gather their things and move to the door. As soon as the door opens they see their mom, dad, or granny…then scream…then run to their side…then embrace … like it’s been forever.
I’ve noticed that no matter when death comes, it always comes as a shock…a surprise. Even when we expect a loved one to pass away from a long-term illness, the moment of death is like that moment on the bus when a child leaves: the time for departure has been expected, but that last “good-bye” is never enough.
But hallelujah! Praise God for homecomings!!
I don’t know about you, but I’m looking out the window. Yes, I’m enjoying the time I have with my friends and family down here, but home is just around the bend. Any moment the bus will be slowing down.
Are you looking for that door to open? Are your things in order? Can you sense the ride is coming to an end? Believe me, once it stops I’ll be jumping off and running to the House.
I’ll see my earthly dad…I’ll see my Jesus…I’ll scream…I’ll run…then embrace…
“What to wear to church?” has consistently been the number one search entry leading people to The Recovering Legalist. What does that tell you?
If you’ve never read my thoughts on this before, this is the post all the search engines bring up. It was written back in 2010.
Clothing
Recently, I was asked to be the guest speaker at a larger, more contemporary church. Out of respect for each other, the pastor of that church and I jokingly discussed what I should wear. You see, he never wears a suit, while I almost always do. His congregation has become more “contemporary,” while my congregation remains more “traditional.” So, to make me comfortable, the pastor told me whatever I wanted to wear was fine. Therefore, I will compromise – I will probably wear a sport coat, khakis, and flip flops…not really.
The way I dress to go to church may not be the way you dress. My style may not suit your tastes, nor yours mine. But the fact of the matter is that unless you’re totally too liberal, or don’t go at all, you wear some kind of clothing to church, correct? Well, have you ever wondered if what you wear to church is appropriate?
Below are some of my thoughts on the subject.
It’s Not About You
If you are planning to attend a worship service where God is supposed to be the center of attention, don’t dress like a clown! Don’t dress like you are going to an L.A. premier of Lady Gaga’s new movie, It’s All About Me.
Some cultures believe people should come to church in clothing that could damage someone’s retina. Gettin’ “fancied up” is what’s expected. But it’s this type of clothing, in most cases, that draws attention to the congregant, not Christ. My advice is to stay away from neon suits and flashing bow ties. Church clothing should be a covering, not a calling card.
Show Some Respect
Some people think it is totally appropriate to wear enough jewelry and feathers to keep pawn shops in business and all geese naked. Others think it is completely acceptable to look like a drunk that slept in an alley all night (no offense to the drunk). Neither shows a sense of respect. The first steals God’s glory, while the second implies God’s house is no different than anywhere else.
Here’s a couple suggestions. Try going to a White House dinner looking like a hobo or a hippie from the 60’s. Receive an invitation to tea from Queen Elizabeth and show up looking like you just got out of bed and never took a shower. Unless you’re a bonafide rock star, security personnel may escort you to a private room to “get acquainted.” So then, if dignitaries of earthly kingdoms demand respect, why shouldn’t we offer it to our Heavenly King? Is God not greater than Obama? (clear throat)
Beware of Legalistic Standards
However, whatever you wear, don’t be too quick to judge another’s spiritual condition by what they wear. Only God knows the heart.
Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth. Yea, he shall be holden up: for God is able to make him stand. – Rom 14:4 KJV
Sadly, I have been around many believers who consider one style of clothing a sign of spiritual maturity, while another style a sign of spiritual waywardness. And you know what’s funny? It doesn’t matter which side of the spiritual tracks, there’s always somebody looking at another thinking, “They’re not right with God.”
Legalism cuts both ways, dear friend. For example, I have been to churches that ridiculed any woman who wears pants, or a man who never tucks in his shirt. On the other hand, I have been in congregations that blatantly condemned all dress and tie-wearers as right-wing, self-righteous, fundamentalist, nut jobs. In both cases someone judged another’s spirituality based on outward appearances, alone. In both cases one group’s set of standards were being used as a guide to what is spiritual behavior, and what is not. That’s LEGALISM!
Believe it or not, the most modern, non-denominational, praise-and-worship-style congregation can be just as legalistic as the narrow-minded traditionalist. I may not prefer to preach in blue jeans on Sunday morning, but I’m not going to condemn someone who does. Likewise, when I don’t wear a suit and tie on Sunday night, I am not going to condemn someone who dresses like he’s going to a funeral.
Context, Context, Context
Ultimately, how you dress should be determined by the context of your community. Small, rural congregations might not feel comfortable dressing for church in the same way a metropolitan First Baptist may. Similarly, churches in depressed economies may adopt different dress codes than upwardly mobile societies. The key is to be respectful, honorable, and considerate of the holy moment at hand. Whatever fits that bill is good enough.
Just keep this principle in mind: Grace accepts, Maturity develops, and Love constrains.
Don’t make appearances the only thing about which you’re concerned. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is far too important a message to be drowned in petty arguments about whether it is appropriate to dress up for church, or go dress-casual. Many people in the world have to worship Christ underground – literally. Dress codes are the least of their worries. Additionally, the drug addict who needs hope and help may not have any clothes left that he hasn’t already sold to get high. The single mother of five that walks into your church may have barely enough energy to survive, much less do her hair.
Do all things to the glory of the Lord, but keep things in perspective, OK?
My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism [or be legalistic]. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? – Jam 2:1-5 NIV
Yes, it is my birthday. Gifts of all denominations (that means money, not Methodists) will be accepted. You can also send watches, old books, Martin guitars, Jaguars, Mustangs, autographed pictures of Ronald Reagan and Zoey Deschanel, and/or iPads.
Really, I am happy to be 46 years old, which is four years shy of half a century. Some people are older than me, but a lot are younger – many of which are stupid. Did I just say that? Yes, I did. It’s because I’m getting older and old people can say what they want.
Facing Mortality
In all seriousness, today is a day which I have been fearing for the last 22 years. When I was 24 my father died (coincidentally, he was 24 when his dad died). He was 46 years old. Now, on this momentous day, I am as old as he was when he went home to be with the Lord. Sobering, isn’t it?
My dad.
Even though it is sobering, if not a little depressing, the though of being as old as my dad was when he died has caused me to reflect on my life. It has also caused me to think more about my wife and children who, if they had been like me 22 years ago, would only have me around six months longer.
If I die this year – and I hope I don’t, believe me! – at least my wife and kids will have insurance money, a collection of recordings of me preaching and singing, and a lot of written words. However, they won’t have ME.
That is why I don’t drive as recklessly.
That is why I am thinking more about my diet.
That is why I am beginning to work out.
That is why my journal entries are becoming more pensive, thankful, and less gripey.
That is why I am trying to make sure I live the way I want to be remembered.
The following piece is meant to be informative, not critical, even though I may criticize a little, and I apologize in advance for the length. All in all, I hope that it will help lead people away from unhealthy, legalistic, and abusive churches by helping them recognize “red flags.”
Not all pastors are abusive megalomaniacs. The ones that are should be called out and held accountable, for their poor witness harms not only the Church, but the world to which we are called to be witnesses.
Hissy Fit
Several months ago a video was posted on YouTube. That video shows Dr. Jim Standridge, pastor of Immanuel Baptist Church in Skiatook, Oklahoma, publicly chastising members of his congregation.
Since its release, the video has gone viral with over 700,000 views, so far. I was made aware of this video a couple of months ago when friend on Facebook posted it to her wall and created a stir. It was originally posted on a website called Stuff Fundies Like.
Personally, I think it is a shame that something like this has been put out for all to see, for it damages the reputation of all who sincerely follow Christ. I even have problems with the website that originally made this widely available. But since it is out there and not going away, I feel it should be addressed.
Context
It is important to look at things in their proper contexts before we come to conclusions. That is why I wanted to find the video of Dr. Standridge’s entire sermon. I found it on Immanuel Baptist Church’s website and watched the entire thing, making plenty of notes.
Those commenting in defense of this video have said things like: “You shouldn’t judge a man based on this one video…we don’t know what led up to him talking this way.” In an interview with The Christian Post, even Dr. Standridge said, “…you can’t judge a man by one message.”
But is that entirely so? During the time it took to watch the hour-long sermon I noticed several “red flags” that told me this was probably not an isolated incident.
Full Sermon (see if you can spot the red flags)
NOTE: The video was taken down, so I’m glad I reviewed it when I did!
The term “red flag” is used to describe a warning sign. The following are some of the red flags I noticed while watching the full sermon preached by Dr. Standridge on May 19, 2013.
1) The need to express self-importance, along with possessiveness.
In less than two minutes into the sermon (1:13), Dr. Standridge first addresses the boy that was to fall asleep. He says: “Son, look at me – I’m the man, baby.” Later (39:23), he addresses the boy again and says: “I’m somebody…now you might do your English teacher thataway [sic], but I’m not teaching English…”
To the same boy he says, “I’m not some little hireling” (20:55). Then, at the 48:20 mark: “I don’t care…I do care, but I don’t care…It’s like that young boy right there, he don’t know who I am.”
In the infamous part where Dr. Standridge talks to Mr. Cox, the man in the video room, he says: “…you don’t care about what I want to do right…if you loved me, and you submitted to me, you’d know what my heart is and my message is…(43:00). Then, at the 47:25 mark he says: “You may be the best sound man…but that’s my sound room before it’s yours!”
Towards the end Dr. Standridge confronts a girl named Wendy (1:01:39) and plays the guilt card: “You count my life as something, well, very secondary, if anything.”
2) Belittling others.
In one hour Dr. Standridge manages to put down skateboards, comparing them to witch’s brooms (1:13; 4:39), texting (54:35-55:20), secular college education (1:01:39), the right of a mother to be upset (48:11), a woman’s needs (3:50), and a wife’s spirituality and intelligence (6:50-7:25).
3) Threats
In several places Dr. Standridge threatens to leave the church if the congregation doesn’t want to hear what he has to say. “Now if you don’t want me…”(40:50).
4) Publicly announcing church members’ faults.
What gets Dr. Standridge into so much trouble is where he calls out Mr. Cox in the sound/video room and the young couple about to get married (as seen in the YouTube clip). But where some want to say that was just an isolated incident, the reality is that he did this from the beginning to the end of the sermon!
The fact that he would say in front of the church that a young man was “one of the sorriest church members” and “not worth 15 cents” (39:50) was completely inexcusable. And, telling Angela, a young wife, that she should quit questioning her husband and start submitting to him (6:50-7:25) was completely out of line.
5) Following abuse with “You know I love you.“
It was really hard to keep track of how many times Dr. Standridge followed a stinging comment or snide remark with something like, “You know I love you, don’t you?” He said this to Mr. Cox and put him on the spot with a hug (39:50ff) right after telling him he wasn’t worth 15 cents! He even asked the poor skater boy: “Have I convinced you I love you? You better nod your head yes.” (39:23ff)
Even more, his love comments were commonly used as a justification to the congregation for his actions: “I love that boy right there” (1:13); “Now, let me tell everybody here how much I love these kids” (referring to Mr. Underwood and his bride to be). This is what abusive husbands do, not pastors.
Scripture
1 Timothy 5:20 says: “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” The only problem with using that verse to justify what Dr. Standridge did/does is that this verse was meant for elders…Pastors (vs. 18-19)! I cannot see any reason why it had to come to a point where the pastor of a church called out so many people for their supposed sins and inconsistencies.
Long before any of the people chastised by Dr. Standridge should have been publicly reprimanded, Jesus set the pattern for how to deal with church issues…privately, with one or two, then before the church.
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. “But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ “And if he refuses to hear them, tell [it] to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.” (Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV)
So much pain and embarrassment, both for the individuals involved and the church in general, could have been spared had Dr. Standridge heeded the wisdom of Solomon: “He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.” (Proverbs 17:9 NKJV)
Final Thoughts
As I see it, Dr. Standridge should have been asked to resign after this sermon, but as with any abused wife, the congregation defends what he said. When I spoke of it to my congregation, they agreed that if I had done anything similar I would be looking for a job.
Not all pastors are like Dr. Standridge, even on a bad day; those who are should be called to the carpet (1 Timothy 5:20). Sure, we make mistakes and say things we regret, but most of us aren’t arrogant and abusive. We love our flocks to the point of laying down our own lives (John 10:11). The last thing we want to do is embarrass and shame people; we want to see them restored, edified, and molded into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29).
Last week I received a note in the mail from one of my congregation. It was such an encouragement that I wanted to share it with all of you.
Dear Anthony,
You and our family are such a blessing to me.
Wednesday p.m. service was a comfort to me and I know from what three other people shared it was a comforting message they needed to hear, too.
I seems when you are most broken, weary, discouraged, Jesus and the Word pour through you in a powerful way, and we are touched.
Your prayer was like a shepherd interceding for his sheep.
Thank you for always being so sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
I am blessed to sit under a man of God who teaches and preaches the true Word of God.
You are continually in my prayers…
You see, there are times when we find ourselves wondering if we are even making a difference. But even though we may feel like we are useless at times, the truth of Scripture rings true…
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. – 2 Corinthians 12:9
Send your pastor a note of encouragement. I know he will appreciate it.
But let me be honest, weddings aren’t always fun, and they are most certainly never easy. I do weddings, but I don’t always want to.
Why don’t I want to do weddings every time I am asked? Because so many know so little about what marriage is, where it came from, what it means, or what it will take to make it work. For crying out loud, most people that say they want to get married don’t even know the person to whom they are about to commit.
I do weddings, yes, but I require pre-marital counseling. Period.
Counseling
I have several things that I require a couple to go through before I will consent to marry them. Aside from the basic questions that must be asked, a while back I decided to require anyone I marry to watch 2 movies:
You see, I figure it this way – if you really want to get married, then you should be able to watch a couple of movies and then talk about them. If you can’t do that, or if you’re just too rushed, then you don’t need to get married; you are already starting off on the wrong foot.
Additional Requirement
Now I have a new requirement. On top of Fireproof and Courageous, I have another video to watch before anyone hears, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” My daughter recently showed me a video she watched at camp. The first time I watched it I cried. I was forced to admit I have not been the godly husband I need to be.
I have been preaching through the book of Ephesians on Sunday nights. This past Sunday night we came to the part in chapter five that deals with “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord,” and “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church…” (Eph. 5:22, 25). It is a touchy section in this day and age, but it shouldn’t be, at least not with those who understand the meaning of marriage and the “mystery” of the church (Eph. 5:32). Too many come to the “submit” part and stop. They fail to understand that “submission” in marriage goes both ways; that marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church; and that the wife’s “submission” and husband’s “love” are supposed to work in conjunction.
However you want to argue it, though, if the husband would love his wife like Jesus loved us, then there would be a lot more happy wives out there, not to mention healthy families and lasting marriages.
What we need, ladies and gentlemen, is a “Crucifixion Type Love.“
Not long ago I had the chance to go to an outdoor music festival in Chattanooga. It was there at JFest that I met an incredible couple, Tiki and Tom Finlayson, with a powerful story to tell.
You see…
On July 31, 2011, a young man was hit head on by a drunk driver. On July 1 Kevin “Sunshine” Yates died from the injuries he received in the crash. The tragic loss of a son could have driven his parents crazy, but instead of living with hate and bitterness, they decided to do something radical – the decided to forgive.
I would encourage you to go check out the website for 1N3, the ministry that Kevin’s mother and brother (Derek Yates) founded to increase awareness of the tragedy of drunk driving. There you can read the whole story of what happened, about Kevin, and about the lives that have been saved through organ donation. But for now, I would just like to share with you what Tom, Kevin’s dad, told me as we stood looking at the van Kevin was driving.
“Who Am I…?”
I know people who have a hard time forgiving others for wrongs done. Others I know have a hard time getting past the death of a loved one; always grieving, always mourning the loss. The Yates and Finlaysons are not that way. All it takes is one look at the smiles on their faces to see that hope and love have drowned hate and bitterness.
Tiki Finlayson and me. They carry the van around to show what happens when people drive intoxicated. The picture is of Kevin Yates, her son.
As we stood there talking, Tom Finlayson told me how that they had truly forgiven the lady that had hit Kevin. As a matter of fact, they have reached out to help her. Believe it or not, she is even scheduled to help in their ministry upon her release from prison.
Tom Finlayson telling the story.
Tom told me, “You know, we’re all murderers…we are all responsible for the death of God’s Son, Jesus…we killed Him…and if God can forgive me for killing his Son, then who am I not to forgive her?”
What more is there to say?
And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. – Ephesians 4:32
Recently, after having to look at other people’s resumés, I thought it would be a good idea to review my own. Even though I am not actively seeking another pastorate, information does change from time to time. So, after a quick glance, I noticed some areas needed tweaking.
For example, I earned my Masters, so that needed to be added. Also, puppets are no longer considered valid references, so Mr. Monkey’s name had to be deleted.
However, one part of my resumé did not need changing. When I read the “Ministry Objectives” section, my heart was convicted. Were my objectives being met? What am I doing to reach them?
Ministry Objectives
Some people take a sentence or two, or even a paragraph, to describe their ministry objectives. I decided to divide mine into five points and put them right up front for everyone, including myself, to read.
My desire is…
I. To bring glory to the name of Jesus Christ in all that I do (Ps 19:14) and go through (1Pet 1:7).
II. To “give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine” (1 Tim 4:13) and “to prayer, and to the ministry of the word” (Acts 6:4).
III. To be known as a humble and consistent husband and father whose household serves the Lord (Josh 24:15; 1 Cor 15:58); a forgiven sinner who understands grace (1 Tim 1:15); and a fearless soldier of the Cross (Mark 8:34) who never compromises the truth (1 Tim 4:16).
IV. To affect future generations yet to come as children are grounded, parents become responsible, singles are emboldened, and the aged get a second wind (Josh 4:21-24; Pro 22:6).
V. To promote the preaching and teaching of the Gospel in every part of the world (Acts 1:8).
Dear Heavenly Father, make them more than objectives… make them reality.
Just in case the above term is unfamiliar to you, a bivocational minister is one who performs the duties expected of a full-time minister/pastor, while also having to maintain other (secular) employment. The size of their church or congregation (or how much they are compensated) has no bearing on their abilities or calling. They are only serving where God has sent them.
Unfortunately, bivocational pastors are often stigmatized as “second-rate” leaders. Some people think that if they were more qualified, more gifted, or better speakers they would pastor larger churches. The fact is that most churches, especially in my denomination, are led by men who are more than qualified to maintain a “higher station.” However, the real issue is that most congregations are smaller (35-100) and cannot afford to pay a full-time pastor.
Tent Makers
So, bivocational pastors carry on in the tradition of the Apostle Paul. Although Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:14 that it is perfectly acceptable for “those who preach the Good News [to] be supported by those who benefit from it (NLT),” he chose to continue to make tents (Acts 18:1-3). But unlike Paul, many of today’s bivocational pastors have to work another job in order to survive. Some do it by choice, but most do it out of necessity, especially those with families.
Now, it may sound bad, but there is an upside to being bivocational: we know what it is like to live in the real world. We have to deal with employers and employees. We know what it’s like to have problems at work, then go to church. We have schedules to juggle, bills to pay, etc. We are just like the people to which we minister. We don’t live in ivory towers.
Extra Tough
But one of the real downsides to being a bivocational pastor is the loneliness. Many don’t understand that we have the same demands, if not more, as pastors of larger churches – yet, with no staff. On top of that, we don’t have time to go on ministry retreats, sabbaticals, or attend conferences during the week. We can’t even get together with other pastors for breakfast to “talk shop” like full-time ministers do – because we’re usually at work. And because of all of this, we get lonely. We get discouraged. We get tired. But it doesn’t have to be that way all the time.
Bivocational Pastors and Wives Retreat
I’ve said a lot to say this: even though it is hard to make the time, sometimes we have to make the time, regardless. That is why, even though it was inconvenient, my wife and I went to the retreat in Pigeon Forge. We needed the encouragement. We needed to be around others in the same boat, on the same sea.
If you are a bivocational minister, you need to seek out and maintain friendships with other men you can trust, especially men in the same kind of ministry. It is so important that you don’t try to do things alone. Likewise, there are probably other men out there who could use your friendship.
Churches, do your pastor and yourselves a favor: plan to send your pastor and his wife on a retreat. Both of you will benefit from the encouragement. He will be strengthened, and his burden will be lightened.
Towards the end of our retreat, a beautiful time of prayer took place. It was a little impractical for us to wash each other’s feet, but we did do something special. Scripture says “how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news,” but sometimes those feet don’t feel so beautiful, or loved. I wish all of you could have heard the weeping and seen the tears as grown men, God’s men, got on their knees and humbly prayed over the feet of their brothers. I felt like I was in a room full of heroes.
One member came up to me the Sunday after the retreat and asked, “Something happened to you last week when you were gone, didn’t it?”
Putting on a brave face is a daily occurrence. My wife was always the hard worker, the entrepreneur, and the aggravating “early riser” who would wake everyone else in the house with, “Thank you, Lord, for this fine day!” Now, her smile is for the encouragement of others who look to her as a pastor’s wife; but her family knows the truth: she spends much of her time in tears.
The Recovering Legalist 