Category Archives: Relationships and Family

Topics related to how we deal with the people God has placed in our lives.

by | June 5, 2013 · 1:23 am

Tent Makers Unite!

In February of 2012 my wife and I decided to attend a special retreat for bivocational ministers and their wives. The retreat was held in Pigeon Forge, TN, at the Music Road Hotel and Convention Center.

We had a great time.

Bi-Vocational

Just in case the above term is unfamiliar to you, a bivocational minister is one who performs the duties expected of a full-time minister/pastor, while also having to maintain other (secular) employment. The size of their church or congregation (or how much they are compensated) has no bearing on their abilities or calling. They are only serving where God has sent them.

Unfortunately, bivocational pastors are often stigmatized as “second-rate” leaders. Some people think that if they were more qualified, more gifted, or better speakers they would pastor larger churches. The fact is that most churches, especially in my denomination, are led by men who are more than qualified to maintain a “higher station.” However, the real issue is that most congregations are smaller (35-100) and cannot afford to pay a full-time pastor.

Tent Makers

So, bivocational pastors carry on in the tradition of the Apostle Paul. Although Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9:14 that it is perfectly acceptable for “those who preach the Good News [to] be supported by those who benefit from it (NLT),” he chose to continue to make tents (Acts 18:1-3). But unlike Paul, many of today’s bivocational pastors have to work another job in order to survive. Some do it by choice, but most do it out of necessity, especially those with families.

Now, it may sound bad, but there is an upside to being bivocational: we know what it is like to live in the real world. We have to deal with employers and employees. We know what it’s like to have problems at work, then go to church. We have schedules to juggle, bills to pay, etc. We are just like the people to which we minister. We don’t live in ivory towers.

Extra Tough

But one of the real downsides to being a bivocational pastor is the loneliness. Many don’t understand that we have the same demands, if not more, as pastors of larger churches – yet, with no staff. On top of that, we don’t have time to go on ministry retreats, sabbaticals, or attend conferences during the week. We can’t even get together with other pastors for breakfast to “talk shop” like full-time ministers do – because we’re usually at work. And because of all of this, we get lonely. We get discouraged. We get tired. But it doesn’t have to be that way all the time.

Bivocational Pastors and Wives Retreat

I’ve said a lot to say this: even though it is hard to make the time, sometimes we have to make the time, regardless. That is why, even though it was inconvenient, my wife and I went to the retreat in Pigeon Forge. We needed the encouragement. We needed to be around others in the same boat, on the same sea.

If you are a bivocational minister, you need to seek out and maintain friendships with other men you can trust, especially men in the same kind of ministry. It is so important that you don’t try to do things alone. Likewise, there are probably other men out there who could use your friendship.

Churches, do your pastor and yourselves a favor: plan to send your pastor and his wife on a retreat. Both of you will benefit from the encouragement. He will be strengthened, and his burden will be lightened.

Towards the end of our retreat, a beautiful time of prayer took place. It was a little impractical for us to wash each other’s feet, but we did do something special. Scripture says “how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news,” but sometimes those feet don’t feel so beautiful, or loved. I wish all of you could have heard the weeping and seen the tears as grown men, God’s men, got on their knees and humbly prayed over the feet of their brothers. I felt like I was in a room full of heroes.

One member came up to me the Sunday after the retreat and asked, “Something happened to you last week when you were gone, didn’t it?”

I said, “Sure did…“

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by | May 21, 2013 · 11:38 am

Making Us Thankful

Close Calls

I have three girls. I know what it is like to wonder if a child is going to live through a crisis. One nearly died twice from health issues, not to mention the time she ran from me while holding a steak knife. I know what it like to worry.

I also know what it is like to feel the relief of knowing everything would be OK. The time Katie ran from me after sneaking a steak knife out of the dishwasher, I couldn’t catch her before she darted around the corner on hardwood floors, only to fall face-forward. My heart stopped. When I got to her she was still laughing as she lay on the floor with the knife at her side – sticking straight up.

When Haley was barely a year old I saw her sitting in the living room staring straight ahead. She looked strange. That’s when I noticed she wasn’t breathing. I ran to her, picked her up, and when I did blood gushed from her mouth and nose. She had found a small funnel and had fallen on it in her mouth. The small end punctured her pallet. Fortunately, we got her to the ER in time and she healed up fine.

There have been many close calls, and each time I have been thankful it didn’t turn out worse.

“Oh, crap!”

Several years ago, when we still lived in Kentucky, the sky turned green as sirens started to wail. I had never seen a tornado in person, but I had heard one. This time there were no winds, no roaring, and no warning, just a green, darkening sky, and those sirens.

My wife and girls went to get into the shower, but on the way Haley, only 4, grabbed a white dress, her little purse, and her little Bible. Even in the confusion my wife asked her what all that was for, that’s when Haley answered, “If I die, I want to be in my pretty dress and have my Bible…but if we don’t don’t die we may need some money.” Spiritual and practical.

Like an idiot, I went outside. The first thing I saw were people in the cul-de-sac looking up at something behind me. When I stepped off the porch and turned around, that’s when I saw it, too. It was a huge, black, round cloud – much like the cloud that the first alien spacecraft came out of on the movie Independence Day – and it was passing directly over us. All I could say was, “Oh, crap!”

Nothing happened to us, but the next morning we found out that  a tornado touched down just two miles beyond us. Several homes and a church, along with a gymnasium, were completely destroyed. Again, we were thankful.

“We lost everything…”

I was watching the news about Moore City, Oklahoma. Several people being interviewed said, “We lost everything.” But I will never cease to be amazed that even in the midst of all that tragedy, so many who have lost everything go on to say, “but I am so thankful.”

One video showed a family exiting their storm shelter into a scene total destruction. A family member said, “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.”

One man I heard talked about losing everything but his wife and girls. For that he thanked God. I thanked God, too.

Be Thankful

Some families will not see their loved ones again. Many children died while seeking shelter in doomed elementary schools. But many more did not die. Many miraculously survived.

Did you wake up this morning? Did your children wake up and complain about going to school? Did your husband or wife roll over, give you a kiss, and say, “Good morning, dear?” Some were not as fortunate as you.

Be thankful.

“Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” – James 4:14 KJV

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by | May 18, 2013 · 6:52 pm

A Call to Engage

Engage Atlanta 2013

About a month ago (April 17) I had the opportunity to attend a one-day conference in Atlanta, Georgia. It was a call for Christians to engage our communities, not run or cower. It was a time of teaching and equipping.

The conference itself was sponsored mainly by Summit Ministries, the Manhattan Declaration, and World Magazine. It was the first conference of its kind.

The keynote speakers were:

IMG_0286

Marvin Olasky and myself

  • Jeff Myers, Ph.D., President Summit Ministries
  •  Marvin Olasky, Editor-in-Chief, WORLD Magazine

Other speakers were:

  • John Stonestreet — Speaker and Fellow, Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview
  • Warren Smith — Associate Publisher and Editor, WORLD Magazine
  • Jeff Ventrella — Senior Vice President, Alliance Defending Freedom
  • Scott Klusendorf — President, Life Training Institute
  • Eric Teetsel — Executive Director, Manhattan Declaration

A Non-Religious Response

Myself and Eric Teetsel

Myself and Eric Teetsel

One of the speakers, Eric Teetsel, gave a very compelling argument in support of heterosexual marriage – from a non-religious point of view (believe it or not, there are actual scientific reasons to oppose homosexual marriage). In this post I would like to share with you the audio from Eric’s lecture, along with a link to the slides he used.

For the Good of All: Restoring Marriage Ethic Across Society (by Eric Teetsel)

Click here to see the slides that accompanied Eric’s presentation.

I hope that you find this information useful and thought-provoking. Please, take the time and check out the other links available. They are being provided with no restrictions on sharing. Click the image below and find links to all the audio from the conference.

engagelogo2

 

Note: I would like to add that I found Mr. Olasky very soft-spoken and humble. I also found Mr. Teetsel to be kind and gracious. It was an honor to be able to speak with them. Their work is very much appreciated.

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by | May 12, 2013 · 12:21 am

Happy Mother’s Day

My Mother

It may come as a shock to all of you, but I do have a mother. Yes, there is a woman who claims responsibility for allowing me to come into the world.

My mother’s name is Marie. I won’t tell you how old she is, but she’s older than me. She is also not in the best of health, so your prayers would be appreciated.

DSC_0065My mother worked in the blood bank and lab at Erlanger Hospital for 46 years until she retired. She started working there when blood was still in black and white, long before most of the modern staff was even born. She went to college for four years to learn how to do a job that few today can do without computers.

My mother is also a godly woman who has read through her Bible countless times, verse by verse, circling the number each time. She is also the widow of a godly man who loved her. She never remarried.

Mother’s Day Song

There are a lot of songs celebrating Christmas, but few celebrating mothers. Therefore, last year I decided to write my own song for Mother’s Day.

I hope it brings honor to the woman who birthed me, beat me with a belt, and bears me up with her prayers. If you like it, sing it to your mother or grandmother. Even if they don’t like it, they will say they do – that’s what mothers do.

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by | May 10, 2013 · 4:00 am

Childhood Wisdom?

Listen to the Children

I will never forget a commercial I saw on television. It was a long time ago, and I still get irritated. The main line that was repeated over and over was, “Listen to the children.”

Oh, it was one of those environmental, tree-hugging commercials that had little kids instructing adults how to live their lives. One little girl would say something like, “Don’t make me starve,” while another little boy would go on about how eating at McDonald’s would ruin the earth’s water supply – or something like that.

Anyway, every time a toddler would voice her scripted opinion a deep, male voice would echo in response, “Listen…to the children.” Yes, adults should listen to a 5-year-old because of her years of accumulated wisdom untainted by experience.

What Do they Say?

If we to listen to the little crumbcrunchers long enough, we will hear things like:

  • screaming kid“I don’t want to eat that, Mommy! I want cake!”  Listen…to the children.
  • “I don’t want to take bath!” Listen…to the children.
  • “If I was president, I would make everybody happy and would never have school and make parents buy every kid a unicorn and never have to go to bed and make the world like warm all the time with snow all year.”  Listen…to the children.
  • “O – ba – ma! O – ba – ma!”  Listen…to the children echo their teachers.

AND did you know that children have figured out the whole gender (man/woman) thing? Believe it or not, according to the kids on my school bus, girls are smart, but boys are stupid. Here’s how they describe the difference:

Girls go to college to get more knowledge.

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

Girls go to college, but boys go to Jupiter. Hmmm…may we ponder that for a moment?

  • What type of intelligence was required to put man on the moon?
  • Methane and ethane make up a tiny proportion o...What type of brain power was needed to land an un-manned rover on Mars?
  • What kind of genius will it require to send man four times the distance to the sun in order to view up-close the deadly storms of Jupiter?
  • Stupid boys can go to Jupiter while girls are still fighting over who should be sorority president – and who’s stupider?

Train ‘Em

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I gather from this verse that it is therefore the responsibility of the older, wiser, more responsible parent to teach the child.

They should listen to us. But what are we teaching?

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by | April 21, 2013 · 2:02 am

Mad World

(Guest Post by David Welford)

When I was born I joined a special club. It is not a club I had any choice in joining, but it has an exclusive membership conferred on those who join through the occupation of one, or even both, of their parents. You see my father was a preacher. Actually my father still is a preacher. He still has Rev. in front of his name, and at eighty-two years of age he is still preaching in a small Methodist circuit in South Devon in the United Kingdom. At the time of my birth Dad was in his very first church, and I was the first of four preacher’s kids (PKs) born to my parents.

The first time I was aware of being a PK was when I started school. One of the older girls who attended church decided to take me under her wing. As time went on various comments by friends made me aware that there was something different about me. Something I didn’t understand at the time. When I started secondary school I soon identified the problem. It was my father’s occupation. But why would the fact that my father was a preacher make me some kind of pariah at school? I could understand why teacher’s kids and police officer’s kids were selected for special treatment, but what had preachers ever done to cause their offspring to be singled out?

A comment on a previous blog that referred to life as a PK made me sit up. Heather Mertens said; “I’m not a PK but just being His kid makes me feel like the world doesn’t get it.” If we are His kid, then the world is going to treat us the way that many PKs get treated at school. Being His kid makes us different and the world sees it and hates it. The world hates the fact that His kids have been changed by the experience of sitting at His feet, and the world will do all it can to drag us away from Him. The battle never ends. The pressure is relentless. The world just doesn’t get why we follow Him and want to be part of His family instead of indulging in everything that it, the world, has to offer. I couldn’t choose not to be a preacher’s kid when I was growing up, but I could choose to walk away from God and back into the arms of the world. But why would I when God has made me so aware of how special I am to Him?

Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. Psalm 84:10 NIV

(Guest Post by David Welford)

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by | April 8, 2013 · 6:00 am

90 and Kicking

Grandmommy

“Grandmommy” is my wife’s grandmother on her mother’s side.  Her actual name is Helen, and we celebrated her 90th birthday with a big party at our place (in the fellowship hall of our church – I’m the only guy on the block with a gym in his back yard).

grandmommieIt was a real treat to be able to take part in such a rare occasion. 90th birthdays don’t come around too often. As a matter of fact, living to 90 is nearly 20 years beyond the average. So, it was a privilege to be able to play music with my daughter as she sang for her great-grandmother.

One of the greatest moments (in my mind) was when Mr. Monkey sang happy birthday. Of course he would only sing when my face was covered. For some reason he couldn’t sing when I was looking.

Another great moment was when she sat there staring at the candles as they slowly burned, dripping melted wax onto the icing of her cake. “Make a wish, Grandmommy!” they would say. “I don’t know what to wish for,” she replied.

“How about another 90 years?” I suggested. Nervous laughter, like an “lol” that is never really “out loud” filled the room.

New Family

lisa and husbandBesides getting to celebrate a birthday, I got to meet a wonderful young couple, Ian and Lisa, who is now part of the family. Both of them are graduates of Liberty University and love the Lord. We had a lot of things in common, even though I was 20 years older. They even laughed at Mr. Monkey, so how bad could they be, right?

Crosses

cross with copper wireAs I was talking with Lisa I found out she had a website and business. She makes little cross necklaces out of horseshoe nails. Below is a link to her website. Check it out, and if you buy anything, let her know you found out about her on this blog.

Visit Nailed4Christ.com

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by | March 19, 2013 · 11:12 pm

Playing on the Bridge

“Daddy, can I?”

Every time I hear those words I wince. One reason is because it should be “may I,” instead of “can I“. The other reason is because I don’t know what is coming next.

Usually, whenever I hear the words, “Daddy can I,” others words follow that demand I either exhibit my Superman-like powers and Solomon-like wisdom, or pretend to be Bill Gates.

  • “Daddy, can I get the new iPhone when it comes out?”
  • “Daddy, can I go on a mission trip around the world next week?”
  • “Daddy, can I go shoe shopping?”
  • “Daddy, can I hang a punching bag in my room?”
  • “Daddy, can I have a motorcycle?”

Unfortunately, many times I have to tell my girls, “No.” They’ve become accustomed to disappointment.

On the Bridge

However, this time one of my girls had a request that I couldn’t deny. Katie asked me, “Daddy, can I go play on the bridge?” It didn’t cost money…We didn’t need a permit…The weather wasn’t bad…How could I say, “no”?

So, while my wife took Pampered Chef orders from other parents as she waited for Haley (our youngest) to finish her Wing Chun class, Katie and I took the car a few block down the road to the Walnut Street bridge.

katie on the bridgeOnce we found a parking place fairly close, we unloaded the guitar and walked about a hundred yards out onto the bridge. We then found a nice little place to sit, unpacked the guitar, and Katie started playing.

Unashamed

What was really a blessing was to see my daughter doing what she loved to do without any fear. As total strangers walked or ran by, she kept playing and singing. But you see, she wasn’t just playing for others to hear; she just wanted to play on the bridge. If people heard her, and if they like what they heard, then that was just icing on the cake.

How often do we just get out and do what we love to do, no matter what others think of us? Just think, if we did, some might like what they hear. But as long as we keep to ourselves, strumming behind closed doors, we miss the joy of playing on bridges. And if you never play on any bridges, you probably won’t make any, either.

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by | March 14, 2013 · 9:25 pm

Choose Your Topic (Warning)

Warning: The following subject material may be offensive to some. Please be advised.

Choice of College

As a parent, I believe the choice of the college or university to which you plan to send your children is a critical choice to make. What they will learn there can have incalculable ramifications. That is why my daughter will not be attending many places deemed “the best,” including the University of Tennessee at Knoxville (even though we live in Tennessee and are not Crimson Tide fans).

No, my two girls who still live at home will not being going to U.T., or any other school like it, as long as the money from tuition goes to fund things like Sex Week. If I am going to be giving any money to fund my daughters’ educations, it won’t be going to help teach young “adults” how to be more sexually expressive, especially with the same sex. Ain’t happening.

Held Hostage!

One young person (presumably a college student who now knows everything about being an adult) accused me of holding my daughters “hostage” for not spending my hard-earned dollars on the college of their choice. I was told that I was being a bad parent because I did not respect her right to do as she wished.

News Flash! It is a parent’s job to say “NO!” every once in a ….scratch that…. It’s a parent’s job to say “NO!” a whole LOT of times. As long as my children (and that is the operative word) are living in my house, eating my food, using my electricity, driving my cars, and dressing in clothing I paid for, by golly I have a say in where they go and what they do and who they do it with! I am a parent, for Christ’s sake (literally), not a best friend or “bud”!

Choice of Topics

What got me on this subject? It was a Fox News article detailing how student fees at UT are going to be funding the hosting of, among others, a lesbian bondage expert (Sinclair Sexsmith) during Sex Week. According to the info packet you can view HERE,  “getting laid” is “an urgently needed discussion” among the educated elite.

Evidently, the wisdom and insight of Sinclair Sexsmith, author of the Sugarbutch Chronicles and one “who studies critical feminist & gender theory, sexual freedom, social change activism, archetypes, and the tantric and buddhist spiritual systems,” is a voice that must be heard by our already over-sexed generation.

So, if you choose to attend one of the lectures being offered during the first week of April (fools?), you might be able to hear her, along with several other “urgently needed” topics of discussion. Speakers and topics include…

  •  Reid Mihalko – Getting Laid (Rape Culture); Hook-Up Culture on
    College Campuses; Personal Motivational Speech on
    Sexuality
  •  Sinclair Sexsmith – Messing Around with Gender; Literary Workshop
  • Charlie Glickman – Sex Positivity; Queer as a Verb; The Performance of Masculinity
  • Shanna Katz – Disability and Sex; Body Image
  • The Mayhems – Sexual Consent/Communication; Non-monogamy

Conclusion?

How do I conclude a post like this? How do I prepare for the onslaught of comments (don’t I wish, right?)?

What will I be called? Hmmm, probably a ____ of a ____ and a ____ who doesn’t know my ___ from a hole in the ground. Of course, if parents respond, and not a bunch of morally relativistic twenty-somethings who know how to rule the world with anarchy, other words may be used. Words like, “Amen, brother!”

Seriously, if you think that your offspring have not learned enough about sexual perversion from movies, music, MTV, and the internet, not to mention their friends, go with them to events like this. You’re paying for it, so you might as well learn something, right?

God help us.

“Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.” – Mark 8:38

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by | March 13, 2013 · 10:23 am

Reality Relationships?

Random Questions

For the record, I have never watched a single episode of The Bachelor. I couldn’t care less. But when went to pay for my groceries, I walked by the magazines and saw this. Unbelievable, in a sad, pathetic way.

bachelor virginI don’t want to say too much. All I want to do is ask some questions. You don’t even have to answer them; I just have to get them off my chest.

  1. What kind of blooming idiots think, after the first season of this nonsense, that true love is being picked from a list of narrowed-down options?
  2. Who seriously believes anyone in Hollywood is still a virgin?
  3. So, Mr. Lowe, how do you feel about a dozen non-virtuous, camera-hungry females fighting for your affection?
  4. What kind of real woman would sit by and wait for a guy to decide between some other woman and her? Most real women would say, “H@#*, no!”
  5. What does it say about people when they are “stunned” to hear someone is saving himself for marriage? Were they expecting to be treated with respect by a guy would sleep with every girl in the line-up?
  6. What does it say about your dating habits when you go to a “Fantasy Suite” for a date, but find it awkward – because there won’t be any sex?
  7. How shallow and pitifully void of morality is the idea of “coping” with a “sexless engagement?”
  8. Who actually thinks this is a good way to find wife?
  9. What kind of mother says to her daughter, “I’m so proud of how you fought off all those other girls and won a man that had a hard time deciding between you and that other contestant!”?
  10. Are you kidding me? THIS is reality?

Random Verses

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4 ESV

“But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” – 1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” – Proverbs 31:10 KJV

A Final Thought

I wonder how a real dad with a real shotgun would influence Mr. Bachelor’s decision making process? I don’t guess that matter much, though, since it seems Sean Lowe picked his bride to be.

Hope it works out, bubba. Reality is tough on a marriage made in fantasy land.

 

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