Good Monday to ya!
As you start off another work week, enjoy this little video of Mr. Monkey. Maybe his sense of humor will be contagious.
“Something Really Funny!”
Tag Archives: Humor
A Small Observation
Politically Incorrect
OK, I will admit it, once you read what this is all about you will tell me that I am being politically incorrect, insensitive, or mean-spirited. You will say that the title of this post is inappropriate and beneath me (well, the beneath part is right). You may tell me that I should not make fun of those who are “vertically challenged.”
If you say these things because you think I am making fun of short, small, or otherwise non-tall people, then think again. I am only being humorous at their expense to make a point. Actually, it won’t be at their expense for long. I am going to pay the bill.
Children Can be Cruel
You know that is true. I know it more than I want to. When driving around a bus load of elementary children, one can hear a lot of cruel comments come from their little, angelic, crumb-crunching mouths.
Little girls, as well as little boys, can get downright mean with the things that they say. They think what they say, however, is purely harmless. They have no idea of lasting consequences. They have yet to sit through months or years of counseling.
Because kids can be unintentionally cruel, I try to steer them (literally) away from opportunity. But on one occasion, even though I did the best I could, the kids jumped at the chance to gawk and laugh. I will never forget what I saw.
Choosing Not to Hear
Not long ago I was driving my school bus down a two-lane road when just ahead of me I spotted a dwarf…a short guy…a midget…walking by the curb. Immediately, I knew what was about to happen.
Right ahead of where this guy was walking was a place I had to make a stop. Sadly, I could not just speed on by, but had to slow down. When the first child saw this little man it didn’t take long for the 20+ others to shift over to that side of the bus to take a look. In an instant there was laughter.
But in all honesty, the laughter was not all that loud. My kids are aware that stuff like that makes me angry, so they try not to get caught. So, only if one had been really listening or paying attention could that person have heard the giggles and jokes. The little man on the road didn’t want to take any chances.
As soon as I started to pass by this 3ft-tall little bald guy with biker tattoos (wearing a tank top and little jeans), he did something that really broke my heart -he put his finger in his ear. He knew what was coming, and he didn’t want to hear.
That simple action said a whole lot.
- He had heard cruel laughter before
- He expected to hear it again
- He knew what kinds of things would be said
- He did not have the will, nor the ability to defend himself
- He decided to not listen, but to close his ears
Sadly, many are convinced what other people say about them is true. The jeers and the laughter not only offend, but cut deeply, causing irreparable scarring and pain. How many have given up? How many have quit defending themselves?
One of the characteristics of a true Christian should be that he defends the defenseless, the ones who can not speak up for themselves. Psalm 82:3 says that we should “defend the poor and fatherless: do justice to the afflicted and needy.” Couldn’t this also apply to standing up for those who are made fun of or mocked unjustly?
Consider the words of Jesus: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:31). What kind of person would want to be laughed at because of something he/she could not help?
Be Considerate
The next time you are tempted, consider what you are doing. The next time you are around someone, even a child, who makes fun of another person, stop and take the time to “defend” and “do justice.”
Don’t walk around with a finger in your ear.
Filed under Christian Maturity, Do not judge, General Observations, self-worth, Uncategorized
Monday Monkey – “At the Wheel” (Episode 2)
One of the greatest country songs to come out of Nashville in the last, oh, 20 years was Jesus Take the Wheel.
This video is not meant to make fun of that song, so I hope Carrie Underwood doesn’t hate me when she sees this (I hope she see this).
This episode/edition of “Monday Monkey” pays tribute to Jesus Take the Wheel, while at the same time making fun of Monday-morning drivers.
“There’s a Monkey at the Wheel”
And before I forget, thanks to:
- Lauren Huckabee, for doing the vocals (she actually has an American Idol story). Great job!
- Scott, for the use of his Isuzu (that’s what the monkey drove to run me off the road).
- My daughter, Katie, for putting up with me and doing all the filming (with the iPhone 4).
- My wife, for not reminding me how much time it took to make a 59 second video.
- Jesus, for taking the wheel.
Related articles
- Monday Monkey (Monkey Questions) (therecoveringlegalist.com)
- Monday Monkey Introduction (therecoveringlegalist.com)
- Monday Monkey (i4daily.wordpress.com)
Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey
Monday Monkey – “Monkey Questions” (Episode 1)
Thanks for stopping by to see the first “Monday Monkey” episode! WOO HOO!
And just look what can be done with no budget!
Hope it brightens your day and makes your week go smoother!
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Let’s make this a hit! Tell somebody about “Monday Monkey!”
No monkeys were harmed during the making of this video, but my arm went into a cramp.
Related articles
- Monday Monkey (i4daily.wordpress.com)
- Monday Monkey Introduction (therecoveringlegalist.com)
Filed under Life Lessons, Monday Monkey
Monday Monkey Introduction
Lord willing (and if my iPhone4 keeps working), there will be a new segment starting next Monday…
“Monday Monkey”
Watch the video and you will understand. Just keep in mind, it’s all still Biblical.
“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22 KJV
Related articles
- Monday Monkey (i4daily.wordpress.com)
- Monkeys in Space: Almost (therecoveringlegalist.com)
- Even Though It’s Monday (therecoveringlegalist.com)
Filed under Uncategorized
How Badly Do You Really Want It?
Do you ever catch yourself singing commercial jingles for no apparent reason? Well, when I am driving, bored, and a little (or a lot) sleepy, I tend to start singing songs I learned as a child. In particular, one song is tops on my repertoire…
The Oscar Mayer Wiener Song.
Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener / That is what I’d truly like to be ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener / Everyone would be in love with me.
First appearing in 1965, this song has become boiled, grilled, steamed, fried, and even micro-waved into our memories. But recently it struck me…what in the world am I saying? Am I so desperate for the attention of others that I would be willing to become an unhealthy food source?
The Need for Love
There are many hurting people in the world who would wish for nothing more than someone to love them. They go to great lengths to be prettier, richer, more popular, or even more “available” – all to find love. But do you really think it’s a good idea to wish you were a hot dog?
What most people don’t know is that there was a second verse to the Oscar Mayer wiener song. In the 1965 commercial a truly intelligent boy quickly understood the true ramifications of the song’s wish and sang the following:
Oh, I’m glad I’m not an Oscar Mayer wiener / That is what I’d never want to be/ ‘Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener / There would soon be nothing left of me.
Sing it, brother! You tell ’em! Why would anyone want to be a hot dog? Do you really want to be loved so badly that you would sacrifice your humanity and allow yourself to be eaten? It’s not worth it, people…believe me!
The lyrics to this song could be re-written to expose what people are really saying. “Oh I wish I was something else instead of human / A tube of meat is what I want to be / I’d gladly die alone in boiling water / If you would only say that you loved me.“
Look, there is no reason to want to become a hot dog (you might get eaten by one). Really, there is nothing to be gained by having your body boiled or grilled on an open flame; covered in chili, relish, mustard, and onions; then chewed repeatedly until you’re swallowed by someone who will forget you an hour later (unless the chili upsets them). Stay human. It’s better that way!
You are Loved!
Ironically, someone did become something He was not in order to die for love. The big difference is that He was God and became Human, not a hot dog. And what’s more, He didn’t die to be loved – He died because He loved. His name is Jesus, and He died for you. You are VERY loved!
“For God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him, should not perish, but have everlasting life.” – John 3:16 KJV
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 NIV
Filed under Food, General Observations, salvation, Uncategorized, Witnessing
Glass or Wood? Depends On What You’re Hiding.
It may have never crossed your mind, but for some it is a question more important than whether or not someone chooses to be a Calvinist…
Glass or Wood?
What am I talking about? Pulpits. Sacred desks. Lecturns. The piece of furniture behind which preachers stand and do battle with the devil, not to mention anoint the blessed on the front row with sanctified spittle.
Believe it or not, many have nearly gone to fists over whether the wooden pulpit should be replaced with a more modern, see-through, beautifully-etched glass one. I don’t know why it is such a big deal, except for pastors who might feel totally naked with nothing to hide behind.
On the other hand, glass pulpits have one major disadvantage – you can’t put stuff in them. If you don’t think that is a problem, then you have never looked inside one. Or, maybe you have never been in a service that required the items contained behind those sacred doors.
I’ll never forget the first time I took a pastorate and decided to inventory the items in the pulpit. I opened the doors, sat down on the floor, and quickly realized that this was a place few ever saw. If they had, they may have claimed some of the items in there for themselves, if not for the owners (which had probably been buried in the church cemetery 10 years ago).
There were old bulletins, vials of olive oil, broken pencils and pens with dry ink. There were 20-year-old mother’s day poems, and stale breath mints. In one corner was a single gold earring, a half-stick of hard chewing gum, and a dead ant. To one side was a hymnal with pages missing and a Gideon Bible. To the other side were the minutes from a 1980 business meeting and a cassette tape. There were even old illustrations typed on 3×5 cards, a laminated obituary, three Happy Meal toys, and ten broken crayons.
None of those things would look good in front of a preacher’s knees, so a see-through pulpit would be unacceptable. Even if I had a big, rotating, golden skeleton of the earth behind me when I preached, someone would get distracted. You never see Joel Olsteen standing behind stacks of paper and old candy, do you? NO!
But if we are going to keep the old pulpits in many of our churches, shouldn’t we make better use of them? Why hide away useless memorabilia, tasteless mints, and dead bugs? Why not make it a tool shed? Why not store things that could actually be used in an emergency?
Here are some suggestions:
1. A cooler. Wouldn’t that be more convenient than having a deacon bring you water that sits out and gets warm during the message?
2. An air horn. This would be to wake up the 3rd-shifters that nod off in the service.
3. Altoids.
4. Kittens. You would never have to worry about losing anyone’s attention again. When the message starts to get dull, bring out a kitten and everybody wins.
5. Flame Thrower. Would be good for self-defense and an awesome illustrative tool for evangelistic services.
6. A Fire Extinguisher. For when illustrations go wrong. Safety first, you know.
7. Sermons that Work. For those days when nothing else seems to do the trick, a book of pre-written messages could help keep the preacher from looking like he didn’t study.
Well, whichever you choose for your church, just keep one thing in mind…
2 Timothy 4:2-4 “Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.”
Filed under baptist, General Observations, ministry, Preaching, Southern Baptist
“Don’t Be Skeerd” (My Own List)
This is a post about a post about a post.
After reading a post today on GrowUp! (click for link), I couldn’t help but respond with my own list of things that a Christian shouldn’t be scared of. Maybe the first one should be, “Don’t be skeerd to end a sentence with a preposition that you’re sick of.”
OK, so if you don’t get it, “skeerd” is “scared” spelled that way we say it sometimes in the South.
Here are 8 things of which a Christian should not be afraid….of:
Dracula, or any other vampire that stalks you through your window.
Just show them your cross. If that doesn’t work anymore, then quote Scripture. Of course, if you are a girl, then you’d be better off to just call 911, or better yet, shoot the idiot trying to act like a character from Twilight.
Disclaimer – DO be afraid of Vampire Bats. They have rabies. You may be alright when they bite you, but then again, you may be wishing your church family had something else to pray for…(I ended with a preposition, see?).
Atheists
If they prove that there is no God, no reason for faith, and no reason for forgiveness of sin, then you have nothing to worry about. They can’t prove there is no God, you know, but if they ever did, then you are free to whack them in the head with the biggest hardcover KJV you can find. If there’s no God, then there’s no absolutes or basis for morality outside of what makes you feel good. Make yourself feel better when they take away your hope by knocking the grin off their face…they should understand.
Women wearing pants, or men wearing dresses.
It may help some of you to know that even though most of the Christian world is more concerned with staying alive amidst persecution than with dress codes, some of our brethren and sistren still freek over this. For them let me just say, “Don’t be skeerd!” If Obama gets re-elected then we will probably end up wearing potato sacks, anyway. As we go back to the economic lifestyles of pre-electric days, no one will be able to afford any fancy stitching and things. Who knows, the toga may come back in style and everyone will wear a skirt.
Crazy worship styles and screens on walls.
No reason to fear these things, people. As long as the worship is from the heart and it IS true worship, not self-satisfying, self-glorifying entertainment, then God will be pleased. On the other hand, if church attendance continues to decline in this country, you won’t be able to afford the electricity needed to run the projectors and fancy sound equipment used by many praise bands. Where two or three are gathered together, there the non-electric bluegrass will be in the midst of them.
Disclaimer – For the record, I love bluegrass gospel. Sorry. Wait, I’m not sorry. Scratch that. I love bluegrass and want to see the words projected on screens in church for all to sing along….with.
Stray dogs that wander in through an open door and listen to the church service.
Had it happen. Didn’t mind. At least when the dog fell asleep he didn’t snore.
Week-long revival meetings.
Where have these things gone? All we see anymore are the 3-day kind, if not the weekend ones that include Sunday, but not Friday.
Just think, if we went back to longer revival meetings, then……wait…..does anybody have revival meetings anymore? We must be too skeerd of having to get dressed up each night; miss some TV we could easily DVR for later; miss a ball game or party; or hear something from God that might convict us. THAT should scare our socks off.
Visitation
What is there to be scared of? Why do we hate knocking on doors, prayer-walking streets, etc.? As long as we’re not trying to sell anything, then most people are happy to meet someone who cares about them. Sure, there are the few vampires that don’t want you coming around, but most folks are at least cordial, at least here in the South. Folks don’t like being banged over the head with your Bible, but they do appreciate being greeted kindly and invited to some place nice. Just invite them to the King’s house for a meet-and-greet (with a little sweet tea and love, they might just figure we’re not out to take their money).
Change
Somethings remain the same, and they have stones above their heads. Now, when those things come back from the dead, you DO have something to be skeerd….of (one more preposition misplacement). Of course, it all depends on Who raises the dead, too. Are they being raised to “walk in newness of life,” or to eat the flesh of screaming movie-goers? Either way, just invite them to a homecoming dinner on the ground and they’ll be alright.
Related articles
- ‘Vampire bat rabies’ killed man in US (bbc.co.uk)
- Barriers to Church Growth. #1 (therecoveringlegalist.com)
- re: 25 Things That Should(n’t) Scare Christians. {part 1} (growup318.com)
The Recovering Legalist 
False Words of Praise
Unless you publish a blog, you may not appreciate what I am about to say…
I hate spam comments!
As you sit or stand there reading this awesomely inspiring piece of literary art, my hope is that you will take just a moment to comment….about how awesomely inspiring this post is. Your comment would be an encouragement, an edification, a pat on the back with an extra dose of “attaboy!” Just do it because you love me – not because you want to sell something.
What you don’t see in the comment section below are the many words of false praise that come to me every day. They come from people who have never once read anything I have written, much less agree.
A real, honest-to-goodness comment is easy to recognize. It usually has something to do with whatever was posted. For instance, if I posted an article about my hatred of bridges shaped like monkeys, I might get a comment that reads, “Hey, umm, Anthony, have you ever thought of seeing a shrink?”
Spam comments are ones that usually gets attached to the “About” page and read something like the following:
As you can see, something is not quite right about the above accolades. They seem to be trying to butter me up. Sorta reminds me of real-life people who constantly pour out praise, but never offer any criticism. Praise can be very deceitful if taken too seriously. I am always looking for comments, but I’d rather have the honesty of a friend.
Related articles
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Filed under General Observations, Life Lessons, self-worth, worship
Tagged as Comment Spam, E-mail, Humor, Spam