“Don’t Be Skeerd” (My Own List)

This is a post about a post about a post.

After reading a post today on GrowUp! (click for link), I couldn’t help but respond with my own list of things that a Christian shouldn’t be scared of. Maybe the first one should be, “Don’t be skeerd to end a sentence with a preposition that you’re sick of.”

OK, so if you don’t get it, “skeerd” is “scared” spelled that way we say it sometimes in the South.

Here are 8 things of which a Christian should not be afraid….of:

Dracula, or any other vampire that stalks you through your window.

Just show them your cross. If that doesn’t work anymore, then quote Scripture. Of course, if you are a girl, then you’d be better off to just call 911, or better yet, shoot the idiot trying to act like a character from Twilight.

Disclaimer – DO be afraid of Vampire Bats. They have rabies. You may be alright when they bite you, but then again, you may be wishing your church family had something else to pray for…(I ended with a preposition, see?).

Atheists

If they prove that there is no God, no reason for faith, and no reason for forgiveness of sin, then you have nothing to worry about. They can’t prove there is no God, you know, but if they ever did, then you are free to whack them in the head with the biggest hardcover KJV you can find. If there’s no God, then there’s no absolutes or basis for morality outside of what makes you feel good. Make yourself feel better when they take away your hope by knocking the grin off their face…they should understand.

Women wearing pants, or men wearing dresses.

It may help some of you to know that even though most of the Christian world is more concerned with staying alive amidst persecution than with dress codes, some of our brethren and sistren still freek over this. For them let me just say, “Don’t be skeerd!” If Obama gets re-elected then we will probably end up wearing potato sacks, anyway. As we go back to the economic lifestyles of pre-electric days, no one will be able to afford any fancy stitching and things. Who knows, the toga may come back in style and everyone will wear a skirt.

Crazy worship styles and screens on walls.

No reason to fear these things, people. As long as the worship is from the heart and it IS true worship, not self-satisfying, self-glorifying entertainment, then God will be pleased. On the other hand, if church attendance continues to decline in this country, you won’t be able to afford the electricity needed to run the projectors and fancy sound equipment used by many praise bands. Where two or three are gathered together, there the non-electric bluegrass will be in the midst of them.

Disclaimer – For the record, I love bluegrass gospel. Sorry. Wait, I’m not sorry. Scratch that. I love bluegrass and want to see the words projected on screens in church for all to sing along….with.

Stray dogs that wander in through an open door and listen to the church service.

Had it happen. Didn’t mind. At least when the dog fell asleep he didn’t snore.

Week-long revival meetings.

Where have these things gone? All we see anymore are the 3-day kind, if not the weekend ones that include Sunday, but not Friday.

Just think, if we went back to longer revival meetings, then……wait…..does anybody have revival meetings anymore? We must be too skeerd of having to get dressed up each night; miss some TV we could easily DVR for later; miss a ball game or party; or hear something from God that might convict us. THAT should scare our socks off.

Visitation

What is there to be scared of? Why do we hate knocking on doors, prayer-walking streets, etc.? As long as we’re not trying to sell anything, then most people are happy to meet someone who cares about them. Sure, there are the few vampires that don’t want you coming around, but most folks are at least cordial, at least here in the South. Folks don’t like being banged over the head with your Bible, but they do appreciate being greeted kindly and invited to some place nice. Just invite them to the King’s house for a meet-and-greet (with a little sweet tea and love, they might just figure we’re not out to take their money).

Change

Somethings remain the same, and they have stones above their heads. Now, when those things come back from the dead, you DO have something to be skeerd….of (one more preposition misplacement). Of course, it all depends on Who raises the dead, too. Are they being raised to “walk in newness of life,” or to eat the flesh of screaming movie-goers? Either way, just invite them to a homecoming dinner on the ground and they’ll be alright.

5 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, Culture Wars, General Observations, legalism, Witnessing, worship

5 responses to ““Don’t Be Skeerd” (My Own List)

  1. heather joy

    Haha! excellent list. Love it.

  2. Very funny. Thanks for sharing.

  3. This gave me a good chuckle!!

    I wish that northerners were always cordial . . . not so much! Some are; some are NOT. My mom’s pastor went to a house where they threatened to sick their dog on him!

  4. Pingback: Snow day snippets {8.27.11} « Grow Up!

  5. Like that one on “visitation.” Last year a young (6) neighbor girl was at our home. We played some Christian songs for her, including “Jesus loves me.” She told my 29-year-old son “Bill, let’s go sing that to everybody!” He’s very outgoing, but not that time! “But, Kim, I don’t know all those people!” Kim: “Don’t worry, Bill. It’ll be ok. You’ll see.” So off they went. They’d knock on a door. When people answered, Kim would say “We have a song for you.” And the whole neighborhood got serenaded.

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