Category Archives: Relationships and Family

Topics related to how we deal with the people God has placed in our lives.

by | August 29, 2016 · 10:27 pm

A Bible and a Belt

Just doing some scrolling through Facebook, that’s when I came across the following video by a wonderful couple, the wife now gone on to be with the Lord. I think it’s worth watching.

You see, I am from a different time…a different era…a different generation. I came along before “seeker friendly” was a thing, and when “time out” was only something you took between work …or between rounds.

We look at our communities these days and wonder what to do. As I drove my school bus this afternoon I can’t tell you how many gang signs and hand shakes I saw exchanged. There wasn’t a single respectful word returned in exchange for anything I said, not even when I said, “Good morning.” And all I hear talk about is more programs and tax dollars.

We’ve got a victim-minded society that is rearing self-indulgent, over-entitled, spoiled, angry, unloved, snotty-nosed brats with no moral compass and a hatred for anything wholesome. Then, when one of the little darlings doesn’t get his way we blame the gun he uses in the crime he commits and attack the cop who arrested him.

What’s wrong? Maybe we should quit depending on the village to raise our kids and get back to using a Bible and a belt. It worked for my generation. It’ll work for this one.

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by | August 12, 2016 · 8:00 am

We Are Family

Friends, all I know to tell you is that I have now had the privilege to meet one glittering jewel of a young blogger. Courtney’s blog is called 1 Timothy 4:12 Girl, and she is certainly “an example of the believers, in word, in conversation…” I’m excited to have her write a guest post for me. And in case you didn’t get it, she’s still a teenager!!

What does it mean to be a family?

Ask ten different people and you’ll get ten different answers.

To some, it’s the parents and siblings that they were raised with. To others, it’s their current family unit that they’ve created for themselves, through marriage and procreation. Still to others, it’s a grandparent or relative who raised them.

familypic.jpgFamily is a concept that is embedded deep within the human heart. We all long for a place to belong and feel at home.

A place to kick off our shoes after a long day.

A place where we can be fully ourselves—quirks and all.

A place to love and be loved.

Society tells us that family is limited to those related to us through blood or marriage.

The Bible on the other hand, tells a different story. When ­asked about His brothers and mother in the book of Matthew, Jesus turns previously held assumptions about family upside-down.

“Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!” (Matthew 12:48-50)

Jesus broadens the definition of family to include every believer who has been washed in the blood of Christ and saved by God’s amazing grace.

You are my brother. I am your sister. We are one giant family connected through the blood of Christ. Whatever your experience with your biological family, you have the guarantee of a family in Christ. This concept is reinforced throughout the New Testament, as familial language is repetitively used (1 Timothy 5:1-2, Hebrews 13:1, Philemon 1:15-16). The Bible even goes into detail about how to live this out, instructing us time and time again to love one and other and walk with fellow believers through times of trouble.

We live in a world that is starving for love. Look no further than the local news station to find that divisions between people are running rampant. This should not be so among believers. If we want to love a broken world, we must start by loving each other. Despite our many differences, we are one in Christ. This point is presented beautifully in Galatians 3:28. “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Imagine how amazing our witness for Christ would be if we truly lived out Jesus’ vision for believers. I have seen the concept of family practiced vividly in the Christian blogging world and pray that this becomes a reality worldwide. No one should ever feel left out in the body of Christ. The first thing that a person should know when the walk through the doors of our churches is that they are loved. When Jesus hung on the cross, His arms were spread wide open, embracing everyone willing to come and follow Him. We are called to live as a reflection of that, and live out God’s radical love here on earth as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Connected as one big, crazy, awesome, beautiful family of believers. 

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by | July 28, 2016 · 7:37 am

Happy 16th Birthday, Haley!

Sweet Sixteen

Today (July 28th) my youngest daughter, Haley, turns sixteen. I am so happy for her, but it does make me feel old.

Haley has always been the serious one, the only baby in the family who would look at the photographer trying to make her laugh and say with an expression, “Are you serious?” No joke, if you were to look back at all of our girls’ baby pictures, Haley is the only one who very rarely smiled. Thankfully, she got the smile to working.

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But Haley is not longer a baby  – she’s sixteen. That’s 16. That’s driver’s license age. That’s the same age as Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles (although I have no idea how old Molly was when it was filmed). Am I ready for my serious little baby girl to ride around with a 20-something in his daddy’s Rolls Royce?

Uhmm… No. I’m not.

The Birth Announcement

Do you want to know how I first heard about Haley? Sure you do, or you’d quit reading.

Sixteen years ago I was working in Hopkinsville, Kentucky at Fuqua-Hinton Funeral Home, while my wife and other two daughters were still in Chattanooga. My wife had been trying to find a way to tell me she was expecting, but could never track me down. Finally, I was stopped by an older, Lurch-like funeral home worker as I was coming out of my office.

“Anthony, I need to tell you something… You need to sit down.”

“What’s going on?” I asked with a little curiosity.

Looking down at me with little expression and with a matter-of-fact tone he said, “You’re wife called. She’s pregnant. You’re going to have a baby.”

Yeah, that’s how I found out.

The Wildcat

July 4th at the park.

July 4th at the park.

In case you didn’t get it, Haley was born in Kentucky, so that makes her a Wildcat. Now, she is not a big Kentucky Wildcat fan, or anything, but the name fits, that’s for sure.

Haley is anything but placid. Haley is as matter-of-fact as the funeral home where I worked, always serious, even when she’s having fun. But Haley is no one to be trifled with; she’s a gun-loving, knife-wielding, fish-catching, John Deere-riding kind of girl with an a hankering for action.

Haley loves to dress up with an elegance that rivals Grace Kelly, but give her half-a-chance and she’ll get down and dirty picking weeds out of mulch and hauling rock with a wheelbarrow. As a matter of fact, she’s a little entrepreneur: she’s started her own little business called “Hard-Work’n Southern Girl.”

Doing the hard work, like her grandpa and great-granddaddy before her.

Doing the hard work, like her grandpa and great-granddaddy before her.

Boldness

But if there is anything about Haley that makes me most proud is her boldness; Haley is fearless when it comes to approaching people. This trait can be especially useful when trying to sell a box full of my books to total strangers. Haley has no problem walking up to someone and offering them a flyer, asking them to buy a book, or walking up to a total stranger in need of help and offering hers.

Haley helping after stormWhen a storm comes through our community and blows down trees that block the road, Haley is the first to look for ways to help a neighbor…even when the neighbor looks a little scary and has a chainsaw (my wife took the picture – she stayed in the car while Haley got out and helped).

But it’s when she is bold about her faith in Jesus…when she walks up to a stranger and invites him to church… when she’s waiting in line somewhere and finds a reason to offer them one of my business cards and says, “You should come hear my dad preach”… when she wants to help out in the projects where the children of drug dealers need Bibles…

When she’s taken life’s tragedies and her own brokenness as an opportunity to make things right for others who’ve also been wounded and hurt…

When she reaches out to the unloved, the unlovely, the friendless, and the forgotten…because that’s what Jesus would do…

THAT is what makes me the proudest dad in the world.

November, 2015

Volleyball Banquet, November 2015

Happy birthday, Haley! I love you!!

Celebrating the b-day at Summit @ Bryan College. We brought roses :-) Katie, is on the right.

Celebrating the b-day at Summit @ Bryan College. We brought roses 🙂 Katie, is on the right. Can you pick out Sean McDowell in the upper left corner?

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by | July 25, 2016 · 6:25 am

Anthony’s Appetite #9 (from 2012)

The following post was written following my daughter Haley’s 12th birthday, and that was 4 years ago. This Friday she will be turning the big 16 while at Summit in Dayton, TN.

However, the main reason I am reposting this “Anthony’s Appetite” is because I’ve not written one in several years. I wanted you to know what one looked like, because you can bet your Twinkie I’m going to have something to write about when I get back from Zambia and Zimbabwe 🙂

Store vs. Home

There are some things that are better bought from a store than made at home. I know saying that will make some people angry, but it’s true. I can think of a few things right off the bat…

  • Captain Crunch Cereal – I especially like Crunch Berries.
  • Peanut Butter – sure, you can make it at home, but it gets nasty after a while.
  • Crackers – has anyone ever made a cracker better than a Nabisco Saltine?
  • Nilla Wafers – another winner from Nabisco. Put peanut butter on these and it’s the closest thing to manna from heaven.
  • Instant Coffee – have you ever tried to freeze-dry your own?

Birthday Cake

Last week we celebrated the twelfth birthday of our little Kung Fu queen, Haley. For her party she wanted a cake to coincide with her selected “Ip Man” theme (Ip Man was famous for introducing Wing Chun to the world). We had her picture made on rice paper for decoration, but the best part was the icing.

Icing

When it comes to cake icing, my wife makes the best in the world. And so do I – ’cause I used her recipe. She baked the cake for the party, but I mixed the icing.

Included in the recipe is butter, shortening, cream cheese, powdered sugar, and flavoring. This time the flavoring consisted of a mixture of almond and vanilla extract.

Because the cake was fairly large, I had to make a large bowl of icing, part of which needed to be colored pink.

Home Made vs. Canned

You can buy decent cake icing from a store, but it doesn’t even come close to the flavor and quality of what can be made at home. My wife’s cream cheese icing is smoother, creamier, tastier, and moist-ier. As a matter of fact, her icing can even make a bad cake taste better, saving the baker from embarrassment.

If you’d like the recipe, just email me. I’d love to hear from you. Then, come back here to let everyone know how good it actually is.

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by | July 11, 2016 · 3:01 am

Social Media Done Right

What Happened

Good Monday morning, everyone! I’m glad to be alive, alert, awake, and enthusiastic! How about you?

Friday morning was a bummer, that’s for sure; I was alive, but not enthusiastic. Friday morning I was suffering from some unnerving chest pain. Let me tell you what happened.

Friday morning I was going over some stuff at my computer. Actually, it was some papers outlining what was needed for me to start back to school, this time for an M.Div. at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. To be honest, they stressed me out. As I sat there, the left side of my chest began to hurt worse and worse. The pain continued for nearly half an hour.

Finally, I went to my wife and told her what was going on. I had my doubts what I was experiencing was heart-related, but there was no way for me to be sure, therefore my wife insisted I go to the emergency room at Memorial Hospital here in Chattanooga.

The pain started around 11 a.m., but we didn’t get to the E.R. until around 1:30. Thanks to a lot of people there before me, I was triaged and sent back to the lobby to wait…and wait…and wait. Finally, at 4:40 I was taken back to a bed in the E.R., then admitted to the CDU (Clinical Decision Unit) at 8:08 p.m. For the first time in my adult life I was made to stay in a hospital overnight.

On Saturday morning, after having my blood drawn twice the night before, I was ready for some food. What I was not ready for was the heart-healthy crap they feed you in a hospital. For crying out loud, you’d think a multi-thousand dollar hospital bed would sleep better than it did, but then to feed me bland oatmeal and decaffeinated coffee? Torture, I tell you!

After breakfast I was taken for a nuclear stress test. Between injections, waiting, and treading on the mill till I thought I’d die, that was another 2 1/2 hours. But come around 11 a.m. I was being released – NO heart problems! Hallelujah!

Right before I was released on Saturday morning. Encouraged by prayer notifications.

Right before I was released on Saturday morning. Encouraged by prayer notifications and “OK.”

But now my knee hurts from the tread mill. Oh well.

Done Right

Social media, such as Facebook, Twitter, and all our blogs, can be used for a lot of selfish and cynical reasons. But this past weekend, as my inbox will attest, there are times when the internet proves its usefulness.

From the time I first got to the hospital till the time I was checking out, my wife was responsible for sending and checking all the messages. Because of what she wrote others picked up the ball and began to run. Before too long there were people all over the world praying for me, many of which I didn’t even know.

Then, this morning, a fellow blogger showed up right after our morning church service, just to come pray with me. Do you have any idea how much that means?

Folks, I have been tremendously blessed to have friends and family, both in person and over the web, who care enough to intercede for me. It reminds me of the story in the book of Nehemiah, the story where the people were spread out working on the wall, linked together by only a trumpet’s call. But when the enemy struck the trumpet would sound, and that’s where all the people would gather to fight (sorta like what the R.A.F. did during the Battle of Britain).

In the right hands social media became the rallying trumpet, calling those spread far and wide to the aid of one lone wall builder.

The wall still stands; the defenses held.

Thank you for caring and coming to my aid!

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by | June 20, 2016 · 2:05 pm

Blogger’s Bed and Breakfast

Bed & Breakfast

Once again the Blogger’s Bed & Breakfast (well, more like Blogger’s Inflatable & Breakfast) was pleased to entertain guests from far-off lands. As a matter of fact, those who came to visit were from way out in Missouriland, a place up in the northern territory.

Amazingly, our guests had no problem adapting to our civilized ways. They socialized without insulting our genteel sensibilities even once (I mean, you never know how Yankees will react to Southern hospitality)!

Actually, we were pleased to have Everett, Heather, and Emerson Mertens stay with us last night. They were on there way to Florida (Southern Yankee territory) and it just made sense for them to stop here for a spell in Chattanooga.

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Me, Everett, Nugget, Valerie (my wife), Heather, Katie (my daughter), Emmy, and Haley (my daughter)

Bloggers

Heather Mertens is a blogger that I met online several years ago, and I had the chance to meet them for lunch when they passed through once before. But what an awesome, fun time it was this time around to have them come have dinner with us, stay overnight, and then eat breakfast before heading back out.

Like I’ve written before, bloggers are real people; it’s wonderful when we can actually meet in person, set aside the keyboards, and talk face-to-face. And in this case, it was our whole families sitting around the table, sharing a couple of meals, and fellowshipping like Christians everywhere should do… over food 😉

There’s always an invitation!

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by | June 20, 2016 · 11:44 am

The Day After

The celebrations are over; the children aren’t quite as nice as they were yesterday; the cards have been opened; all the masculine gifts now sit unwrapped…

It’s the day after Father’s Day.

Now, go be the kind of dad described in those cards.

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by | June 19, 2016 · 12:43 am

Ten Ways to Fail As a Father

Happy Father’s Day!

There is a portrait of my family hanging in our living room with the following verse written below it.

And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. – Joshua 24:15 KJV

There is a lot to be said about a father who will say such things. There’s a lot to be said about a father who won’t.

Tuff Stuff

I want to share with you a list I found in a sermon by a Wesleyan pastor, Bruce Howell. I don’t know if he came up with it or if he found it somewhere else. All I know is that it is convicting.

There will be a lot of people talking about how to be a better dad, but if you want to know how to fail, here are 10 sure-fire ways to screw up.

Ten Ways to Fail As a Father

1. Have fights in front of your children. Then when guests come, turn around and act affectionate toward one another.
2. Stifle your children’squestions by saying, “Don’t bother me now; I’m busy.”
3. Take no interest in your children’s friends. Let them run around with whomever they choose.
4. Never discipline your children; try to use psychology instead.
5. Nag them about their schoolwork; never compliment them on their achievements.
6. Demonstrate your love for them with material things. Give them everything their little hearts desire.
7. Never discuss the facts of life with them. Instead, let them learn about sex from their friends, public school, or pornographic literature.
8. Set a bad example so the children will not want to grow up to be like you.
9. Absolutely refuse to believe it if you are told that your children have done something wrong.
10. Let your children make their own choices in the matter of religion. Be careful not to influence them in any way.

Help us, Father God, to be more like you.

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by | June 18, 2016 · 9:25 am

22 Years With the “Good Thing”

It has been twenty-two years since Valerie and I said, “I do.” I’m glad I did.

Since then we have had our share of good days and bad days, great days and hellacious ones. Yet, through it all, we’ve stayed together in a holy union, a relationship bound together by the Holy Spirit. Even through the worst of times our love for each other has grown, making every day a “good” day.

When God said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” I think He was thinking of me more than Adam. He knew that I would have been a pitiful mess apart from the “good thing” He allowed me to find (Prov. 18:22).

We are not as young as we used to be, which should be obvious. We don’t move as quickly, and when we do move it’s often with pain. Yet, our hearts are still young. That is why people who are truly in love can always find Proverbs 5:18 applicable: “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.”

This morning, before we got out of bed, Valerie asked me, “Would you do it again, especially knowing what you know now?” I immediately replied with a “Yes!” Oh, I could hear the regrets in her question, and I knew exactly what she was talking about. But when I started to address the question the bigger picture of God’s providence and grace came into view.

I said, “Yes, I would do it again, but I would do some things differently after the fact.” Yet, when she asked what I would do differently, hardly anything would come to mind.

“Well, first of all, I would…wait…” You see, even when I look back on the things we did wrong I see the mighty, sovereign hand of God at work. Where would I be had I not made those mistakes? Where would I be had I not been young and foolish? If we had done everything perfectly, where would we be today? Oh, I’m not advocating screwing up, but it has been through our brokenness, our failures, and our mistakes that God has been able to work in the lives of others.

Had we done everything perfectly, the only people we would be able to minister to would be perfect people; we wouldn’t have been able to understand anyone else. Our heavenly Father knew this; that’s why He let us fall…into His arms of grace.

So, yes, even 22 years in, I’d do it all over again. The only things I do wish I could have done differently is pray more often for wisdom, spend more time in God’s Word, and save when the times were good.

Happy anniversary, Valerie. You’re the best “good thing” ever!

wedding picture two

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by | June 7, 2016 · 6:00 am

Can’t Trust Anyone?

Trusting Others

Who do you trust? Who would you trust with your bank account information? Who would you trust to watch your children? Even more so, who would you trust to shave your neck with a sharp straight razor?

Trust is something we give others based on experience and credibility. One doesn’t just tell his deepest, darkest secrets to a stranger. A wise mother doesn’t leave her 4 year-old at home alone for the evening. A husband doesn’t tell his wife’s best friend about the tool he secretly bought without his wife’s permission.

Who Do You Trust?

Personally, I trust my wife. So far, she hasn’t shared with the world all my faults and failures. However, she is human; if I make her angry enough, who knows?

My children are pretty trustworthy. I feel I can trust them with my reputation, my money, and my stuff. But on the other hand, there are times when chores and homework don’t get done as promised.

There are even a couple of friends that you could say I trust almost implicitly. But if the truth be known, even my best friends have let me down at different times. What can I say? I’ve done the same to them.

Most Trusted

Frankly, there is no one on earth I can trust 100%. Vulnerability is the price of intimacy.

But I can trust Jesus. He’s more than a friend; more than a confidant; more than a brother; more than counselor with a confidentiality agreement.

God is not a man who lies, or a son of man who changes His mind. Does He speak and not act, or promise and not fulfill? – Numbers 23:19 (HCSB)

He who calls you [is] faithful, who also will do [it]. – 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NKJV)

Jesus is Faithful and True.

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