Tag Archives: depression

by | March 18, 2016 · 12:10 am

From Regret to Radiance

No Regrets

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say of life, “I have no regrets.” It amazes me, for I don’t see how it’s possible. How can one look back on one’s life and find nothing regretful?

To be honest, the only people I’ve encountered who actually said that were people who were unwilling to admit they’ve ever done anything wrong. They are the type of people who, when confronted with some wrongdoing which caused pain in others, refuse to accept any responsibility. Therefore, I believe the person who says he has “no regrets” is either lying or in denial.

Many Regrets

Look, I’m not perfect. I’ve done a lot of things I regret. I’ve broken things, lost things, wasted things, and hurt things. I’ve wounded hearts, scarred lives, and wasted ungodly amounts of irreplaceable time.

Photo credit: Katie Baker

Photo credit: Katie Baker

Besides the things I’ve done, there’s also the things I didn’t do. For example, I could have told my dad I loved him the day he died instead of storming out of the house and speeding away.

I could have walked away from that relationship before our hearts were broken and our innocence lost.

And speaking of lost, I could shared Jesus with those people before they went out into eternity. But I didn’t, and I regret it.

Moving On

Every once in awhile my past creeps back into my mind, bringing with it the pain of regret. There has even been times when I could echo the words of David when he said:

“I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.” – Psalm 6:6 NLT

But like King David, I’ve had to move on. After being judged by God for his sin, David wrote in Psalm 51:8, “Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice!” (ESV). He begged God for forgiveness, then he accepted it. We must learn to to do the same.

When we fail to accept God’s unmerited grace, we not only waste away (2 Corinthians 7:10), but we open ourselves up to the Enemy’s attacks (1 Peter 5:8). And in case you haven’t noticed, Satan is always ready to attack where we are weak.

Press On

I know it’s hard to do, but we must do even more than move on – we must “press on.”

“…But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:13-14 ESV

When those painful regrets come to mind, don’t let depression hold you back and weigh you down – press on! Be tough, push the past aside, be disciplined, and press on toward what lies ahead.

Be Radiant

God saw our future, along with our past, when He purchased us with His blood. Therefore, what He has forgiven we must also forgive, and that includes forgiving ourselves. Accept that the past happened, but learn from it and rest in the grace of God.

“I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” – Psalm 34:4-5 ESV

Turn your regrets over to the God of mercy and grace and quit living in shame. He can work miracles with broken things, including your past. You survived for a reason.

You have a hope this darkened world needs to see, so don’t be regretful; be RADIANT! 

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by | December 1, 2015 · 10:21 pm

“Maybe You Should Seek Counseling?”

The Atheist

Every once in a while I encounter one of those atheists. Those atheists are the ones who troll the internet in search of Christian blogs, their prime objective being to “enlighten” us (i.e., intimidate us into silence) with their browbeating, far-superior intellects and firmer grasp on all things biblical and theological. They are the bullies of the blogosphere, dutifully heeding Richard Dawkins’ call for mockery.

Today, one of those atheists made a comment on a comment I made on another blog. His tone was condescending, irreverent, and vulgar (in his particular shade), just as always. Then, after some purposeful sarcastic language from me (which is all he is now qualified to receive, for it’s obvious anything more is casting pearls before swine), he said: “You really do have issues, Anthony. Maybe you should seek counselling?”

My response…

“Ha! You don’t know the half!”

His reply…

“You are right, I do not. But maybe this is half the reason you sought your god in the first place, perhaps?”

My response…

“Actually, that’s why my God sought me (Luke 4:18).”

His final reply, showing complete and willful ignorance…

“Really? What were you doing, Anthony, lurking in a back-alley?”

I Have Issues

The thing from the above exchange that stuck with me was the comment about me needing counseling. If the truth be known, we ALL have issues, and I am certainly no exception. For that matter, I am well acquainted with counseling and counselors.

It wasn’t worth my time to go into any detail with the obviously antagonistic troll who only wanted to get a rise out of me. Had he been one who really cared, if it would have done any good, I might have shared with him some deeper truths concerning the atonement and redemption, of the God who came to seek and to save the lost, to heal the brokenhearted.

But he scoffs at all that. He is no sinner. There is no God to whom he must answer. There is no need for crutches; he’s not crippled!

But I am broken. I am wounded. I do suffer from scars. I do deal with painful memories. I don’t have all the answers when I hurt, much less answers for others. I long for ultimate redemption! I do struggle with temptation. There are times when I feel overwhelmed, afraid, helpless, and hopeless. And yes, sometimes my faith gets weak.

Sometimes I do hide from my God…in my thoughts…in my books…in activities…even in the occasional dark and secluded place – much like a back alley.

But then Jesus comes looking for me, saying, “Anthony, where art thou?“

My response?

“Here I am, Lord.”

His reply…

“I know, but why?”

My response…

“I was ashamed. I was afraid. I was angry at You, and myself, and angry I felt that way.”

His reply…

“Son, you’ve got issues.”

Me….

“I sorry…..  I’m so sorry.”

His still, small voice…

“I know, son. But hey! I’m your Counselor! Let’s talk about it.”

Then what follows is the kind of counseling those atheists will never be able to understand…because they don’t have issues.

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by | October 14, 2015 · 12:56 am

Facebook Depresses Me

Depression

How can one not get depressed in this day and age? For me to claim that I never get depressed would not only be a lie, but an absurdity few would believe. For crying out loud – with varying degrees of severity – I’m only human!

I’ve heard some tell me, “But brother, you’re a minister, a pastor! Real Christians never get depressed.” I usually respond with, “Have you never heard of Jonah? Elijah? Spurgeon?” Even the greatest men of God have fallen into times of deep despair, so what makes me immune?

Depression can come on at times when we least expect it, draining all joy and optimism from even the most hopeful. However, if we can distinguish what sends us into downward spirals, those initiators of depression, it would be much easier to stay upbeat and positive.

I think I have found one of those initiators, and it’s called Facebook.

Warning!

photo (66)I think that Facebook should come with a “warning” label. Seriously! It can be dangerous! It can be utterly depressing!

Think about it, there’s really very little by way of good news on Facebook. Sure, there are the regular kitten pics and funny memes, the morning devotionals, and the occasional video of someone looking like a fool, but where’s the hope? Where’s the good news?

What I typically find on Facebook is bad news, threats of violence, predictions of doom, loads of racism and bigotry (from all sides), political tension, and food pictures. Even what might be good news to some ends up becoming a source of envy for everyone else (even me). For example:

  • “Look at my new car! I got a great deal because my perfect credit score!”
  • “Here we are at our child’s graduation from Harvard Law School.”
  • “Praise God! We had 5,000 at church this morning, 495 of whom made professions for Christ! 15 surrendered to the ministry!”
  • “Having a wonderful time in Hawaii! Looking forward to our next 10 mission trips around the world! Come join us, if you can!”

Honestly, I think there should be a big, fat warning label on Facebook, at least for my sake. Nevertheless, I may have learned my lesson.

Look Elsewhere

Just the other day as I was trying to figure out what it was that was making me feel so depressed, that bummed out kind of feeling I couldn’t shake, I picked up my cell phone and, out of habit, clicked the Facebook icon. I still remember the very words I whispered to myself as I started to scroll down through the updated stories…

“It sure would make me happy if I could just find some good news.”

Almost immediately it was like the Voice that woke little Samuel from his sleep boomed into my conscience…

“Maybe you should quit searching for good news to make you happy and find your happiness in THE Good News.”

That was it! How can I remain hopeful, joyful, happy, and upbeat when nearly everything I see on Facebook is bad news? There’s reports of terrorism, possible financial collapse, children missing, rampant immorality, religious persecution, Christians acting like heathen, and even stuff to make me envious…why think on these things???

Seriously, a great deal of the depression with which many of us battle could simply be the result of looking for hope where there is no hope. Will my political party win? Will there be something funny to make me smile? Will someone somewhere finally make the Freedom From Religion Foundation and the Westboro Baptists shut the heck up?

What does it matter? Who cares?!! Has God lost control? Has his arm become too short, his hand too weak? Has a single nation risen or fallen outside His sovereign will? NO!!! 

No App Needed

The GOOD NEWS is that God is still on the throne; I am His child and He loves me; He loves the world so much that it doesn’t matter what they’ve done, He’s still ready and willing to forgive; no law of the land can change the law of God; and one day all things will be made right.

So, the next time you find yourself feeling a little depressed, put away your phone and do a little social networking with the Lord…there’s no app for that.

 

*NOTE: Andrew Zuckerman did not approve the use of the Facebook logo for this post. However, if I ever start making any money from this blog I will take the image down. Until then the warning stays. Consider it free advertising, Mr. Zukerman.

 

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by | May 13, 2015 · 9:05 am

Don’t Grow Weary

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” – Galatians 6:9

I must keep reminding myself of this. But right now I’d be happy to go live in a cave and cover my head with pillow.

I’m growing tired; I can’t do this in my own strength.

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Jesus, I need you.

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by | April 14, 2015 · 1:35 pm

He Didn’t Strike Me Dead

I pray the following will encourage someone.

Confession time… I shook my fist at God, cursed Him, and asked him to kill me where I stood.

It was around 15 years ago in Kentucky, and it was a bad time in my life, needless to say. It wasn’t that I had lost almost everything except my wife and children; God was doing a work in my life, purging me of my pride.

The Unfaithful One

Kentucky offered a step up in what was proving to be an already successful career. On top of that, I thought by moving to Christian County (get that? Christian? A sign?), a place where at the time there were thirteen churches without pastors, surely God was opening a door for me to preach. Yep, things were looking great, and it was all about me.

Long story short, not only did my new position not pay the expected $90k+ a year, it was completely done away with! No longer could I afford the nice house in the historic district, or the nice car, or the private education for my girls; it took working four part-time jobs just to keep the power on! What was worse was watching my wife wait tables and clean houses (with a smile, no less) just to make ends meet.

That’s when full-blown depression set in. We’re talking suicidal thoughts, counseling, meds, nearly getting committed…you name it.

One evening, on my way home, I stopped by a liquor store  (they actually have drive-thru’s in KY) and bought a bottle of Kentucky bourbon. I had not eaten anything all day, so on an empty stomach this non-drinker decided to down a bottle of alcohol while walking around our neighborhood. After much contemplation, I’d already determined I was too fearful to kill myself, so I tried a different approach – tell God exactly what I thought of Him and His so-called “plan” for my life.

Literally, with my fist clenched and thrust toward the sky, I cursed God with every word I could think of. I condemned Him for letting me be humiliated; for bringing me to this point and abandoning me; for making me think everything would work for the best. I literally dared God – I begged God – to take my life. Like I had told a former prayer partner whom my wife had called on my behalf, just to try to talk some sense into me – he said, “Don’t you know you have a family who loves you? – I just didn’t care anymore.

Again, it was all about me.

The Faithful One

But even at that moment of total despair and resentment, that “still small Voice” was hard to drown out with my obscenities and vulgarities. “I love you,” He said, “and I know you don’t really mean what you’re saying…and even if you do, I still love you.”

I didn’t want to hear it! Like a little boy throwing a tantrum, I was bent on pushing the envelope, just to make God angry back at me, I suppose… just to hear the kind of response I wanted to hear – confirmation I was worthless – which in turn would prove I was right about God.

But my Father was patient (Psalm 86:15). When I was faithless, He was faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). And when I came back to my senses, when I begged to be forgiven for the blasphemous things I’d said, He didn’t condemn me (Romans 8:1). No, on the contrary, He sat me on His knee, put his arm around me, and gently whispered, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“As far as the east is from the west, [so] far hath he removed our transgressions from us. Like as a father pitieth [his] children, [so] the LORD pitieth them that fear him. For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we [are] dust.” – Psalm 103:12-14 

Friends, I am so thankful for the mercy and grace of God! All glory and honor are His! My God is Faithful and True!

Do you know Him?

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by | March 7, 2015 · 9:31 am

Saturday Morning Prep Time

Sun Is Up!

Our daughter’s little dog, Jack, a Chuweenie, ran into the our bedroom, leaped on our bed, then on my chest, and in clearly-understandable dog language yelled with an obvious smile, “The sun’s up! You need up, too!”

All smiles

All smiles

Yep, the sun’s up, so now I’m up, having taken Jack out to do his business, and now back here at the computer listening to worship music (Keith and Kristin Getty) as my coffee brews.

It’s a Saturday morning, but Sunday’s coming! And I’m excited!

Preparing 

This morning started off with reading a selection from Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening – oh, what a blessing! “Have faith in God,” Jesus says in Mark 11:22, “Have faith in God!’

What better way to prepare for Sunday morning, or any morning, than to have faith in God? I can’t do anything in my own strength; I am weak, scared, inadequate, unprepared. But when I look forward toward tomorrow with faith in God, I can do so resolute that the battle is not mine, but His, and He is with me!

Little-faith says, “It is a rough road, beset with sharp thorns, and full of dangers; I am afraid to go;” but Great-faith remembers the promise, “Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; as thy days, so shall thy strength be:” and so she boldly ventures. Little-faith stands desponding, mingling her tears with the flood; but Great-faith sings, “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee:” and she fords the stream at once. – Spurgeon

I am looking forward with expectation to Sunday morning! God is going to bless us with His Word and His presence, even more faith. I may even show up to church as Little-faith, but when I leave I’ll be wearing some new “iron and brass” shoes!

Sun Up Earlier

But just remember, you who will actually wake up tomorrow with anticipation, set your clocks ahead one hour before you go to bed tonight. Otherwise, you might end up doing something few desire to do anymore – get to church early.

Have a great day in the Lord!

 

*Charles H. Spurgeon, Morning and Evening: Daily Readings, Complete and unabridged; New modern edition. (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2006).

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by | February 23, 2015 · 1:46 pm

Because of Who Made Me

Good Monday afternoon to those of you here on the east coast of the U.S. I hope you are enjoying the weather wherever you are, though.

I am writing a quick post before I head off to drive my afternoon routes on the school bus (I wrote a book about that – hint hint).

Value. What makes you valuable? What makes your life worth living? 

There is a teenage boy one of my daughters has been talking to. All he seems to want to discuss is how worthless he is because a couple of other girls don’t “love” him. Ever known a teenager like that? I might have even been one…ewww.

Here’s the thing, though: being loved doesn’t make you more or less valuable.

Now, I know that there are some of you who would say, “Anthony! You’re wrong! What makes us valuable IS the fact that we are loved – at least by God.” Well, I know that being loved by God is supremely important, but is that the sole reason for our worth?

The Price paid? Does the price paid for us – I’m talking the Cross of Calvary, here – determine our value? I used to think that way. It is certainly one of the things that determines value. For example, a piece of paper with a few scratches of ink on it could be worth millions, simply because someone is willing to pay that amount for it.

But let me tell you what I have been pondering. Do you remember the old illustration that tells of a beat-up, dusty violin that nobody wanted to buy, that is, until the Master picked up, tuned it, and began to play? It was/is a great illustration of how God can take what seems worthless and use it to make something beautiful, thereby increasing its value.

But here’s the thing: if that old violin had the name of Stradivarius written on the inside, it wouldn’t have mattered what it looked or sounded like; it would have been worth a fortune.

Simply put, we are valuable, not because we are loved, but because of Who made us. Our value is increased even more because of what’s been paid to redeem us.

Now, if one does not believe in the Maker, then one’s perception of value can only be understood as completely arbitrary. At that point the teenager’s value is truly reduced to his worth in the finicky eyes of other individuals. Where am I wrong on this?

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by | January 14, 2015 · 5:43 pm

Cacophonous Flabbergasts

Defining the Title

If you don’t know what I mean by  “Cacophonous Flabbergasts,” don’t worry; I’ll explain it for you.

You wake up in the morning, turn on the radio and/or television, and check your email, Twitter, and Facebook accounts. If you have time, you read a quick devotion and say a 30-second prayer of thanks for a new day.

As you eat breakfast, if you don’t distract yourself with meaningless, mind-numbing popular music, you turn on CNN, FOX, or some other network and hear nothing but depressing, irritating, and ultimately out-of-your-control news and propaganda (unless you watch Al Jazeera – nothing but objective truth). You may even learn a new recipe.

On the way to and from work you get bombarded by advertising created to snag your attention and your money. During breaks, and then later at home, even while doing other things, even while eating, you subject yourself to social media: cat videos; news stories; gossip; pictures of nude celebrities; images of ISIS victims; and things others have, but you want. When bedtime comes you’re ready for sleep, except one more game on the iPad must be played…then another…then answer an instant message…

Cacophonous flabbergasts: Incessantly loud noises and distractions made up of circumstances and situations – some controllable, some not – meant to sap our strength and weaken us, both physically and spiritually; the overwhelming, unending waves of life that eventually knock us off our feet and drown us.

The Result

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. If it’s not terrorism, it’s a phone call. If it’s not the stock market in trouble, it’s a friend with marital problems. If it’s not too many things on the schedule, it’s not enough money to pay the bills. If it’s not another unexpected illness that insurance won’t cover, it’s the water being turned off as you’re washing your hair, late to an interview.

The waves of life have a way of taking our eyes off Jesus, don’t they?

When we take our eyes off of Jesus; when we get distracted by all the upheaval, the noise, the shifting surface which continually gives way beneath our feet; there’s no peace, only fear, which leads to doubt, anger, depression, etc.

Much like Peter, whether intentionally or not, we allow the cacophonous flabbergasts to drown out His voice and divert our attention, and we become afraid

But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid… – Matthew 14:30

Change Your Focus

rough-seasI don’t know about you, but I’ve let a lot of what is going on in the world get me down. I’ve let the bills make me worry. I’ve let a lot of bad stuff take my focus of Christ. I’ve been flabbergasted by the cacophony of trials and tribulations.

What about you?

Maybe we should do as Peter did when he began to sink. Maybe we should quit looking at the waves and turn our focus back on Christ. Maybe we should cry out, “Lord, save me!”

And immediately Jesus stretched forth [his] hand, and caught him… – Matthew 14:31

He did, and He will.

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by | January 12, 2015 · 10:47 am

Rainy Days Aren’t That Bad

Cold and Rainy

Some people think I should be committed. They have good reasons, I suppose, especially when it’s cold and rainy outside. You see, I am one of those strange people that actually enjoy rainy days.

Yes, when I wake up in the morning to cloud-induced darkness, the sound of water droplets hitting my roof, and the thought of having to drive on wet streets with my windshield wipers struggling along to a steady 4/4 beat, I get excited. That makes me strange. Maybe even crazy.

But seriously, I have no problem with cold, rainy days like today. Believe it or not, driving a school bus in the rain, especially in the early-morning darkness, feels sorta cozy. I mean, think about it: I am the one in the warm confines of a climate-controlled vehicle, unafraid of other motorists, enjoying the soft roar of water droplets tapping on the metal roof, and thankful I’m not those kids having to stand in the cold rain waiting on me. (Of course, there are a couple of kids I’ve known…well, that’s another story)

There Are Limits

photo (39)As I look up at the dark, rain-soaked, leaf-bare tree in my front yard I can admire a beauty never seen during summer.  The same thing goes for driving in the rain; everything sparkles and glistens when headlamps, brake lights, and blinkers illuminate the wet pavement. I’ve learned to find enjoyment in cold, rainy weather. But, I’m glad it doesn’t last. Yes, there are limits, even to my madness.

Even though I can enjoy stormy weather, I do so with the knowledge and assurance that warmer, sunny days will return. I can find peace in the rain because I know one day it will stop, and I will enjoy the flowers. I can find ways to enjoy the cold while it lasts, because scorching days are sure to come. What gets me through one season is the hope that another season is just around the corner.

Seasons Change

Why do we get so depressed, so discouraged, so faithless, when cold and rainy weather moves in? Oh, it makes us change our fair-weather plans, rearrange our schedules, and cancel certain events, but why act like it’s the end of the world? Don’t we know that “in ever life a little rain must fall?”

Maybe you’ve never thought about it this way, but God sends the rain as a sign He hasn’t left us, that He’s still active in our lives. Paul and Barnabas said that God left the rain as a “witness” to fill our hearts with “gladness” (Acts 14:17). The rain, along with the sunshine, show us God is watching over us, giving us what we need in due season.

Are you waking up to a cold, rainy, depressing day? There is beauty to be found, even at times like this. Just remember, silver linings are rarely noticed without the clouds.

 

 

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by | December 15, 2014 · 2:11 pm

Pastors Never Get Depressed

Did you know that pastors never get depressed? That may come as a shock to some of you, but it’s true; only ordinary people get the blues, have a bad day, feel discouraged, or what have you.

Pastors never get depressed or want to run away and hide because they have special access to God. This access allows them to tap into special spiritual trade secrets only available to the ordained. Why else do you think ministers always have things together?

Pastors never get depressed because, unlike normal folk, we get visions in the night – visions of God’s plans for our lives. Similar to e-memos, God sends the ordained messages while we sleep, but only while we sleep – He’s a firm believer in no visions while driving.

Prayers are another big plus for the pastor. Unlike the normal person, not only do we get prayers through immediately, but we actually have telepathic throne room sessions once a week. These sessions are just like what Mork had with his home planet (Mork and Mindy), only we use prayer closets instead of eggs.

Not only do pastors never get depressed, but they’re always upbeat, have positive attitudes, and smile all the time…you know, like Joel Osteen. We know it can be hard for others in the church, but our bills are always paid, our health is always good, and our children are the envy of every church youth group and little old lady. Why should we ever be discouraged?

So, I don’t need your prayers – just pray for yourselves and other unfortunate laypeople like yourselves. We pastors have got it together!

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