Pastors Never Get Depressed

Did you know that pastors never get depressed? That may come as a shock to some of you, but it’s true; only ordinary people get the blues, have a bad day, feel discouraged, or what have you.

Pastors never get depressed or want to run away and hide because they have special access to God. This access allows them to tap into special spiritual trade secrets only available to the ordained. Why else do you think ministers always have things together?

Pastors never get depressed because, unlike normal folk, we get visions in the night – visions of God’s plans for our lives. Similar to e-memos, God sends the ordained messages while we sleep, but only while we sleep – He’s a firm believer in no visions while driving.

Prayers are another big plus for the pastor. Unlike the normal person, not only do we get prayers through immediately, but we actually have telepathic throne room sessions once a week. These sessions are just like what Mork had with his home planet (Mork and Mindy), only we use prayer closets instead of eggs.

Not only do pastors never get depressed, but they’re always upbeat, have positive attitudes, and smile all the time…you know, like Joel Osteen. We know it can be hard for others in the church, but our bills are always paid, our health is always good, and our children are the envy of every church youth group and little old lady. Why should we ever be discouraged?

So, I don’t need your prayers – just pray for yourselves and other unfortunate laypeople like yourselves. We pastors have got it together!

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14 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Life Lessons, ministry, Preaching, Uncategorized

14 responses to “Pastors Never Get Depressed

  1. Ha…hope folks get just how tongue in cheek that was. Awesome…especially the Joel Osteen bit!

    • Tongue in cheek, yes. Holding my tongue…more than you know.

      • Anthony

        I know it’s tough. Or course, I’m not a pastor. But, I am close to mine, and I see some of what he faces, and I see what some people do. I actually have always felt sort of called to be the “preacher protector” lol. You see, he has to hold his tongue…but I don’t.

  2. I know this describes my life to a T!

    Now, I am going to go finish my work day and go pray over my car that it will be fixed today. I know it is going to happen suddenly and miraculously!
    (It helps that I know a mechanic who prays over, through, and around every job he does! And he is a dear friend who charges by the coffee cup!)

  3. As a PK and MK I cannot get my tongue unstuck from my cheek on this one, lol. I hope your next post will be about how important it is to edify and encourage our pastors. They probably need it more than we do. Satan is still the the same satan only harder on those who shepherd. Thanks for sharing this tongue in cheek post!!! Laughing out loud 😄

    • No, the next post won’t be about edifying and encouraging pastors – that would make me sound like a whiner (besides, I think I’ve written something about that in the past – maybe). But seriously, if people only knew. Some of the most loved pastors, the good guys, have days when they’d put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger if it would make things better. I’m not making that up, either. People have a hard time understanding the pressure, the responsibility, the self-imposed guilt, the stress, the never knowing who’s stabbing you in the back and who’s your friend, never having friends…and the list goes on and on. A recent study showed that over 80% of pastors’ families feel the pastorate has done them more harm than good. But if a man “desireth the work of a bishop,” then he should expect the life of a prophet.

  4. Anonymous

    Thanks so much for sharing and the great laugh! You forgot to mention that us Pastor’s in the North have even more as it is colder and hard up here! And of course you know at least one of my kids Jared. Hang in there my friend as we do pray for you and appreciate all you do! Great note today!

  5. Chris Jordan

    Shucks… I’m a pastor and I get depressed and discouraged sometimes… guess I should become Baptist or something? 🙂 But seriously, thanks for sharing. God bless you today with His abundant peace and joy, brother!

    • Just pray for me. Mine are hitting the ceiling.

      • Chris Jordan

        Praying for you, Anthony. I’m going through one of the most challenging seasons of ministry ever – this past two years has been the hardest in the 20+ years I’ve been involved in ministry. I’ve felt like giving up, but I’m not going to let the enemy win! I’m a bruised reed and a flickering wick, but I won’t quit… I want to fight, to press on… so pray for me as I pray for you, brother! Love you lots – you are not alone!!

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