A few minutes ago, a couple of hours since the sun peeked over the mountains and began its job of drying up the dew, I stopped by A Sojourner’s Voice. There, Robin Lawrimore posted a poem about the morning. That got me to thinking. Maybe I should write one, too.
Tag Archives: Health
Side Effects
Ask Your Doctor
Surely you have seen the commercials on television. They advertise different medications meant to do everything from grow hair to end hot flashes. And at the end of every commercial you hear, “Ask your doctor if ******** is right for you!”
Right for me? Ask my doctor? OK, maybe I will.
“Dr. Close (my general physician), can I ask you something? I saw an add for female hormone replacement medication. Is it right for me?”
A New Disease
I can’t tell you how many times I have watched a commercial and said to myself, “Where did that disease come from? Is it common? Could I be suffering from it? Will I get to wear a colored ribbon?”
Have you ever heard of Trihemamasticular Disease? I googled it – nothing came up. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t an advertisement in the works. At this very moment, there is probably a pill being made which promises to alleviate the symptoms of Trihemamasticular Disease. And if there is, rest assured it will be the best thing for you.
Just be aware of the side effects…
- Common side effects may include the following: nausea, indigestion, coughing, dry mouth, ringing in the ears, and a runny nose.
- Don’t be alarmed if you experience: watery eyes, hair loss, brittle teeth, a craving for oysters, bleeding gums, or stinky feet. These symptoms are usually temporary.
- Stop using this medication if you begin to experience: a reddening of your ear lobes, tooth loss, finger loss, memory loss, or financial loss.
- Avoid the following while taking this medication: leather, crayons, animal fat, peanut butter, aspirin, attitudes, children, loud noises, butterfly feces, clowns, and purified water.
- Get medical attention immediately if you begin to experience: hives, swelling of the left knee, suicidal thoughts, thoughts of starting over, unknown tongues, a desire to star in a reality show, rapid breathing, breathing through a straw while submerged in a river, thoughts of voting Democrat, or a craving for pickles.
Warning Label
As crazy as it may sound, there should also be a warning label inside every Bible. They should make television commercials explaining the possible side effects of following Christ.
Side effects may include:
- Being hated, ridiculed, made fun of, mocked, and parodied.
- Being ostracized, avoided, shunned, passed over for promotions, and fired from a job.
- Being accused of radicalism, racism, fanaticism, and narrow-mindedness.
- A cross to bear.
“Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.” – Matthew 5:11
“Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name’s sake.” – Matthew 24:9
“And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.” – Luke 9:23
“And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.” – Luke 14:27
Is it right for you?
Filed under Christian Maturity, Humor, salvation, Witnessing, worship
Monkey on Vacation
Even monkeys need a rest.
I am sorry, my friends, but Mr. Monkey in on vacation this week.
You may not realize this, but the innards of Mr. Monkey are attached to the body of a very busy, sleep-deprived, bi-vocational pastor who just got back from a weekend conference. After that, he preached two services on Sunday (the first one only 30 minutes after getting in from Gatinburg/Pigeon Forge, TN).
Mr. Monkey’s guts ended Sunday night with the completion of a third essay (the first two written in a hotel) and an online exam (which took 20 minutes). Seminary work is fun, fun, fun! Really, it is, honestly.
So, pass the word to all the broken-hearted. There will be no Monday Monkey this week, but there are more Mondays to come. I promise not to be like the jerks at NCIS and only show 2 new episodes the whole season!
Related articles
- Man and Monkey (i4daily.wordpress.com)
- Monday Monkey (Monkey Questions) (therecoveringlegalist.com)
Filed under Monday Monkey, Uncategorized
Waiting Room Literature
I don’t know if it has ever crossed your mind, but I have a mind that is crossed by a lot of strange and unusual observations, including this one…
The worse the literature in a waiting room, the longer you have to wait.
Really! It’s true! It is a fact as verifiable as the truth that ginger ale tastes better in an airliner at 30+ thousand feet (I would love comments on that one). Here’s another observation…
The better the literature, the quicker you will be seen by a doctor.
Trust me, I have a wife and three daughters. I have spent more time in OBGYN, pediatrician, emergency room, and hair stylist waiting rooms than I care to calculate. On top of that, I have spent countless hours sitting in waiting areas while either my car was serviced, or one of the females in my life tried on more garments than a sweat shop in China can make in a month.
I KNOW waiting room literature. What typically happens to me is that I will either be sequestered in a room full of cooking magazines and back issues of AARP Today, or I will be handed five men’s magazines and be called back in three minutes.
You see, it’s like this… If a waiting room has 10 issues of Women’s Health or Ladies Home Journal beside every chair, consider yourself in purgatory. On the other hand, if there are new issues of Car and Driver, Smithsonian, Robb Report, or the latest edition of Jane’s Book of Weapons that Every Man would Like to Have, expect Gabriel’s trumpet to sound at any moment, because you won’t get a chance to read them.
So, this brings me to the following picture. Sitting in the pediatrician’s office with my wife and two of our girls, having to endure the constant dripping of word after word, I needed to zone out – I needed a distraction. Honestly, with the battery on my iPhone going dead, there was NOTHING else to read. Can you guess how long we were there?
I’m always looking for a way to make a spiritual application to life’s situations. But honestly, I am at a loss for this post. There has to be a Biblical truth that is applicable to enduring the waiting rooms of life. Can you think of one? Hmmm?
Who knows, I may use it in an upcoming sermon 😉
Upside to a Downside
The Downside
For a while, now, my wife has been having some health problems. As a matter of fact, every time we make a trip to the pharmacy at Target I am reminded of my vow – “in sickness and in health.” I just wish there was a little more of the “health” part.
Because of my wife’s health, she has finally had to go on short-term disability. She is just not able to work regular office hours anymore. Her pain becomes too unbearable. And because of her lost income, our family is having to seriously cut back in all areas (not that there was much room to cut).
In short, my wife is out of work and shall be receiving a little each month from her disability policy, but our already limited lifestyle is going to be more limited. I will continue to pastor and work a second job, but we’ll be OK. God has everything in control. If nothing else, I am finally going to have my wife at home where she wanted to be all along – just flat broke.
The Upside
Photo: Jennifer Davick; Styling: Buffy Hargett
So…..today we had family over for dinner after church. My wife prepared a wonderful meal, including one of my favorite deserts, banana pudding. Now, my wife makes good banana pudding, but she has never made it like my grandmother (God rest her soul) in Alabama did. It’s not just her, either. Few people have ever made banana pudding like my dearly departed country granny.
But today my wife nailed it!
One spoonful into my mouth was all it took to make me cry out, “THAT’S IT!” Something was radically different from what I expected, for my wife made banana pudding just like my granny did (bless her, Lord).
“What happened? What’s different?” I asked.
“We’re poor,” said my wife. “I had to make it from scratch.”
There evidently is an upside to every downside.
In all things praise the Lord!
Filed under Food, Relationships and Family
Waiting, Waiting, and Waiting
I was going to write about having something to write about, but then I found something to write about…
Waiting in a hospital room.
Honestly, there are a few things on my writing agenda, including a paper discussing the audience of the letter to the Galatians; however, I just feel tapped out. There has been, and still is, so much on my plate that I am running out of RAM in my brain.
But sitting here in a hospital room waiting for my mother to come out of surgery gave me pause to think…and write…about waiting.
My mother is having a procedure done on her heart. It is called an ablation. It is not supposed to be that big of a deal, relatively speaking, but any surgery is big deal. Any time people take away your ability to breath on your own and put it into the hands of another, that’s a big deal. You just hope that person made more than just “average” grades on his/her “waking up the dead” exam.
Being a large, university hospital, there is good Wi-Fi signal, so here I have my computer to work from. If that fails, I do have my trusty back-up, my iPhone 4. As long as I can sit here and do something besides watch a television mounted too high on the wall next to the ceiling, I’ll be OK.
More bored than worried…
There are a lot of people who find themselves in situations similar to this, but are far more stressed and worried than I am. As a matter of fact, I am not worried at all. Maybe I should be, but why? Honestly, I am not only bored, but wishing that I was at home sitting in my own office, with all my books, getting done all the things that are pressing upon me. You could say that I am more worried about my schedule than I am about my mother’s surgery.
I can’t do anything about my mother’s surgery at this point. She is not only in the care of doctors who make far more than I do, but she is also in the hand of God. Why worry? All I have to do is wait.
Wait for what?
When we are told to wait upon the Lord, what is it that we are supposed to be waiting on? Are we supposed to be waiting for Him to do things just the way we want them to be done? Are we supposed to be waiting for Him to walk through the door with the news we want to hear?
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint. – Isa 40:31 KJV
The promise is that those who wait upon the Lord may not have all the answers, or see things turn out just the way they planned; but that they shall “renew their strength.” Better yet, they shall “mount up with wings as eagles” and soar above whatever may come. They shall stay in the race and “run, and not be weary.” And if it just so hard that there is no getting over it, no getting around it, and no denying the path ahead, then they will it least “walk, and not faint.”
Waiting for what is unknown can be wearisome. Many times the waiting is made harder because of the worry and the inability to plan for the outcome. Thankfully, when all is in God’s hands, there is no need to worry, just wait. In waiting on Him, there will be strength to make it through the unknown that lies ahead, and the boredom of the hospital room.
- “Many things about tomorrow,
- I don’t seem to understand;
- But I know Who holds tomorrow,
- And I know Who holds my hand.”
Filed under God, Life Lessons, Relationships and Family, the future, worship
The Recovering Legalist 