Tag Archives: Tea

Cold As Hell

Welcome Winter

If you live in other parts of the country or the world, you may not understand the mind of a Southerner. On the other hand, there’s probably no “may” to it.

Sweet tea in Mason jars. It’s a Southern thing.

You don’t understand why we like sweet tea, grits, cornbread, fried okra (if it’s done correctly), banjos, guns, God, and an occasional jab at the North (those *@!% Yankees). But that’s OK, we love you, anyway, as our typical hospitality demonstrates.

But when it comes to winter… You guys up north REALLY don’t get us. Seriously. Anytime we get excited about snow, you talk about how much you can’t stand it. You even make fun of how we shut down our lives when no more than a quarter of an inch falls on the streets.

You really, really don’t understand.

So, when yesterday morning was the coldest day of the year so far, and when this morning’s temps were all the way down in the high 20’s here in Chattanooga, you folk not from here don’t understand how a guy like me could be giddy over being able to break out a fleece-lined flannel shirt in order to go outside and see my breath as I walked over crunchy, frost-covered fallen leaves.

You see, it’s like this: When you’re accustomed to frying in high heat and swimming in humidity, actually experiencing cold weather in winter is refreshing. And, yes, we are dreaming (and hoping, praying, etc.) for a white Christmas.

Any Cold Is Bad

However, there are some Southerners who hate any kind of cold. Many of them are the poor and elderly who don’t have the ability to fight off the low temperatures. They suffer during this time.

But then there are others who moved to the South to escape the cold winters of the north; they feel betrayed when it gets cold down here.

Finally, there are those who can’t be happy no matter what. They want to complain about anything and everything, hot or cold. As a matter of fact, more often than not it’s that type of people you will hear repeat a familiar descriptor about the weather:

“It’s cold as hell outside!” 

Describing Hell

“Hell” is a word that is used in describing a whole host of things (or, a whole heck of a lot of things… see what I did there?). Things are big as, hot as, loud as, messed up as, weird as, and sorry as hell. But on what do they base their adjectives? How much do they really know about Hell in order to draw a similarity that makes any sense?

I mean, if I was to say, “That ant is as tiny as Mt. Everest,” would that even compute? No, because Mt. Everest isn’t tiny.

Then why say something is as cold as hell? I mean, we know from the Bible that Hell is hot, but how hot exactly is up for debate; therefor describing something as “hot as hell” is within the realm of possibility, at least.

But “cold as“? Really?

On the other hand, Hell is described as a place where the residents will, despite the wailing masses crying out for a single drop of water, be completely and utterly alone. They will reside in a place without love, without compassion, without the gentle touch of a caring hand, without a single, solitary voice ever saying, not even once in a billion years, “It will be OK.”

Does that make you shiver thinking about it? It does me.

Maybe Hell is “cold” after all. 


Filed under America, General Observations, places, Weather

Shopping with the Monkey (Episode 9)

Off to the Mall…

Believe it or not, I went to the largest mall in Tennessee (Hamilton Place) with a puppet monkey on my arm…and we had fun.

Actually, if you want to know the truth, we went to the mall, but left Buddy (Mr. Monkey) in the van. But once I saw what was for sale in Teavana (the tea shop that replaced my favorite coffee shop), I had to go back out and get our favorite furry friend. That’s when the fun really started.

Note: Kids love puppets. However, parents tend to look with skepticism at grown men who talk to puppets in public, especially when there is no puppet show.

Mr. Monkey and I hope you enjoy the video. If you do, would you please forward it to a friend? We would really appreciate it!

Monkey Picked Tea

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas. WE did. More than anything, the service at church was extra special. Several gave the gift of worship as they knelt by a manger.

Next week is going to be another busy one, so I am not sure if I will be able to write much…we’ll just have to see. There are a lot of things on my mind, just not enough time.

In the meantime, keep in mind my challenge…100 subscribers by the end of the year!


Filed under Humor, Monday Monkey

What’s Your Preference?

I’m American

Just sitting here at a ball game, watching my little girl hit a run-scoring double, and thinking, “It’s great to be an American.” Of course, some may disagree, especially those in other countries who don’t let girls play softball, or even show their faces (no offense, Bin Laden…no, wait, you don’t care anymore, do you?). Nevertheless, I feel a great appreciation for the blessing of being born in the United States (I even have a real birth certificate).

I’m Southern

I also have a love for the Old South.  And because I am a true Son of the South, I maintain a particular preference for a drink rarely served in other parts of the world…iced sweet tea.

It’s only a preference, mind you. I can enjoy my tea hot. I quite often, if not regularly, enjoy unsweet tea. I can even drink it out of dainty cups or plastic jugs (must be my moonshine heritage). However, two things have to be present in order to make my tea consumption a magical, patriotic, caramel-colored celebration of leaf-juice perfection…

  1. Ice
  2. A Mason jar.

There is no wrong or wronger way to drink tea. The English have their fancy ways, as do the Chinese. But what makes drinking tea right, at least from a Southern perspective, is not just the temperature: it’s the addition of frozen cubes of water walled ’round by a jar meant to preserve food for future generations. That’s pure Southern cuisine.

Preference Identifies

Again, this is all about preference. If I were not a blood relative of someone who died while wearing gray, it would not be strange for me to prefer tea with cream and cookies. On the other hand, my preference identifies me. My preference hints at where I come from. My preference links me with others who love iced tea. My preference helps  confirm my birthright.

Should it be any different for a Christian? 

How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea sweater than honey to my mouth! – Psalm 119:103

Dear believer, can you be identified by YOUR preferences?


Filed under America, Christian Living, Food, salvation, Southern Baptist, Uncategorized