Tag Archives: Marriage

by Anthony Baker | April 28, 2015 · 9:21 am

Intercede for Marriage Today!

Today Is a Big Day. I thought you should know about it.

Folks, there are so many things going on in our country today, so many things that I cannot even begin to address them all. You know about what’s happening in Baltimore, don’t you? I hope so.

But do you know what is going on today in the Supreme Court? Oral arguments are being presented in a key case that will affect the whole nation and the definition of marriage.

I would seriously encourage you to look at the times below and pray accordingly.

(The following was copied from Pray4Marriage.org)

Courtroom Schedule – 4/28/15

On April 28th, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) will hear oral arguments about the constitutionality of marriage for the states of Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, and Tennessee.

KEY QUESTIONS

There are two questions that will be considered by the Court. Ninety minutes is allotted to oral argument on question 1; 1 hour is allotted for oral argument on question 2.

Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to license a marriage between two people of the same sex?
Does the Fourteenth Amendment require a state to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex when their marriage was lawfully licensed and performed out-of-state?

KEY CASES

Obergefell v. Hodges (Ohio), 14-556
Tanco v. Haslam (TN), 14-562
DeBoer v. Snyder (MI), 14-571
Bourke v. Beshear (KY), 14-574

Read the Family Research Council’s Amicus Brief on all these cases

COURTROOM SCHEDULE

10:00 – 10:30 a.m.
Mary Bonauto, well-known same-sex “marriage” lawyer who serves on the staff with GLAD.

10:30 – 10:45 a.m.
Donald Verrilli, Jr., Solicitor General of the United States, will argue against God’s definition of marriage.

10:45 – 11:30 a.m.
John Bursch, former Michigan Solicitor General, will argue that states are not required to recognize same-sex “marriages.”

11:30 a.m. – Noon
Douglas Hallward-Driemeier, the attorney on record for one of the central cases and the only lead lawyer with an established Supreme Court practice, will argue that same-sex “marriages” must be recognized.

Noon – 12:30 p.m.
Joseph Whalen, Tennessee Associate Solicitor General, will argue for a state’s right to limit marriage to one woman and one man based upon a 2006 Tennessee referendum that passed by 81% of the vote.

1 Comment

Filed under Culture Wars, current events, Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Relationships and Family

Tagged as Baltimore, Marriage, oral arguments, prayer, SCOTUS, Supreme Court

by Anthony Baker | April 7, 2015 · 3:17 pm

I Didn’t Bake a Cake

“I Didn’t Bake a Cake”

I didn’t bake a cake.

Of course, it’s not like they didn’t take

All the other pastries I created,

Like the ones they bought when the couple dated.

I just didn’t bake a cake.

I didn’t bake a cake.

But if I was a thug and tried to make

A getaway, and then got shot,

I’d be a hero, alive or not.

But I just declined to bake a cake.

Because I didn’t bake a cake,

The death threats are more than we can take.

We’re losing everything; we hide in fear.

The reason for the terror made perfectly clear:

I didn’t bake a cake.

You’d thought I was an abuser!

You’d thought I was a buyer and user

Of drugs…or women and children.

But I wasn’t. Now I’m facing prison,

All because I didn’t bake a cake.

– Anthony Baker

4 Comments

Filed under America, Culture Wars, Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Faith, Struggles and Trials

Tagged as Bakery, cake, Christianity, DOMA, Marriage, weddings

by Anthony Baker | March 17, 2015 · 10:43 pm

Don’t Waste Your Tears

Tearful Verses

If you ever want to a word study through Scripture that will break your heart, do a word study on tears. Just a quick glance will reveal painful examples such as the following:

My friends scorn me: [but] mine eye poureth out [tears] unto God. – Job 16:20
I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. – Psalm 6:6
Oh that my head were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I might weep day and night for the slain of the daughter of my people! – Jeremiah 9:1
And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief. – Mark 9:24
Therefore watch, and remember, that by the space of three years I ceased not to warn every one night and day with tears. – Acts 20:31

But just as there are heartbreaking verses, so are there ones that offer hope for the hurting, hope for the ones who cry.

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: [are they] not in thy book? – Psalm 56:8
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, [and] my feet from falling. – Psalm 116:8
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. – Psalm 126:5
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. – Revelation 21:4

Don’t Waste Them

This evening I met with a young couple for pre-marital counseling. During the two hours that we sat and talked, I took the opportunity to share with them some some painful experiences from my past. I thought it would be helpful for them to hear from someone who knew what consequences felt like, what it was like to shed tears.

You see, even though my wife and I have been married for over 20 years, we have had our share of pain; we’ve shed our bottles full of tears. And precisely because of those times, I was able to look into that young couple’s eyes and say with all authority, “Do it God’s way! It’s worth it!”

King David knew what it was like to experience God’s chastisement, but he also knew something good would come from it. He said, “weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). Part of that joy, I believe, is when we see the fruit of yielding ourselves to the Father and seeing Him use our tears to water the seeds of wisdom we sow into others.

Tears are inevitable; everyone will shed them. The tragedy is when no lesson is learned, God is not trusted, and what could have been turned into joy sours the pillow of hopelessness.

Without God, tears are spilt; with God, no tear is wasted.

3 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, God, Life Lessons, ministry

Tagged as counseling, Marriage, marriage counseling, Pain, suffering

by Anthony Baker | March 2, 2015 · 10:56 am

Honey Maid Fatalism?

Yesterday evening, just before I was about to head on over to the church, my wife saw a commercial on the television she had on while she was doing taxes for a client. She said, “Did you hear what that commercial just said?”

“No, what commercial?”

OK, before I go any further, before any of you get too judgmental, my wife is an accountant and this is income tax season – she barely has time for sleep and is doing tax work every available minute. Therefore, even up to 30 minutes before time to leave for evening services at church, my wife – the pastor’s wife – was still sitting in front of two computer screens and listening to a television for background noise.

“There was a commercial from Honey Maid (they make graham crackers),” she said. “Here, I’ll just rewind it…watch this…”

Evidently this commercial is not new, but would anyone with any sense like to explain to me what I just watched? Does this not in any way concern any of you? What in the world does it mean when you say, “What makes us wholesome never will”?

Some of you (you know who you are) don’t understand why this commercial upsets me. After all, it’s only a reflection of the pagan, post-Christian culture in which we live, right? “It is what it is,” some might say, “so just move on.” But this commercial DOES anger me! As a matter of fact, it does more than anger me – in breaks my heart. Let me tell you why.

First, it condones divorce, even going so far as to making it a positive for the children involved. In the first few words we hear a father say how that he never thought he’s get a divorce, but now he sees it as just that many more people to love the kids. Really? That’s akin to stating, “Hey, divorce ain’t that bad, just look at how happy the kids are!”

Second, it promotes brokenness. Yes, I said it “promotes” it. Even though this commercial is linked to a larger advertising campaign, #NotBroken, that aspires to celebrate the diverse landscape of the modern family unit, it’s actually celebrating brokenness as an inherent virtue. There is nothing in this commercial that promotes wholeness, is there? There’s nothing in this commercial that calls for the support of intact, nuclear families, is there? No, only the celebration that families come in all shapes, sizes, colors, AND sexual orientations.

Third, it’s fatalistic and hopeless. The money quote from the commercial is, “What makes us wholesome never will.” In other words, whatever it was that we as a culture ever thought was normal and healthy, forget it – we will never be “wholesome,” for there is no such thing…except for Honey Maid crackers.

But, supposedly, this is our culture. Mondelez International senior marketing director Gary Osifchin said of their add campaign, “[W]e’re holding a mirror up to America and celebrating all-American families. We’re on a journey here where we are very much showing America who they are. … It’s reality.“[Source] Maybe so, but it’s not by God’s design.

We’ve given up on promoting nuclear families; now we’re celebrating the pieces left over from a nuclear blast, and supposedly the kids are happier for it.

2 Comments

Filed under America, Culture Wars, Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Divorce, Parenting, Relationships and Family, World View

Tagged as culture, Divorce, Family, Graham Crackers, Honey Maid, Marriage

by Anthony Baker | February 28, 2015 · 2:32 pm

Birds and Bees 2.0

The following is fiction, but based on a sad, tragic reality: children are growing up in a culture with no norms, no absolutes, and no foundations but the shifting sands of desire. The “birds and the bees” are not what they used to be.

Here’s a helpful link should you get confused with gender-related terms: CLICK HERE.

Teigan’s Story

Teigan was getting ready to leave school, when at that moment, just as soon as she exited the gender-neutral bathroom, she saw what looked to be a cis gender female with a large belly. Looking down at her own sun dress, she thought to herself, “I wonder if I could look like that?”

Teigan was just like any other gender-fluid child; gender was whatever the mood of the day dictated. Although born a male, Teigan’s parents refused to impose any stereotypical roles; they encouraged role experimentation and never referred to him as “son,” only “child.” Therefore, if Teigan wanted to wear a nice dress out to dinner with her parents, then her parents would select the most appropriate ribbon for her hair. If Teigan wanted to play ball with the other boys, he would put on his Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt and jeans and head out to the park. Teigan’s gender preferences were as fluid as water in a mountain stream, changing direction with every obstacle and shift in terrain.

Thinking of the cis female (a female who identifies as a woman/has a feminine gender identity) h- saw earlier at school, Teigan was excited to ask h- parents the question all adults dread: “Where do babies come from?” You see, there were times when Teigan wanted to be a mommy, just like the cis female h- had seen earlier. But it was the particulars of “how” that confused h-.

According to Facebook, there are over 58 different genders one could select when signing up for a new account, and Teigan knew there was no way h- could choose just one. Teigan was not a just a boy or a girl, h- was whatever h- felt that day…and that posed a problem. You see, Teigan had noticed that the only genders with large bellies (the ones with child) were typically cis females, along with the occasional gender questioning or FTM. In most cases, the one with the large belly never fluctuated gender like Teigan did. “How, then,” Teigan wondered, “could I get a big belly to show off my dress, but then wear blue jeans later with the cis boys?”

Teigan had gotten gold stars for paying attention in h- sex education classes. H- had learned all about how tadpoles and eggs become something called a parasite, or fetus… but h- was still confused. The time had come to ask his parents.

“Dad, Papa, where do babies come from, and how can I have one?” Teigan asked.

Teigan’s father’s eyes shot over at his husband’s with a look of “what do we say?” Dad sat down his latte and replied, “Papa will tell you all about it.” Papa, realizing his husband would only end up acting like a wife if he refused, agreed to give Teigan a thumbnail sketch of the new “birds and bees,” or as it’s understood today, “Birds and Bees 2.0.”

Papa began: “You see, Teigan, when a loving couple wants to have a baby, depending on their gender, sexual orientation, or surgeries that may have been performed, they might go to bed and hold each other really close. At that point, when they get really, really close, a baby is made.” Papa continued: “For others, they just go to bed and wake up the next morning, after which they decide to go have a baby made for them.”

Teigan, still a little confused, then asked, “But how can I get a big belly and have a baby, too?” With excitement, Teigan added: “It would be fun to waddle around like the cis female I saw at school – I think she was a teacher – and wear a big, pretty dress! If I fall in love and get really close can I get a big belly and have a baby, too?”

“I’m sorry, Teigan, but we haven’t evolved that far…yet,” Teigan’s other father, Dad, said. “We’ll just have to wait and see what Mrs. Clinton can do.”

Heartbroken, little Teigan began to cry. As the tears began to wash away h- sparkly blush, h- whimpered, “But I want to have a belly like those cis females who are always cis females.”

“Maybe someday,” said Papa. “Yes, maybe someday,” said Dad.

“In the meantime,” Papa asked with a smile, “why don’t we go get some ice cream?”

“Awesome!” exclaimed Teigan. “What should I wear?”

My Thoughts

When I was a child, a long time ago, my dad told me the “facts of life,” which included the “birds and bees” info. Included in that awkward lecture, however, were references back to the book of Genesis, where we are told God made “male and female,” not cis male and cis female. It was certainly a simpler time.

What are we doing to our children? What kind of harvest are we going to reap after sowing such seeds of confusion? Are all the options we’re creating in order to satisfy and coddle a morally bankrupt and confused generation going to strengthen familial bonds? Will the term family even survive the next generation?

God’s Thoughts

And [Jesus] answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made [them] at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ “and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh‘? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” – Matthew 19:4-6 NKJV

All comments will be strictly monitored.

13 Comments

Filed under Culture Wars, current events, Defining Marriage, Humor, Relationships and Family

Tagged as culture, gender, Marriage, Sexuality

by Anthony Baker | September 16, 2014 · 1:30 pm

A Witness to War and Grace

Meeting a Vet

There are not many men left who actually saw combat in WWII, especially those who participated in some of the more well-known battles. Many were transported to the beaches by an LST, much like the one which is visiting for a few days in Chattanooga (it leaves 9/18).

When I went down to the river to take a picture of LST 325, the last of its kind, it wasn’t hard to spot the older veterans. If they weren’t walking slowly, supported by a walking stick, they were riding in wheelchairs, or holding on to a younger loved one’s arm. Each of them, no matter what age, exhibited a nostalgic look, one that hinted at a smile, yet betrayed a sense of loss and pain.

One elementary teacher I talked to said after touring the ship, “You know, after going through that thing, I don’t know how any of them survived to make it back.”

Well, yesterday, after attending an executive board meeting with our local Baptist association, I got to meet an extraordinary veteran who actually rode one of those LST’s to the beaches of Iwo Jima to fight the Japanese, Mr. Paul George.

Mr. George, like so many others, risked his life not only to preserve our freedoms, but to liberate others. Fortunately, he survived; many others did not. To all of them we owe an incalculable debt.

Waiting for His Time

But here’s the thing: odds are none of us are going to make it out of this life alive. And as a matter of fact, some of our loved ones have already gone on home and are now waiting for our tour of duty to end. I believe that’s what Mr. George was sorta getting at when he wrote the following note to be sent to his friends and loved ones, those who were concerned about him after his wife’s departure.

“Just a note to let you know that I am doing quite well even though Martha left me June 17, 2013 (eight days short of our 70th anniversary) to be with Jesus. I do miss her but I know she is much better off and is waiting for me.

My life now is like it was when I was in the Pacific during WWII. Her picture is ever before me and now I wait for life to be over as I was waiting for the war to be over and we would be together again. The difference is that I am not in a hurry for our reunion as I was before, I want The Lord to use me as a witness of His Grace. The Lord’s timing is Right and I will wait.” – Paul George

They call men like Mr. George “the greatest generation.” This is just one more reason why.

God bless you, dear brother, for your desire has been granted: you certainly are a witness of God’s grace.

4 Comments

Filed under America, Christian Maturity, Future, Life Lessons, Struggles and Trials, Witnessing

Tagged as Chattanooga, hope, Iwo Jima, LST, LST 325, Marriage, Navy, Paul George., ships, veterans, WWII

by Anthony Baker | July 8, 2014 · 1:35 am

Still Awake

It’s 1:30 a.m., my wife is out of town, and this is how I feel.

“Still Awake”

The dog is asleep under his blanket

The crickets are playing their third song

The rhythmic ticking from the cheap kitchen clock

Keeps time as I muddle along

With my typing, spacing, deleting

Of words that seem right, then wrong

It’s late, but I’m doing my best to take stock

Of the reasons I’ve been awake so long.

It’s not so hard when I leave her at home

I guess I tend to focus on the task when I’m gone

But when she leaves I feel disconnected

There are things to do, but I feel misdirected

I need her more than she needs me

I don’t want to go to bed, it’s hard to sleep

The hotel bed is not her spot

The bed at home is where she’s not

I don’t want to roll over and…well… fear

I just like it better when she’s here.

6 Comments

Filed under General Observations, Relationships and Family

Tagged as Family, Holiday, Loneliness, love, Marriage, Poetry, vacation

by Anthony Baker | June 18, 2014 · 6:00 am

20 Years! Take That, Devil!

We Were Young

It was a beautiful day in 1994 when my beautiful bride agreed to subject herself to a life with me. Had she known what she was getting into, she might have backed out. Of course, she would be the first to disagree with that assessment.

We were young, even though we were in our mid-twenties. It’s hard to say, however, if we had any idea how things would be once we reached our 40’s. I must say, though, that it’s funny to think back at how we thought we were starting marriage a little late. We were so young, full of energy, potential, and hope.

My wife just said, “I really thought we were old.”

The Odds Were Stacked

Most people are aware of the odds against people staying married for any real length of time. But what most people are not aware of are how dramatically the odds turn against long-term marriages when just a few factors are thrown in.

A marriage made up of two people from perfect backgrounds, with no emotional baggage, will inevitably have its struggles. But when you take two people who bring into a marriage enough emotional and spiritual baggage to fill a cattle car, well, the odds of staying married are not great. Thankfully, we serve a God who doesn’t care about the odds (Prov. 16:33).

We Started Right

I can’t tell you how many marriage proposals I have seen on YouTube! Some were so elaborate…I mean, how’s a guy to compete with a million-dollar musical?!!

Let me tell you how I did it – I took her to the altar. No, I’m not talking about going to the altar to get married; I asked her to marry me at the altar.

You see, the first time I quasi-proposed (I never really asked her to marry me) was when we both picked out her first ring – yes, her first ring. Then, later that evening, like an idiot, I took it back because “I wasn’t sure about things.”

The second time was a little different. After being told not to come back unless I brought a bigger ring, I bought a full-carat solitaire and went to church.

During a communion service, one in which it was our custom to go to the altar and pray before we partook of the elements, I asked Valerie to go with me. Once we knelt, with both of us holding hands, I officially proposed in front of God and everybody. I wanted our marriage to be something built on a holy foundation, so after she said “yes,” our first meal together was the Lord’s Supper.

Still At It

When I say we are “still at it,” you can take that any way you like. The fact is that we still struggle, still have arguments, and still act like people who never learn. But on the other hand, we still pray, still play, still love, and still worship together, and we’re still married.

20 years, and counting!

There’s nothing wrong with people who never struggle, somehow always on perpetual honeymoon. However, any marriage worth working for, worth fighting for, will leave a few scratches on your wedding band.

My advise to others? Just keep at it.

“This is my beloved, and this is my friend” (Song of Solomon 5:16).

Happy anniversary, Valerie! I love you!

6 Comments

Filed under Defending Traditional Marriage, Life Lessons, Relationships and Family, wisdom

Tagged as altar, anniversary, Church, love, Marriage, Wedding, wedding band

by Anthony Baker | May 27, 2014 · 6:11 pm

Re-Examining the Divorce Controversy

Recently, I have been asked about the issue of divorce and whether or not it ultimately disqualifies one from ministry, especially the pastorate. Even though I know there will be many of you who disagree with me on this, here are my thoughts on the subject. Please understand that I did not come by them lightly.

My Story

I will never forget the phone call I got from a church in Rome, GA about 16 years ago. Someone on the other end of the line was part of a search committee looking for a new pastor. They had gotten my resume and were impressed enough to give me a call. Everything was going well until they asked a very pointed question, “Bro. Anthony, does your wife have a spouse that is still living?” I responded coldly, with squinted eyes and through clinched-teeth, “Yes, ME.” Unfortunately, this would not be the last time something like that happened.

What I encountered on the telephone that day was not unusual, nor unexpected, but it stung, nevertheless. I had chosen to marry a woman who had been divorced and it cost me. But even though our (then) pastor told me marrying Valerie would “put the final nail in the coffin” of my ministry hopes, I was aware the scripture (1 Tim. 3:2) being used against me was lacking in exposition, and it was ultimately up to God whether or not I pastored a church. So, after much study, I felt peace that what I was doing was right (but it didn’t hurt when the late Dr. Spiros Zodhiates gave us his approval).

But let me be clear about a few things…

First, I have never been divorced, so for me the whole argument of 1 Timothy 3:2 should be moot. Second, my wife was left with no choice but to divorce; furthermore, it happened before she was a believer. Third, my wife’s ex-husband remarried and divorced again before I even met her. By all accounts my wife was free to remarry, so both she and I were clear from any “adultery” issues.

Also, I am “the husband of one wife,” and Scripture NEVER said a bishop “must be the husband of one wife who was the wife of only one husband, ever.” Just a minor observation.

So, what DOES the Bible say?

1 Timothy 3:2 says, “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife...” Also, verse 12 says, “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife...” The difficulty with these verses is not what is being said, but how it is interpreted.

Is Paul telling Timothy that in order to be a pastor, deacon, or elder in a church, you must have only been married once? Could it even be possible that Paul is saying that a man of God MUST have a wife, because being single would disqualify one from ministry? These are things that have been debated for centuries.

Some believe that a pastor, deacon, or elder should have never been divorced (or married to a divorcee) . Others believe that in order to be a proper leader, one must be married. Still, many commentators believe that the proper rendering of the Greek is “one-woman man,” implying faithfulness and character over the number of wives. In reality, what the Bible says is one thing, but as William D. Mounce put it, “The Greek gives us a range of possibilities, but our theology is going to determine our interpretation.”

I think there’s another way to look at it…

Take a look at 1 Timothy 3 and read through verse 12. The best I can figure is that there are between 16 and 17 qualifications for the bishop, and between 6 and 8 for the deacons. All of these are preceded with a literal or an implied “must be,” as in “must be blameless,” or a “must have.” How does this affect the argument that an elder “must have” only been married once, never remarried, or never divorced?

Think of any great man of God you know that has stood behind the pulpit and faithfully proclaimed the Word of God. Has he always been blameless? Has he always been on his best behavior? Did he ever get drunk, covet, lose his patience, or curse his wife or children in anger? Was he ever a novice, a beginner subject to pride? If so, then according to the logic of some, he should never be able to preach or lead in God’s church, for just as a man “must be the husband of one wife,” so he also must be “blameless, vigilant, sober, well-behaved, given to hospitality, patient, never greedy, and always in control of his house and children.”

Do you see it? If your interpretation leads you to believe that the bishop must have only had one wife – ever – then the same hermeneutic (the study of the principles of interpretation) should apply to the other “must be’s.” “Must be the husband of one wife” = never divorced. “Not a novice” = never been a beginner in the faith. Doesn’t make sense, does it?

1 Timothy 3:1-12 is in the present infinitive tense (i.e., must be / dei einai). The requirements listed are ones that describe a man of character and faithfulness, of sobriety and gravitas; not a beginner or one untried and unproven. What I see is a list of requirements that may not have always been present in a man, but should be NOW, after God has done a verifiable work in his life. In other words, the Bible says a bishop “must be,” not “must have always been,” or “must have never done.” Paul said, “and such were some of you: but ye were washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.” – 1 Corinthians 6:11

Here’s my point…

I believe that there are plenty who are sitting back or hiding out because someone has convinced them that they are used up and un-usable. For example, I can think of men right now who, for whatever reason, are divorced. Yet, these men, now Christians, are sold-out, God-fearing, faithful, Spirit-filled fathers and husbands with proven testimonies and unimpeachable character. Sadly, however, because of mistakes made when they were young, unsaved, and stupid, they cannot serve as deacons, much less as pastors.

On the other hand, I can think of several pastors today who were once murderers, drug dealers, fornicators, extortioners, and abusers of mankind (do I need to explain that last one?). Yet, only because they don’t have “divorced” to add to the list of past sins, they are accepted and given full reign as leaders in the church.

Sad.

It’s time the body of Christ re-examine this issue in the light of GRACE.

6 Comments

Filed under baptist, Divorce, General Observations, Independent Baptist, legalism, Relationships and Family, Uncategorized

Tagged as Bishop, Divorce, First Epistle to Timothy, God, Marriage, Religion and Spirituality, Theology, William D. Mounce

by Anthony Baker | March 25, 2014 · 12:10 am

My Definition of Marriage May Change

I give up; I know I can’t fight it anymore.

Even though for so long I have believed that marriage is supposed to be the holy union of a man and a woman, as God designed, my opinions based on ancient texts must change. Otherwise, I will never be able to run a bakery, work at Home Depot, get preferential government bids, or dress up like a unicorn riding a rainbow (and you know how much I’ve wanted to do that).

Therefore, I am going to revamp my definition of marriage in order to fall in line with society at large. After all, love is all that matters, right? So……

Marriage, is not the union of of just one man and one woman, it is the union of two people, male or female, who love each other…wait, that can’t be right…that would be too narrow…let’s try again…

Marriage, is the union of however many people who love…wait…

Marriage, is the union of two…no, one person and one animal…wait…

Marriage, is the union of human to human or animal…DANG IT!…wait…

Marriage, is the union of human, animal, and/or plant that love each other…What?

How do we know if the dog that married the woman really wanted to go through with the vows? How can a dog vow anything? Or a horse? Or whatever? I don’t get that one.

Anyway…

Marriage, is the union of two or more living and breathing beings…Oh, good Lord!…WAIT!…

Marriage, is the union between two or more living and breathing beings, AND/OR amusement park rides…(Seriously? Yep.)…wait…just wait!!…

How do inanimate objects abide by a covenant, express love, raise a family, etc.? For that matter, how do animals and humans reproduce?

Good grief! All I am trying to do is be fair and open to all forms of love, you know? I mean, as a Christian I am not suppose to judge how other people express their understanding of love and marriage; I’m just supposed to accept them. Marriage, therefore, should be left up to whomever and whatever feels some form of attraction – and who am I to call it anything but pure?

However, the more I try to be open and inclusive, the more Pandora gets upset that I’m breaking the lid on her box. Once we open wide the redefinition of marriage, where to we stop? Who is to say another person’s opinion is wrong? Who is hypocritical enough to label someone else’s nuptial wishes perverted or insane?

So, let’s try this again…

Marriage, is the union between a man and/or a woman, and/or an animal, and/or, a piece of construction equipment, and/or a child…

WAIT!

A CHILD?!!

(They do it in Africa all the time. And who’s to judge the loving folks at NAMBLA? Who do we think we are, God?)

Marriage, is the union between a man and/or a woman, and/or an animal, and/or, a piece of construction equipment, and/or a child…wait…

What about those diagnosed with multiple personalities? What about family members who really, really love each other? My God! The possibilities are endless!

The ethical ramifications of all this are insane!