Category Archives: Parenting

by | February 13, 2014 · 11:47 pm

Thursday Thoughts (Daughters and Gender Identity)

It is February 13, the day after the big snow, and I’m ready to share some thoughts. I have a headache after eating Italian food (pasta fagioli) and discussing boyfriends and boundaries with one of my daughters, so I won’t make this too deep. Too much thinking could cause an aneurysm. 

  • Birthdays and age. Yesterday was my wife’s birthday, but I can’t tell you how old she is, either. Why is that? Why can’t women reveal their age? There are women who look really old, yet they’re only in their 20’s or 30’s. On the other hand, there are those like Christie Brinkley. Have you seen her? She’s 60 and still looks like she did in the Vacation movie, which is better than we can say for Chevy Chase! But my wife looks better than Brinkley in a red Ferrari, so what’s wrong with telling her age?

  • Teenage daughters. I have ’em. I deserve an award. 

  • Defenders. Real men defend their daughters. Real dads don’t care about what the world says regarding dating and relationships – they consider all boys to be predators. You see, my daughters have boundaries, boundaries they have chosen to put in place. If I see any of those boundaries being challenged, I am likely to react in a way most disagreeable. I will defend those boundaries, even if my daughters momentarily forget where they were drawn.

  • Respect. I have the utmost respect for a young man who respects my daughter – and her boundaries. Smart boy.

  • Bluffing. We all have read those cute little lists like, “Rules for Dating My Daughter.” The only problem is that most girls (and their boyfriends) think their dads are bluffing. The somewhat over-the-top threats and ridiculous rules in these lists tend to contribute the sense of disbelief. However, some dads don’t bluff when it comes to their daughters. The only way to find out which ones are bluffing, and which ones are not, is to cross that line. 

  • Gender identity options. In a recent move to accommodate all the sexual perversion in the world, Facebook created a whole new list of options for those who struggle with deciding what boxes to check. Gone are the simple “male” and “female” options to list on one’s wall. Now you have options ranging from “transgender” to “fluid.” Facebook said, “We want you to feel comfortable being your true, authentic self.” 

  • Your true, authentic self. How do you figure out what your “true, authentic self” is? I have a suggestion or two, maybe three. First, check to see what parts of the human anatomy you do or do not have. Second, what part of the baby-making process are you most likely to be responsible for. Third, have you watched Pride and Prejudice more than once? If you check the box marked “fluid,” you’re simply an authentic pervert.

Have a great weekend, my friends, and don’t forget to go to church! Not only might you find yourself getting blessed, but you could be a blessing to others, as well.

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by | October 29, 2013 · 11:09 pm

The Non-Boyfriend Boy Friend

Girls

Here I am, 46 years into my trip toward room temperature, and I am still having to deal with girls’ emotions. I have been coming to terms with not understanding women, or at least knowing when to stay away when they feel like expressing their intelligence. And nearly 20 years of marriage has conditioned me for another 20 years of “whatever’s” and “yes dears.” So why now, after I have paid my dues, must I once again deal with teenage girls?

My dating years were not the best of years. My self esteem was irreparably scarred by the time one of my first dates asked me to drop her off early…in a parking lot…alone. Girls were like a fire to which I was drawn, and I was the helpless bug continually getting squashed. Therefore, since I am convinced teenage girls are hosts to alien invaders, why must I be forced to give aid and comfort to the enemy of mankind?

If I had to guess, part of the curse of the Fall was having to raise teenage girls. You can’t live with them, and you can’t ______ (you fill in the blank – I’m not going to incriminate myself) their boyfriends.

Boyfriends

I was once a boyfriend, and I hated myself for it. That is why I think it is my responsibility to guide other young men away from my daughters. Being a boyfriend is the last thing they should want to be. Staying away is best thing they can do.

However, what I find troubling is the attempt my daughter is making to fool me. She insists that her friend, a boy, is not a boyfriend. Yet, whenever a letter comes in the mail (in between the 42,584 texts), she grins and squeals as she reads it over and over. She invites him over to bake for him on his birthday and have pictures made together with their cheeks touching each other’s goofy faces. Believe, where there is chocolate, followed by physical contact of any kind, I am not fooled.

Between the Lines

So, tonight I made a comment that got Katie asking me all kinds of questions. In casual conversation, my so-far-alien-free daughter, Haley, asked, “When Katie and ____ (insert name or expletive, doesn’t matter) get married…” Excuse me?

That’s when I interrupted with, “She is not gonna marry _____.”

My single, unmarried, unspoken-for, and alien-inhabited daughter, Katie.

My single, unmarried, unspoken-for, and alien-inhabited daughter, Katie.

Later, when I was sitting at the computer, Katie came to kiss me goodnight and asked, “Why did you say I couldn’t marry ______ (insert name of endangered species)?”

Correct me if I am wrong, but was I not told that the non-boyfriend was just a friend? Then why would my statement about who she’s not going to marry be an issue? If my dad had told me I wasn’t going to marry my friend Kevin, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings one bit. So what’s the deal with endangered boy and daydreamer?

If she marries he-who-walks-on-thin-ice, then I’ll be forced to like him. Until then, what’s wrong with simply protecting a non-boyfriend from a danger he can’t understand? Who knows? If I spare him from being abducted by an alien, I might be the best friend the non-boyfriend boy friend could ever have.

He will thank me, later.

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by | October 7, 2013 · 10:31 pm

Hupomenō : a Daughter’s Suggestion

Writer’s Block

Believe it or not, I have been enduring a strange kind of writer’s block. It is a form of writer’s block, however, so the full power thereof has been turned away (that’s a 2 Timothy 3:5 pun). Full-blown writer’s block would have left me with no ideas…no creativity…no thoughts…no opinions. What I have is simply a lack of energy.

Really, there have been a lot of topics crying out for my opinion. The news has been full of stories needing to be discussed at length, but am I up to it? Have I had enough sleep?

For Example(s)

If I wanted to take the time, here are some subjects on which I would love to tell you what I think and why. The only problem is that they all make me ill.

  • Miley Cyrus. “Oh, Anthony, you shouldn’t pick on her and be all negative and stuff like that…you will never win her over by being judgmental and critical,” they say. Really? For the record, I am more concerned with the little girls who are now becoming sexually degenerate while trying to imitate this 20 year-old spawn of Madonna. There is sooooooo much I want to say, but Hannah Montana fans might get angry and point a foam finger in my face (and who knows where that has been?).
  • New York Bike Gang. All I will say is that had those crotch-rocket-riding hoodlums tried doing what they did to the family in the Range Rover down here in Tennessee, there would have been a lot more broken than one guy’s leg. Switching lanes without warning is a common, heartfelt practice in Chattanooga, so I can imagine the motorcycle parts strewn across the highway. Of course, there’s also the fact that Southerners believe in the Second Amendment.
  • Government Shutdown. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. Those shutting down the government and closing open-air WWII memorials are still getting paid while common people suffer. And do you know what’s so ironic? There are more people guarding places than used to work there when they were open!
  • High School Dance Teams. “Don’t say anything, Anthony! Don’t offend anybody, Anthony!” I can’t help it. People, when you think it is appropriate for your underage daughter to “shake her thing” in barely-there clothes…perform moves only an experienced, professional pole dancer should know…and when you applaud to a guy with a microphone as he says of your daughter and her fellow dancers when they spread their legs on their backs in front of a stadium full of football fans, “I told you they were bad,” you’re not a parent, you’re an enabler!

See, I have things I could write about. There’s just too much to say about too many things.

Hupomenō?

You must be wondering what the title of this post is all about. Well, it all started this evening when I told Katie, my daughter, that I was having a “form of writer’s block.” She asked, “Do you want me to give you a random suggestion?” I said, “sure.”

hupomenoTwo minutes later she comes to me with a picture and a word: hupomenō (ὑπομένω). “Write about this,” she said.

The word is a Greek word which means “to remain under,” or, “to remain under the test in a God-honoring manner, not seeking to escape it but eager to learn the lessons it was sent to teach.”* But it could also mean standing firm by holding one’s ground (Mt 10:22; 24:13; Mk 13:13) and persevering in spite of difficulty (2 Tim 2:10).** The words that  hupomenō is most commonly translated into are “patience,” and “endure.”

Katie’s a godly young girl, so she wrote this on her hand as a reminder to be patient and to “endure.”

Patiently Learning

So, what have we learned? How can I close this post?

I will patiently endure the pressures of this world, and seek to glorify Christ as I persevere through difficulties. But if my patience runs out, well…

…just keep that stupid foam finger away from me, Miley. And for Billy Ray’s sake, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!

*Kenneth S. Wuest, Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament: For the English Reader (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), Ro 12:9.

**James Swanson, Dictionary of Biblical Languages with Semantic Domains: Greek (New Testament) (Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997).

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by | September 17, 2013 · 4:30 am

Happy Birthday to Me!

Horn, be thou tooted!

Yes, it is my birthday. Gifts of all denominations (that means money, not Methodists) will be accepted. You can also send watches, old books, Martin guitars, Jaguars, Mustangs, autographed pictures of Ronald Reagan and Zoey Deschanel, and/or iPads.

Really, I am happy to be 46 years old, which is four years shy of half a century. Some people are older than me, but a lot are younger – many of which are stupid. Did I just say that? Yes, I did. It’s because I’m getting older and old people can say what they want.

Facing Mortality

In all seriousness, today is a day which I have been fearing for the last 22 years. When I was 24 my father died (coincidentally, he was 24 when his dad died). He was 46 years old. Now, on this momentous day, I am as old as he was when he went home to be with the Lord. Sobering, isn’t it?

My dad.

My dad.

Even though it is sobering, if not a little depressing, the though of being as old as my dad was when he died has caused me to reflect on my life. It has also caused me to think more about my wife and children who, if they had been like me 22 years ago, would only have me around six months longer.

If I die this year – and I hope I don’t, believe me! – at least my wife and kids will have insurance money, a collection of recordings of me preaching and singing, and a lot of written words. However, they won’t have ME.

That is why I don’t drive as recklessly.

That is why I am thinking more about my diet.

That is why I am beginning to work out.

That is why my journal entries are becoming more pensive, thankful, and less gripey.

That is why I am trying to make sure I live the way I want to be remembered.

More than ever, I want to finish well.

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by | May 21, 2013 · 11:38 am

Making Us Thankful

Close Calls

I have three girls. I know what it is like to wonder if a child is going to live through a crisis. One nearly died twice from health issues, not to mention the time she ran from me while holding a steak knife. I know what it like to worry.

I also know what it is like to feel the relief of knowing everything would be OK. The time Katie ran from me after sneaking a steak knife out of the dishwasher, I couldn’t catch her before she darted around the corner on hardwood floors, only to fall face-forward. My heart stopped. When I got to her she was still laughing as she lay on the floor with the knife at her side – sticking straight up.

When Haley was barely a year old I saw her sitting in the living room staring straight ahead. She looked strange. That’s when I noticed she wasn’t breathing. I ran to her, picked her up, and when I did blood gushed from her mouth and nose. She had found a small funnel and had fallen on it in her mouth. The small end punctured her pallet. Fortunately, we got her to the ER in time and she healed up fine.

There have been many close calls, and each time I have been thankful it didn’t turn out worse.

“Oh, crap!”

Several years ago, when we still lived in Kentucky, the sky turned green as sirens started to wail. I had never seen a tornado in person, but I had heard one. This time there were no winds, no roaring, and no warning, just a green, darkening sky, and those sirens.

My wife and girls went to get into the shower, but on the way Haley, only 4, grabbed a white dress, her little purse, and her little Bible. Even in the confusion my wife asked her what all that was for, that’s when Haley answered, “If I die, I want to be in my pretty dress and have my Bible…but if we don’t don’t die we may need some money.” Spiritual and practical.

Like an idiot, I went outside. The first thing I saw were people in the cul-de-sac looking up at something behind me. When I stepped off the porch and turned around, that’s when I saw it, too. It was a huge, black, round cloud – much like the cloud that the first alien spacecraft came out of on the movie Independence Day – and it was passing directly over us. All I could say was, “Oh, crap!”

Nothing happened to us, but the next morning we found out that  a tornado touched down just two miles beyond us. Several homes and a church, along with a gymnasium, were completely destroyed. Again, we were thankful.

“We lost everything…”

I was watching the news about Moore City, Oklahoma. Several people being interviewed said, “We lost everything.” But I will never cease to be amazed that even in the midst of all that tragedy, so many who have lost everything go on to say, “but I am so thankful.”

One video showed a family exiting their storm shelter into a scene total destruction. A family member said, “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.”

One man I heard talked about losing everything but his wife and girls. For that he thanked God. I thanked God, too.

Be Thankful

Some families will not see their loved ones again. Many children died while seeking shelter in doomed elementary schools. But many more did not die. Many miraculously survived.

Did you wake up this morning? Did your children wake up and complain about going to school? Did your husband or wife roll over, give you a kiss, and say, “Good morning, dear?” Some were not as fortunate as you.

Be thankful.

“Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.” – James 4:14 KJV

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by | May 12, 2013 · 12:21 am

Happy Mother’s Day

My Mother

It may come as a shock to all of you, but I do have a mother. Yes, there is a woman who claims responsibility for allowing me to come into the world.

My mother’s name is Marie. I won’t tell you how old she is, but she’s older than me. She is also not in the best of health, so your prayers would be appreciated.

DSC_0065My mother worked in the blood bank and lab at Erlanger Hospital for 46 years until she retired. She started working there when blood was still in black and white, long before most of the modern staff was even born. She went to college for four years to learn how to do a job that few today can do without computers.

My mother is also a godly woman who has read through her Bible countless times, verse by verse, circling the number each time. She is also the widow of a godly man who loved her. She never remarried.

Mother’s Day Song

There are a lot of songs celebrating Christmas, but few celebrating mothers. Therefore, last year I decided to write my own song for Mother’s Day.

I hope it brings honor to the woman who birthed me, beat me with a belt, and bears me up with her prayers. If you like it, sing it to your mother or grandmother. Even if they don’t like it, they will say they do – that’s what mothers do.

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by | May 10, 2013 · 4:00 am

Childhood Wisdom?

Listen to the Children

I will never forget a commercial I saw on television. It was a long time ago, and I still get irritated. The main line that was repeated over and over was, “Listen to the children.”

Oh, it was one of those environmental, tree-hugging commercials that had little kids instructing adults how to live their lives. One little girl would say something like, “Don’t make me starve,” while another little boy would go on about how eating at McDonald’s would ruin the earth’s water supply – or something like that.

Anyway, every time a toddler would voice her scripted opinion a deep, male voice would echo in response, “Listen…to the children.” Yes, adults should listen to a 5-year-old because of her years of accumulated wisdom untainted by experience.

What Do they Say?

If we to listen to the little crumbcrunchers long enough, we will hear things like:

  • screaming kid“I don’t want to eat that, Mommy! I want cake!”  Listen…to the children.
  • “I don’t want to take bath!” Listen…to the children.
  • “If I was president, I would make everybody happy and would never have school and make parents buy every kid a unicorn and never have to go to bed and make the world like warm all the time with snow all year.”  Listen…to the children.
  • “O – ba – ma! O – ba – ma!”  Listen…to the children echo their teachers.

AND did you know that children have figured out the whole gender (man/woman) thing? Believe it or not, according to the kids on my school bus, girls are smart, but boys are stupid. Here’s how they describe the difference:

Girls go to college to get more knowledge.

Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider.

Girls go to college, but boys go to Jupiter. Hmmm…may we ponder that for a moment?

  • What type of intelligence was required to put man on the moon?
  • Methane and ethane make up a tiny proportion o...What type of brain power was needed to land an un-manned rover on Mars?
  • What kind of genius will it require to send man four times the distance to the sun in order to view up-close the deadly storms of Jupiter?
  • Stupid boys can go to Jupiter while girls are still fighting over who should be sorority president – and who’s stupider?

Train ‘Em

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I gather from this verse that it is therefore the responsibility of the older, wiser, more responsible parent to teach the child.

They should listen to us. But what are we teaching?

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