Category Archives: clothing

Silent In the Face of Weird

Elf On a Bus

It might come as a surprise to some of you, but I have a sense of humor – and I don’t mind showing it. Yes, I understand it can be uncomfortable, especially for deacons and seminary professors, and hard to understand, but humor is a gift from God.

photo (8)Therefore, I hope it does not shock you to see me dressed as a green-haired elf. Before I drove my afternoon route, I put on a wig and vest I bought at Target, along with the little red collars we had on our dogs. Needless to say, I got more than a few looks.

Different Reactions

As you can imagine, a lot of people, especially little children, got a kick out of my outfit. But some of the reactions sorta surprised me.

The elementary-age children acted pretty much the way I expected.

  • “Why are you dressed like a clown?”
    I’m not a clown…I’m an elf!
  • “Why don’t you have pointy ears?”
  • “Where are your shoes?”
    What do you mean? These are my shoes!
  • “Can I touch your hair?”
    Why? Do I ever ask to touch your hair?

Adults were a mixed bag.

  • “I like your vest,” said a lady at the McDonald’s drive-through.
  • “Did you make that?” I asked, “Is that a positive or a negative?”

But it was the teenagers that really amazed me. They epitomized our multi-cultural, politically correct society by never saying a single word. They said nothing.

As a matter of fact, most would only glance in my direction, trying not to be noticed.

Fearful Acceptance

There used to be a day when a green-haired, red-cuffed individual would be stopped by the police. There used to be a day when kids would laugh at a person dressed the way I was. There used to be a day when grown men and women would simply ask, “What in the world are you doing dressing like a fool this early in December?”

Now-a-days, strange is normal. And what is worse, society has made every one so afraid of saying anything that no one will say what most people think: “You look like an idiot!” Free speech has been silenced in the face of weird.

Sad, isn’t it. 

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Filed under America, Christmas, clothing, current events, General Observations, Humor, Life Lessons, World View

Unpopular Me

I Have Followers

I don’t know where all my new followers are coming from, but it does amaze me. Is there some point in a blogger’s life where things just start to take off on their own? Seriously, it wasn’t long ago that I was trying to reach the 100-follower mark. Now I am getting several followers every day!

The amount of followers amazes me, but so does the type of people who are following. For example, it doesn’t shock me to see fellow believers subscribe to my blog, but what is the deal with all the Muslim, pagan, and atheist followers? Andrew Marburger must has a man-crush on me (ha!), but what about everyone else? What have I done to cause them to click here?

Seriously, I would love to hear from you. Why did you subscribe? Was it just to get me to visit your website, or are you legitimately interested in what this crazy Baptist preacher has to say? Was it Mr. Monkey that brought you here? I really want to know.

But I Will Follow

Regardless, I would like to make one thing absolutely clear – I am a follower of Jesus Christ, and for that I make no apology. I hope everything I write ultimately reflects that fact.

Many times people in the public eye are hesitant to take a stand or draw a line in the sand for fear of public opinion. And, if the truth be known, thanks to my critics, sometimes I have cowered. But this should not be. I should always speak with love and respect to all who may disagree with me, but I should never shy away from biblical truths, even if they are currently politically incorrect.

crossSo, I am glad to have a few followers, and I would love to have more, but I would gladly see them all go away before I deny my Lord and Savior. Jesus said (Mt 16:24; Mk 8:34; Lk 9:23) that anyone who would be his servant must “take up his cross” and follow.

I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.

Though no one join me, still I will follow;
Though no one join me, still I will follow;
Though no one join me, still I will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
No turning back, no turning back.

Sadhu Sundar Singh – Indian Christian missionary

Crosses are not fun, or popular … neither are the ones who carry them.

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Filed under Alcohol, Christmas, clothing, Countries, current events, Easter, Faith, Guest Posts, scary new year

Eye of the Beholder

A Beholder, I Am

Master Yoda, when you were stuck away in the swamp for hundreds of years, did your sense for what you considered beautiful change? I mean, with no more Yodettes around, did you ever start thinking the slimy, green critters crawling on Luke’s half-drowned X-Wing were beginning to look like wife material? Wondering, I was just.

You see, here on this earth I am beginning to wonder if my sense of beauty is being affected. As I behold what so many others consider the definition of beautiful, I fear my eyes are being damaged beyond repair!

Danged if You do, and So Forth

Women are always wanting men to think they are beautiful. Rarely do they try to excite our gag reflexes. Yet, on the other hand, when we do express our opinions we are attacked for being “male.”

Most of the time women are trying to get us in trouble by asking, “How does this dress that I don’t like make me look?” But more recently women seem to be dressing in such awfully disgusting ways, all the while still demanding that we say, “Oh sweetie, you look beautiful! That nostril necklace accents your lip stud perfectly!” God help us if we every ask, “what were you thinking?”

Our only option is to judge them fit for beholder consumption without making a judgment.

Real-World Beauty Pageant

I guess I would really like to be a real-world beauty pageant judge – similar to those who determine the predetermined winners of other beauty pageants. I could be paid to walk around shopping malls and discount stores looking to hand out trophies for “Best Dressed on Isle 9,” or “Most Modest in a Hurricane.” I could even give away prizes to single moms who kept their mascara from running while in Toys-R-Us.

Women exhibiting any of the following would be automatically expelled from the competition and fined (in dollars, cigarettes, or whatever was most valuable to them).

  • womanSpandex or Sweat Pants outside of a gym
  • Tube tops…including sweat pants pulled up high enough to replace a tube top
  • Spiked hair, especially if tipped with any color not included in a natural rainbow
  • Any item of clothing with PINK written on it
  • Any tattoo that says, Sexy, Hot, or Boy Toy
  • Exposed flesh that hangs beneath the bottom of a full-lenght t-shirt
  • Enough piercings to tenderize a 16 oz. steak
  • Or, any exposed undergarments, such as pink bra straps, thongs, etc.

True Beauty

However, fortunately for everyone, I am not a beauty judge (aren’t you glad?) On the other hand, I do have eyes, which does makes me a beholder. Until I go totally blind…well…some people are just going to make my eyes hurt. And that’s OK.

TRUE beauty can only be found within. Outward appearances can only reflect what is inside, at best. Real beauty is determined by a woman’s heart and actions.

“A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout.” – Prov. 11:22 NLT

But beware men, even women who appear beautiful on the outside may turn out to be one of Yoda’s “girlfriends”.

“Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;” – Proverbs 6:25 ESV

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30 ESV

So, Master Yoda, is it that stranger things are becoming more accepted, and therefore judged to be more beautiful, or are we just getting used to the swamp?

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You Might Be a Sinner If…

I’m a Redneck

Yes, I confess. I am a redneck, especially considering how burned my neck is after standing out in the sun for five+ hours. Which leads me to ask a question of myself…why do I never remember sun screen unless I go to a beach?

And I also know that I am a redneck because Jeff Foxworthy told me so. If you remember, Foxworthy’s comic routine made famous the line, “You might be a redneck.” Here are some that I know have applied to me at least once over the 45 years of my life (as of tomorrow, the 17th).

You might be a redneck if…

  • You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
  • Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
  • The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
  • Directions to your house include “Turn off the  paved road.”
  • Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a  flashlight.
  • You use the term `over yonder’ more than once a month.

I’m a Sinner

Unlike a whole lot of people in this world (and in a world of their own), I can admit that I am a sinner. The only difference is that once I confessed my inability to change my nature, I traded my “filthy rags” for the imputed righteousness of Jesus Christ (Philippians 3:9). Now, I’m still a sinner, but I’m am a saved sinner.

So, based on the actions of Adam and Eve in the third chapter of Genesis, I took a cue from Jeff Foxworthy and came up with my own list of “you might be’s.” From that list I preached a message entitled “You Might Be a Sinner If…

You might be a sinner if…

  •   You have ever talked to a Serpent – and taken its advice (v. 2).
  •   You know the difference between “Naked” and “Necked” (v. 7). Side Note: If you consider fig leaves appropriate attire, you might be a sinner.
  •  You feel like running when the law shows up (v. 8).
  •  God is searching for you, and not the other way around (v. 9).
  •  You feel self-conscious or defensive about anything you’ve ever done (v. 9-10).
  •  You ever play the “blame game” – Others, “The devil made me do it” (v. 11-13).
  •  You were born (Romans 5:12).

Change of Status

Some people try on their own to change their status in life. Sometimes rednecks move away from Redneckville in order to become a different person. But what they find out is that Redneckville never left their heart. They still have those same desires to grill Spam and fish with dynamite.

In the same way, many people think, once they finally realize they are sinners, that change can come with a simple change of atmosphere, or the turning over of a new fig leaf.

The fact is that sinners don’t become “saints” on their own. It takes outside intervention.

If we confess with our sins, he is faithful to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

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Filed under Christian Living, Christian Maturity, clothing, Humor, Preaching, salvation, self-worth

Saturday the 14th – Scary?

I Survived

If you didn’t notice, yesterday was Friday the 13th. Are you still alive, or did a maniacal, undead mask-wearer visit your un-chaperoned slumber party?

Well, even though we are being overrun by 13 year locusts, I survived the day and night and never encountered a single monster – except our little dog who came in from running around in the wet grass and jumped in the bed.

Movies

Back in the 1980’s a movie came out to spoof the Friday the 13th horror films. It was called Saturday the 14th. The promo line was, “It gets bad on Friday the 13th, but it gets worse on Saturday the 14th.” …..Whatever.

Real life, however,  is far more terrifying than movies. As a matter of fact, the scariest day for any pastor comes every week. Someone should make a movie about it – a documentary. It could be called…..“Sunday Morning (before Church)”

Here’s what the announcer could say during the promo commercial…

“Forget abandoned campgrounds, haunted lakes, and dark rooms. Forget about blade-wielding criminals that won’t die. Forget about whatever goes bump in the night, requiring someone in a bathrobe and slippers to say, “Is anybody there?” All the real demons come out on Sunday morning before church….like clockwork. This is REAL!”

Reality

There is a real Devil, believe me. Even if the Bible did not teach of his existence, I could take you to him, or at least one of his workers, at about 9am on any given Sunday. All I would need to do to summon his presence would be to say, “Honey, where are my shoes?” I could also say something like, “How long are you going to be in the bathroom?” Any one of theses phrases are guaranteed to conjure something, or someone.

The evidence of his presence can be seen in the items that come up missing. For instance, he is regularly hiding stuff that was in total view only 8 hours before. He or his demons love to hide shoes, hairbrushes, shirts, dresses, pantyhose, lipstick, and Bibles. Occasionally, he even likes to hide the church mail that comes to the parsonage, leaving the pastor to look irresponsible.

Predictable

But thankfully, one thing’s a constant: even though Satan is real, just like in a poorly-written movie, his ways are predictable. Unlike our God, whose “judgments are unsearchable, and His ways past finding out” (Romans 11:33), the “wiles” of the devil never deviate from his modus operandi.

The Greek word translated “wiles” in the KJV is  methodia (μεθοδεία). Essentially, it is a word made from combining  meta and hodos (“after,” and “a way”), and is used to describe what could be called “a decided plan of deception and trickery.”

Satan is a “method” actor, in other words. He plays a part – a predictable part – in trying to deceive, trick, thwart, anger, harm, and sidetrack God’s people. He follows a pattern which can be anticipated and for which preparations can be made. It’s all in the Script.

Preparing for Sunday

So, why do unseen forces literally attack on Sunday morning? They do it because it is the Lord’s Day. They do it because they want us to be ineffective and powerless. They know that hurting, lost, and desperate souls need to be ministered unto, many of which might be on the verge of giving up. The forces we battle against would love to use a missing hair brush, a wrinkled shirt, a nicked face, burnt toast, or an upset stomach to literally raise the dead – the “flesh.”  The enemy knows that “they that are in the flesh cannot please God” (Romans 8:8).

Fortunately for us, all we have to do is be watchful (1 Peter 5:8), armored (Ephesians 6:11), and filled with His Spirit, the “power of His might” (Ephesians 6:10). The “wiles” of the devil, his schemes and evil plans, are no match for the God “who performeth all things for me” (Psalm 57:2).

On top of that:

  • Do all you can do to get ready for church the night before. If necessary, get ready at different times, so as not to get ticked off at children or risk being asked, “What do you think of this dress?
  • Take different cars, even if your 10 year old has to drive the lawn mower
  • Reduce dress standards/expectations so you can go to church looking like you just woke up
  • Put duct tape over everybody’s mouths until they get to the door of the church
  • Get up in the middle of the night to eat all you can so you can avoid breakfast, thereby avoiding arguing over what to eat
  • Become Adventist and go to church on Saturday (last resort)

If I Could Make a Movie

I do wish that I could make a movie that featured some of those evil characters in horror films. One in particular is the guy that comes and kills people in their dreams, Freddie Kruger. Another would be the ultimate movie villain, Count Dracula. Add to the list all the other demonic entities that send women running through the woods in high heels, only to trip on a spider web.

Just for fun, I would have all the demonic bad guys come up against a couple of praying saints, or a old preacher who’s broken hearted and fed up with sin. The bad guys would come against them in full force, swearing and threatening and promising all kinds of pain and suffering. Then when all hope seemed lost, right at the moment of despair, as the demoniacs were making their charge,

they’d run into a solid, unconquerable wall of Light…

the ringing sound of a massive sword being unsheathed would be heard…

terror would fill the eyes of the attackers at the sound of a Voice, saying…

These are mine!

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. – 1 John 4:4

Now, where are my clean socks? I knew I put them in the drawer…..Honey?!

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Prostitots?

Not a Flattering Term

At some point a few years ago, someone coined the phrase, prostitot. As you may have figured out, the word is a combination of “prostitute” and “toddler.” It refers to young girls dressing like older girls, but not in appropriate ways. More often than not it is meant to refer to middle school girls who dress like 21 year olds out to “hook up.”

Sad Reality

Sadly, there ARE moms who WANT their little girls to look like prostitots.  An example can be seen on a reality TV show that glorifies the insanity of baby beauty queens. Little girls, young enough to have the maternity ward bracelet still on their ankles, are turned into ruthless little competitors obsessed with everything from makeup to staying thin. Sadly, if it were left up to the kids, they would be out on the playground getting dirty. But with mentally disturbed mothers and fathers exhibiting twisted parental skills, the only thing these little girls are allowed to play are the judges and crowds. Frankly, I don’t care what people submit as reasons for this – it’s still wrong, unwise, and dangerous. The picture to the right does not do justice to the rampant sexuality that these little girls are being trained to exude, all in the name of being popular.

Now, odds are not many women are submitting their little girls to this kind of abuse (yeah, that’s what I call it). On the other hand, actual trends should be quite disturbing, nevertheless. Young girls today are more sexually expressive than ever before. Access to the internet and smart phones is allowing them to post and receive adult material (including self-made stuff). Clothing is becoming more revealing and makeup more alluring as time goes on. Yet, many moms are just going along with the fun, while daddy is either clueless, or forced to go along for the ride. The need to be popular, pretty, and sexy is invading the middle school.

And it’s getting bad.

It is getting so bad that even liberal women, like Jennifer Moses, are writing in the Wall Street Journal about their concerns. In an article entitled, “Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?” Ms. Moses lamented the fact that many moms are allowing their 12-and 13-year-olds to dress “like prostitutes,…but pay for them to do it with [their] AmEx cards…” She wonders what kind of message parents are sending to their children when they encourage children to look like girls on the prowl.

[It’s] easy for parents to slip into denial. We wouldn’t dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: “Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven’s sake, get laid!” But that’s essentially what we’re saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they’re still living under our own roofs.

According to Jennifer Moses, the reason for all of this is, “with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don’t know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily.”  Now THAT’S an interesting thing to say, isn’t it?

I don’t want to speak for the Mormons, Jews, or Muslims (especially the Muslims who just burned 50 churches in Ethiopia this week), but in spite of what all the liberals have to say, the Bible has some good advice when it comes to rearing children. It even instructs against dressing like a prostitute. Imagine that!

The Bible?

The problem is that many parents have no idea what the Bible says about anything. They never read it, much less attempt to apply its principles to parenting. Too often parents want to let their children make their own decisions with regard to clothing, friends, sexual choices, etc. Rarely is it the case that they stop and consider the reasons for sexual purity before marriage. Rarely do they consider why girls should dress modestly, not seductively. Today, even Christians are having a hard time distinguishing between what is culturally acceptable or socially popular, and what is actually destructive.

Question

[GIRLS]Why do women want their daughters to dress seductively? Do they want the boys to look at them? Do they want the boys to think inappropriate thoughts? Why is it that so many women are allowing their daughters to play with fire? King Solomon advised his son, “Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids” (Proverbs 6:25). The reason was pretty simple: there are always consequences to lust.

Stop and think about it, moms. When you allow your girls to dress like eye candy, what do you expect boys with racing hormones to do? They sin. As a matter of fact, Jesus said,

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. – Matthew 5:27-28 KJV

Does it make you comfortable to think that your daughter in a miniskirt and high-top boots just may be causing another mother’s son to commit adultery? It is that serious, you know. Of course, let it be said that it takes two to tango. Boys should be taught to keep their hormones in check. They should learn from Job who said “I have made a covenant with my eyes…”

The Answer

Now, more than ever before, I believe it is time for the mature and godly men and women to step up to the plate.  The younger men and women need to know what this world is really about. So many mothers and fathers are unaware of the dangers that lie in wait for their little boys and girls. They need some mature men and women to come alongside them and say, “look, dear, this is what will happen if you continue down this path.” The Apostle Paul told Titus that the people of Crete needed the same thing.

You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self‑controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self‑controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. Similarly, encourage the young men to be self‑controlled. – Titus 2:1-6 NIV

A Final Thought

In response to the article by Jennifer Moses, a  critical piece appeared in Salon magazine. Mary Elizabeth Williams labled Moses as “guilt-wracked.” She also said of her own daughters:

I want them to believe that their sexuality isn’t something to be afraid of, to be doled out stingily and grudgingly…And I wish someday for my daughters — and their friends, both the girls and the boys — what plenty of us not named Jennifer Moses have been able to achieve: a lifetime of healthy self-esteem, varied experiences and zero regret. (emphasis mine)

Well, I guess we know who else hasn’t read Proverbs 5, 6, and 7, huh? Good luck with that “zero regret” thing.

Links:

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052748703899704576204580623018562-lMyQjAxMTAxMDIwMzEyNDMyWj.html

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/03/21/wall_street_journal_tween_sluts/index.html

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Filed under Christian Living, clothing, Culture Wars, General Observations, World View