Category Archives: Food

by | July 5, 2011 · 2:07 pm

I Ain’t Sinnin’; It’s Made of Veggies

Veggies and Fireworks

On Sunday night, July 3rd, after a wonderful evening service in which I preached on the love of God (for everyone), my family and I went to Collegedale, TN, to watch fireworks. We had a wonderful, patriotic evening, complete with fresh cotton candy, hamburgers, and hot dogs. Oh, my bad…cotton candy and veggies on bread.

There are few things more “American” than a Fourth of July celebration with hamburgers and hot dogs. On the other hand, if you plan to attend an event like this in a Seventh-Day Adventist utopia (such as Collegedale), don’t plan on eating the real thing (at least not at an outdoor event where most of the vendors are church-related). Many Adventists do not eat meat (at least the ones I’ve known), nor do they typically consume any beverages containing caffeine. So, while watching fireworks this year, I ate veggies on a bun, while drinking a Dr. Pepper with no ability to keep me awake while driving home. I could have died, you know.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I thought the burgers were very tasty, and the hot dog I had wasn’t bad. As a matter of fact, the burger was excellent, especially when I added a generous sprinkling of some spices they had sitting on the table. However, the whole idea of “veggie burgers” and “veggie dogs” got me to thinking. Unfortunately, that’s what gets me into trouble.

Why Not the Real Thing?

Why don’t vegetarians eat meat? Well, according to who you ask, the reason could be anything from wanting to be healthier, to not wanting to make a cow cry. Some feel that it is their religious obligation to not eat meat, while others are just animal lovers that would rather pet a critter than chew on its leg.

Are there any health benefits from not eating beef or pork? Sure, there are some. Are there any Biblical commands regarding meat that apply to us today? I don’t think so, but others have the right to their misinterpretation (said with a wink). Regardless, many choose not to eat meat because they think it is just plain wrong. A sin. An abomination. Well….

Then Why Fake It?

Surely I am not the only one who thinks that it is a little hypocritical to condemn eating meat, only to eat things that look and taste exactly like it. It seems like an attempt to have your righteousness, while eating your sin, too. Now, I’m not talking about the strictly health-conscious folk, but the ones that think eating ol’ Bessie is akin to eating Aunt Bessie.

I don’t understand. I don’t see the point. Isn’t eating something that looks and tastes as close to the real thing sorta like saying, “I know what sin tastes like, and this tastes like sin, but it’s OK, cause it’s fake.” Is it all about flavor? Or, is it that you want your sin, but can only stomach the appearance of it? If you were only concerned with the nutritional value of a veggie burger, then why make the taste, texture, and appearance identical to the real thing? Probably because a veggie burger that looked like an ear of corn or a turnip would not have the same appeal.

“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:22

It only makes sense to me that if you are going call something evil, then you should not promote its pleasures. For instance, why would a Jew, someone who is fanatically opposed to eating pork, order several slices of imitation bacon for his bagel? Why would a Vegan, who was opposed to eating beef, order something that looks, smells, tastes, and feel exactly like a hamburger? It implies that their love for the look and taste of these foods is greater than their concern for what others may think.

“Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.” – 1 Corinthians 8:13

It seems to me that at the heart of the matter is a desire to try to satisfy the demands of the Law, while at the same time the desires of the flesh. The problem is that when we lust after what we can’t have, then we are guilty of the sin itself (Matt. 5:28).

This is an example of legalism at work. The legalist justifies his actions by boasting he is keeping the Law, but in his heart continues to desire the pleasures of unrighteousness; all the while, seeing himself as more right with God than his neighbor.

Deeper Application

As a believer, do you oppose adultery, fornication, idolatry, perversion, etc.? Do you oppose demonism and witchcraft? Do you oppose abuse, rape, murder, and lawlessness of all kinds? Or do you secretly desire these things, fulfilling your fantasies through illicit music, books, and movies? No, you wouldn’t do those things, would you? But do you get as close to the experience as you can without actually consuming the meat?

Just something to think about.

Note: The above article is meant to illustrate truth through honest questions and humor. In no way do I mean to presume that every Adventist is a legalist, or that every vegetarian is off his rocker. Please forgive me if you are offended by any over-simplification of one’s food preferences. However, if you are a legalist, well, what can I say?

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by | July 2, 2011 · 2:27 am

Holidays Can Be Eightch E Double Hockey Sticks

Now wasn’t that a clever title? Took me a while to figure out “H.” Now, about those holidays…

There are plenty of them, you know. Everything from Christmas to the anniversary of President Obama’s fourteenth vacation. Everybody celebrates a special day once in a while, so…

Happy Independence Day!

But whatever the holiday, there are some inevitable horrors which we all must endure. Can you think of any? Here are a few that always seem to mess up my celebrations of famous dead people, religiously significant births, and historically important document signings.

  • Food– Have you ever noticed that the people who work the longest hours are the ones that make the most food at 2 a.m.? Why is it that every time we go somewhere to celebrate anything, my wife is always supposed to make something? Oh, I guess that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but why at midnight, or 2 in the morning? That’s just for small stuff like birthdays, or July 4th. Thanksgiving is murder on everybody, not just the turkey.
  • Long Drives – Why is it that the one place everybody wants to have a get-together is in the one place that no one can get to without a GPS? Then, when you do get there, where do you park? Why does this family member have to be the one with the least parking places and the most manicured lawn?
  • Packing – It never fails that whenever we have to go somewhere, even if it is just across town, the bigger the vehicle, the more stuff has to go. I have often wondered how much stuff my wife and daughters would think necessary if we all had to fit in a Mazda Miata? It probably wouldn’t matter. My wife is the queen of packing. One year our Ford Crown Victoria broke down 2 miles from our house. It was full, but she managed to swap everything over to a ’94 Honda Accord! I still don’t know how she did it.
  • Relatives – You know what I’m talking about. I bet you have relatives that you see every year, but can’t even remember their names. Sadly, they’re pretty much expendable. In reality, if you wait long enough, another waitress or bartender will come along and they’ll be part of somebody else’s family tree. Then, you won’t have to worry about going to the Dollar Tree for Christmas.
  • Fruit Cake – I hate it. I really, really, hate it. The worst part is that the same loaf gets re-gifted each year. There is no way to really calculate it’s age. Since it never decays, it may have been exposed to something weird back in the ’60’s, like chlordane, Dick Clark, or alien radiation.
  • Friends of Family – Who are these people? They are the lowly, orphaned, untouchables of society that can’t find their own party, so they stalk yours. They’re almost as creepy and unwanted as some that belong there. “Hey, who’s your friend?” “Oh, this is Bob, a co-worker of mine…He didn’t have anywhere else to go for the holiday.” ……..Can I just ask, “WHY?!” No, because if I upset him he might shoot me during the fireworks display.

Well, I hope that your holiday weekend is not hampered by silly stuff, but full of fun and hearty celebration. Even though the world is not what it used to be, America is still the Land of the Free. You can always leave the party if it gets a little too weird.

Dear God, may your blessings continue upon this nation, even though it is undeserving. Thank you for your mercy and grace that has made America the shining city on a hill for so long. Bring us back to the heart of our forefathers. Turn our hearts back to you.

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD…” – Psalm 33:12a

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

(Last verse of The Star Spangled Banner)

-Francis Scott Key, 1814

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by | June 12, 2011 · 5:06 pm

Faith? Just Go to the Store.

Have you ever gone to the refrigerator and said to yourself, “There’s nothing to eat?”

As a child, especially as a teenager, I remember being told to shut the door of the fridge. For five minutes I would just stand there staring. Who needs an air conditioner when you have a picky, hungry, spoiled teenager?

Adults do the same thing.

With my mother-in-law coming over for dinner (that’s a whole ‘nother story), I went to the fridge to see what to make. Upon opening the door, this is what I saw: milk, soft drinks, cheese, sweet pickles, and sour cream. There was literally nothing in there, or in the cabinets, with which to make an evening meal. So, I stared….and whined….didn’t want eggs….or carrots….or yogurt….especially with biscuits….until my wife said…

“Just go to the store!“

Wow! What a blessing we take for granted! “Just go to the store,” she says. No food? No problem – JUST go to the store. Somewhere a cow had given its life and was waiting for me to come pick out its remains from a cooler.

I go to the store, just like my wife suggested, and found everything we needed to grill some wonderful, 20% fat-filled, high-cholesterol comfort burgers on our Weber grill (cheap little one). On top of that, I picked up an onion, some buns, and a fresh, ripe tomato. Problem solved. No faith required.

“Give us this day our daily bread. … Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink…” – Matthew 6:11, 25a 

“God will provide.” Easy to say – hard to live.

In the early 90’s, when Romania was just beginning its walk with freedom, food was still a scarce commodity. Yet, whenever a guest like me would enter a home, the hosts would bring out the very best they had – ALL of it – and prepare a meal fit for, well, an American.  They really couldn’t afford it. In many cases, there was literally nothing left for the next day. So, in an effort to stop the madness, I tried to talk some sense into these over-hospitable people.

“Look,” I said, “you don’t need to do this…we’re fine…save this food for yourself…we won’t eat it all, so it would be a waste.”

“No problem,” was the reply – from a teenage girl, no less – “God will provide.”

In my smug, self-righteous, experienced-in-the-terminology-of-the-faith kind of way I responded, “But you don’t understand…”

“No, YOU don’t understand” the young girl said with almost a sad look on her face. “Don’t worry about us, because when this food is gone, there will be more.”

She said, “You see, the food you are eating now was not here yesterday, and we didn’t even know where it was coming from. We ate all we had yesterday, but God provided us with food for today. So, there may be nothing left after today for tomorrow, but that is no problem. He brought us food for yesterday and today, and He will take care of tomorrow.”

That’s what I call faith! We just go to the store.

“O [we] of little faith…” – Matt. 6:30

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by | June 6, 2011 · 1:16 am

Beware of False Cookies

The Chinese Restaurant

This afternoon, after Sunday morning services, we went to a Chinese restaurant. There with some of our youth and their parents, we made multiple trips back and forth to the only kind of bar a Baptist is expected to frequent – one that has food.

Usually I eat a little of everything at a Chinese restaurant, except sushi – that stuff is just plain nasty. But today, because I decided I had not eaten fish in a long time, I felt compelled to stay with just one subset of the universal set of oriental cuisine: seafood…(how’s that for a math reference?). I’d had my share of deep-fried battered chicken, beef, and whatever.

Sweet and Sour What?

On a side note, have you ever stopped to think about how much trust one puts in the food he is eating? Just because a label says “Sweet and Sour Chicken,” does it mean “Sweet and Sour Rat, Cat, Snake, Penguin, Leopard, Iguana, etc.” taste any different? From what I have been told, everything not pork, beef, or duck tastes like chicken. Put enough breading on little pieces of meat and it’s all the same.

I say let’s become legalistic about this issue, if nothing else. Certain meats should have certain shapes, or at least keep the skin on it. How else are we supposed to know what has been deep fried and covered in some exotic sauce that smells so good you forget your neighbor’s chihuahua went missing. Everything chicken should look like a chicken or have a feather sticking out of it. If I’m gonna be eating rattlesnake, at least give me a rattle to take home and play with. If they don’t start doing this, I may have to quit eating at Chinese restaurants and stick with the BBQ place – you know, the one conveniently located next to the emergency animal clinic?

Edible Fortunes

Seriously, I can’t stop eating at the the  Numba Won Happy Mandarin Peking Garden of Panda Love Restaurant. Where else could I find a cookie with wisdom? Chinese Restaurants are the only places I know with fortune cookies, and somehow they really know me.

Now, some people open up a fortune cookie only to find stupid stuff like, “The sky will be blue for you today, unless you cloud it with doubt.” Riiiight. Like, could you be any more vague?

On the other hand, my wife got one today that said, “Soon you will inherit land.” What? From whom? If she has a relative that has land to give away that’s not already promised to whiter sheep, then I’ll be really amazed. But mine are different. Mine are…

Scary Fortunes

One time I was just finishing up my road training before I started driving school buses in Tennessee. I went to a Chinese buffet for lunch, after which I got a fortune cookie. I am not lying, the piece of paper said, “You are about to enjoy success at a new job.” But what was more creepy was the Chinese word of the day was the word for “school bus.” N o  j o k e !

Today was another example of scary cookie wisdom. Would you believe that it knew I was a pastor? Would you believe that it knew I like to speak in front of large crowds? Amazingly, it knew that I am “the center of attention” whenever I am in a crowd (which is true at least three times a week). What is it supposed to mean?

False Cookies

It means that even a stupid cookie can get something right every now and then, especially if the statement enclosed is vague enough. On the other hand, it should be a reminder that there are forces at work in this world trying to deceive those with “itching ears” (2 Timothy 4:3).

“Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.” – 1 John 4:1

“For false Christs and false prophets shall rise, and shall shew signs and wonders, to seduce, if it were possible, even the elect.” – Mark 13:22

Don’t believe ’em, just eat ’em.

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by | May 6, 2011 · 12:22 pm

Softball, Food, and Wisdom

Is it Better?

In my last post I made reference to being at a ball park. For a parent of athletic children, that is the place to be on a summer day, morning, afternoon, mid-afternoon, late afternoon, evening, late evening, nighttime, and too-stinking-late-to be-up-on-a-weekend night, especially when this pastor has to preach Sunday morning. Softball tournaments are nothing but a racket. They keep you all day at a ball park so you can buy unhealthy, gut-murdering food…

But it’s goooood..

This is my question…why is it that hot dogs and nachos are better when bought and eaten at a ball park? Surely I am not the only one who feels this way. No cheap hot dog made at home really compares with the ones you spend too much money on and come cradled in cardboard. Nachos with chili and jalapeños can never taste the same made in a clean, sanitary home kitchen. These foods need volunteer workers, weekend kitchens, dust from a field, and sweat in the air to be gourmet.

Nothing Spiritual?

Is there a spiritual lesson here? There has to be one! I am The Recovering Legalist…there has to be a point to this story, right? Maybe there is.

Matthew 15:11, 20 KJV – [11] Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. … [20] These are [the things] which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.

James 3:6 KJV – [6] And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

Just after I took the above picture, some coaches and parents on the other team got angry with a call that the umpire made. Shortly after that, another call was made that made one coach curse the umpire. With justifiable indignation, the umpire ordered the coach to either leave the ball park in 30 seconds, or forfeit the game for their team. He left.

It just made me think about the food I was eating and the environment in which it was made. My health could recover from the food, but a poor testimony could take a lifetime to heal.

Oh, and one less person at the park means one less person eating all the hot dogs…

Anybody got some hand sanitizer? Preferably without sparkles?

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by | May 2, 2011 · 7:58 pm

What’s Your Preference?

I’m American

Just sitting here at a ball game, watching my little girl hit a run-scoring double, and thinking, “It’s great to be an American.” Of course, some may disagree, especially those in other countries who don’t let girls play softball, or even show their faces (no offense, Bin Laden…no, wait, you don’t care anymore, do you?). Nevertheless, I feel a great appreciation for the blessing of being born in the United States (I even have a real birth certificate).

I’m Southern

I also have a love for the Old South.  And because I am a true Son of the South, I maintain a particular preference for a drink rarely served in other parts of the world…iced sweet tea.

It’s only a preference, mind you. I can enjoy my tea hot. I quite often, if not regularly, enjoy unsweet tea. I can even drink it out of dainty cups or plastic jugs (must be my moonshine heritage). However, two things have to be present in order to make my tea consumption a magical, patriotic, caramel-colored celebration of leaf-juice perfection…

  1. Ice
  2. A Mason jar.

There is no wrong or wronger way to drink tea. The English have their fancy ways, as do the Chinese. But what makes drinking tea right, at least from a Southern perspective, is not just the temperature: it’s the addition of frozen cubes of water walled ’round by a jar meant to preserve food for future generations. That’s pure Southern cuisine.

Preference Identifies

Again, this is all about preference. If I were not a blood relative of someone who died while wearing gray, it would not be strange for me to prefer tea with cream and cookies. On the other hand, my preference identifies me. My preference hints at where I come from. My preference links me with others who love iced tea. My preference helps  confirm my birthright.

Should it be any different for a Christian? 

How sweet are thy words unto my taste! yea sweater than honey to my mouth! – Psalm 119:103

Dear believer, can you be identified by YOUR preferences?

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by | April 8, 2011 · 12:23 am

Anthony’s Appetite #7 (Broad Street Grille)

A Rare Find

I can’t help but tell you guys about this place in downtown Chattanooga, right on Broad Street, in The Chattanoogan. It is called the Broad Street Grille.

If you have a desire for gourmet food around lunch time, but you don’t think your Swiss bank account has enough funds to pay the bill, don’t worry. All you need to do is go downtown to the Broad Street Grille. There you can eat like the Vanderbilts, but on a coupon-clipper budget. No joke!

Try $10 on for size!

Seriously, where can you go and have chef-prepared delicacies awaiting your company, buffet-style, in an atmosphere ten times more swanky than a steak house, all for as little as $10? Nowhere like this, I dare say.

Just Enter

You can enter the BSG from Broad Street, or by coming through the hotel. If you are not going to stay at the hotel, just park on Broad Street by the BSG’s front door, drop some change into the parking meter, and walk right in. From there all you need to do is walk up to the front desk and let one of the nice people seat you.

Once you are seated, a very professional server will take your drink order and assist you in any way needed. And when I say “professional,” I mean it. Let me just say that even though this is lunch, you will be treated with the same class as those who will pay much more for dinner.

The Food

One thing you will notice is that there will be food like you have probably never had before, or at least not often. Every day is something different. The main courses change around, so one day you may find chicken and beef, while another day it will be something else, like salmon and chicken. It just varies. But whatever the case, the way the meats are prepared will totally amaze you. We are not talking ordinary. We are talking gourmet.

If you like salad, then you are in for a treat, for sure. You can choose from salad already prepared (a couple of ways), or make your own from scratch. But this is no ordinary salad bar, mind you. This is gourmet. Seriously. Just check out the flowers!

Do you want dessert? No problem. A variety is available to either make you forget you are on a diet, or convince you you’ve died and gone to sugar heaven. There’s not just one or two things to choose from, but several. And let me tell you, their cheesecake is excellent…it’s gourmet…but you probably knew that.

There are also, along with the salad, a selection of little sandwiches, crackers, and (you guessed it) gourmet cheese. Believe it or not, unlike the typical cheddar and mozzarela you can find in bulk at other restuarants, the BSG offers cheeses SO gourmet that I won’t even eat some of them. When was the last time you were offered Brie at Ryan’s or the Golden Corral?

The Challenge

Seriously, the Broad Street Grille is a place you have to try at least twice. As a matter of fact, if you want to impress someone, just take them there for lunch and never let them see the bill. You just pick up the tab, and when it is over, they will think you spent a fortune on them. If they don’t think you were the kindest big-spender for taking them there, I’ll eat my words…on a cracker with Brie cheese.

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by | April 4, 2011 · 12:26 pm

Anthony’s Appetite #6 (Marinated Herring)

The Place

It has been a while since my last “Appetite” post. I have eaten since then, but the problem has been finding food worthy of comment. Fortunately, the search came to an end when I went to the Epicurean Restaurant in East Ridge, Tennessee.

The last time I went to the Epicurean was back in the 80’s. Trying to impress a girlfriend, I took her to a place that had a reputation for quality food and excellent service (Frankly, I also heard it was expensive, and girlfriends like expensive). This time we went for a birthday dinner, and the prices were not as bad as I remembered.

The Clientele

They say that one mark of a good restaurant is how many cars are in the parking lot. If that is true, the Epicurean is a GREAT place to eat. When my family and I got there at 2pm on Sunday, the parking lot and dining area were packed……with seniors…..the aged….walkers & canes.  How does that factor in, I wonder?

Isn’t it true that the older one gets, the fewer active taste buds? Hmmm.

The Menu

A quick look at the menu revealed that most of the food was “home-cooking” dishes typical in the South. For example, one of the Sunday specials was turkey and dressing served with two vegetables. That type of food, from what I saw on other people’s plates, looked pretty decent, but was not what I would expect from a place with such a local reputation for being above average. The home-cooking-type food I saw was no better than food at Cracker Barrel, and probably not as tasty (can I get an “amen” for Cracker Barrel turnip greens?). However, a deeper look into the menu options promised something new…something I felt obligated to try…

Marinated Herring

Every once in a while I feel the urge to try something TOTALLY new. I have even found myself eating things that were hard to identify. This dish, however, was something that was new to me on every level.

According to the experts in the culinary arts, marinated herring (aka, pickled herring, etc.) is a delicacy in Europe, and the Epicurean Restaurant IS a Greek-family-owned establishment.  I figured it was time to taste the delicacy the Europeans raved about. Did I ever say that I was NOT European?

Aside from cottage cheese, there are not many things that will cause my gag reflexes to act up.

Add to that list, “marinated herring.”

I don’t do raw fish, for the first thing. I can’t even stomach fake sushi. What on earth made me think I could eat this stuff? Well, for one thing I didn’t really understand how it was made. You see, I thought they took a fish, marinated it in some “stuff,” then cooked it. WRONG! The herring is actually rinsed, then marinated for a couple of days, then sliced up for easier human consumption. It is served cold over a bed of lettuce, with chopped onion, lemon, and dill-flavored sour cream on the side.

Let me brag about this – I ate four bites, maybe five.  The last one, however, was the hardest to get down. The strong fish taste, coupled with the flavors of dill, white wine, and onion was too much. I brought home the rest in a take-home container for the neighborhood cat that seems to have made our front porch one of his stops. That must have been the first time I saw a cat gag.

Define scary:

A large, gray cat looking at you with suspicion and contempt, his vertical pupils turning horizontal to line up with the evil squint he is giving.

Well, after a few hours went by, the lingering taste of cold, raw, meaty, oily herring finally dissipated. Some foods are definitely an aquired taste. On the other hand, some might be better left alone, especially if you don’t want your leftovers creating a Stephen King / Pet Cemetery moment right in your own yard.

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by | February 9, 2011 · 10:41 am

Biscuits, Jelly, and Legalism

Here’s the deal…

One can easily make rash judgments about people based on certain actions. A legalist will look at those actions and come to the conclusion that the ones being judged are in need of spiritual growth, revival, or maybe total repentance. How then should a “recovering legalist” judge, if at all, people who can’t get your biscuit order right?  Ever!

one sausage biscuit

Image via Wikipedia

For years I have been going to Hardee’s for breakfast. Don’t misunderstand, I don’t go there every day; only once a week, or so. Usually, I order a chicken or sausage biscuit with cheese and a cup of coffee. That is my standard, but occasionally I order a jelly biscuit, too. I get the jelly biscuit many times for my wife. But no matter how many times I go to the drive-through window, the outcome is always the same:

Speaker:   Hello, welcome to Hardee’s, would you like to try our new gravy-covered, bacon-stripped, egg-wrapped, ham-filled, spicy jalapeño, smoked sausage biscuit breakfast meal?

Me:           No, thank you. I would like a jelly biscuit and a medium coffee, please.

Speaker:   Would you like to make that a combo and add hashrounds, a larger size drink, a bigger bag, more calories, and a bigger bill?

Me:           No, thank you; just the jelly biscuit and coffee.

Speaker:   Would you like to add one of our new multi-fruit, caramel and nut covered, sugar-dipped, candy biscuits?

Me:           No…thanks.  Just a biscuit with butter on it and two packs of jelly (for the jelly biscuit), and the coffee.

Speaker:   Will that be all?

Me:           Yes.

Speaker:   Is your complicated, hard-to-understand order correct on our high-tech, flashy, electronic order-confirming screen?

Me:          Yes, it is.

Speaker:   Ok. Please drive around to the next window, please (2 please’s are always nice).

So, I drive around to the window to pick up my simple order of a jelly biscuit and coffee. How hard could it be? The sign that I was just looking at had all the stuff this place is supposed to sell, including, for $.99, a JELLY biscuit. Did I say, JELLY BISCUIT?

I get to the window, and then an older lady (at least she looks older, but her hard-living lifestyle has probably made her look like a sweet, old granny, even though she’s 23) leans through with my coffee. Got it….coffee….just like I ordered.

Next, after taking my money, I am handed a greasy, paper bag containing the simple (or maybe complicated) order of a JELLY BISCUIT.  Granny says, “Thank you, sweetie. Have a nice day and come back!” I then look in my bag which is supposed to contain Hardee’s completed portion of our transaction.

I stop my car….sigh….mutter something under my breath….bang my head on the steering wheel…..and do just what granny asked….

I go back!

When you order a JELLY BISCUIT, shouldn’t you expect blankity-blank JELLY?!!

Back to the window I go to get my jelly for my JELLY biscuit.  2 PACKS!  Window opens:

Granny:  Can I help you, dear?

Me:          Yes, I need jelly.  I ordered a JELLY biscuit, and there was no JELLY in the bag.

Granny:   Oh, I’m sorry, you have to ask for the jelly.

Me:         (Look of disbelief, feelings of high blood pressure not caused by the high-sodium content of the biscuit I have not yet consumed…because I didn’t get any JELLY for a JELLY BISCUIT!) Really? Well can I have 2 packs of strawberry?

Granny:   How many do you want, sweetie?

Me:         TWO.

Granny:  Here you go, sweetie. Now you come back!

I do go back, but I don’t know why. Maybe I just have a big heart for the “order-taking” challenged.

All I want is a jelly biscuit with, oh, I don’t know……..JELLY!

Obviously, someone at Hardee’s needs to get their heart right with the Lord…or am I being too legalistic? Maybe I need to show a little more grace. Maybe I need to do as some have suggested (like my friend, Rhonda) and just have a stash of jelly with me at all times, just in case. Or maybe, I should keep in mind the words of Proverbs 10:12,  “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins,” and just keep my jelly-mongering to myself and “granny.”

I really like Hardee’s……..but anyone claiming to be right with God should automatically give JELLY with a JELLY biscuit….it’s the LAW!  Isn’t it?

Oh well, see…..living a life of grace isn’t always easy……sometimes you have to eat your biscuits plain.

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by | January 7, 2011 · 2:47 pm

Anthony’s Appetite #5 (the wedding)

I like food, but it is weighing heavy on me. Something has to give.

Young love, how sweet!

On New Year’s Eve I performed a wedding in St. Petersburg, Florida. Everything was so sweet and romantic, especially the gazebo and view of the Gulf Coast. What happened after the wedding is the subject of this post.

If you are ever in St. Petersburg, and you want to eat Italian, try the Palm Court Italian Grill located in the Trade Winds resort on St. Pete Beach (http://www.tradewindsresort.com/dining/palm-court.aspx). We walked there from the beach, but you will probably have to drive.

For an appetizer, I had their Traditional Crab Bisque. For those of you who don’t know, it’s like a thick, creamy soup. According to the menu, it was made with an Italian brandy cream. I don’t know what Italian brandy is like, so I’ll have to take their word for it. It was very creamy, though. Oh, and it had crab meat in it. Simple, huh? Yeah, and fattening.

My wife ordered her own appetizer. She selected Bruschetta (roasted garlic, plum tomatoes, extra virgin olive oil, smoked mozzarella, piquillo peppe & basil pesto). She really liked it, which frankly surprised me. Valerie is not one to eat tomatoes. I didn’t care for it too much, however. The dish had a lot of potential, but I believe there was an excessive amount of olive oil used.

After the appetizer I chose the Club Croissant. You normally can’t go wrong with a club sandwich, so I figured I was safe. This was no ordinary club sandwich, though. As the name implies, it was on a croissant. That added a whole flaky texture that made it a little difficult to hold the contents together when taking a bite. Don’t get me wrong – it was tasty. All of the ingredients (smoked turkey, smoked bacon, swiss cheese, etc.) came together nicely. It was a filling sandwich, especially when served with the cool pasta salad.

Delicious cake from Publix

Interestingly, the bride’s mother purchased the wedding cake from Publix. White cake with raspberry filling and a cream cheese icing – marvelous! One piece was enough to add an inch to my belt line.

Because of all this eating, and all of the eating before, the new year has begun with a change in diet. At my doctor’s recommendation, I have started the South Beach Diet. I am too important to my family to die early like my dad did. In the near future you will hear of how losing weight can be tasty, too…..I hope.

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