Holidays Can Be Eightch E Double Hockey Sticks

Now wasn’t that a clever title? Took me a while to figure out “H.” Now, about those holidays…

There are plenty of them, you know. Everything from Christmas to the anniversary of President Obama’s fourteenth vacation. Everybody celebrates a special day once in a while, so…

Happy Independence Day!

But whatever the holiday, there are some inevitable horrors which we all must endure. Can you think of any? Here are a few that always seem to mess up my celebrations of famous dead people, religiously significant births, and historically important document signings.

  • Food– Have you ever noticed that the people who work the longest hours are the ones that make the most food at 2 a.m.? Why is it that every time we go somewhere to celebrate anything, my wife is always supposed to make something? Oh, I guess that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but why at midnight, or 2 in the morning? That’s just for small stuff like birthdays, or July 4th. Thanksgiving is murder on everybody, not just the turkey.
  • Long Drives – Why is it that the one place everybody wants to have a get-together is in the one place that no one can get to without a GPS? Then, when you do get there, where do you park? Why does this family member have to be the one with the least parking places and the most manicured lawn?
  • Packing – It never fails that whenever we have to go somewhere, even if it is just across town, the bigger the vehicle, the more stuff has to go. I have often wondered how much stuff my wife and daughters would think necessary if we all had to fit in a Mazda Miata? It probably wouldn’t matter. My wife is the queen of packing. One year our Ford Crown Victoria broke down 2 miles from our house. It was full, but she managed to swap everything over to a ’94 Honda Accord! I still don’t know how she did it.
  • Relatives – You know what I’m talking about. I bet you have relatives that you see every year, but can’t even remember their names. Sadly, they’re pretty much expendable. In reality, if you wait long enough, another waitress or bartender will come along and they’ll be part of somebody else’s family tree. Then, you won’t have to worry about going to the Dollar Tree for Christmas.
  • Fruit Cake – I hate it. I really, really, hate it. The worst part is that the same loaf gets re-gifted each year. There is no way to really calculate it’s age. Since it never decays, it may have been exposed to something weird back in the ’60’s, like chlordane, Dick Clark, or alien radiation.
  • Friends of Family – Who are these people? They are the lowly, orphaned, untouchables of society that can’t find their own party, so they stalk yours. They’re almost as creepy and unwanted as some that belong there. “Hey, who’s your friend?” “Oh, this is Bob, a co-worker of mine…He didn’t have anywhere else to go for the holiday.” ……..Can I just ask, “WHY?!” No, because if I upset him he might shoot me during the fireworks display.

Well, I hope that your holiday weekend is not hampered by silly stuff, but full of fun and hearty celebration. Even though the world is not what it used to be, America is still the Land of the Free. You can always leave the party if it gets a little too weird.

Dear God, may your blessings continue upon this nation, even though it is undeserving. Thank you for your mercy and grace that has made America the shining city on a hill for so long. Bring us back to the heart of our forefathers. Turn our hearts back to you.

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD…” – Psalm 33:12a

Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

(Last verse of The Star Spangled Banner)

-Francis Scott Key, 1814



Filed under Aliens, America, Food, General Observations, Life Lessons

5 responses to “Holidays Can Be Eightch E Double Hockey Sticks

  1. Holidays give me a headache. Every one of them. But, I can relate to your comment about your wife’s packing ability. Maybe its a girl thing. I can pack 2 weeks of clothes into a fanny pack (ok..a larger than average fanny pack, but still). Anyway…good post!

    btw…it was strange seeing your comment on shepherdsway’s post. I am Out of Eden Ministries, and I write the posts for Shepherds Way. It’s my husband’s blog, created so that the homeless people he ministers to can get some “milk”. I logged on and saw your comment and thought, “wait a minute. How did he get here?”. lol. Small world.

  2. My initial response to this post was the same as my wife’s when she read my post “The Gospel According to Bill & Ted”: “I was thinking “where is he going with this?’ and then it was redeemed at the end!” It sounded a lot like a “I hate holidays, so I am going to complain about them!” kind of a post (which, really, it is; you can admit it!). Then you finish with well-wishes and a great prayer followed by a quote that is rarely seen. (My liberal government teacher, so you can understand the political context, showed us all of the stanzas and said “This part should be on a building in D.C!” It was kind of cool.)

    God bless, brother! Here is to a happy, stress-free Independence Day for you and your family!

  3. I pretty much stay indoors, with my dogs on most holidays. I venture out for a brief visit to either a friends or my sister’s house or my dad’s, but I don’t get excited over the celebration. I get excited for the cause of that particular celebration. The birth of Christ…I celebrate everyday. The Passion, Death and resurrection of Christ…I celebrate everyday. The fact that a bunch of folks could see past thier nose and initiated the start of this great Nation…I celebrate with Sparklers and potatoe salad and hotdogs on the grill for me and my dogs on the 4th of July and every day I still have the freedom to say “I read my Bible, I believe every word of it and Christ will come again” without getting slapped with a fine,thrown in jail and my Bible burned. For all of the other holidays, they pretty much run together…I wave my flag when I want to not when it’s expected. I love my flag, my country, potatoe salad and most of all, my God. Don’t blow off a finger tonight, and have yourself a wonderful celebration!! Love reading your posts.

  4. heather joy

    Oh man… I could relate to just about everything in this post.

    But I must confess, my 4th of July was pretty wonderful this year. minus getting sun fried (not just sun burned) by being outside for 9 hours straight on a very sunny 90-dergee day.

    Yeah, my arms and face are burning as I type this… *sigh*

    I hope you had a wonderful holiday, Pastor Baker.

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