Now wasn’t that a clever title? Took me a while to figure out “H.” Now, about those holidays…
There are plenty of them, you know. Everything from Christmas to the anniversary of President Obama’s fourteenth vacation. Everybody celebrates a special day once in a while, so…
Happy Independence Day!
But whatever the holiday, there are some inevitable horrors which we all must endure. Can you think of any? Here are a few that always seem to mess up my celebrations of famous dead people, religiously significant births, and historically important document signings.
- Food– Have you ever noticed that the people who work the longest hours are the ones that make the most food at 2 a.m.? Why is it that every time we go somewhere to celebrate anything, my wife is always supposed to make something? Oh, I guess that wouldn’t be such a big deal, but why at midnight, or 2 in the morning? That’s just for small stuff like birthdays, or July 4th. Thanksgiving is murder on everybody, not just the turkey.
- Long Drives – Why is it that the one place everybody wants to have a get-together is in the one place that no one can get to without a GPS? Then, when you do get there, where do you park? Why does this family member have to be the one with the least parking places and the most manicured lawn?
- Packing – It never fails that whenever we have to go somewhere, even if it is just across town, the bigger the vehicle, the more stuff has to go. I have often wondered how much stuff my wife and daughters would think necessary if we all had to fit in a Mazda Miata? It probably wouldn’t matter. My wife is the queen of packing. One year our Ford Crown Victoria broke down 2 miles from our house. It was full, but she managed to swap everything over to a ’94 Honda Accord! I still don’t know how she did it.
- Relatives – You know what I’m talking about. I bet you have relatives that you see every year, but can’t even remember their names. Sadly, they’re pretty much expendable. In reality, if you wait long enough, another waitress or bartender will come along and they’ll be part of somebody else’s family tree. Then, you won’t have to worry about going to the Dollar Tree for Christmas.
- Fruit Cake – I hate it. I really, really, hate it. The worst part is that the same loaf gets re-gifted each year. There is no way to really calculate it’s age. Since it never decays, it may have been exposed to something weird back in the ’60’s, like chlordane, Dick Clark, or alien radiation.
- Friends of Family – Who are these people? They are the lowly, orphaned, untouchables of society that can’t find their own party, so they stalk yours. They’re almost as creepy and unwanted as some that belong there. “Hey, who’s your friend?” “Oh, this is Bob, a co-worker of mine…He didn’t have anywhere else to go for the holiday.” ……..Can I just ask, “WHY?!” No, because if I upset him he might shoot me during the fireworks display.
Well, I hope that your holiday weekend is not hampered by silly stuff, but full of fun and hearty celebration. Even though the world is not what it used to be, America is still the Land of the Free. You can always leave the party if it gets a little too weird.
Dear God, may your blessings continue upon this nation, even though it is undeserving. Thank you for your mercy and grace that has made America the shining city on a hill for so long. Bring us back to the heart of our forefathers. Turn our hearts back to you.
“Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD…” – Psalm 33:12a
Oh! thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand
Between their loved home and the war’s desolation!
Blest with victory and peace, may the heav’n rescued land
Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.”
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
(Last verse of The Star Spangled Banner)
-Francis Scott Key, 1814