Tag Archives: Automobile

Hitting the Brakes

Lots of Deer

If there is one thing about living down here in middle Georgia, it is the abundance of deer. Rumor has it, if you’ve never destroyed at least one vehicle by hitting a deer, then you’re probably in cahoots with them.

No joke, on any given evening there are so many deer out nibbling road-side grass and conversing with each other across the street that it’s nearly impossible to travel a quarter-mile without seeing several.

To give you just one example, last night I was driving home from a neighboring town and saw (there could have been more) 13 deer on an 8-mile stretch of road. I saw probably double that amount on the previous twenty. That’s a LOT of deer!

Locked Down for Deer

All this talk about deer leads no leads me to the story I want to tell you about last night’s trip home.

Like I said, last night there were a lot of four-legged bumper bashers getting reacquainted in the moonlight. Because of this, I was very careful to maintain a slower speed – even slower than the speed limit – in order to give me a longer reaction time.

All of a sudden I saw a family of 4 or 5 (it could have been a club, a harem, or a dance crew…I don’t know) standing and facing each other from both sides of the two-lane road. Then, after a quick glance at me, then back at his/her crew, then back at me the dear decided that the best time to cross the road was right at the very moment I was passing him.

Incidentally, cats do the same thing. They wait until the very last second to cross the street right in front of you. Why do they do that? Why can’t they just wait till we pass? Why does it have to be RIGHT THEN?? It’s like for some reason they think they will never have another chance ever again – EVER!

“Now! Do it NOW, Puss!” cries a flea-bitten rat chaser from across the road. Puss sees the bright lights approaching and realizes he’s already on his 8th life – he can’t die on this side of the road, not tonight! There’s more life to be lived and lost on the other side with Kitten, Mitten, and Tabbytha. So, terrified and desperate, with all the speed he can muster Puss bounds across the street to meet up with his friends and lovers.

But I was no dummy, I tell you! I could tell what Bambi was about to do, so I applied pressure to my brake peddle. Then, just as I expected, he waited until almost the last second to jump in front of me!

I stood on my brake peddle and the 2-ton 1995 Mercury Grand Marquis’ anti-lock brakes did their job flawlessly.

And everything in my front and rear seats, including everything UNDER my seats, came to the front floor of my car.

That’s when I made a surprising discovery! I found my lost coffee mug!

Sudden Blessings

What’s the moral of the story? It’s pretty simple, really.

Sometimes it takes a sudden, unplanned, emergency-slamming-on-of-the-brakes kind of stop to help us find things we thought were lost forever. 

I’m thankful I didn’t hit that stupid deer. But I’m also thankful that I now have my favorite mug back on my desk and doing its job.

All it took was hitting the brakes for just a moment, slowing down, and re-evaluating the circumstances, such as was this trip really necessary?

Have a great day, guys! Be safe. Stay faithful.
Anthony

4 Comments

Filed under animals, Humor, Life Lessons

Saying “Bye-Bye” to “The Ride”

The Ride

Several years ago I had the opportunity to regain my masculinity. No, I did not undergo an operation or get an injection of any kind. No, I didn’t go out into the woods and kill Bambi just to prove I knew how to fire a rifle or shoot an arrow. I regained my manhood by getting something else to drive besides a minivan…

I got a black Cadillac.

"The Ride"

“The Ride”

I was so proud of The Ride, as I so fondly named it. It was an old ’92 Sedan DeVille that had been sitting for a year or two and needed some work. All the owner wanted for it was $1,000, so I bought it. With a little cleaning, a little buffing, and a few new parts, I was getting looks from the bruthas and burning a little front-wheel-drive rubber.

Oh, it was the perfect “preacher car.”

Riding Into the Sunset

Unfortunately, old Cadillacs aren’t the most reliable forms of transportation. After a while, things start breaking down faster than one can fix them – and NOTHING is an inexpensive fix.

On top of the fixes that cost so much, The Ride only got around 12 mpg. That would have been bad enough, but the gas-guzzling V-8 also required premium gasoline. It was just too expensive and unreliable to be a daily driver.

So, today was the day I had to say “goodbye.” Believe me, it was difficult to see the old piece of junk go. It was MY car, not my wife’s. It was a car with an American V-8, not a hyper Japanese four-banger. It was big, unsafe, and FUN!

 

Getting pulled by a winch onto a truck.

Getting pulled by a winch onto a truck.

Loaded and ready to leave.

Loaded and ready to leave.

Saying "goodbye" is hard to do.

Saying “goodbye” is hard to do.

Back to a shared minivan. Oh well.

Note: If any of you have a car that a preacher can drive without looking like a wimp, while at the same time not having to take a loan out to drive across town, let me know. 

2 Comments

Filed under current events, General Observations, self-worth

Thursday Thoughts (Cars, Stress, and Dead Actors)

Good Thursday, everyone! I hope that you are looking forward to a wonderful weekend starting with a wonderful Friday. And no matter how many times I say the name of that day, I think of the song by Rebecca Black.

So, before it is too late and this post has to become a “Forgetful Friday” edition, let me leave you with some random Thursday thoughts.

1. I don’t like new cars. New cars and all their technology have progressed beyond my comfort zone. The newest automobile I have ever owned was a 2005 model. Do you realize how much has changed since then? I don’t even know what most of the buttons on a new car do! There’s nowhere to play a cassette tape, either!

Owner’s manuals used to be something only for those who couldn’t change a tire without instructions, but not any more. Now the new owner’s manuals come with a diploma once completed. Do I sound like an old man?

IMG_1537

Checking out a vehicle we didn’t buy. Still looking.

2. Shopping for an automobile is stressful. Honestly, I can think of only a handful of things that can lead a couple any closer to the brink of divorce than shopping for a new car. It is far worse, too, when all we can afford is one vehicle. Can you guess who has to be the happiest with any decision? Can you guess who will not get something that has even one tiny little testosterone hormone stashed under a seat? Pure stress, I tell you! Pure stress!!

As much as a hate the idea of a totalitarian system of government, there is something to be said of a country that allows only one kind of car to be made and sold to its people. But then again, couples would fight over the color, if not the scent of the air freshener.

3. Some old actors died. Did you hear that Russell Johnson (the Professor on “Gilligan’s Island”) died today? He was 89! And did you hear that Dave Madden, the man who played Reuben Kincaid (the manager) on “The Partridge Family” died? He was 82! Isn’t it amazing how reruns on television make us think these guys are still as young as they were back in the 1960’s and ’70’s?

DAVE MADDEN

Dave Madden, 1973

By the way, did you know that Dave Madden was one of the voices on Focus On the Family’s children’s radio program, “Adventures in Odyssey?” He was the voice of Bernard Walton, and he will be missed.

They always say famous people die in “threes.” If that is so, I wonder who will be next? I have my guesses. Do you?

Please pray that we will find a car, SOON!

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Filed under blogging, General Observations

“Gasoline” Song

Background

A couple of years ago, when gas prices were first getting out of control, I was inspired to write this song. It was never meant to be a serious recording. Now, the message of the song, even though it was meant to be a joke, is more true than ever.

What happened is this….

I was working on some drum kit sounds, when all of a sudden the beat brought out of me the word “gasoline.”  I just started singing it to myself, but then recorded it on top of the drums.  Before long, I had a whole choir of different voices which I made up just for fun.

Then, again for fun, I decided to add the lead vocal. I do not consider myself a rapper, nor do others. All I did was make up the words on the spot just to go along with what was already recorded. I did not intend to write a song.

The Rest of the Story

Since I recorded this, only for fun, I have gotten a lot of laughter, but a few sneers. Most people understand that your typical Baptist preacher doesn’t go around singing songs like this (It ain’t Southern Gospel or Praise and Worship).  On the other hand, there are a few “legalists” out there who think that because this song does not reference any doctrinal truth, it is garbage and detrimental to my testimony.   For some reason, Christians can’t say, “Ooo baby!” I am sorry they feel that way. I was thinking of my wife when I sang this. She’s MY baby, so THERE.

Lighten up and have a little fun!

Sometimes the only way to deal with sorrow and pain in this world is to laugh in its face. Even when the pain is so bad you can hardly bear it, laugh anyway. Those who can’t laugh lose hope. Even though we may not have much hope of gasoline prices ever coming down again, we can still have hope in the Lord. In all things “praise the Lord,” and just laugh.  What have you got to lose, but a frown?

Click here for the “Gasoline” song 01 Gasoline

Please, respond and let me know what you think. Share it if you would like. It is copy-written, though, so if you make money with it, please remember I have a wife and kids (and know a lawyer or two).

3 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Do not judge