Adolescence | The Recovering Legalist

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by Anthony Baker | February 25, 2013 · 1:30 am

Monday Monkey (At the Ball) Episode 34

I Don’t Dance!

Well, at least that used to be the case. Now, after a trip to Kentucky, I can officially say that I have danced at a ball.

For the last two years my daughter, Katie, has been aggravating the snot out of me…”Daddy, are you going to take me to the Purity Ball this year?…Daddy, do you have the tickets?…Daddy, don’t forget the ball!…Daddy, I need a dress.”

So, after a bunch of promises, we finally went to the Father/Daughter Purity Ball in Hopkinsville, KY. It was an event sponsored by Alpha Alternative, and the purpose was to promote the beauty of saving one’s self until marriage.

BUT, Mr. Monkey had to go, too.

Embarrassing Your Teenager

Let me tell you something, men. If you have a teenage daughter, it is imperative that you embarrass her in front of her friends at least once. It’s a law. Just be careful how you do it; you don’t want her to hate you.

You see, the trick to embarrassing your teenager without making her hate you is doing it in such a way that she knows you love her. You need to do display your pride in a crazy way that would, under any other circumstance, be considered insane.

As much as my daughter was embarrassed by a dad with a puppet on his arm, she was thrilled that I would put aside my own dignity and be a fool for her.

Loving Your Teenager

Men, let me add one more thing: if you don’t show your daughters how much you love them, there are plenty of scum buckets out there waiting to take your place. If you love your daughters, show it. Treat them like the princesses they are.

Monday Monkey (At the Ball)

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Filed under Abortion, animals, Humor, Monday Monkey, Relationships and Family

Tagged as Adolescence, Dancing, Embarrassment, Family, Kentucky, Legalism, Monkey, Parent, Purity

by Anthony Baker | June 12, 2011 · 5:06 pm

Faith? Just Go to the Store.

Have you ever gone to the refrigerator and said to yourself, “There’s nothing to eat?”

As a child, especially as a teenager, I remember being told to shut the door of the fridge. For five minutes I would just stand there staring. Who needs an air conditioner when you have a picky, hungry, spoiled teenager?

Adults do the same thing.

With my mother-in-law coming over for dinner (that’s a whole ‘nother story), I went to the fridge to see what to make. Upon opening the door, this is what I saw: milk, soft drinks, cheese, sweet pickles, and sour cream. There was literally nothing in there, or in the cabinets, with which to make an evening meal. So, I stared….and whined….didn’t want eggs….or carrots….or yogurt….especially with biscuits….until my wife said…

“Just go to the store!“

Wow! What a blessing we take for granted! “Just go to the store,” she says. No food? No problem – JUST go to the store. Somewhere a cow had given its life and was waiting for me to come pick out its remains from a cooler.

I go to the store, just like my wife suggested, and found everything we needed to grill some wonderful, 20% fat-filled, high-cholesterol comfort burgers on our Weber grill (cheap little one). On top of that, I picked up an onion, some buns, and a fresh, ripe tomato. Problem solved. No faith required.

“Give us this day our daily bread. … Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink…” – Matthew 6:11, 25a

“God will provide.” Easy to say – hard to live.

In the early 90’s, when Romania was just beginning its walk with freedom, food was still a scarce commodity. Yet, whenever a guest like me would enter a home, the hosts would bring out the very best they had – ALL of it – and prepare a meal fit for, well, an American. They really couldn’t afford it. In many cases, there was literally nothing left for the next day. So, in an effort to stop the madness, I tried to talk some sense into these over-hospitable people.

“Look,” I said, “you don’t need to do this…we’re fine…save this food for yourself…we won’t eat it all, so it would be a waste.”

“No problem,” was the reply – from a teenage girl, no less – “God will provide.”

In my smug, self-righteous, experienced-in-the-terminology-of-the-faith kind of way I responded, “But you don’t understand…”

“No, YOU don’t understand” the young girl said with almost a sad look on her face. “Don’t worry about us, because when this food is gone, there will be more.”

She said, “You see, the food you are eating now was not here yesterday, and we didn’t even know where it was coming from. We ate all we had yesterday, but God provided us with food for today. So, there may be nothing left after today for tomorrow, but that is no problem. He brought us food for yesterday and today, and He will take care of tomorrow.”