Category Archives: Christian Living

by Anthony Baker | January 24, 2011 · 11:44 am

I Don’t Want to be Judgmental, but…

I guess I am just getting old. Those things that I used to hear being said by my peers are now being said by people half my age…or younger. They say things like, “That’s just the style,” or, “What’s wrong with it?” What’s worse, is I am wanting to say the same things that I heard from older people when I was young, such as, “Put some clothes on!” or, “Did your mother really let you out of the house like that?”

I’m recovering, but not cured.

Even though I try not to, I can still find myself being judgmental when I observe other people. You see, being a recovering legalist means that I am not, nor will I ever be, totally cured. I was reminded of this last week when I spent a few hours on the campus of a Christian university. My first thought was, “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING me?” The next thought that crossed my mind was, “These are Christian kids?”

I have spent a lot of time over the years on the campuses (campi) of secular colleges and universities. I know what the kids of the world look like. I can spot a tree-hugging, pot-smoking, left-wing Marxist from a mile off….or can I? Believe it or not, either the liberals have been purging the rolls at U. C. Berkeley, or Christian kids have found a new style. Who knows, maybe they’re wanting to reinvent the vagabond, wandering prophet, hippie-Jesus look of the ’60’s? Maybe it’s their attempt to reach the grunge crowd.

Go ahead and say it, “You’re being too judgmental.”

You may be right. The thing is, though, I thought that Christian young people (assuming the ones on campus are Christian) are supposed to live by a higher standard. That is the way my children are taught. My girls know better than to try to dress like “prosti-tots” out to pick up a fuzzy faced, hormonal, boyfriend-of-the-week. They have more respect for their reputations than that. Shouldn’t it be expected that older, college-age followers of Christ should know better?

Sadly, many, if not most young people, even in the Church, are not being taught how to dress. Before they are barely out of diapers, many children are allowed to pick and choose the clothes that they like, based on what they see advertised or worn by their favorite singer or over-rated, over-paid Nickelodeon idol. By the time they get old enough to go to high school and college, there is no turning back. They wear what they want, even to church, and bristle with indignation when it is suggested that they should cover their legs or put on a sweater.

“Back in MY day…”

Back in my day (again, sounding like an old man), kids that attended Christian colleges were expected to dress differently. Granted, the standards may have been a little strict in some ways; but what is better, some standards, or none? The college boys and girls, young men and women, that I observed the other day looked either like wanna-be’s from the hood, rejects from a Goodwill store, barefoot hillbillies, brother-in-law bums, cheerleaders on the prowl, or morons that let their blind mothers dress them. I know, I’m being too judgmental. Maybe they just want to look like their favorite Christian band.

Here’s the real problem: we’re getting too comfortable with the culture and not giving our children proper instruction. The last place I would expect people to look like lazy, disrespectful, jobless bums, or shameless, clueless, hormone magnets is a Christian campus. On the other hand, if parents, grandparents, and godly mentors are not taking the time to teach what is proper, or even model correct behavior, what hope do we have? We should, as adults, accept the responsibility for teaching our children that how we dress makes a statement about our beliefs. Consider Paul’s words to Titus:

Tts 2:4-7 NLT – These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to take care of their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God. In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely in all they do. And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good deeds of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching (bold italics mine).

Tennessee Temple University has a motto that should sum it all up: “Distinctively Christian.” How are we teaching our youth and young adults to be “distinctively Christian” in an increasingly sensual, rebellious, self-worshiping world? Even more, how far are our Christian Universities willing to go to avoid being labeled “legalistic?” I don’t want to be too judgmental, but is it possible that somewhere along the line we backed away from taking our teaching [doctrine] seriously, trading a “Pharisaical” evil for a casual one?

* For the record, the above picture is of the Christian band, Superchick, which does have some really good music with powerful lyrics.

A Store With Testosterone: Stockdale’s

I live with so many females in my life. Everything oozes with estrogen, from the types of food we eat, to the stores at which we shop. I have stood and waited uncomfortably in more bra sections of stores than I can count. Thank the Lord I took the initiative to walk through the doors of a new store – Stockdale’s.

On a whim, without knowing anything about Stockdale’s, I said, “Let’s go in here…they say they’re America’s rural outfitters, and we live in rural America.” I can’t tell you how good it felt to have the first thing I see be a large kiosk of nothing but Case knives. This was definitely not J.C. Penney’s or Bed Bath & Beyond.

Because there was bad weather in the forecast, the store we went into was about to close early. I didn’t get to see everything, but I did make a quick trip around. There was everything from horse saddles to blue jeans. But when I saw a whole end cap full of cowboy cap guns, I told me wife, “We have got to come back to this place.”

I am posting this at a time when my wife is telling me I need to go to bed because I have to get up early; is correcting the way I put away towels; and is chastising me for my supposed poor positioning of Thanksgiving decorations in the closet. Can you see why I think a store with TESTOSTERONE is just what the doctor ordered?

I hope they have a store near you. If they don’t, then just go watch a John Wayne movie.

http://www.chattanoogachamber.com/newsandvideo/stocdales_ribbon.asp

2 Comments

Filed under Relationships and Family

Tagged as Man and Marriage, Testosterone

by Anthony Baker | January 7, 2011 · 2:47 pm

Anthony’s Appetite #5 (the wedding)

I like food, but it is weighing heavy on me. Something has to give.

Young love, how sweet!

On New Year’s Eve I performed a wedding in St. Petersburg, Florida. Everything was so sweet and romantic, especially the gazebo and view of the Gulf Coast. What happened after the wedding is the subject of this post.

If you are ever in St. Petersburg, and you want to eat Italian, try the Palm Court Italian Grill located in the Trade Winds resort on St. Pete Beach (http://www.tradewindsresort.com/dining/palm-court.aspx). We walked there from the beach, but you will probably have to drive.

For an appetizer, I had their Traditional Crab Bisque. For those of you who don’t know, it’s like a thick, creamy soup. According to the menu, it was made with an Italian brandy cream. I don’t know what Italian brandy is like, so I’ll have to take their word for it. It was very creamy, though. Oh, and it had crab meat in it. Simple, huh? Yeah, and fattening.

My wife ordered her own appetizer. She selected Bruschetta (roasted garlic, plum tomatoes, extra virgin olive oil, smoked mozzarella, piquillo peppe & basil pesto). She really liked it, which frankly surprised me. Valerie is not one to eat tomatoes. I didn’t care for it too much, however. The dish had a lot of potential, but I believe there was an excessive amount of olive oil used.

After the appetizer I chose the Club Croissant. You normally can’t go wrong with a club sandwich, so I figured I was safe. This was no ordinary club sandwich, though. As the name implies, it was on a croissant. That added a whole flaky texture that made it a little difficult to hold the contents together when taking a bite. Don’t get me wrong – it was tasty. All of the ingredients (smoked turkey, smoked bacon, swiss cheese, etc.) came together nicely. It was a filling sandwich, especially when served with the cool pasta salad.

Delicious cake from Publix

Interestingly, the bride’s mother purchased the wedding cake from Publix. White cake with raspberry filling and a cream cheese icing – marvelous! One piece was enough to add an inch to my belt line.

Because of all this eating, and all of the eating before, the new year has begun with a change in diet. At my doctor’s recommendation, I have started the South Beach Diet. I am too important to my family to die early like my dad did. In the near future you will hear of how losing weight can be tasty, too…..I hope.

1 Comment

Filed under Christian Living, Defending Traditional Marriage, Defining Marriage, Food, Relationships and Family

Tagged as Food, Olive oil, Publix, St Pete Beach, Trade wind, Tradewinds Resort

by Anthony Baker | December 29, 2010 · 11:56 am

Turning Away the Tide

The following words are going to be disturbing on several levels.

1. I am going to be talking about doing laundry.

2. I am going to be talking about how girls should dress, which will make some think I am a prude.

3. I am going to be talking about doing laundry (I said that, already, but I hate doing laundry).

I do have to do laundry at times. It is not the norm, mind you, because my wife is very particular about how things are to be done. She can go totally postal (sorta) if clothes are not washed and dried properly. Towels have to be folded just so-so. Colors are an important, for some reason. She even wants it done on a regular basis. For crying out loud! I don’t know if I can handle all of the stress.

My wife is pretty particular about our laundry, but we are both capable of handling the job. However, I may know more than I want her to think. If I volunteer too much info, then you know what will happen – she’ll make me do more laundry. I would rather wash the car, sweep the garage, or go on vacation. So, don’t be surprized to learn that a few colored items end up in the wash with whites every now and then. I don’t want her to trust me too much. But when it comes to detergent, we are in total agreement and get along just fine. We do NOT use Tide.

What is wrong with Tide? Nothing is wrong with the product. As a matter of fact, Tide rests on the top of the laundry pile when it comes to quality – it does what it promises. So what is the problem? Tide’s advertising.

It seems to me that someone at Proctor & Gamble needs to learn a little about parenting, marriage, and ethics. A couple of recent commercials leave me wondering whether or not they understand the role of a mother or a father, or the difference between love and enabling. First there was the commercial showing a mother lying to her daughter about wearing and soiling a particular top. Then came the newest commercial depicting a caring dad as a prudish killjoy, while the mom becomes the hero when she washes the daughters miniskirt. What is going on, here? Well, it’s called advertizing.

Tide’s slogan is now, “Style is an option. Clean is not.” Style is an option. As a recovering legalist, I try to be careful when it comes to choices people make about clothing. I don’t want to be too quick to judge, for there are many options available to those who have the money to spend; yet, taste should not take precedent over decency and modesty. As a company, P&G may think it is making a point about clean clothes, but the commercials are encouraging real ethical problems.

Let’s take, for instance, the mother lying over the daughter’s green top (http://youtube.com/watch?v=1cljX9iMwgQ). The commercial is cute, for sure. It even gives a shout out to grown ups for still being able to get down and have fun (you go, Mom!). But what about lying to your children? What about taking things without asking? OK, so it’s pretty harmless, right? It’s not like the mom is causing the girl to sin, or anything, you think? Maybe not, but there’s more.

Picture this: dad walks by clothes line, sees white miniskirt, takes it down with dirty hands, then throws it away. Next, girl finds miniskirt in trash, takes it to mom who promptly washes it in Tide, then looks begrudgingly at husband before smiling with approval at scantily dressed daughter who walks passed a shocked dad. Please tell me I am not the only one who sees something wrong with this.

Again, “style is an option,” but clean is not. The only problem is that the role of the parent is to protect and mentor the child, not just provide her clean clothes. Whether or not the dad should have thrown away his daughter’s skirt is debatable (I would have, especially if she was underage). What is not debatable is that the dad did not want his daughter wearing something that was meant to make guys want to see more. The dad wanted to protect his little girl. Mom, on the other hand, showed no respect for her husband and gave the impression that crimping one’s style is more dangerous than causing boys to lust. That’s what is wrong with this kind of advertising.

For a while there have been rumors circulating about Proctor & Gamble (makers of Tide) giving money to the Church of Satan. According to Snopes.com, the stories are completely false, maybe scandalous (http://www.snopes.com/business/alliance/procter.asp). This is not why I chose not to purchase Tide. I simply do not want to encourage a form of advertising that clearly belittles parental perogatives and elevates unethical behavior.

Style is an option, but a clean heart is not.

For the record, if you are a parent and let your daughter wear miniskirts and the like, don’t complain when you end up dealing with pregnancy, STD’s, abuse, or abduction. Even more, don’t be astonished when you stand before the Lord and give an account. Your allowing your daughter to dress that way not only puts her in danger, but leaves you partly responsible for causing another mother’s son to sin, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Mat 5:28 ESV

One more reason why I don’t use Tide is this: it reminds me too much of Alabama…ugh!

2 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Defining Marriage, legalism, Relationships and Family, World View

Tagged as Advertising, Clothing, Home, Laundry, Parenting, Procter & Gamble, Tide

by Anthony Baker | December 18, 2010 · 8:52 pm

You Know You’ve Done OK When…

How do you know whether or not you’ve been a good parent? Well, if your kids turn out ok without eating each other before they’re 10, then it is a good sign you raised them right. They don’t always turn out the way you hope. Some, despite everything you do to give them every opportunity to learn and succeed in life, decide on their own to spit on everything they’ve ever been taught. I know that happens. But generally speaking, what are some ways you can tell your instruction stuck in their brains? Here are some ideas.

First off, if they don’t act like heathen, then you are doing ok. Well, I guess if you are a heathen, then you want them to act like you. My children are not heathen, nor do they look like them. For that I am thankful. They don’t sacrifice animals, just spend too much on vet bills.

Secondly, they choose non-heathens to marry. My son-in-law is not a heathen. My future son-in-laws will not be heathen – so help me God. I have tasted prison food….it’s not that bad.

Thirdly, you know you have done alright bringing up your children if you owe them money. I am in debt to all of my girls. Isn’t that great? They can pay for college with the interest they make off of me.

Fourthly, they let you play with their new electronic toys without saying, “Ok, now let me!” And that is what I am doing right now. I am playing on Alicia’s brand new MacBook Air in her large living room with hardwood floors, while watching a 50 inch digital TV. My parent’s only had three channels, and the hardwood gave you splinters. Our computer has to have it’s own airconditioner.

Fifthly, and finally, they make dinner for you in their own kitchen, with their own dishes, electricity, and food. It’s so wonderful to have children who can feed not only themselves, but also their broke, technologically handicapped, and malnourished parents.

Oh, I have done ok. My wife is pleased, too. Our youngest may still wind up becoming a Democrat, who knows. All we can do is keep loving, providing, and praying. Let’s just hope the kids keep this in mind when we need help changing our own diapers.

What’s Your Life Worth?

So, I get a phone call from a reader who asks, “Is everything on your site serious?” Well, obviously, no. Even my chili recipe contained humor. But this post may be more serious than others.

This one is serious.

What would you die for? What is so valuable that you would risk or even sacrifice your own life? Have you ever stopped to think about that? You should.

The typical things in life that are considered so valuable, when put in perspective, aren’t really worth that much. Even the most “priceless” treasures are not worth your life – or are they? Would you fight a thief for your purse or car? Then you are saying those things are more valuable than your life, for you are willing to risk your life to keep them. It is how people die every day in the pursuit of, and the keeping of earthly possessions. Foolish, frankly.

Even more than concrete items, some value their pride more than life. They are willing to fight to the death, or kill others when insulted or “dissed.” Perception is NOT reality, just as integrity is not determined by opinion; yet, some would rather risk death than be thought of wrongly. So many have yet to learn that what people think of them does not determine the reality of who they are.

From the perspective of family, I would say that most believe life is worth risking life. If my loved ones were in danger, then it would be natural to put my life on the line. Really, there is no argument against this one. But on the other hand, society is very fickled when it comes to how it determines the value of one life. One life is not as valuable as another, after all. Life is not as valuable to some if convenience or personal pleasure is at stake. I would die for my children, but many kill their own children before birth. It seems to me that values gold more consistently than life itself.

What about beliefs? Are you willing to die for what you believe? Now this, I know, could open up a whole can of worms; but that’s ok. Just stop and think about it for a moment. Do you believe in anything so much that it is worth more than your own life? When your life is on the line, knowing the difference between what you believe and what is only opinion is of key importance. A martyr is one who will die for what they believe, rather than deny it. Is your faith worth dying for? If not, then how much do you really believe?

But here’s one more thought…how much is YOUR life worth?

Value is determined by what someone is willing to give for it, right? That’s typically the way it goes. So, if nothing on earth is more valuable than your life, does that make your life valuable? Well, maybe to you. Think about it, to someone else your life might not be as valuable as their own. Would you value the life of a total stranger so much that you would offer your own in exchange? I mean, really? Someone may even be willing to give all of the world’s riches in order to obtain your life, but are you worth it? Who would even have that kind of wealth? That leaves you with nothing more than your sense of value compared to another’s. Your worth against theirs.

Value is relative to the thing for which the buyer will exchange. That’s a disturbing thought, isn’t it?

On the other hand, what if the Creator of the universe offered to die for you?

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Rom 5:8 NIV

That would make you of incalculable worth! The King of Heaven, the Son of God, gave His own life in exchange for yours, even accepting your guilts and failures as His own, and paying the death penalty for sin on your behalf.

For he hath made him [to be] sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. – 2Corinthians 5:21 KJV

That makes you valuable. That makes Jesus pretty unique. How many others have done what He has for you? Most of us would die for our children or spouse. Some of us would die for a friend or maybe a good person. But how many of us would give our own life to purchase the life of a stranger, much less a convict, drug dealer, murderer, etc? Jesus did.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Rom 5:6-8 NIV

That’s the whole reason for Christmas, you know. Jesus had to come to earth as a baby to grow into the Man that would willingly go to a cruel cross. The gift of Christmas is the gift of life, purchased with the life of the Giver of Life. How ironic is that; and how wonderful?

What is your life worth? Well, it was worth the Messiah suffering the most excruciating death Rome could conceive. It was worth the Prince of Peace being shredded by a “cat of nine tails.” It was worth God becoming flesh so that we could know Him. If you are worth that much, and if that kind of price was paid, don’t you think giving your life to Jesus is a fair exchange?

If you would like to know more about Jesus, and how he loves you and died for you, then call this number, 1-800-NEED-HIM. Or, if you would like to talk with me, just send me an email. Your life is worth it.

3 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, General Observations, salvation, self-worth, Uncategorized, World View

Tagged as Authorized King James Version, Christ, Christmas, Creator deity, God, help me, Jesus, kill myself, New International Version, nobody loves me, salvation, self-worth, Sin, suicide, take my life, value of life

by Anthony Baker | December 15, 2010 · 2:55 pm

Being Judgmental of Angels

People, who act like heathen, when they have their actions questioned, seem to always respond with the creme de la creme of rebuttals, “Christians aren’t supposed to judge.” It really does not matter that they have no earthly idea what they are talking about, or where they get that phrase. Yet, with a sense of pride, they just sneer, and boldly attempt to showcase their Biblical expertise – riiiight.

Sadly, many Christians do not understand what Jesus meant when He said, “Judge not, that ye be not judged” (Matthew 7:1). It had nothing to do with reproving the “unfruitful works of darkness” (Ephesians 5:11). It had everything to do with not expecting to be judged with any less of a judgement than one meets out. It is a shame when unbelievers, who know enough about Jesus to use Him as an excuse, intimidate Christians into silence; but, it happens every day.

It is also sad when we Christians REALLY do what we’re accused of (make assumptions from which we cast judgment). It happens all the time when we see someone on the side of the road with a sign that says, “Will work for food.” It happens when, as you are sitting in your car, a woman walks up and taps on the window, only to ask if you have some spare change. Who are we to say that what they tell us is a lie? Is it possible that they really do need money for a fan belt, a gallon of milk, or a bus ticket home? Is it possible that the scruffy-looking, unkempt fellow or madam you’re looking at is, in actuality, a heavenly messenger? An angel?

Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. – Hbr 13:2 KJV

During this time of world chaos and financial uncertainty, it is far more likely that the bum on the side of the road is actually a bum on the side of the road. Who knows for what reason he/she is there? Are we to pass judgment upon them? Maybe we should just love them and do what we can to help when we are confronted – or before. In one of the same chapters that talk about not judging another unjustly are found the following verses:

Give what you have to anyone who asks you for it; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do for others as you would like them to do for you. – Luk 6:30-31 NLT

By not giving that dollar or two to the one who asks, are we not, in actuality, disobeying a direct command of Jesus? Really, by not giving, are we not committing two sins? One would be that we did not give when asked; the other that we judged them unworthy. It would seem to me that it would be the better part of wisdom, not to mention a display of our faith in action, to entertain the “stranger.” Who knows, he may just be taking notes for his Boss in heaven? God will be the Judge.

Making Winter Warm with Chili

I swear, I start a blog about living a life free (as much as possible) from paralyzing legalism, and now I might as well start a food critic/cooking show! What is happening to me? Before long, I will preaching about pepperoni, sermonizing about sirloin, or pontificating over pot roast. I need to go hunting for furry animals, or something….anything to get my masculinity back.

Oh, but wait! There is one thing I can do – MAKE CHILI!

With winter officially around the corner, but in all practicality now freezing our tails off, I felt the need to make a pot of chili. There are some things that a man should be able to make on a stove top that aren’t stuffing, cream of wheat, or pudding. A real man needs to know how to craft a pot of chili that can keep you alive in an ice storm. Real chili, mind you; not the watery beef-and-tomato chili-flavored soup that some try to pass off to unsuspecting desperadoes. So, if you want to make a respectable version of my chili, feel honored to have, for the first time ever, my recipe. Please try to send all thanks in the form of monetary contributions.

Brown two pounds of ground beef in an iron skillet, or preferably an iron kettle (good stuff, not the lean, cardboard type). While it is browning, add a little Worshtishire sauce and a little chopped onion, if you desire.

Brown one pound of boneless pork chops in extra virgin olive oil. When done, slice and dice into little cubes of pork chop joy.

(Optional – fry some bacon and chop it up into fine bits and add that, along with a tad of the grease)

When all the meat is done, start adding two (2) 15oz cans of tomato sauce, along with three (3) cans of Luck’s pinto beans. If you like kidney beans, and you are weird, then replace the pinto beans according to your lousy taste.

Add one cup of strong, black coffee. Yep, I said coffee.

Now, start adding all of the spices.

2 tablespoons Chili Powder (or maybe three)

1 teaspoon Ground Sage

1 teaspoon Crushed Rosemary

2 teaspoons Paparika

1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder

4 teaspoons Ground Roasted Cumin (powder)

1 teaspoon Crushed Red Pepper (more or less to taste, depending on whether or not you like your tongue)

1-1 1/2 teaspoons of salt (don’t use sea salt, because that is just, well, not manly)

1/4 teaspoon (maybe a tad more) of Liquid Smoke.

1 tablespoon Oregeno

Being that I had to use what I had, and not everything I actually wanted (pastors cant always afford a fully-stocked fridge or spice cabinet), I didn’t have any onions, so I used a little onion salt. Keep in mind when you do that, you have to adjust the actual salt in the recipe. Also, I did not have any fresh garlic, which is why I used garlic powder, instead of 3-4 cloves (put through a garlic press). Ideally, I like to saute the onions and garlic together in an iron skillet, then add them to the beef and pork.

A final ingredient that really makes chili stand out, if you want something different, is about a half ounce of Lime Juice.

Well, there you have it. Just bring this collection of real chili ingredients to a boil, then let it simmer for a couple of hours on low heat. Have some to eat at that point, but the best will be after you let it sit overnight in the refrigerator.

2 Comments

Filed under Chili, Christian Living, Food, General Observations, legalism, Uncategorized

by Anthony Baker | December 7, 2010 · 11:09 pm

Anthony’s Appetite #4

I HEAR BANJO MUSIC!!

Yours truly jammin' on the flat 5!

Where do you go to see a grown man in a suit playing a toy (but playable) banjo? The Cracker Barrel, of course.

By now you know how I feel about this place. I love the atmosphere. I love the coffee. I love playing checkers by a real, wood-burning fireplace. I also love a particular, Southern dish: beans and greens.

What are beans and greens? Well, let’s start with the bean part. If there is one bean that you just have to include in Southern cooking, it’s the pinto bean. I am not an expert in how to make them, though. What I do know is that there is an art to it. Cracker Barrel knows how to do ’em right. I have been to some restaurants than may have well just opened a can off the shelf. These have been slow-cooked with pork (not an Adventist dish) and can stand alone as a dish unto themselves.

Next, you’ve got the greens. What are the greens? We’re talking turnip greens, slow-cooked with pork ( yet another vegetable ruined by the anti-Kosher, anti-Pharisaical folks) until they are tender, meaty, and savory. For the unlearned, these are not collard greens, nor spinach.

Beans and Greens

Along with the beans and the greens come a side of chow-chow relish and a slice of onion. I put both in my beans, along with the cornbread. Of course, you get more than one piece of cornbread, so you can save one to eat with just butter.

Goooooooood stuff.

3 Comments

Filed under Christian Living, Food, General Observations, legalism

by Anthony Baker | December 7, 2010 · 1:38 pm

Guilt, Email, and Cartoons

You open an email from a [friend] that is meant to “make your day,” and you find something that starts something like this:

When it’s cold outside and your world is gray

Just know that love is coming your way.

Enjoy this cute picture of puppy cuteness,

And free yourself from laughing muteness.

Oh, you love the puppies…you’ve got to love the puppies. But more than that, you have to love Jesus, right? You know, Jesus, Saviour of the world? So the email continues:

The world needs Love that’s ever true.

They need to hear you love them, too.

Puppies sweet will make your day;

But Christ, alone, can sinners save.

Now, who but the Neo-pagan, Muslim, Wiccan, or atheist could disagree with that logic? You are all for sharing the love of Jesus, right? Well, you may not be planning a mission trip to Africa next week, but you know the words to “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.” Yeah, the world needs unconditional love, and maybe even a puppy, or two. So far, the email has made you smile, feel the love, and even caused you to re-evaluate you world-mission ethic. Great email, [friend].

Then, out of the blue, or off the white of your computer monitor, comes the rest of the email:

If you love God, Mankind, and are against the wholesale slaughter of innocent, cute puppies for the purposes of developing cosmetics for fat, uncaring capitalists, then send this email in the next five minutes to every friend you have, however distant or unheard of. If you don’t, your lack of caring will mean that the light of this email candle of love will forever be extinguished and the Armageddon-like darkness of hatred and bigotry will forever envelope the landscape of our children’s future. If you love life, and your mother, for the children’s sake, please forward this.

What is it with this kind of stuff? In need of a hug, myself, I open an email meant to encourage me and find myself feeling like the scum of the earth if I don’t hand over my contact list! Some *@!# [friend]! I feel worse, now, than when I started! What is it with all this guilt?

Well, if that wasn’t enough, someone on Facebook has recently gotten into the act. The whole world is being made to feel like promoters of pedophilia and child abuse if we don’t change our profile pictures to cartoon characters. What? I am trying to make it through life the best way I can, trusting God to carry me as I go, and doing my best to break free from the Pharisees that would judge my spirituality. Now, out of the internetal (I made that word up) universe, comes a flood of guilt meant to shame me into yielding to some unknown entity’s idea of what my profile pic should be. I don’t think so, [friend]!

The reason behind all this profile-pic-changing is to increase child abuse awareness. The idea is that if all human faces could be removed from Facebook, child-chasing perverts worthy of the lowest parts of Hell would have one less tool to lure unsuspecting kids into chatting. I can respect that. But how many children are going to look at my picture and think I am a 10 year old, huh?

I question the logic of all of this, also. As I understand it, pedophiles are using cartoon characters as profile pictures of themselves. The purpose for this is to make the innocent children think that the slime on the other end is actually another child just wanting to be share cheat codes for the newest video game. So, why not just ask everyone on the internet to post a picture of an old, sleazy-looking convict? If everyone had profile pictures that looked like Spongebob, then how would the kiddies know how to distinguish between good guys and bad guys?

I think that the best approach to stemming the tide of child abuse on the internet would be to keep your darlings off the stinking web! At the very least, parents, know what your little boys or girls are doing when they are on the internet. How much common sense does that take? If you know that there are preditors out there who want your children, why let them take their Dell-sized ticket to “pervert land” with them to their bedroom?

I am keeping my profile picture just the way it is. I have no desire to give in to the self-righteous who think I don’t care about the world’s children, or for that matter, cute puppies. So, keep your threatening emails to yourselves. The next time I get one of your “please forward now, or else” requests, I may just forward the message that you kicked your own, cute dog……..

………and that you don’t like Jesus, either.